victory_road | Homeward Bound [Action Log, Closed]

Entry tags:

Homeward Bound [Action Log, Closed]

Who: Jane Crocker and John Egbert

Where: Goldenrod City

When: Backdated to September 1st

Summary: John and Jane finally make it to the city Jane's called home all these years, and it's time to talk about some heavy topics

Rating: T for potential swearing, potential discussion of Dirk, depression, and bad mental health things

Log:

There's something strangely comforting about coming up on the outskirts of Goldenrod City after trekking through the now familiar beginning routes. The city in morning light lives up to its namesake, and by now Jane can pick out individual buildings in the skyline. The Department Store, the Radio Tower, a couple of familiar facades whose streetlevel shops she's long frequented...it's odd, to go from feeling stifled in one's own home to making a new one in a world where music quite literally plays in the background constantly - among other things. Jane is looking forward to setting her weary self down and greeting all the Pokemon she left to mind the house, introducing them to John...

...

Would he like them, she suddenly wonders, all the myriad, quirky creatures that have filled up the spaces where people used to live? She'd like him to stay, of course, and the invitation in her mind was an unspoken truth, but if he wanted to press on and adventure then she couldn't stop him. Still, part of her had missed regular human interaction, especially with someone who already understood the weird set of circumstances that was Sburb, even if it was now just a humming buzz at the back of her mind. And it'd be easier to make sure he didn't run into Dirk unawares again, if he stayed in the city. God, what a mess. What an absolute clusterfuck. At the very least, he ought to stock up for any further journeying and rest a bit.

"So this is where I live," she says as they walk, "not right in this exact spot, but in this city, I...sort of ended up inheriting the whole house the gaggle of us rented together when everyone left. It's actually pretty easy to find work! I'm usually moonlighting at the Pokemon Center, and they pay really well, especially when you've got your own healer-sort of Pokemon like Dinah." The Audino in question is out walking with them, holding onto John's hand even though by now he's gotten a set of replacement glasses and can see. "And then I've ended up with a menagerie at home, too, and some of them are smart enough to keep things going whenever I'm away. There's really a lot to do in this city, and so many other people like us who are brought here end up settling in the area, so...I mean...I hope it doesn't make me sound idle, but it's...it's very nice."

Very nice. Yep. Cool. That'll convince John to stay, totally.

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It's been weeks since John arrived in this new game world and he's been...well, he wouldn't call it struggling, it's been...good! It's been relaxing, mostly. There was the bit with Dirk in the middle, sure, and he still keeps having to take breaks off somewhere away from Jane so he doesn't break down in front of her and bring things down but this is fine. He's been looking forward to finding out where Jane's made a place for herself here. He knows what it looks like where the Jane at home lives, but this Jane could have set anything up!

It seems like one of the larger cities, which isn't usually John's taste. It's nice in the early morning but is it too much later? Adagio, his Skiddo, nudges into his side and it makes him relax a little bit, remembering he's pretty much surrounded by her and Alice and Dinah. Pokemon are nice...he does love Jane, and honestly, he's growing to love this expression of her much more than he ever got around to loving Jane from home...but Pokemon are easy. He doesn't have to feel like these little animals expect anything from him. It's part of why he moved into the Salamander neighbourhood. They're just little guys. They're relaxing. They don't wonder why he never leaves his house, or judge him for his grocery habits or--

ANyway that's not relevant to what is happening right now. Right now, Jane is explaining her situation. It sounds sad. Not bad, exactly, but he'd feel really awful to be the only one left alone of all their friends, even if he hasn't exactly been extremely social with everyone for the past few years. But he hasn't got a choice now. This is what he gets, and what Jane gets and...it's sad, kind of.

Oh jeez, he was trying to not do that. Fuck, he needs to sort of...scroll back in his brain through what Jane has been saying.

"It doesn't sound idle! It sounds normal, really. Like, just being a normal person who isn't in any kind of game. That's not a bad thing! Even if we are still in a game, uh, I guess. Anyway, do you own it now or are you still renting it? Actually, is other John's room still there or does a Pokemon live in it now?"

Thankfully, the houses people rent are in a relatively more calm area of the city. Fitting, since it's residential. It's just...it's nice. It's nice to decorate for holidays, and to come home and sleep in a bed that isn't being paid for per night, and to cook your own meals and be independent, even if you don't have much of a choice in the matter.

Jane's expression is sheepish at John's words. It feels idle to her, this existence of playing house in a world that, while welcoming, can't ever be her own. But...keeping the house (the house Dave wanted, the most, out of all of them), it's worth it for the moments where she can invite people in. Like now, sort of.

"I'm kind of still renting, but rent isn't hard to make - again, Pokemon Centers pay surprisingly well. And there's battling besides that, for extra money, so I'm doing alright." She pauses at his question. The other rooms...

