[video]

[onebetter]

[ James has propped up the PokéGear with a lot of care to sit steadily on top of something and film James from the shoulders up. He's facing the camera with a serious and dutiful expression. It probably looks a little like he's a youtuber.... or like he's on a military skype conference. Either works. ]

This is Lieutenant James Griffin of the Galaxy Garrison.

I'll be skipping past the 'I have found myself in a strange situation' since I assume that's a regular occurrence for this place, but I do still have a lot of questions.

What's the identity of this woman in New Bark Town who introduced herself as, and I quote, "your mom, silly", and now steadfastly refuses to open the door for me again?

And what's with the music playing? Where is it coming from?

Also--- [ And that's where he's cut off by a pounce from a Lillipup that decided it has had enough of being ignored. James turns towards it. ] Hey, wait a moment, alright? I'm not done here! Don't give me that look....

[ Defeated, he picks up Lillipup and holds it in his arms, scritching its head as he turns back towards the camera. ]

Also I'd love to obtain a vehicle at some point. I'm willing to work for it.

Griffin, signing off.

Comments

[spacebaloney]

[If this guy's a Youtuber, he needs serious help. Way too sternof a face to get any subs, but maybe the hair will get him a few likes.

But it's still a serious face Lance recognizes and probably unlike other certain Voltron members, one he doesn't mind seeing.]

Griffin, yo! [He tosses up a hand to the camera in greeting as he's standing half way in the ocean during his daily swim. Clearly these pokegears are water proof.] When you'd get here?

[Answer the questions being asked? Never.]

[onebetter]

[ .... James looks puzzled. Like, seriously puzzled. You spend three years desperately waiting for some people and then they're having a beach day. That's... kind of underwhelming. ]

I arrived this morning. I assume you've been here for... years?

[spacebaloney]

[Everyday's a beach day when you live in a beach house!]

Just one, really. Shiro's been here longer than that, though.

[This turn of conversation has Lance thinking now. It used to be him being the last to arrive and the one here the least longest, but things have changed and people have left only to come back in a different time and mindset. Seems like he and Shiro are the old guard now.]

There's a bunch of time difference bullshit going on. Probably because of a wormhole or ten. It all just starts blending together after a while.

[onebetter]

I should not be complaining since I did go to school to become an astronaut, but frankly? Space is getting way too ridiculous.

[ He still loves it! He still wants to see it! But it's really looking as if space has it out for him personally to make his life more complicated. ]

[spacebaloney]

For real. I mean, don't get me wrong. The alien chicks are hot, but the food sucks.

[And the constant threat of being destroyed by angry Galra doesn't help either.]

It's really not all it's cracked up to be.

[onebetter]

You knew about ration food when you signed up for astronaut training on Earth. I don't think you have any right to complain about any kind of space food after taking that into account.

[ Though food is also such petty complaining in James' opinion, but shhh. ]

[spacebaloney]

Dude, actual in-space food ain't the rations we're used to. You'd understand if you had to choke down a bowl of Altean food goo. At least I could chew the Garrison's freeze-dried stuff instead of having my lunch slide itself down my throat.

[James, please. There's so much more Lance could complain about over his time in space, but let him concentrate on the least emotionally fraught ones.]

[onebetter]

It's alive?!

[ He may or may not have misunderstand 'sliding itself'. And now he at least looks appropriately repulsed. ]

[spacebaloney]

It might as well be.

[So effectively, no, but Lance has seen aliens eat things still wriggling on the plate.]

It's just goo. Like slime. Loose and jiggly and in most cases, fucking disgusting. After a week up there, I was ready to give someone an arm for some solid food. A leg too if they threw in some garlic knots.

[onebetter]

[ Phew... okay. Okay, metaphorically alive. That's better. James relaxes again. Not that anybody was going to force him to eat Altean food any time soon, but the thought... ]

Isn't Altea that regal advanced past population Commander Holt keeps telling us about...? Why is their food like that? That doesn't sound advanced.

[spacebaloney]

That's the one. And I don't know. You'd think that with them figuring out how to keep someone safely asleep for ten thousand years, they'd figure out how to get some tacos going, but nope.

[These are questions Lance could have asked Allura or Coran, but you know, he was too busy ducking Galra laser beams.]

Luckily, Hunk managed to make magic with the good and get it to taste better, so there's that.

[onebetter]

Good for you guys...

[ All of this is so weird. He's been thinking of the Paladin's journey in space for years but hearing things from the horse's mouth? Odd. ]

Well, I've been eating mostly rations for the past few years, so I am at least grateful for this world's food as well. I know I said we signed up for rations, but after a certain point...

[spacebaloney]

[Don't worry, Griffin. Living in space was just as weird as one expects it to be. Remind Lance to tell you about the gravity-defying swimming pool.]

After a certain point, you're sick of them. It's okay. We can all just admit it. The rations suck, they've always sucked, and they'll continue to suck for as long as sucking is possible.

But hey, check it out dude. Make sure to hit up a Starmiebucks here. Tell 'em Loverboy Lance sent ya and they'll give you a free muffin or something.

[onebetter]

Those words will not leave my mouth for all the free muffins in the world, no offense.

[ He'll die before he calls you Loverboy and this is FINAL. ]

[spacebaloney]

Your loss then. Denying the truth will only leave you hungry.

[You may not want to say it, James, but it doesn't make it any less true.]