victory_road

He's not... real? You're sure?

Well, an apparition that appears as someone exists, but it's being done by Pokemon.

I just haven't the faintest idea why!

Really wish I had an answer for that. Right now I'm starting to think they're here just to make us feel bad.

[Okay, maybe that's not it, but... he sure as hell feels that way, anyway. As does Athena and most other people he's seen on the network.

Tim is keeping his video angled away from his ghost, but every now and then he's just barely visible behind him.]

Ignoring them doesn't seem to work, but hell if I know what else to do...

No one seems to understand their purpose. I can't say mine makes me feel badly...but he doesn't exactly fill me with cheer, either. I don't even know his name, for goodness sakes!

They don't speak. But they obviously have some intention. What do you want???

[The last is directed at the man behind Lust, who only spreads his hands and offers a hopeful smile.]

A real fun time for everyone, huh? Damn, that's gotta suck, though. I mean, I don't... I don't actually know a lot about mine either, but I at least know the name.

[If he didn't, this would be even more uncomfortable.]

Yeah, feels like this would be a lot easier if they just said anything. Then maybe we might have more to go on. I mean, there... there has to be something we're supposed to do, right? Because if there's not some point to this, it's just messed up for the hell of it.

I know...well I know who mine is. In theory. It's...a complicated situation...

No, there must be a reason. I don't mean to pry, but is your ghost...are they anyone of importance to you?

That... sounds like it. Not sure I really get it, but uh... Someone you know, but... don't really know personally or something?

[That question... It's... well, it's not like any of this is really a secret and it's not something he wants to hide. But he doesn't feel entirely safe just talking about it openly. Not where everyone can see it.

And by everyone, he means Jack.

So he quickly just switches the conversation over to private. Just in case he accidentally says too much.]

I... I mean, yes and no? It's not like we were really close or anything like that, but we sorta... worked together for a while. And I... [He trails off there. Trying to figure out if there's a delicate way of saying he may have been kinda sorta partially responsible for the guy's death. He's... not sure there is.] I don't know. Guess you could say he was sort of involved in a... a big moment that really changed my view on some things.

[Yeah, okay, that was not the way to phrase that, but god, it's the only way he can think to say it. He can barely even bring himself to look at the ghost.]

It's alright. My situation is rather unique. I did know him personally. But I don't remember. I once had a much different life than the one I've mentioned to you. Before my master. But she...ripped that away from me. She took my face, took my life, took my name, took my identity and made me into her tool. I have some fleeting memories of that first life, and that man, but...

[She shrugs. It isn't as though she dislikes talking about these things, but...there's that old fear that he'll think differently of her. She knows she has no reason to assume, he's been nothing but surprisingly understanding.]

Hmm. Again, I'm not trying to pry, simply searching for commonalities. Do you have strong feelings, about them?

[Tim finds himself staring at the screen for a while at that. Surprise and shock, well, Lust probably expects that. The recognition? Probably not so much.

But some of this hits awfully close to home.]

Wait, you... your whole identity... Shit. I mean, I actually kinda... know how that feels. That's... It's rough.

[He's slightly in shock about it, because this is, what, the second person who knows this feeling? What the hell. But her, of all people, that's...

Holy shit.]

Strong feelings. I mean, uh. Sorta. Yeah. If guilt counts.

You do?

[That's...well, it shouldn't be that surprising. She's met others who can, on some level, understand. This place gathers the broken, she thinks.]

Yes. It's...been a struggle. I know what my life was. But I don't remember it beyond fragments. That man behind me? He was my betrothed. I don't even know his name. For god's sake I practically married his brother!

Who's...also dead now.

And my master...well. You already know she wasn't a good woman. I wasn't a tool for anything good. Needless to say, I have...identity dissonance and a great deal of guilt. Perhaps that's it. Old guilts, revisiting us.

Bad senses of humor?

Yeah, the name part and the... face part... and also the everything part, I guess, minus the memory issues? Let's just say there's not a whole lot of myself left here.

[That came out way darker than he intended, but it's... accurate. Sadly accurate.]

That's... wow. That's quite the life. I mean, I know you said you'd been through a lot, but that's something else. Whole lot of death there. I, ah... I'm sorry. That's gotta be... well, uncomfortable doesn't seem strong enough, but let's just go with that.

Guilt. Yeah, might be it... Sounds about right from what I've seen with a friend, anyway. Not that that helps a lot. I mean, there's not a whole lot I can do about that guilt, seeing as it's not exactly like we can bring these people back to life or anything.

[That's all he can think of that'd make things better, anyway. Just... undo what happened.]

I'm sorry. Do you have any hope of regaining it?

[She doesn't know his circumstances, she doesn't want to ask. These are things that are shared when they're ready to be shared. But at least he knows she can understand. Miserable as it is to understand that.]

I've always been surrounded by the shadow of death. Oh, it's alright. I'm dead, too. Technically speaking. Not here, obviously, but...in my own world. Twice over.

Perhaps the Pokemon responsible don't realize that. Their efforts at helping humans can be...misplaced.

