text/action for goldenrod

[harlequinhater]

i cannot believe that YET AGAIN my birthday was ruined through weird time shenanigans beyond my control.
i mean i guess that having prom and fighting off bad guys is not the worst birthday i have ever had because nobody has died, but still!
it was my eighteenth birthday, which is kind of a big deal!!!

anyways if youre in goldenrod and want to come by the house i'm going to have like, a belated bday get together for me and jane.
you don't need to bring presents or anything. we are just going to hang out and maybe watch a few movies!
it should be fun and not very stressful.

also, does anybody have advice on being an adult??

in goldenrod ;;

[As John has promised, the "party," such as it is, is pretty low key. In fact, it's low key to the point of being downright lazy. There aren't any decorations, and there isn't really any set up apart from a bowl of chips on the counter and a few movies by the TV.

Still, it's always nice to hang out with friends, no matter how low the budget, right?]

Comments

[Text]

[callbacks]

john buttwind egbert stop pretending like youre eighteen you newt

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

uh, excuse you dave!
i was sixteen when i got here, and this is the second birthday i have spent here.
clearly that makes me eighteen!

[Text]

[callbacks]

you got here like two seconds before your birthday
and you got here FROM your birthday
the time judges have ruled its an illegal move

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

it was more than two seconds!
PLUS i did a lot of other weird time shenanigans during and after my birthday.
i declare your time judges to be totally bogus!!

[Text]

[callbacks]

if were counting weird time shenanigans than im like thirty and that is clearly not the case
give it up dude
your age of majoritys in another castle

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

no way!
you're eighteen now.
i can't let you be a FULL YEAR ahead of me!!

[Text]

[callbacks]

you cant change the cold hard fact that ive been alive longer than you bro

[cyan_maid]

Hey, wait a minute!
You're eighteen now?
But I'm only seventeen! That's not fair!

[Jane there is nothing fair about the passage of time]

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

no, i know that!
but you are only supposed to be a few months older than me
not like a year and a half!!

[harlequinhater]

you got here a while after i did!
so you missed our birthday last year.
meaning i have had more time to grow and mature and stuff.

[Because John is definitely the more mature of the two.]

[Text]

[callbacks]

i think youre gonna have to take it up with a higher power than me dude
like
math
youre gonna have to fight the entire discipline of math in single combat
since i was like half a year older than you to start with
plus another half a year here
so yeah i have AT LEAST a full year on you

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

okay but you definitely don't have a year and a half!
and anyways if we were going to be really mathematically precise we would have to change our birthdays but that's not something i want to fuck with.
and since you still celebrate yours in december im guessing you don't either.
so i'm rounding!

[cyan_maid]

Oh, is that so?
Funny how that sort of thing doesn't really shine through all that much.

Re: [Text]

[callbacks]

you cant round up to a year from one week!

[text]

[charcoalfeather]

Whoa! John, you're eighteen?
That's amazing! I'm only


[.....The message sits there for a minute or so, just like that.]

[harlequinhater]

hey!
what is that supposed to mean?

text

[quadrangle]

SIDING WITH DAVE HERE. YOU'RE SEVENTEEN, GET OVER IT.

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

it was more than a week!
anyways you cant tell me what to do about my age.
not once have i ever questioned how old you are!!

[text]

[harlequinhater]

thanks rakka!

....you're only what?

text

[harlequinhater]

you're only siding with dave because you're dating him.
it doesn't count.

[Text]

[callbacks]

ok but
why is it not okay for me to be a year and a half older than you
when you being eighteen would make you older than jade
doesnt that seem equally if not more fucked up

text

[quadrangle]

[Did he just]

[did he seriously just read that.]

EGBERT YOU LITERAL HORSE'S ASS, DON'T EVEN FUCKING PRETEND FOR AN INSTANT THAT MY DATING DAVE HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
WHICH BY THE WAY FUCK YOU?? MY OPINION IS SUDDENLY INVALIDATED IN YOUR WORLD BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO SHARE IT WITH ONE OF MY MATESPRITS. HOW THE HELL DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? SPOILERS IT DOESN'T, YOU'RE JUST PRETENDING IT DOES BECAUSE I HAVE LOGIC ON MY SIDE AND YOU'RE CLINGING TO THIS PETTY DELUSION THAT YOU CAN SOMEHOW ROUND UP A FUCKING WEEK INTO A WHOLE GODDAMN YEAR.

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

wait, jade isn't eighteen yet???
that is kind of fucked up!
but also, it is not my place to question jade's age.
if she wants to be seventeen still then she can be seventeen!
i will not go to her ON HER (sort of) BIRTHDAY and tell her she's wrong.

text

[harlequinhater]

okay karkat if you are trying to convince me that you are not just taking dave's side then don't say the exact same INCORRECT thing about me rounding a week up to a year.
it was more than a week!

anyways i wouldn't even expect you to have an opinion because didn't trolls use swoops or something for age?
what do YOU care about my human years?
actually why does ANYBODY care about my human years????

text

[quadrangle]

OH I'M SO SORRY, WAS IT AN ACTUAL FULL HUMAN MONTH? DEAR ME, YOU SURE SHOWED THIS UNWORTHY TROLL THE PITFALLS OF MAKING SUCH LUDICROUS ASSUMPTIONS.
YOU CAN JUST FUCK RIGHT OFF EGBERT, I HAD MINIMAL PATIENCE TO BEGIN WITH FOR FLAGRANT DOUCHEBAGGERY BUT BEING IN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH DAVE LIKE IT HAS ANY BEARING WHATSOEVER ON THE CURRENT DISCUSSION
FUCK YOU. JUST. FUCK. YOU. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO REMEMBER WHAT A GODDAMN SWEEP IS, WHY AM I WASTING MY TIME ON YOU!
GOODBYE.

[And he's, uh. Hanging up.]