Armin Arlert (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
schachmeister) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
victory_road2018-09-29 11:50 pm
schachmeister) wrote in victory_road2018-09-29 11:50 pm
Entry tags:
Our wrists get tired rewriting futures. [closed]
Who: Armin & Keith
Where: Shiro's house of teenagers and cats, Keith's bedroom.
When: Backdated a bit; maybe a week after Annie's arrival.
Summary: When you have to rethink everything you ever knew about your world and life, sometimes it helps to talk to someone who went through the same thing.
Rating: I don't understand American ratings and at this point, I am too afraid to ask. (possible content warning for disturbing content, maybe swearing)
Log:
More than Armin expected, Annie's arrival causes an upheaval. In the end, it is not her presence, but rather the things she tells him that dominate his mind the most. Though he doesn't trust Annie exactly, he believes she will stick to the terms of their truce and not be a threat to the others (there is, after all, no benefit in it for her). But while he doesn't have to worry about that exactly, the things she told him about their world give him plenty to think and think and think about.
He spends most of the time he is not working away from the house. He loves the house, but it is busy and crowded, and Armin has always preferred to mull things over on his own. In the end, he seeks out his Lapras pod. The sheltered little bay is well hidden, preventing unexpected visitors, which gives Armin plenty of time to go over his conversations with Annie, scribbling as many details as he can remember out in one of his journals, trying to find the connections he had missed before. It also means that when his frustration boils over, he can rail at the sea, screaming in frustration until his throat is raw, sometimes in words, sometimes just in noise without anyone there to judge him.
His Lapras prove to be good companions too, instinctively leaving him be when he needs to vent his frustration, but also drawing near immediately after, dragging their bodies onto the sand to let him lean against him, exhausted from trying to rebuild what he knows of his world. Somehow their presence helps ease the snarls in his mind.
But there is only so much he can do on his own. He's starting to notice it after a few days. His thoughts keep falling back into the same frustrating patterns, the same questions, the same non-answers. What he needs is a fresh perspective, another way to look at things.
Immediately Jean comes to mind. The two of them have discussed plenty of things like this, and Armin has always appreciated Jean's insights. But he can't tell Jean. He had made a pact with Annie. But even without that, he keeps going back and forth on whether it'd be right for him to disrupt everybody's lives like this. Would it do them any good? Would Sasha's life be better knowing that the Titans she'd been trained to hunt are human? Would Jean be happier knowing that the government hadn't just used propaganda against them, but had actually altered their memories? Would Bertolt be comforted knowing there was a whole world out there that considered them sinners simply due to their history? It is not something they need to know in this world.
But if not Jean, then who? Armin doesn't trust easily, leaving him with few people he'd be willing to allow such an insight into his thoughts and fears. Shiro comes to mind but is ultimately dismissed. Shiro is supportive, certainly, and there is plenty Armin has confided in him. But at the same time, Armin feels Shiro'd be too focused on fixing things even when he can't. Plus, Shiro might pry too much into things Armin can't say. Ford is considered for a moment, but equally quickly dismissed. He has never minded asking Ford questions to expand his knowledge, but these sort of personal subjects don't generally come up between them.
When his mind comes to Keith, he cannot think of a reason to dismiss him. He trusts Keith. He had specifically sought him out to tell him he'd be leaving, knowing that Keith was not the type to pry into the reason why. At the same time, he trusted Keith to act if he hadn't returned from his trip. Plus, hadn't Keith gone through something like this himself, when he had learned of his own origins? He too had needed to rethink everything he had known about his life. In a way, it makes Keith the perfect person to talk to.
But even then, it still takes Armin about a day of mulling it over and collecting his courage, before he goes to Keith's room. He waits for a quiet moment, when most of the house is away or settled to their own business so they won't be disturbed. He still looks a bit nervous and apprehensive when he raps his fingers on Keith's doorpost, plucking at his shirt with his other hand. Armin doesn't distrust Keith, but for someone who doesn't easily take others into confidence, this is a big step.