"I...well, of course the room is still there," she begins, "But we did sort of, you know, pack up personal things and clean it up..." There's an attic with boxes labeled with people's names, and it's morbid and sad and let's not actually think about that unless this John wants his alternate self's stuff. Obviously, unless he wants like, the bedding, she's not going to make him use hand-me-downs if he wants new things. "But no, the Pokemon don't stay in the rooms. They either go to bed into their Pokeballs or have a little place in the main part of the house to sleep, but they know the rooms are for their people."

Not that Jane would deny them a room should they want it. Hell, Dinah regularly sleeps in Jane's room, either snuggled up in bed or chilling in a comfy chair, wherever she pleases. They just...well, most of them are used to lots of people living in the house, and perhaps they too are waiting for those people to come home.

"Oh shoot," says John, immediately looking regretful. "That was a stupid question. I don't know why but I kind of assumed everything would just still be there and set up and, well, I'd set up my room how I wanted it, obviously, even a previous me who used to be here...but of course you put things in storage! It would get all dusty and gross otherwise... I didn't mean to make you think about that stuff." God, is this what being depressed is? You are just constantly accidentally a boring sad sack all the time who brings people down? He can notice it, now, at least, but it's generally already too late when he does.

"How much is rent?" he seizes on, a little desperately. This, surely, is not another sad topic in disguise! "I will chip in, obviously!" Hopefully rent just works like it does in movies because he has no idea how it works in real life. That and getting a job.

Fuck.

Is he even really an adult? Or has he just been stagnating since he was 16?

"Ah, sorry, I - well, yeah, things would get dusty and gross, and..." Jane sighs, her expression dropping. Obviously she should have kept everything as it was, shouldn't she? Even if it took her time to even attempt to put things away, just in case someone came back right away-

"Um, it's about-" (Please insert a reasonable amount, probably less than irl, for renting a house here) "-If you'd be staying, then yes, I'd happily accept help with chipping in. I'm not a landlord by any means, though, so...you know, it's...like...roommates? Family roommates?"

Ah, she's still a bit thrown by the idea of not putting other people's things away and if that's selfish. Sorry for the muddied answers, John. Dinah, picking up on her trainer's tone, reaches with her free hand to take Jane's so she can hold onto both Crockberts. It's okay, you're both going to be okay.

IF he'd be staying... John doesn't think he used to be this sensitive, he used to just go along with things. Let them happen. But...does Jane even want him to stay here? She's been dealing with him for a month now and he kind of just assumed she'd still want him to stay in her house. But despite how he feels about different versions, he's not exactly the John she'd prefer, is he? A younger John who remembered being here before, and was only a little bit of a sad recluse.

He honestly doesn't know where he'd go if he didn't stay with Jane, though. Keep travelling, maybe? But he needs a break. He'll just have to pretend he didn't think about any of this and he's just as clueless as he always was. It might be him shoving himself in where he's not wanted but he can't handle the idea of doing a whole bunch of new Adult Things alone. First job, first renting situation and no powers or Godtier to lean back on...no thanks. Better to impose than....maybe than to put himself back where he was before? That was bad, right?

"Room mates sounds great!" he says, smiling. "They always seemed pretty neat on TV but I have been just living by myself on Earth C so I never got to try out the room mate experience!" They're getting into the quieter, more residential area, and it's already more comfortable. Cities are pretty convenient but he grew up in a suburb. It's just...what he's used to. It feels right.

"I-Is that so? By yourself?" Jane is...surprised, truthfully. She may not know about her father's fatherly embrace of John before they claimed Earth C and won Sburb, but part of her had wondered why John was not as close with the Jane he knew. Wouldn't she want him around, as her Teen Poppop? As family? Are the woman she is here and now and that Jane really so different?

Mm, let's not get worked up over that right now. It's likely a heavy subject.

"Well...then this should work out just fine! I, um, I'll admit I've been a little nervous about broaching the topic, because...erm...I didn't want to impose my feelings on you? I've just sort of been..." She fiddles with her hands a little. "Kind of...lonely, lately. Everyone who's lived here has gone home, except for me, and I...well, it's...I had been wondering, sort of. If it was worth it to keep the house, if everyone kept leaving. But it's - important, to have someplace to come back to, you know? It's important to have a home. But I didn't want to make you feel forced to stay if you wanted to run around Johto or whatever, you know?" It feels like she's rambling. She's rambling, isn't she? Oh God. Where's Dave when you need him. "I didn't want you to think it was an obligation or anything, so...for you to actually say you're excited about living together, it's really...reassuring."

Oh. Oh! Ok, obviously he SHOULD be thinking less about things. Or thinking more about Jane and not about himself, maybe? Of course she's lonely if everyone else left and Dirk is being a hornses ass!

