victory_road | [Entry 001?] -- Sevii Islands

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[Entry 001?] -- Sevii Islands

[The beast approached -- eyes the size of hands glittering menacingly at Hawke and her companions. Varric was through, but Stroud and the Inquisitor remained. The former, perhaps the last sane mind in the Wardens, would need to bring stability to the organization. The latter was the last hope that Thedas had.]

[And Hawke?]

[Hawke was a remnant of a bygone era. She'd failed a city, failed the people she cared for by letting it fall to ruin. The Templars had cast her from her home for aiding the mages, and the mages thought her solely responsible for what happened in Kirkwall. She had, after all, had a hand in its destruction. The city had taken everything from her: her mother, her people, her cause and eventually pushed her to drive a blade into the back of her lover.]

[It had been four years since she'd heard Anders say her name. Four years since she]

[Her best friend would miss her, of that she was sure. Relayed as much to the Inquisitor as he nodded his assent and began to charge toward the fade rift.]

[Drawing her staff, Hawke turned to the beast. Lightning crackled across her fingertips, flames built at the tip of the staff that had once been her father's.]

Sorry, Anders. [She wanted to believe that somewhere out there, he was listening. Heard her grief and would perhaps accept her with open arms when she slipped into whatever afterlife awaited her.]

[She charged forward, toward the clicking mandibles and murderous eyes of death itself. The rift nearby flashed twice, Stroud and Lavellan plunging through its shimmering surface. A jointed leg smashed down, knocking Hawke to the ground hard enough to hit her head. Her vision swam, barely processing another leg racing toward her chest with blazing speeds.]

[And then... Marian Hawke woke up.]

i. Closed to purramedic

[She rolled off of the cot with explosive force, crashing to the ground with a grunt before her hand flung out, searching frantically for her staff. Her surroundings made no sense, a bright floor and lights far too consistent to be firelight or veilfire.]

[Failing in finding her staff, Hawke leapt to her feet, fists out. Instead of finding a spider or demon awaiting her, she found the golden eyed stare of Anders. Beside him was a collection of creatures that -- ]

[The memories rushed back to her, of her adventures with Anders and their new pets -- Pokemon she recalled. She'd been here for five months, living in peace.]

[Living and married to Anders.]

[She sat back down, crushed by the weight of the memories. She'd admitted that she would have killed him, then promised that she wouldn't if she ever found herself back in Thedas. And yet...]

Anders...

ii. One Island, Beach. (Action)

[Hawke watched the surf intently, waves churning fitfully against the shoreline. One elbow was propped against her knee, holding her head up by the forehead. No longer did her eyes hold a mirthful sort of glimmer, her hair was no longer a perfect sheet of black. Instead, her gaze was dull and haunted, and her hair contained a silver streak.]

[The past four years had been agonizing.]

[Her fingers fidgeted with the ring on her left hand, and when she didn't stare at the water, she was focused on that.]

[She wasn't alone though. An Arcanine curled around her, licking her knee with and looking something akin to a kicked puppy. Beside her, a Granbull troubled with both her paws and her dress, looking between the woman, the ring and the surf, but making no sound.]

iii. Video

[After awhile, she clicked her Pokegear on, revealing the raven-haired woman (plus her blighted gray streak) rather unceremoniously. Those familiar with her would note how exceptional that was -- considering she was the woman who had once introduced herself while harassing her Doublades in an attempt at pretending to be an infamous admiral.]

[She lifted a hand, now bare of the ring, in a silent greeting.]

I did some pouring through the feed. It seems that my abrupt departure from this land had some of you worried. Fear not, your hero has arrived. [Though the words were perhaps familiar, the way they were spoken was halfhearted almost.]

I do... have a question. Since it is no secret that I have gone home and come back I was... wondering how one dealt with reintegration. [She closed her eyes.] I have spent the past four years living without Anders. It is hard to grasp the fact that he is now alive.

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[The noise startles him awake -- someone had put him to sleep in his bedside chair a couple of times throughout the week, and he jumps up as well, blinking at Hawke a few seconds before he reaches out to support her. She seems strong enough to hold herself up now, but he attributes it to just be nerves; she was just bedridden for a week.]

Hawke. Oh, thank the Maker. Are you alright?

