victory_road

Hey there kiddos, Handsome Jack here!

[It's that time again. Jack's got his Official Announcement voice and that patent grin of his when he pops on the Network.]

So, I've been here a while now. Gotten to know a lot of people, the lay of the land, how stringent certain omnipotently enforced rules are...

And I gotta say, I know I'm not the only one around here who likes a good fight. A real one! Sometimes ya just wanna throw a bunch of punches to work off steam or whatever! Or watch some punches fly and blood get spilled! And I also know I'm not the only one who takes a real hands on approach to Pokemon training. As in actually going one on one with my Pokemon.

So what I'm thinking is we bring all this together and make it work for us. Weekends only, small cover fee, and anybody who wants a good fight can get one. Go one on one against a variety of normal and fighting types! Got a Pokemon that loves beating the shit outta ya? Bring'em down! Wanna beat the hell out of each other? I'm not gonna stop ya! Get your jollies just watching? Not a problem, you can even bet on the matches!

Where would this all happen, you ask? A basement I'd rent for the purposes.

What about rules? Well there would be some. No weapons, no Pokemon it'd be stupid unfair for a person to fight, somebody uses the safe word and the match is over. We're...we're not barbarians here!

[Jack laughs.]

And no Pokemon that aren't into it, nobody wants to see that, some dude just whaling on a Pokemon that doesn't wanna fight. That's not sports that's...probably illegal. This isn't a slaughter circle, it's like...boxing. With Pokemon. If you want.

Kids get in half price.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What about a Pokemon with status effects? I would pay good money to see someone get paralysed from body slamming a Pikachu!

Ha, yeah, I'd pay to see that, too.

But that'd probably count as a Pokemon it's not fair for a human to go up against.

I think it's only fair to give the lucky opponent a swing at it! What if they crush the Pikachu? That seems like an even fight to me. Think of all the dollaz they could win. It'd be so much.

This all being legal, of course.

I like your ideas, I like your enthusiasm!

That kinda stuff's gotta stay on the downlow, though. Lotta kids and bleeding hearts around, and I don't wanna end up with someone tattling to the police clone chicks and landing me cleaning junk out of the sewers for half a month.

If it is all strictly legal then your ass is covered! There will be no need to touch a single junk.

I will give you 30 to fight a Rhydon. But I get to film it.

I think pitting a dude against a Pikachu would be illegal. I mean, I'd do it, just...not admit it publicly.

No clue what that is. I got a Nidoking you can fight, and an Ursaring.

I think a Pikachu could kick anyone's ass! But if it's illegal then I guess we'll never know.

I think you misunderstand. I want to see you fight it.

I dunno, I've never fought a Pikachu. Don't have one, either.

Oh! Well, in that case, I've got a Nidoking I can fight. And an Ursaring.

...and I do got this one really killer dude, I don't even let him out of his ball cause he'll just attack me. Big ass houndoom. But uh, I'd need a little more monetary encouragement to go a round or two with him.

Hmmm. That sounds very inciting and something I would like to witness with my look stubs.

Well then, how about... 50!

[ That's a lot, okay. ]

I'm assuming the rest of the zeroes are implied?

Yes. Right after the decimal!

Yeah, I'm not being cute, so...

Neither am I! I am but a poor poketrainer and I though the idea of a fight for the sake of a fight might be too titillating to pass up. 50 is better than a big fat zero.

Yeah, once ya pass 30, 'fighting dangerous shit for the hell of it' loses a lot of its recreational appeal. For what's essentially pocket change around here, maybe you can watch by buddy box my bear.

Yes, that sounds like a worthy endeavour! I will gladly cough up 50 for that.

Yeah, okay, I'll set that up.

[They taught Goliath to box for a reason, after all.]

One match, bear vs man. For 50.

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