She nods. He pretty much summed it up perfectly; it really was all about survival, all of it. Even when your emotions convinced you that there really wasn't anything wrong with what was happening, deep down that primal lizard brain at the top of your spine knew that it was a matter of staying alive or risking death.
"Mmhm. That's what it came down to. Maybe there was a time when running away would have worked, but after a point... no. It was too valuable to her. Even if it had tried, there was no way she was going to let it go until she got what she wanted. And it did try, eventually. But, well, I'm getting to that part."
A slight pause is necessary. She'd done a pretty good job steeling herself up for this conversation, and her voice and expression both have stayed level this whole time. Her breathing, even and steady. It's nothing like the conversation she'd had with Lust a few weeks before, where she'd been fighting even to construct coherent sentences. But even with the constitution of a freaking stone pillar, recounting these events is hideously difficult to do. Speaking in the third person about it kind of helps, a little, but not by much.
After taking in a deep breath, she goes on.
"The thing is, of course, Dahlia wasn't perfect. For all that she'd made herself practically untouchable, she was arrogant. And eventually, her greed and impatience made her fuck up badly enough that she lost control of the child. Not physically, mind you-- the kid was still completely at her mercy, a prisoner in its own body. And also, well, in a locked basement. But the difference was, now it was awake. All the promises? They'd been broken, in ways that would make the most hardened person in the world want to puke. In ways that not even the most brainwashed person could ignore or explain away. And it knew for a fact that Dahlia was the enemy."
Another pause, and another deep breath. This time, when she goes on, there's something tired-- exhausted, even old in her voice. She no longer refers to herself as 'it'.
"It took years. Years of pain, desperation, and violence. I did things I'm not proud of, plenty of them. And I died, over and over again. In almost every way you could imagine. Burning. Bludgeoning. Drowning. I've been stabbed to death, and torn apart by dogs. I've felt my body crushed and ground up under train wheels. I always came back, because that was just part of what I am. Even though there were times where I really wished dying would just be the end of it."
It seems like FOREVER since she actually LOOKED at the guy she's talking to, and she finally turns back to Al. The sun is well and truly down at this point, and her features are hard to make out in the gloom. But even so, there's something firelike in her gaze.
"I also killed. In those first days, when all I had to escape from was that damn basement and that irreparably broken body, I used my powers, the way I used to at Dahlia's command. Later, when I'd finally broken loose and was fighting to stay free, I killed like a human would, with weapons or my bare hands. I've tasted a lot of blood in my several lives and plenty of it hasn't been mine. I've gone head to head with horrors that I can't even describe, and the one who emerged from those encounters alive was me."
Her tone has been serious this entire time, but now she scoots a little closer, reaching out to firmly grasp both of Al's shoulders so that she can look him directly in the eye.
"There's a couple things I want you to take away from this conversation, Al. One of them is that, deliberately or not, there is not a single thing on this green earth that Envy could do to me that hasn't already been done. And that if, by some lapse in sanity, he ever decides he wants to try? It's not my safety that you should be worried about."
no subject
"Mmhm. That's what it came down to. Maybe there was a time when running away would have worked, but after a point... no. It was too valuable to her. Even if it had tried, there was no way she was going to let it go until she got what she wanted. And it did try, eventually. But, well, I'm getting to that part."
A slight pause is necessary. She'd done a pretty good job steeling herself up for this conversation, and her voice and expression both have stayed level this whole time. Her breathing, even and steady. It's nothing like the conversation she'd had with Lust a few weeks before, where she'd been fighting even to construct coherent sentences. But even with the constitution of a freaking stone pillar, recounting these events is hideously difficult to do. Speaking in the third person about it kind of helps, a little, but not by much.
After taking in a deep breath, she goes on.
"The thing is, of course, Dahlia wasn't perfect. For all that she'd made herself practically untouchable, she was arrogant. And eventually, her greed and impatience made her fuck up badly enough that she lost control of the child. Not physically, mind you-- the kid was still completely at her mercy, a prisoner in its own body. And also, well, in a locked basement. But the difference was, now it was awake. All the promises? They'd been broken, in ways that would make the most hardened person in the world want to puke. In ways that not even the most brainwashed person could ignore or explain away. And it knew for a fact that Dahlia was the enemy."
Another pause, and another deep breath. This time, when she goes on, there's something tired-- exhausted, even old in her voice. She no longer refers to herself as 'it'.
"It took years. Years of pain, desperation, and violence. I did things I'm not proud of, plenty of them. And I died, over and over again. In almost every way you could imagine. Burning. Bludgeoning. Drowning. I've been stabbed to death, and torn apart by dogs. I've felt my body crushed and ground up under train wheels. I always came back, because that was just part of what I am. Even though there were times where I really wished dying would just be the end of it."
It seems like FOREVER since she actually LOOKED at the guy she's talking to, and she finally turns back to Al. The sun is well and truly down at this point, and her features are hard to make out in the gloom. But even so, there's something firelike in her gaze.
"I also killed. In those first days, when all I had to escape from was that damn basement and that irreparably broken body, I used my powers, the way I used to at Dahlia's command. Later, when I'd finally broken loose and was fighting to stay free, I killed like a human would, with weapons or my bare hands. I've tasted a lot of blood in my several lives and plenty of it hasn't been mine. I've gone head to head with horrors that I can't even describe, and the one who emerged from those encounters alive was me."
Her tone has been serious this entire time, but now she scoots a little closer, reaching out to firmly grasp both of Al's shoulders so that she can look him directly in the eye.
"There's a couple things I want you to take away from this conversation, Al. One of them is that, deliberately or not, there is not a single thing on this green earth that Envy could do to me that hasn't already been done. And that if, by some lapse in sanity, he ever decides he wants to try? It's not my safety that you should be worried about."