[Anders listens intently, keeping in mind how Hanna said magic worked in his world. Of course he feels sympathy in spite of the reassurance that it's unnecessary, but really, when it comes down to it...
He takes a moment to compose his thoughts, doing his best not to worry Hanna too much with a longer silence.]
I understand, more than you may think. [The older man isn't ready to bore or depress Hanna with his miserable life story, seeing as he's complained more than enough about things he can't change, as usual. But he may find the right words to explain himself yet.]
I was angry for most of my life because of that persecution, and it made me selfish. Mind you, I like to brag about tossing around fireballs and lightning bolts, but my true "calling," if you will, was healing. Though it was still rather self-serving in its own way. I never would have used my skills to help others selflessly if not for the... influence of a close friend.
[He quiets again for a moment, already dragging on, but further words catch in his throat, and his chest throbs with the emptiness that has become typical here when he dwells on it.]
Needless to say, that friend did not accompany me to this place. And I am not the same man without him, nor am I the man I was before I met him. Even with his help in directing my energies into a positive channel, I still hurt him greatly with my anger, worse than anyone else ever could have. [There's a point in here somewhere, he swears; he's just trying to find it.]
I don't know how to let it go, I suppose, even after all this time spent trying to be a good man. I know it only hurts those around me, and I want to change, but... I feel lost.
no subject
He takes a moment to compose his thoughts, doing his best not to worry Hanna too much with a longer silence.]
I understand, more than you may think. [The older man isn't ready to bore or depress Hanna with his miserable life story, seeing as he's complained more than enough about things he can't change, as usual. But he may find the right words to explain himself yet.]
I was angry for most of my life because of that persecution, and it made me selfish. Mind you, I like to brag about tossing around fireballs and lightning bolts, but my true "calling," if you will, was healing. Though it was still rather self-serving in its own way. I never would have used my skills to help others selflessly if not for the... influence of a close friend.
[He quiets again for a moment, already dragging on, but further words catch in his throat, and his chest throbs with the emptiness that has become typical here when he dwells on it.]
Needless to say, that friend did not accompany me to this place. And I am not the same man without him, nor am I the man I was before I met him. Even with his help in directing my energies into a positive channel, I still hurt him greatly with my anger, worse than anyone else ever could have. [There's a point in here somewhere, he swears; he's just trying to find it.]
I don't know how to let it go, I suppose, even after all this time spent trying to be a good man. I know it only hurts those around me, and I want to change, but... I feel lost.