[video | action for Cycling Road - backdated to 7/21]

[exeggutorhead]

[Ah, a lovely morning on Cycling Road. Doduos are calling out to one another, the sunlight is glinting off of the water in the distance…]

[The ‘Gear is facing down the steep slope, and the front wheel of a bike is just barely visible at the bottom of the screen.]

[Envy just learned how to ride a bike a week ago and he is Ready to Show Off with an improvised Pokemon GoPro. And hey, they’re not miniature and the bike hasn’t been replaced with a weird doll, neither he nor Heather seem to have been hit with anything weird this Friday.]

[Or so Envy thinks.]

We’re almost at the end of this thing, and since nobody’s up yet to clog up the path, I’m gonna show you all how fast I can get to the bottom.

[The camera jostles as Envy seemingly gets on the bike behind it, kicks off…and down the hill he goes.]

[…this seems kind of too wobbly for going straight, shouldn’t it be smoother…?]

Hey! HEYYY!

[Soon it becomes clear (if the alarmed shouting hadn’t already) that the bike is actually pitching all over the place, going way too fast, and headed directly for a ditch along the side of the trail. From the background, another, fainter voice that some might recognize as Heather Mason is also shouting.]

The brakes! Use the handbrakes like I showed you!

It’s not working!

[And it’s too late anyway. Any watchers will get a great view as the bike careens directly into the ditch, blacking out with a loud crash and a spray of dirt.]

[This did not go anywhere near as planned.]

Comments

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[shiro2hero]

[You know, he really should just write this off as shenanigans and keep on his way. But then, there's the blackout and the crash.]

[And he's mashing the "reply" button. Because he's got to:]

Are you all right!

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[exeggutorhead]

[Shiro's going to have to wait on that reply...first Envy needs to be helped out of the ditch and get checked over and then clean himself up as best he can with a pack of wet wipes. Which can only help so much, but by god he's not replying to anything with a face completely full of dirt.]

[The scrapes on his face are pretty normal for a fall like that, fortunately he didn't hit any big rocks.]

I'll be fine.

[SOMEONE IS EMBARRASSED AND THAT EQUALS GROUCHY.]

There was something wrong with the bike, I just fell. It wasn't anything to make a big deal over.

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[shiro2hero]

Good.

[If this guy being cranky bothers him, he sure doesn't show it. Honestly, he just looks relieved to hear "fine". Dirt smears and all.]

It looked pretty dramatic. But... I guess I may have overreacted there, huh?

[Here's Envy's chance to save face a bit.]

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[exeggutorhead]

[Yeah, he sees that opportunity and he's going to take it.]

[He's also looking a bit less defensive for it.]

Yeah, I mean people fall off their bikes all the time, right?

Yesterday I saw one of those Cyclists almost flip straight over the guardrail into the ocean. That would've been something to worry about.

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[shiro2hero]

[Yeah, there you go buddy. Save your dignity, it's cool.]

Oh, definitely. And motorcycles. And hover bikes.

[The latter two are infinitely more disastrous, usually.]

Really? Were they all right?

[Audio]

[bleedingunversed]

Bravo!

[Vanitas can't help but get in on this, snickering up a storm as he claps his approval.]

Encore!~ This show is better than anything else on television!

[Audio]

[exeggutorhead]

[YEAH ENVY'S NOT REPLYING TO THIS ONE WITH VIDEO. FUCK YOU RANDOM STRANGER.]

If you want an encore you can perform it yourself. That'd be an even better show, I'm sure.

[Audio]

[bleedingunversed]

[KISS KISS.]

Oh I doubt it. I know how to ride a bike. [No he doesn't.] You put on a way better show than I ever could. Try for a bigger crash next time, though?

[Audio]

[exeggutorhead]

[RRRGH]

[That tone though. He sees what you're doing sir because it's exactly what he likes to do. So although his first instinct is to get REALLY RILED UP AND YELL AT THIS FRUSTRATING ASSHOLE MOCKING HIM...]

Hah. If I'm such great entertainment, what makes you think I'd be taking requests from some lowly upstart? You just want my secrets so you can usurp my position as best bike crasher.

[He is absolutely still pissed off but he's going to smarm right back because fuck yoooou.]

[Action]

[foolishwren]

ENVY!

<sub>[When the bike started making a beeline for the ditch, it was already clear what was going to happen, but that didn't stop her from leaning forward to try and make it in time to reach him.]

[But she didn't.]

[There's a loud scud of bike tires in road grit as she comes skidding to a halt at the rim of the incline, then a clatter as she gets off the bike and just drops it.]</sub>

Are you okay?!

[Action]

[exeggutorhead]

[The response she's going to get from Envy is a long, low groan from the bottom of the ditch.]