"Keith?"
Where: Shiro's house of teenagers and cats, Keith's bedroom.
When: Backdated a bit; maybe a week after Annie's arrival.
Summary: When you have to rethink everything you ever knew about your world and life, sometimes it helps to talk to someone who went through the same thing.
Rating: I don't understand American ratings and at this point, I am too afraid to ask. (possible content warning for disturbing content, maybe swearing)
Log:
More than Armin expected, Annie's arrival causes an upheaval. In the end, it is not her presence, but rather the things she tells him that dominate his mind the most. Though he doesn't trust Annie exactly, he believes she will stick to the terms of their truce and not be a threat to the others (there is, after all, no benefit in it for her). But while he doesn't have to worry about that exactly, the things she told him about their world give him plenty to think and think and think about.
He spends most of the time he is not working away from the house. He loves the house, but it is busy and crowded, and Armin has always preferred to mull things over on his own. In the end, he seeks out his Lapras pod. The sheltered little bay is well hidden, preventing unexpected visitors, which gives Armin plenty of time to go over his conversations with Annie, scribbling as many details as he can remember out in one of his journals, trying to find the connections he had missed before. It also means that when his frustration boils over, he can rail at the sea, screaming in frustration until his throat is raw, sometimes in words, sometimes just in noise without anyone there to judge him.
His Lapras prove to be good companions too, instinctively leaving him be when he needs to vent his frustration, but also drawing near immediately after, dragging their bodies onto the sand to let him lean against him, exhausted from trying to rebuild what he knows of his world. Somehow their presence helps ease the snarls in his mind.
But there is only so much he can do on his own. He's starting to notice it after a few days. His thoughts keep falling back into the same frustrating patterns, the same questions, the same non-answers. What he needs is a fresh perspective, another way to look at things.
Immediately Jean comes to mind. The two of them have discussed plenty of things like this, and Armin has always appreciated Jean's insights. But he can't tell Jean. He had made a pact with Annie. But even without that, he keeps going back and forth on whether it'd be right for him to disrupt everybody's lives like this. Would it do them any good? Would Sasha's life be better knowing that the Titans she'd been trained to hunt are human? Would Jean be happier knowing that the government hadn't just used propaganda against them, but had actually altered their memories? Would Bertolt be comforted knowing there was a whole world out there that considered them sinners simply due to their history? It is not something they need to know in this world.
But if not Jean, then who? Armin doesn't trust easily, leaving him with few people he'd be willing to allow such an insight into his thoughts and fears. Shiro comes to mind but is ultimately dismissed. Shiro is supportive, certainly, and there is plenty Armin has confided in him. But at the same time, Armin feels Shiro'd be too focused on fixing things even when he can't. Plus, Shiro might pry too much into things Armin can't say. Ford is considered for a moment, but equally quickly dismissed. He has never minded asking Ford questions to expand his knowledge, but these sort of personal subjects don't generally come up between them.
When his mind comes to Keith, he cannot think of a reason to dismiss him. He trusts Keith. He had specifically sought him out to tell him he'd be leaving, knowing that Keith was not the type to pry into the reason why. At the same time, he trusted Keith to act if he hadn't returned from his trip. Plus, hadn't Keith gone through something like this himself, when he had learned of his own origins? He too had needed to rethink everything he had known about his life. In a way, it makes Keith the perfect person to talk to.
But even then, it still takes Armin about a day of mulling it over and collecting his courage, before he goes to Keith's room. He waits for a quiet moment, when most of the house is away or settled to their own business so they won't be disturbed. He still looks a bit nervous and apprehensive when he raps his fingers on Keith's doorpost, plucking at his shirt with his other hand. Armin doesn't distrust Keith, but for someone who doesn't easily take others into confidence, this is a big step.