[Her shoulder jerked back instinctively. Even as her memories slid back into place, she couldn't help but feel uneasy. Four years dead, he was. And she'd just been in the Fade, no less. Perhaps it had tapped into some locked away part of her brain, tugging at memories in order to convince her to give in.]

[But the Nightmare was far more keen on killing her, as opposed to anything else.]

Anders. [She said his name aloud, the third time in what felt like as many minutes. It was the same name she'd hesitated to speak aloud, only doing so when someone else convinced her to.]

[The longer she stared, the less she could shake the uneasiness creeping up her spine. It was next to impossible to test for a demon, especially without her magic. Especially if she were in their realm.]

[But next to impossible was the environment she thrived in, and she wasn't entirely helpless either. Her fist came up, and within seconds had directed itself toward his cheek.]

[As he gets knocked backwards, the Pokemon beside his chair leaps up. Though he doesn't yet quite register exactly what happened, Anders hears the ferocious Del! and grabs at Pinsy before her slap can reach Hawke's face. While he's struggling to restrain the 70-pound cat, the pain in his face registers and he stumbles backwards a little, if only to put more distance between his angry starter and his wife.]

I don't understand -- what's wrong?

[The fact that he took the blow was indicative enough of his humanity. It was like he had said all those years ago, back in Kirkwall. A demon would have acted to protect itself, in some way or another. The pained expression that followed was nothing more than added reassurance.]

[Though she had to admit, it was somewhat cathartic.]

[She breathed in a deep breath, glancing at the furious cat. She blinked once, then looked to Maggie, followed by Dog Two. The sight of both of them made chest ache for a Dog that had passed away in the years that had followed Kirkwall. Both Pokemon gazed back at her, confused and worried, if she had to place an emotion on it.]

[Right. She needed to get her head on straight.]

I... had to make sure it was you.

[That's almost odd to consider at first, but given where she's just come from, Anders can't argue. This place has made him soft, and far too comfortable. He's worried for Hawke to need to adjust all over again, among countless other things.]

I see. Of course. [He swallows down the faint taste of iron and the throb of the inside of his mouth.] Pinsy, calm down. [His voice is stern enough that she stops writhing, though when he puts her down, she very pointedly sits in front of him, putting herself between the humans and glaring daggers at Hawke.]

How can I help? Do you need to eat, drink? Talk?

I don't need help.

[She shook her head a few times, then glanced up at him in fury as he continued speaking. If she was honest with herself, she needed all of those things and more, but she still needed time to process her emotions. Still needed to process the fact that it was Anders across from her, very much alive and not very demon-y.]

[Less demon-y then she'd ever known him to be, really.]

[She moved away from the man, sitting on the furthest chair she could find from him. Her knees were pulled to her chest, and she rested her cheek upon them.]

[She had promised him. She would find another way, wouldn't kill him. But once she was home, every memory had been cast out of her brain, and she acted the way her gut had already told her to.]

[Though Dog remained in his spot, wary of moving and breaking something (as he had every day since their arrival), Maggie scuttled over. Kneeling down, she tugged on Hawke's pantleg, then gazed up at her with the kindest look she could muster up.]

[Being that she was a dog, she was naturally irresistible in Hawke's eyes, and she quickly reached out to pet the creature gingerly.]

[In spite of Anders' concern, Pinsy relaxes as Hawke moves away. He hesitates to take his own seat again, but upon doing so occupies himself by drawing a bottle of water out of his bag. Flop, crawling into his lap, is kind enough to levitate it across the room so that Hawke doesn't feel crowded.

As he threads his fingers into the Meowstic's mane, Anders glances with overt worry between Hawke and Maggie.]

She refused to leave your bed. So did DT, of course, but...

[Uneasy as the ability made her -- a residual and instinctual discomfort from home -- Hawke was sure to give Flop a grateful nod. The Pokémon wasn't to blame here, didn't need to suffer her ire. Pinsy already had.]

[Of course, Anders didn't deserve it either. She'd already berated him time and time again, she recalled. But the alternative, breaking down into tears and mourning a love lost for over four years was inconceivable.]

It was good of her. [Hawke studied the Granbull for a quiet moment.] You can go back to him now. I'm okay.