[The bike is a few feet away from him, one wheel spinning forlornly up in the air. He's sprawled face down in the dirt, but while his limbs are all over the place, none of them seem to be at any awkward angles at first glance. He lifts one forearm and waves it to show that he's not dead.]

[But no other moving. Not right this second.]

[Action]

[foolishwren]

<sub>[... WELL, HE'S NOT DEAD. That's a good thing.]

[But they're a long way from any Pokemon Centers, so... hopefully nothing's broken.]

[Dirt and pebbles come tumbling down into the bottom of the ditch as Heather follows him down.]</sub>

Can you sit up?

[Action]

[exeggutorhead]

[Envy's looking pretty frustrated when she does get down there, but it has even less to do with falling off the bike and more to do with who he was just talking to.]

[He groans again.]

Do I have to? Can't I just stay on the ground forever? I could live here. People could call me the ditch creature, I'd be a legend.

[video]

[alltoblame]

[For a moment Ed just stares, because there's actually some level of concern and he's not okay with that, especially if he's going to bother replying.

So he takes a moment to compose himself and brush that thought aside, which gives his brain the time to process what he'd just seen, and he's smirking by the time he actually turns on the recording to respond.]

You okay there, Envy?

[He's honestly asking, as much as he looks like he's just being an amused shit right now.]

[video]

[armoredsoul]

[While Al doesn't speak up yet, he is hovering over Ed's shoulder and watching the screen with wide eyes and a hand over his mouth in actual concern.]

[This does not, however, manage to hide the faint crease in his cheeks from an incredulous grin holy shit that was an incredible wipeout.]

[video]

[exeggutorhead]

[So, first faces Envy wants to see after that magnificent wipeout?]

[Not those two.]

[The 'Gear is still attached to the handlebars of the bike and while the screen is cracked, it's functioning. It flickers on with the response just as Envy first raises his face off of the ground.]

[And it's in reach for him to reach out and hit the button to respond, too.]

[APPARENTLY, he's still feeling okay enough to be giving the two of them a single upraised middle finger (thank Heather Mason for that one) and a venomous glare. There's dirt and a bit of smeared blood on his face, mostly coming from his nose and a few scrapes, but he otherwise doesn't look hurt.]

I'm fine.

[He looks ridiculous.]

[alltoblame]

[An eyebrow raises at the sight, if only because he hadn't had a chance to really adjust to this whole concept of they're human, yet. So, the blood and scrapes are enough to catch him off guard. Even if the wounds are minor.

For a split second Ed's not smirking anymore, but he immediately plasters the amusement back on his face for this.]

You sure about that...? You look like you could use a little help.

[Not from them, obviously.]

Video

[a_sin_for_him]

Good god Envy, are you alright?

[Lust's not exactly laughing, she's honestly very concerned, but...that had been a rather spectacular crash and Envy had looked so ridiculous wobbling on that bike that there's a nervous impulse to laugh anyway.]

[Emotions make no sense.]

Video

[exeggutorhead]

[She'll get a response in a little while, after he's out of the ditch and as cleaned up as he's going to get until he has access to an actual shower.]

[No broken bones or anything, but he does have a ring of red around one nostril where he'd clearly had a bloody nose, and there are a couple minor scrapes on his face, one with a band-aid. Nothing serious.]

[Unlike total strangers and Elrics, Lust gets to see more of his exasperated embarrassment rather than the defensive posturing.]

I'll be fine, really. There was something wrong with the bike, I could ride it just fine yesterday.

[UUGGHH]

So of course it did that on camera with people watching.

Video

[a_sin_for_him]

[Well, he does seem to be perfectly fine, by Lust's standards of 'fine'.]

Oh yes, I remember when I was first learning. The bicycle had 'something wrong with it' frequently...

I suppose it could have been worse. If you give me a moment, I'm sure I could think of how.

Video

[exeggutorhead]

Not like that! Like, there was something really wrong with it!

I tried to use the brakes and it didn't work!

[HE KNOWS HOW TO RIDE A BIIIIIIKE]

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[armoredsoul]

[And springing off from elsewhere--]

Oh yeah, that's real intimidating coming from someone that just got their ass kicked by a HILL.

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[exeggutorhead]

[Al won't get a response for a while later, after Envy's out of the ditch and cleaned up.]

you don't even know how to ride a bike you would have fallen in the OCEAN instead

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[armoredsoul]

You don't know that!

[Al, you lived with him, OF COURSE HE KNOWS.]

And I would not! I would have remembered how the brakes worked, for one!

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[exeggutorhead]

yes I do! you've never been on a bike before in your life

[NOT COMMENTING ON THAT OTHER PART]