victory_road | Open Log - One Closed Prompt

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Open Log - One Closed Prompt

Who: Handsome Jack and The Great Body Swap Adventure

Where: Goldenrod

When: 21-23

Summary: Handsome Jack is stuck in the body of a very fit former android in his twenties. Hilarity ensues

Rating: PG-13 for language

Log:

Seriously, what the hell?

Jack has a pretty high tolerance for weird shit. Even before coming here, weird shit happens! And here? Hell, he's woken up to all sorts of crazy bullshit. He woke up like a couple inches tall one time!

This, however, still manages to be the freakiest thing that's happened to him. He's just scrolling through his gear, having a smoke and half-paying attention to the TV when he feels the shock. And then nothing is right.

At Hank and Connor's

This is not his living room, these are not his surroundings, he's not even wearing the right clothes. Is...is this what going insane what feels like? Has he had an actual stroke? What the friggin hell? He doesn't even feel right!

"The shit is this???"

He leaps up, doing his best to stave off panic. Why doesn't his back hurt? What's wrong with his face? His face feels all messed up! Hell his face feels...

Open

Oh this is...this is not ideal. He's apparently stuck in some other dude's body. Nothing feels right, even his skin feels alien and wrong, and he is not happy. He wants his own skin! And does this mean that other dude is busy with his body? Nope, not okay.

So here he is, angrily storming through Goldenrod in the direction of his house, grumbling under his breath. He needs his body, and....probably some Pokemon to fix this or something. He doesn't know.

But it's getting fixed ASAP.

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[Connor is looking for Jack too, looking kind of irritable by now. He hasn't had a smoke because he doesn't realise he needs one, and his face hurts. His joints hurt. The cold doesn't help.

Being face to face with himself suddenly isn't that big of a surprise. He's had that happen to him before. He frowns, and waves awkwardly to his own body.]

Jack? Is that you?

Edited 2019-01-22 20:07 (UTC)

[Oh thank space llama or whatever!]

[There he is! Or...his body, anyway. He grins broadly with relief. Ugh, the other dude is moving all wrong, but whatever. Damn, he's looking good! It's not like he ever gets to see himself like this. Huh. He should invest in a good black leather jacket...]

[But there's more important things to focus on right now. Like getting back in there where he belongs.]

Yeah, yeah it's me! What the shit is this? This is insane! How do we fix this? Cause no offense, but...I don't wanna be you.

[Wow, that's weird seeing himself speaking like that, though. He shakes his head, shrugging. He's a little wary of Jack right now because of some of the things he's been told, but... he'll play nice until he has his body back.]

None taken. And I'm not sure. A friend of mine suggested maybe we swap PokeGears again. Since it seems to be those that caused us to switch.

...Yeah, sure, I guess that could be it? Hell if I know, this is way weirder than anything that's happened here before. I...do not have yours with me.

[So, that's a problem. Ugh. This is now how he planned on spending his afternoon.]

Or mine? I don't have a Pokegear on me, is the point. But we gotta get this fixed, I gotta go shopping for my kids this afternoon, got a thing this weekend.

[And he is not showing up looking like this.]

Not to mention, ya know. You got a whole personal life I'm sure you don't want interrupted with this bullshit.

I have yours, but I guess it won't help if you don't have mine. Did you leave it at home? We can go and get it.

[He sighs, though.]

Yes, I would rather not be like this for any longer than necessary.

Yeah, yeah, figured it made the most sense to leave it at your place. Your dude's only minimally freaking out, bee-tee-dubs. We figured out what was up pretty quick.

[These things, they happen. They suck, though, and this one is worse than usual.]

We'll fix it. We gotta fix it!

Let's go, then.

[He's glad to hear Hank isn't freaking out too badly, at least.]

I'm glad the situation at home isn't too dire. Your Pokemon knew I wasn't the right person, but your Houndoom still drooled all over me when I petted him.

[Which makes him smile slightly despite the situation.]

[He's in a house that definitely doesn't have stylish sleek furniture, but stuff that had to be bought quick to fill space, and still has some strange brand of beigish paint since white paint makes for harder sells.]

[Hank comes in from the other room, having not heard what 'Connor' said, but with an irritable look plastered on his face.]