"Keith?"
oh god I blinked and it was suddenly 2 weeks later
At least until the knock. Keith isn't used to someone knocking, so it catches him off guard. Cracking the door open, he's in an ill-fitted shirt (leftover from his previous bag) and looking confused.
"Armin?"
It is all good, my friend
Well, that, and right now his thoughts are so busy that Keith could've opened the door in a soft fluffy lion snuggie and Armin wouldn't even really have noticed.
"I'm sorry, I hope I didn't disturb you but..." He chews his lip for a moment, his eyes flicking away. "If it is not a bother could I... could I ask you something? In private."
no subject
Keith looks over his own shoulder back into his room - tiny with a bed, some plants, and his cat pokemon sprawled out on the floor in the sun.
"Yeah. Yeah, come on." He steps out of the way to let Armin in. He was never good at ... talking. He'd gotten a little better at it in the last couple of years, but maybe he won't fuck this up too badly. Once Armin's inside, he closes the door.
"Whhhhhat's up?"
no subject
It's a bit tight manoeuvring in Keith's small bedroom, but Armin manages to slide by Keith without stepping on a cat or any feet. His hands are restless, fingers plucking at his shirt as he tries to find the best way to word this. He had practised before coming here, of course, but now that he is standing here, he finds himself second-guessing the lines he had come with earlier.
"It's-- I'm sorry, I know this is sudden. And I know this might also be incredibly personal, so please, do not feel obligated to answer. It's just that I didn't really know who else to ask." No, no rambling. He has to stay understandable. "You... you must have had to rethink a lot of things you always believed when you found out about your mother and your origins, right? How-- how did you deal with that? It's just that... I recently found out some things about our world back home that change... a lot of what I previously thought was true and--"
And it's been rough, trying to completely reindex your entire life.
no subject
Oh, boy that's a lot. He kneels down and busies himself with Espurr so he isn't just staring at Armin while he talks. He knows sometimes it's easier for him to speak honestly without anyone looking.
But how did he deal with that? Back in space, with a lot of fighting, frustration, and then acceptance. Here, he passed out for a week.
"Not great, I think." It's an honest answer, and he thinks Hunk or Shiro might be better at this than himself. But Armin came to him. So he has to try.
"But I think... looking at the big picture. Past just yourself, can help. Less focused on just you."
His mom had been Galra and that was big for him, but it also meant she was fighting too. Fighting to help the universe and save other planets. He could use his own identity to help remind folks of Galra who weren't on Zarkon's side.
no subject
"I've been trying to do that. It's not like any of it was personally aimed towards me. We were all lied to." So many of them. A century worth of lies. "It was just... such a fundamental part of our world that even I had never questioned it."
However much Armin had dreamt of the outside world, he had always dreamt of oceans and mountains, seas of ice or giant deserts. He had never even thought to question the idea that humanity wasn't extinct beyond the walls.
no subject
In his mind, he's been away from Armin for years. He's having to wrap his head around how Armin thinks. Keith crosses his arms and leans back to look at the ceiling a bit, humming to himself.
"It's hard. Sucks you were all lied to." Mm..... "You don't have to tell me the details. Don't even have to answer, but do you know why you were all lied to? If it was a fundamental part of your world, seems like a big thing to do to hide that."
no subject
"Not... exactly," he has to admit that.
That first conversation with Annie had been... quite a bit to deal with. He had gained knowledge, but he had also gained more questions. And the more he thinks about what he now knows, the more questions bubble to the surface. He is going to have to talk to Annie again, see if she is willing to answer a few more of his questions, but he isn't going to do that until he hax mentally sorted out what he knows right now as much as he can. Else it will just be the same situation as before, with him being so overwhelmed that he doesn't even know where to start asking.
"Though it was more than just us being lied to. They actually changed out memories."
no subject
Oh.
Even Keith can't hide how his eyes widen a hair at that. The thought of memories being changed - after everything he'd just been through with Shiro. As the thought rolls over him, his eyes take on a determined steel.
"Do you know why?"