[But the Granbull, and likely everyone in the room excepting Dog, saw through her ruse. She propped down, chin resting on the woman's knee.]

[You can lead water to a Hawke, but Weasel still isn't funny.

Her trainer isn't concerned with Maggie's insistence to hover over Hawke. If anything, he's appreciative; at least one of them can support her. In another place, he could check on her himself rather than take her at her obviously false word, but now he's helpless, useless. Even Anders can't fight her stubbornness without magic.]

Please speak to me. [It isn't fear of getting clocked again that stops him from demanding more, but worry for her. How can he tell what to do or not to do if she refuses to say?]

[She twisted the cap off the bottle, then drew it to her lips. Rather than obeying her 'husband's' request, she sipped the water, then gulped it, until there was nothing left in it. She moved to cast it off to the side, then instead rested it upon the table.]

[What was she to say? "I killed you, just as I said I would." It wasn't as if it would surprise him. He'd expected as much from the moment he decided to shatter the Chantry. But expecting it was different than actually knowing that it had been done. Knowing that the world he missed was one he would never get back was something else entirely.]

[But he wouldn't take no, wouldn't take her stubbornness, for an answer.]

I went back on my word.

[He very nearly suggests she slow down, but that same hesitation stops him. At least they're in the Center, and if she makes herself sick, there will be help.

Though it's a start, her words don't quite register at first. His mind has been racing all week with a thousand questions, hypothetical events, and imagined disasters, and he can't place what she's talking about among all the interference.]

What word?

What word. [She repeated it aloud, almost surprised to hear his own confusion. It was the very thing that had threatened to break apart their relationship, the thing Hawke couldn't let go. It was what she was most afraid of.]

[When she finally spoke again, her voice was cold, the chill of four years of bitterness and distance creeping into her throat.]

I slipped a blade between your ribs and killed you, Anders.

[It certainly is different, talking about it in hypotheticals versus hearing it recounted as memory.

Still, he doesn't react immediately, too shocked or perhaps not at all. A few moments pass before he so much as bows his head to see Flop place a paw on his hand and even Pinsy stare up at him with vague concern. His thoughts have either stopped completely or sped up to the point that he can't focus on one. Either way, he's silent for a bit longer before his voice returns to him, flat as it is.]

I'm still here.

[The scoff that came from her was hard enough to scrape at her throat and make her wince. Being alive obviously wasn't a requirement to being here, that much was certain.]

I am here too. It doesn't mean I'm not dead back home. [Well. That was particularly graceless way of bringing that up.]

[Again, it takes him a moment, but when it hits, it hits hard.]

What? [It isn't like he didn't consider the possibility, hasn't dreaded it since he first offered his help to her. But after all he's seen her endure, he's surrendered to the ridiculous illusion that Hawke is invincible. Even now, he can't quite picture something actually spelling her demise.

It's a joke, surely, as she's prone to. A cruel one.

But it's too much so, even for her. He stares at her with wide eyes, fingers clutching at the fabric over his thighs. Was it in Kirkwall, because of him?] How? When?

It's like I told you would happen. The world fell apart. [A fist clenched at her side, fury and frustration long forgotten now bubbling up in her stomach. At least this was easier -- being angry with Anders for what he had forced the world into was better than mourning him.]

Circles fell, either by rebellion or through annulment. It devolved into war, into chaos. And just like with Kirkwall, things tend to take advantage of chaos.

Wrong place, wrong time.

[Of course it was his fault. It's the most logical answer. He can't blame her for being angry, for lashing out at him; it's far more merciful than he deserves, as it is. And there's nothing he can say or do now to fix it.

As Anders leans to prop his elbows on his knees and hide his face in his hands, Flop contorts himself between his trainer's leg and the arm of the chair. The steady rumble he starts up just barely grounds Anders in reality, where Hawke is dead because of him but still sitting across the room.]

I'm sorry. [He means it, even though it doesn't change anything.]

You've said as much before. [Her hand drifted to Maggie's head, circling behind one of her ears and scratching there. At least there was something there to ground her, something that kept her thoughts from drifting to far darker places. She might have preferred to bury her neck in the furry scruff of Dog Two, but this could be enough for now.]