That was the idea once. But uh... honestly? No. No, I don't really think so.

[He wants to think there's a way to go back, but... After everything that happened. And considering how Jack is? He seriously doubts it.

Actually admitting that makes him feel awful, though. Great.]

Uh. See, I'd say that sounds kinda like the opposite of alright? Like... really not alright, I don't know, maybe that's just me.

[She seems very chill about being dead and that's... weird.]

No kidding. Feels like there's a better way they could've handled this. A way that's, y'know... not super creepy. At best.

You have my empathy. For whatever it's worth to you.

[She shrugs.]

It is what it is. I was more than ready. As I said, I...didn't have a good life, before this place. But it's over and done with and gone, and this is my life now. Every day here is a blessing, time I never should have been given.

Even...days like this. It's still better than that time we found our DNA scrambled into god awful human/Pokemon hybrids. I was spitting fur for a week.

I wonder how long they can keep this up...

Or misplaced good intentions.

Pokemon are Pokemon, after all. Sometimes it can be maddening, trying to understand them.

They seemed simple enough to me.

But... looks like I have a lot to figure out. [He pauses.] Maybe if you try capturing it?

They're not. Oh, some of them are, certainly. But they're possessed of a surprising depth of emotion and intelligence, constrained by the differences in our species. So few of them can speak our language...

That...well, it may resolve the immediate problem...

I noticed the personality part. But didn't think they could do something like... 'good intentions, bad choices'. If that makes sense.

Better than nothing, right?

Thanks. Honestly, never figured anyone would ever have any clue what that's like, so... I guess that's kind of nice?

[He thinks, anyway. Maybe nice isn't the right word for it. Comforting, maybe? Or something.]

Well, I ah... I suppose that's a good way of looking at it. Almost kinda like... trading in one life for another one. It's pretty hard to imagine, but, well, it's your feelings that are the most important on that one.

[It is her life, after all. And if she's fine with it like this, that's just how it is.]

Wow. Alright. That sounds horrifying and I'm gonna try not to think about that. But yeah. No way this can last for too long... right? So maybe just waiting it out is the best option.

There's a comfort, knowing you aren't alone. I understand that. If...you have a need to speak on anything....

[While the act of offering comfort is no longer a strange and uncomfortable thing to Lust, the words themselves still don't come easily.]

Yes. That's...a principle belief, where I come from, and one I adhere to. There's a price to be paid for everything, but for every price there is a reward. And I thank you, for those sentiments. [All too often she finds herself being told how she ought to feel, and she hates it. It all too often ends the conversation then and there.]

It may help you to understand, to know...I wasn't entirely human. I was at first, but....I died. And was revived using an inexact and experimental science, we'll say. I wasn't entirely human. Close, but...I was a dead thing still. My master collected things like me. My life wasn't my own and that's not a life, it's a shadow of existence.

It was...yes. Horrifying is the word for it. But these things never last more than a few days, in my experience. Though that's a few days too many, I think.

No, I understand. You'll find yourself repeatedly surprised by what they can do.

I suppose it's worth trying.

I... [He hesitates and has to remind himself this is a private conversation. Even so, he still feels nervous.] I dunno, maybe at some point. It's fine, really.

Kinda my own fault anyway.

[It would be great to talk about. He wants to talk about it. And he has, to a certain extent, with someone else, but only really distantly.]

Huh. Like a balance thing? Sounds interesting.

That's... Man, I can't even imagine. One hell of a... well, sorta-life. Compared to that... Yeah, I can see why you'd be cool with things as they are now. Just an improvement all around?

[Not perfect, but... better? That's what it sounds like, anyway.]

Few days. Right. Well, that sucks. But could be worse. I mean... It could be better, but hey, I'm just gonna give the positive attitude thing a try here. Even if I suck at that.

It's up to you. Not everyone finds solace in sharing, I'm not offended.

It's called Equivalent Exchange. It governs my world the way some believe gods or greater forces govern others.

[And she still believes that.]

To say that it's an improvement is a grave understatement. But that's what I meant, when we first met, and I spoke of the freedom this world allows. Whatever came before...it doesn't have to rule you, here.

A positive attitude doesn't come easily, I know. I swear these sorts of things don't happen often, usually it's more benevolently bothersome occurrences.

Right... yeah.

[Sure, let's pretend that's the reason he won't talk about it. Not because every time he feels like sharing all he can think about is Jack finding out and... reacting.]

Sounds kinda nice, in a way. I mean, there's something to balance and stuff like that, sort of more... neutral. Seems a little less terrible than "hey, god is just kind of a dick sometimes".

Oh, yeah. Guess I kinda know better what you meant by that now. Must be a big change. Well, for lots of people, really. It's definitely one way to get away from everything.

[Of course, when what's ruling you is also here, things are maybe a little less awesome.]

Oh, so... just bad luck. That's just great. [...Wait, right. Positive.] And... probably means we've hit the awfulness quota for a little while? Hopefully.

[...He's trying.]

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