"I actually really wanted to stay so this is awesome!" he announces. "I mean, eventually I will probably get back to travelling around and I haven't even done the gyms yet but...this has kind of been a lot of travelling when I haven't been doing much of that for a long time." Though...wait, ok, is this false pretenses, that everything will be cool and fine? Jane is making this decision based on loneliness and a knowledge of John from probably seven years ago.

"Uh," John says, and looks a little shifty for a moment because maybe it won't affect anything! Maybe it could be fine! But he's been marinating in his own gross nothingness for years now. What if that happens again? "You should probably know that I worked out that I am depressed, though. I'm pretty sure anyway. Teen Rose was very smart but she was not actually a therapist and also I was yelling at her through a wall."

Oh God. John, she wants you to stay. She wants you to feel comfortable enough to stay! This misunderstanding is just going to keep happening, isn't it.

Not that she's aware it's going on. To Jane, John admitting he wants to stay is an immense relief! She sighs softly, the tenseness leaking away from her body somewhat...though, hm, depression. She was sort of picking up on something coming from him, sometimes. That must be what's wrong.

"No, I can't imagine that even the best of friends can be therapists," she says, though props to Rose for attempting. "And from what little I understand of what's happened back home-" (even if it's almost nothing) "-then I get why you'd feel that way. I mean...if you like, there's got to be therapists you can see in the city. Healthcare is kind of actually excellent here. And...well, when you want to talk about it, I'll be here to listen."

Not if. When. Because it's up to him to make that choice, and it's okay for Jane to wait.

John picks up on Jane's relief which is immediately a big relief to him. "I was thinking," he says, "of maybe seeing someone with school experience? In therapy? I guess if there are a lot of people here from other places they must be used to weird experiences. Like ours."

He pauses.

"Uh, do you mean talk about...being depressed or talk about what happened at home? Because I am not actually super sure what was going on there. I was just sort of in my house for years and in the meantime I guess Rose was getting sick and Dirk maybe was too from being Ultimate or whatever. He has some sort of weird canon relevancy plan that Rose was maybe in on? I don't know. Being depressed isn't much to tell you about either: it just makes it hard to do things..." Adagio bumps her head into his side, and he exhales, folding a hand around one of her horns.

"Talk about being depressed. If it happens to deal with things at home, then that's what happens to be."

Jane actively wishes not to know her ultimate fate. Even if people come from the results of it, it's. It isn't like that Jane can reach out and grab her and pull her back. It's pointless to look off into a direction where everything is obscured, when the road ahead is clear.

She frowns a little, though. "You were just...home? For years? Oh gosh..."

No one came to check on him? No one came to see him???

Jane's gonna beat up her alternate self.

Don't worry, Jane! John has no idea what your alternate self's been up to outside of some snappily dressed photos posted on her personal Snapchat! You look....good in red, he guesses?

"I mean, I went places sometimes!" He feels kind of like...he has to rush to assure her he's actually ok. Even if he maybe isn't? This is difficult. "And people came over, especially Jade, I just...haha, I wasn't exactly great to hang out with, I don't think? I tried to be but it got kind of exhausting to make things feel normal." It got harder and harder to keep things upbeat or chill, and to not think about whether this Jade and Rose and Dave were even his friends anymore after being without him for three years or if they were just also trying to keep things normal.

Anyway, John finds himself having to bite the inside of his cheek slightly to keep himself composed. It didn't use to be like this. He broke some sort of seal inside his head, maybe, floating around in Paradox Space after the final battle. That's the only way he can think of to explain all the weird crying he's been doing.

"I mean, we pretty much set up Earth C to be perfect, right? A, um, a utopia. So there isn't much to do there...nothing important, I mean."

Dammit, she does look good in red.

"I guess not...though it's not like I ever got to see it, so I'll take your word for it." It's still surreal to consider a course of events in which they actually won. While Sburb was far and away from the world of Pokemon, it still lingered on the edges of Jane's mind, a reminder of the trouble she might be forced to return to without ceremony or a chance to say goodbye. "Even so, if you were sad, then it couldn't really have been much of a utopia to begin with, could it? Utopia implies a place is perfect and no one is sad."

"Maybe it would be different if I was born there?" John suggests. But he doesn't really know much about utopias as a thing so maybe Jane is right. It was just a bunch of kids inventing a world anyway, they were bound to make mistakes in the process.

"It doesn't really matter much now though, I'm dead there so I just live here now!" He takes a deep breath and manages a smile. "It is kind of a weird utopia here too, isn't it? Did I fuck up the definition again?"

Eh, you go to enough English classes, the concept comes up in a unit at some point.

Jane shrugs with a little smile. "I don't think so, no...but, well, whatever you'd like to think of it as, then you do that, and I'm sure we'll be fine."

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Homeward Bound [Action Log, Closed]

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