[A nudge from the Delcatty at his feet reminds him further not to get lost in his own head. As much blame as he's wreaking upon himself, as much as he wants to retreat from the reality of this for a while, Hawke is still right in front of him and he promised to be there for her even when it's hard. So he takes a deep breath and swipes a hand over his eyes before looking back up at her.]

You should see one of the nurses. They'll make sure you're well.

[The tears are noted, but they don't make much of a difference for her. Four years was a considerable amount of time, time enough to seal her heart. She missed him, that much was true, but seeing him alive didn't make the anguish disappear.]

[Four years ago, when she first arrived in this place, she'd managed to work through it. It had been easy enough, without the weight of the world and her actions on her shoulder. But if it had been hard to look at the man that she had resolved to kill, it was impossible to see him after she had succeeded.]

I'm fine enough as is. [Nevertheless, she stood. She made a small sound with her mouth, one that got D.T. to his feet. Maggie followed as well, though not without a fretful glance back toward Anders.]

Four years? Well shit.

[That's a long time. She even looks different. Not a ton, but...yeah.]

Guess I shouldn't ask if you wanna hang out this weekend...

[If everything that had happened, from Anders' death to the Circles falling, it was that Hawke could no longer sit on her ass and ignore things. Ignorance had gotten Circles annulled, had her ignoring the signs of what her once(?) beloved might be preparing to do.]

[There were a number of signs here, too. Evidence that Jack was more than he let on. As much as she wanted to keep the one last untainted thing in her life intact, she could not entice herself into inaction any longer.]

Actually, I rather hoped you might say that. I would like to discuss something with you.

....okay.

Kinda sounds pretty heavy.

[And serious. Neither of which are things Jack would apply to whatever the hell it is they do. If she plans on giving him the 'it's been four years, I barely remember you' speech, she can spare him.]

Usual place?

Does it? [Her tone was kept even, maybe even flat. She shrugged into the camera, while her expression screwed up into something thoughtful. Jack... would probably be disappointed by the talk to come, but at least it wouldn't have anything to do with her memories.]

The hotel, correct?

It's the fancied up version of 'we need to talk', of course it does.

Yeah. When you wanna meet up?

When are you free? I would rather have this discussion sooner, as opposed to later.

Like 'asap' soon, or...? I mean, should I be getting my boots on?

[What the shit?]

Just be there in an hour, Jack. [Spoken almost harshly. Almost.]

Fine, fine, see ya in an hour.

[It's not like he's running a business or anything, sure, he'll drop what he's doing and run right over!]

[Except yeah, he will. Because Something's Up. And either he's losing it, or she got even hotter while she was back home. This is either going to be the least or most fun he's had with Hawke in a hotel room. Plus he just wants to know what the hell is up.]

[So he does put his boots on, and his jacket. What the hell does she wanna talk about? He figures either she's dumping him, or wants more. Not that he blames her, but...he's got a boyfriend. This is just a friends who bang kinda thing. And if he's gotta make a choice between being something serious with her or Felix...]

[He doesn't even really need to think about it. Hawke's hot, and she's fun, but that's what it boils down to. He has fun with her, he likes her, but he doesn't turn to her when he's bored. He doesn't get grumbly and grumpy when she's not around. He doesn't think of her the minute something funny or cool or stupid happens that he just has to share with somebody. He didn't buy her a ski lodge.]

[He hopes they can get this over with quickly. He struts into the lobby of the hotel, hands in his pockets, scanning the lobby for her.]

[This time, there's no flirtatious pictures to preempt her arrival. She comes dressed in her usual, veteran attire, no extra, exaggerated cleavage or anything that might have indicated that this was strictly for play. She regarded him with a cool glance over her shoulder, then nodded toward the elevator.]

[She might have had a job to do, but she still bore at least a little bit of residual respect for him to not have it out in the middle of a hotel lobby. At least, not until she had a solid answer from him.]

[It wasn't until they were both in the seclusion of the small, rising chamber that she spoke to him. She kept her voice even, the way one might regard the weather, rather than the fact that she hadn't seen him in four years.]

I would say it's been awhile, but I get I suppose for you, it hasn't.

No, not really. You've...clearly been through some shit.

[Oh yeah, Jack's on edge. This is Different, she's being all different with him. He doesn't like this, doesn't like that he can't read her the way he could. The whole vibe's off.]