Look, now it's the Lickitung. I am going to go get some boots because it's the only way I can protect my fuckin' ankles from-

[He trails off, noticing finally that Connor's expression is... off?] ...Connor?

No! No not Connor! Despite any visual evidence to the contrary! What is this bullshit???

[Jack can grasp what's happened, but...that doesn't help much. He hadn't been doing anything! No weird new Pokemon, no prodding at dug up idols, no mocking unseen forces... he'd just been watching TV!]

[And how the hell had he ended up freaky friday-ing it with Hank's boyfriend, of all people?]

[That is definitely not words that would usually come out of Connor, and he's saying it's not Connor, but why is someone who is not Connor looking not like Connor in their shared personal space which should fucking be Connor's?]

....Right....

[He drawls the word out with all the contempt for this confusing bullshit he can muster.]

And if you're not Connor, then-

[He makes a 'come on' gesture. Please, sir, explain to him what fuckery has befallen you so that he may concoct the appropriate swears that the situation deserves.]

It's me, Jack! And I am assuming your dude is currently on my couch having a similar freakout.

[That's how these things work, right? It's a trading places sort of thing. Unless it's not, and then Jack's got nothing.]

Uh...I dunno what the shit happened. No idea. I was just in front of the TV, checking my gear, then bam. Here I am, full on out of body experience.

[And if Connor is in his body...oh, shit. That's not cool. That's not cool at all.]

What sort of Freaky Friday bullshit-

[He starts, calling up the reference that you can't help but stumble across (save for a lack of it in your universe), when the Lickitung runs in from another room and just swipes him across the ankle. Leading to Hank hopping off to the side.]

Now is not the time! [He shouts at it.]

[And then it looks at 'Connor', and stares with confused beady little eyes. Tongue just rolled out of its face.]

Okay, okay. Call your- self? Body? Call Connor with that Pokegear and make sure he's alright. Shit. Why the hell do I have to- [He grabs his shoes and sits down to try and put them on, and, realizes his socks are now soaked.] -Fuck hold on. [Shoes are abandoned. BRB. Need socks that aren't drenched so he's going to storm off to go get a pair of those.]

Yeah, I dunno....

[The only thing at all out of the ordinary was maybe a shock from his 'gear, but for all he knows, that was the shock of being yanked out of his body.]

[But his thoughts are interrupted by the...the...thing accosting Hank.]

The hell is that thing? And I dunno...I don't know if this is mine or his or if he's even got one on him... yeah, you deal with that. I'm...I'm gonna...sit...

[Because none of this is okay. At all. He feels so wrong, all of him feels wrong. He sits down on the couch, head in his hands, trying not to cringe at the unfamiliar feel of someone else's skin where his mask should be.]

[Hank calls out as he's leaving the room.] It's a Lickitung. Pretty much as weird as it looks. We picked it up during the last hugely fucked up thing that happened.

[And it's hard to tell whether it's smart and has a face that's unfortunately made, or whether it's dumb as a box of rocks, but it looks dimly at Connor like it can't figure out why it's person just went completely strange.]

[Hank returns with a nice fresh set of Argyle socks and his coat on, just in case he needs to go outside again.]

I need to see if this is happening everywhere. [Or if it's just outsiders or if it's contagious or whatever is going on. He sits down by Jack to put on his shoes.]

A licky...dude, that sounds like an illegal sex act.

[What the hell? Who names these things?]

Oh, I can tell ya already, this is happening to other people. This shit happens. I woke up friggin...six inches tall, once. One time I had a damned raincloud over my head like I was a friggin depressed donkey.

[The tone and inflections are all Jack's, but it's such a dissonance even to him to hear them in Connor's voice.]

I can also tell ya some stupid Pokemon did it! Cause that's always the answer.

Yeah. It also sounds like how Cyberlife designed their androids to do their CSI shit. You don't know where that mouth has been so try not to get it anywhere weirder.

[Hank will gift Jack with that invaluable knowledge, or alternately horrible suggestion with veiled references to travesties that have touched Connor's tongue that shall not be named.]

Considering Scout runs around with a raincloud over his head I'm not fucking surprised. God I hope no one ends up with someone's randomass grandma this time. [That was the strangest thing he'd seen happen up that point, now this has beaten it by a mile. And, yeah, he'll 100% buy that it was probably a pokemon that did it.]

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Open Log - One Closed Prompt

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