victory_road | 004 / text

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004 / text

[Hello, network. You're about to get a grand total of 17 back to back image uploads.

The first several shots are exceedingly blurry, but the intrepid cameraman appears to have improved his technique over time. The focus of every single image?

A very flat, gray pancake with green splotches and what looks like a Pokeball squished in the middle. Kind of weird, but- wait, it's got eyes. And spikes. And teeth.]

I GOT A LIVING BEAR TRAP FOR CHRISTMAS

THIS IS THE BEST GIFT EVER

I CAN FINALLY USE BEAR TRAPS IN MY SCHEMATICS AGAIN!!!

[This is quite possibly the most excited anyone has ever been for a Stunfisk. Which is less of a dig at Stunfisk and more of a comment on how god damn ecstatic Fred is right now.]

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Yeah, I remember you.

Your gimmicks at the Aether base appeared largely improvisational, but I've seen that catapult. So, 'schematics' means you actually do draft those quick-draw contraptions out ahead of time.

Of course! The best traps are ones you get to plan out in advance, it helps work out all the kinks ahead of time. Before we left to the Whirl Islands I had my Skarmory test all my nets to see if they were strong enough to withstand her sharp feathers and her attempts to brute-force her way out! She didn't like it.

But I don't always get a chance to do that much prep work, so I'm still really good at just going off of memory of old traps and really basic plans too!

Make sure you ask for your bear trap's permission before you involve it into any schematic. It may be useful, but it also has its own feelings, hopes and dreams.

What do you even need a bear trap for, anyway?

A bear trap that's a pokemon. Well, I guess people can't say you're not using pokemon to catch other pokemon anymore.

Do you have a lot of trap plans that use bear traps?

Of course! I want her to enjoy being part of a trap just as much as I enjoy building traps in the first place.

Lots of things! They're especially great at holding people and things in place!

You're right, I didn't even think about that!

I've got a few- they can be kind of dangerous, so the rest of the gang usually tries to get me to steer clear of them in my designs... But they're not here!

[No one can stop him now...]

does the pokemon world not have anything that can be used as a bear trap?

i guess people probably just fight pokebears with other pokemon, actually, that makes sense.

are your traps supposed to really mess people up? bear traps seem like a pretty deadly inclusion! uh...you are the guy who was setting all the traps at the evil labs while dressed like a cartoon dude, right? i can't think of anyone else this excited for traps and i know a lot of weird people.

thats weird as heck dude
where did u get it????

Oh, so it's a bonding opportunity and a potential shared hobby. That's nice.

If you're going to use her on people, though, make sure to clear that with the officers first. Wouldn't want to accidentally get in trouble for Pokémon-on-human violence, they don't like that.

Sick. Nice to see someone thinking ahead and backing it up with real legwork for a change.

Word of advice: the locals ain't huge on using Pokemon against human targets, so if that's your plan I'd rethink making it public.

Oh no, really? I hoped that having a Pokemon as a bear trap would at least get me around the rules about weapons... I guess I can design something to put on her teeth, so she can still hold someone tightly in place but won't cause any damage? That's what I do for a lot of bear traps back home.

And of course I can still use her in traps meant for Pokemon...

Exactly! Most of my Pokemon are already great apprentice trap-makers. Or trap-testers!

You're the second person to mention that! Gosh, I had no idea that was such an issue. I'm sure I can come up with a few workarounds without having to deal with the police, though, don't worry!

This place is really weird about weapons, and I guess they don't want to possibly promote violence against Pokemon, so I haven't been able to find bear traps or anything similar.

Well, not necessarily "mess people up", they're just really useful for holding things in place, so they're perfect for catching criminals!

... Cartoon dude?

She came from an egg I got on Christmas day! From whatever/whoever Nephelis is!!

And don't call her weird, she's cute!

Don't give up so fast. Plausible deniability is your first line of defence in these situations. Criminal negligence may only be so excusable, but it's peanuts compared to malicious intent.

You're not allergic to peanuts, right? Substitute something less potentially lethal if you are.

It's a matter of controlling your image, then controlling the outcome. For example, if Seaman the springtrap there is as smart as half of these creatures, then train it to know its own strength. 3700 psi is probably fine on a literal goddamn dragon, but it would easily rip a human leg off.

Moderation is key here. No one would have objected to you catching that Lusamine woman in a leghold. Impromptu below-the-knee amputations would be a little more divisive. You get the picture.

Side note. On the subject of pictures: you know you don't have to send every single photo you've taken. You can just pick the ones that came out. Try it out sometime.

Maybe there are more trap like pokemon out there.

So it's free reign on bear traps. Make sure not to lose a foot or something. I don't know how high tech this place is when it comes to artificial limbs.

People are so used to regular Pokémon battles that it doesn't come up often. Though I'm sure they'd still admire your creative way of incorporating Pokémon in your life. It just won't help you if you accidentally maim someone.

oh yeah...i noticed that. i guess the idea is that if you have a dog that can cause a nuclear blast or something, weapons aren't really necessary? i don't know how sure i am about that but it's mostly pretty peaceful!

don't they have huge pinchy teeth that break your leg? i will admit i don't know that much about bear traps but they are for trapping bears, which are pretty durable!

anyway, sorry, i assumed you were cosplaying. i guess it is just a coincidence? your outfit reminded me a lot of that one scooby doo guy, the one who makes decisions?

Well, that's true. Unlike a real bear trap, she can control exactly how hard she bites down with every bite. I'll have to work with her on that, thank you for the suggestion! I'm sure I can buy some test dummies somewhere...

And sorry about the image spam, I was just so excited and I wanted to post about it as soon as possible.

Her name's not Seaman, by the way! I'm also not allergic to peanuts, but thank you for the concern.

Oh, no, I won't lose a foot! I know what I'm doing. Back where I'm from my house is usually littered with bear traps, and I've never lost a single limb!

I've been trying to get used to regular Pokemon battling- and I do train all my Pokemon every day! But gosh, it's so much more boring. All I can really do is tell my Pokemon what to do and sit back and wait for them to do it. My way is so much more hands on and fun.

I know, but it's not fair. I'm not gonna use weapons to hurt anyone, just to keep other people from hurting someone!

[There's a long pause before Fred responds to the latter message.]

How do you know my friend's dog's name??

i know what you mean! it feels weird not having any choice but to leave everything to pokemon to do. almost like i am taking advantage of them. maybe if you work things out so your spiky pancakemon only acts in self defense it might be ok!

[What? Everyone knows that name, probably!]

i mean it is a pretty easy name to remember!

wait.

is this another ghostbusters situation?

What are you trying to catch in your own house?

Oh, I just have them out as deterrents just in case anyone tries to break in!

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whoof, rl sure happened... also you're under arrest bcus that icon is illegally adorable

extremely fair

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finally

8D

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