Sorry about your husband. In the future. Or...whatever. I dunno how all that shit works.

[Though that's probably adding to all of Hawke's weirdness. Jack can get that. Having dead people back...it messes a brain up.]

[His words earned a sharp, bitter laugh from the woman.]

We were first pulled from just a few minutes before I killed him. [She shook her head.] We knew it was coming, but I was stupid enough to believe I might have been able to make a difference. Might have been able to save him.

[But she hadn't. And around her, Thedas began crumble. Anders had gotten his war, and with it came the chance of losing it all. In the end, Varric had been right. Getting involved with the possessed mage was dangerous.]

I'm not here to wax poetic about what I've lost though, Jack.

...You guys got a complicated relationship, huh?

[That sucks. Not the relationship, the whole killing him thing. Jack doesn't have any strong feelings about the guy, but it tends to suck when you kill somebody you like. He gets it happens, hell, he's had to do it plenty of times. And okay, sometimes it's fun. Depending. He doesn't think this falls into that category.]

Look, I dunno what the hell it's worth coming from the guy you used to screw in another life, but...you get here. It's a stupid place and I think it's gonna drive me completely nuts half the time, but...more time with people who don't get it any other way's pretty cool.

So, uh...what is it that's so important we had to meet up and talk it out right now?

[Hawke said nothing in regards to his first point. At a later date, she might perhaps consider his words further. In the present, though, she simply gave a short nod, less to agree with him, and more to move the conversation along.]

[His question, on the other hand, would have to hang in the air, long enough for Hawke to leave the elevator and make her way to their room. She remembered the first time they'd come here, in another room in another suite. She wished it could be so easy, wish she could have simply fucked the guilt and sorrow away.]

[She'd been right all along. Growing up did suck.]

I was hoping you might answer a question. [Rather than sit on the bed and give him the wrong idea, she leaned against the wall, gaze locked on his]

What happened to your daughter?

Uh...what?

[When Hawke finally talks, Jack's thrown for a loop. What the hell did Angel have to do with any of this? Why was Hawke asking about her?]

I mean, I heard ya, that's just...a really random thing to ask. Or to go all mysterious spy mode over. Jeeze. And as far as I know, nothing, she's living it up over in Ecruteak with the people she hangs out with.

[Because the question doesn't have any context at all, Jack doesn't immediately leap to the assumption Hawke's asking about the shit that went down back home. But he remembers that her husband and Angel know each other. Huh.]

If you're asking about why she lived such a sheltered life before she came here... [Jack clicks his tongue and leans against the wall, next to the door.] I don't talk about that too much with too many people. It's not a nice story. And I don't really think it's too cool to talk about my kid behind her back.

[Hawke looked unconvinced. How many men had lied through their teeth before her. The truth usually tended to come out eventually, but with her only weaponry in this world being a sentient pair of blades, the usual method of extracting it was somewhat out of the rules of this particular game.]

[Lolling her head back, Hawke drummed her fingers against the wall behind her. Her foot tapped idly, any way to show that she absolutely wasn't here for whatever bullshit story Jack had to tell. From what she had gathered, that wasn't nearly the truth.]

[Even if he was admitting to having done something wrong.]

And I'm supposing that the rumors of her death were greatly exaggerated?

[At that, Jack's face changes. There's something in his eyes, a flash before he looks away so she can't see. Something honest and real and pained. With Angel here, alive and well, it was easy to not think about what happened. To push it away and focus on the here and now.]

[He shook his head.]

No. She uh...it happened. I...I couldn't stop it. [He fidgets with his pocket chain, not looking at Hawke. He hates talking about this stuff. It's private. It's between him and Angel. And inevitably it means having to bring up other stuff he hates talking about it. He doesn't even talk about this stuff with Felix.]

Look, the whole thing's complicated and personal and I dunno what you've heard, but whatever mistakes were made, whatever shit happened...I love my daughter more than anything, and we're working things out. Whatever the hell you think of me as a father...this is fact. Angel has made certain requests of me here, and I'm following every one of'em. We're working on stuff, and we're doing pretty good right now.

[As far as Jack knows.]

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[Entry 001?] -- Sevii Islands

welcome to hell

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Video

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Video -> Action

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