victory_road | [text]

hello, poke universe, i'm john egbert! or, general poke land, i guess... poke lands. i have a probably really dumb request but just stay with me here for now. come with me on this, uh, idiot journey.

so, i arrived here two days ago and i thought i knew what was going on. i have done pokemon before, i know how the game works. i even got nostalgic and replayed it four years ago so i'm not THAT out of practice. the thing is, i forgot that stuff that takes maybe ten minutes on the game boy would obviously take much longer in person?

basically, i bought some more snacks but i am still on route 29 with no sight of cherrygrove city and i am out of food. is there anything like a bike delivery service that i can order from because i am not finding it with a preliminary search. i can't afford much because there don't seem to be any people to fight on this route but it would be pretty stupid if i couldn't even make it to the first real city?

did they fix it here so you can ride the horse pokemon, incidentally, because i always thought it was weird that you had to get a bike instead of just putting on a special flame proof saddle and riding a ponyta. or non fire horses i guess because there are actually a lot of pokemon here i don't recognise and i guess a special flame proof saddle would cost the same as a bike anyway.

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[He put up with it mainly by completely isolating like a healthy person! Things are great on Earth C for sure!]

Ok, that is fair, but you should know that we did win and uh...

[Should she know this, actually? Probably. Dirk is being weird and might actually use it against him somehow? He doesn't know how but he's sure he'd find a way, considering he's apparently been being really mean to someone John had assumed was one of Dirk's best friends.]

...I had to go back in canon to kill Lord English and I am actually dead now. It's ok, though! I'm here now, so, it's fine! [He smiles! See? It's fine!] We should probably start going to Cherrygrove if you have your breath back from running over.

[john no]

...Oh...oh, John...

[Her face falls at the news, something like hurt pressing through her expression. That's. That's sad, John. That's sad and not fair. He seems like he doesn't want to dwell on it, though, and that's alright, she won't pry, but...wow, fuck Sburb, man.]

I...yes, of course, I'm ready to get back on the road. How about you? Did you want something to eat first? I've got granola bars and stuff...

[He's a bit worried she might push for a moment, and then he'll have to try and talk about it, maybe? And it's so much...

But she doesn't, which is a major relief. Maybe not even too surprising: she didn't want him to push about when and where she came from exactly, after all. Not that he could even tell, really, he thinks her timeline didn't even diverge until Vriska showed up? Something like that. Anyway, he's not thinking about that and Jane's not thinking about that and he actually is pretty hungry.]

Yes please! It's been...probably not actually that long but it feels like ages. Snacks are not exactly permanently filling. [Now that they're done the serious conversation stuff, something occurs to him abruptly.] Jane, have you done the whole Pokemon Master thing?

[I mean, she is thinking about it? And how fucked up it is? But also, you don't just steamroll people for details on their death, that's fucked up. He's got to come to it when he's ready, and for now, they should focus on immediate needs.]

Have I - oh, um, not yet! I'm sort of taking it gradually? It's a little more complicated than beating eight gyms and then those Elite Four guys. In this world, you need to do both the Kanto and Johto set of gyms before they even let you travel up that way! And then they let you open up your own gym if you beat the Elite Four. It's kind of cool, and I'd like to do that eventually.

[Just gonna grab a couple granola bars out of her bag- peanut free, of course - and hand them over.] This should hold you until we get to Cherrygrove. They have a diner there, among other things, and it's pretty good.

[Jane is a good...complicated relative. Thanks, Jane!]

Oh, wow, seriously? I...guess that makes sense when there is more than one Player Character. If you open a gym do other people have to do that gym as part of the challenge? Or is it just a cool thing you can have?

[He takes the granola bar, checks it on autopilot, and then gives Jane a grateful smile as he opens it. Mom couldn't have possibly known when she gave him GORP, so Jane filling in the momly role in this case is really appreciated. She's really good....why DID he ever lose contact with her? At least he has another chance now. Maybe this reality is like a sort of...new game plus.] Oh jeez, yes, I could definitely go for some diner food.

It's optional, actually! You can go challenge them whenever you want, but the ones we open up are expected to be very difficult to beat, if only because it takes so much effort to get to that point to begin with.

[It's complicated. Jane's grown into a momly role in this world, even though she'd rather no one actually say as much. When the Pokemon who cross your path become your friends and allies but can only do so much in the way of caring for themselves, it becomes second nature. She's not the Jane that John drifted apart from, at least.]

Then we'll make that our second stop - the first being the Pokemon Center, of course.

In that case, I will have to prepare myself and my Pokemon so I can try your gym when you make it! What kind of gym are you thinking of?

[He starts eating the bar rather than continuing to comment on the diner. Thinking about it is making him hungrier than he already is, and he knows what Pokemon Centers are! They were thankfully in the version he played before ending up in this one, unlike a lot of the other stuff he's learning now.]

[This is such a nice topic that totally isn't avoiding the giant herd of elephants in the room.]

Well, I thought it might be nice if the main area was sort of a bakery-slash-puzzle course. I'd make sure there was a living area and office upstairs to be all responsible and the like, but...oh, I haven't quite plotted out everything yet, but there's going to be a lot of fun tricks and traps, for sure!

[Everything is fine! This is a great topic that is absolutely not John avoiding anything!

He finishes the bar in the time it takes for Jane to explain the concept.]

Cool! Do you mean like...it would be a combination? You could go in and buy a croissant or go through a puzzle maze? Or would baked goods be the reward for making it through?

Well, it would sort of be...like, you know, the front part would be a normal bakery, right? But if you want to take the gym challenge, then you'd need to do puzzles to move on to the area beyond the storefront, which would not only be the kitchen part but also very puzzle-y and adventure-y! Kind of like...you need to figure out which switches to press in which order, or what path to take...and I want sliding on oversized baking sheets to be involved, somehow.

[Basically she just wants it to be really fun.]

Along the way you'd fight trainers who work there, either as bakers or as decorators, and then at the end you'd fight me, and if you won, you'd get a badge! And also free baked goods. Not an obscene amount of them, [since hello, gotta turn a profit] but...perhaps at least one for each Pokemon, and one for yourself.

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