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[thedifferencebetween]

[Oh look, Jack's popping back up on the public network.]

[He's lounging on a couch in some expensive looking room, with a bottle of expensive wine in view and a box of holiday chocolates - open and half eaten.]

Ya know something, kiddos?

It's the little pleasures in life.

[He pops another chocolate in his mouth, seeming pleased as punch.]

Those satisfying...sparkly little pleasures.

Hope everybody had a fun holiday.

[He winks and cuts the feed. Jack certainly did, considering he sent glitter bombs disguised as Valentine's Day gifts to the two people here he hates the most.]

Comments

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[secondhandsome]

I mean, yeah, I did, actually.

[oh sorry did you think you got to him or something? lol. that's cute]

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[thedifferencebetween]

Oh please, I know exactly how you spent last night.

And probably this morning, too! Bet you're getting itchy about now...

[secondhandsome]

I mean. I spent my night with a beautiful woman.

What'd you do?

[thedifferencebetween]

Oh give it up, asshat, you spent your night desperately trying to get two hundred bucks worth of sparkly crap off yourself and everything you touched.

Aw, Number Two, so sweet of you to ask but I'd probably get slapped with public lewdness fines if I told ya.

[Except not. Jack got drunk, took some berries, and unsuccessfully tried to hook up with cute locals.]

[secondhandsome]

I mean, yeah, for a little bit. And then once I got rid of most of it it's like, who really cares? It's glitter.

[Jack please they're adults.]

Yeah? Pretty sure that's never stopped you from bragging before.

[thedifferencebetween]

You know, in hindsight, I should have realized a dude who exclusively goes for augmented strippers isn't gonna be bothered by being covered in cheap glitter.

It's a public channel, cupcake. And come on now. You really, really want to set a precedent of me talking about my behind closed doors life in public? Cuz I'm pretty sure I got stories you sure as hell don't want getting out.

[secondhandsome]

[OKAY IN HIS DEFENSE ONLY ONE OF THEM HAS BEEN A STRIPPER and he was really nice okay stop being a dick for two seconds jack]

Oh man.

Oh, man, no, no. Wait. [No, listen. He knows Jack. He knows Jack and he knows how Jack just loves to brag. In detail. He doesn't shy away. Not even any names, though?] Wow! All alone, huh?

[thedifferencebetween]

When the hell am I ever alone? Like...seriously, when have you ever known me to have any problem with company? I spent the night with a local bartender if you absolutely have to know what I did last night and with whom. Chick can open bottles with her teeth!

[Not a lie, that is entirely what Jack did. Of course it wasn't at all romantic or sexual, but that's the beauty of language.]

Look, you know how it goes. I'm between official partners at the moment, they get yeeted back to their dimension. And I dunno, the idea of dating a local just seems weird. Is that weird?

At least I like a variety. You...buddy, your obsession with a psychotic crazy lady who tried to kill both of us is just sad. You realize that's sad, right? Spending years pining after my friggin leftovers?

[secondhandsome]

Psh, when you're around sane people and not sociopaths? Yeah, I've known you to have trouble.

[So maybe not back home. But here? Yes.]

She's not psychotic.

[fucking rude!!!]

[thedifferencebetween]

Hey, I've only been with one actual sociopath!

[Facts, Tim! Facts are important!]

Yeah she is! She's nuts! She tried to blow you up! Out of nowhere! Do you not remember this?

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[strings_theory]

[Oh boy, she's absolutely rolling her eyes while bundled up against a tree in a particular garbage fire of a forest. Is she mad? Maybe a little, but Jolyne almost always looks this way. It's fine.]

Good for you, asshat. Some of us had more important matters to take care of. [Like absolutely using a huge honking cloud of a furfrou as a temporary heat source. Making only her face really visible above the fluff.]

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[thedifferencebetween]

Haters gonna hate! The price to pay for an awesome life like mine.

..And you are?

I mean besides someone I don't know and who this wasn't even for.

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[strings_theory]

Sure seems more like you're a lonely sad sack eating chocolate and drinking wine by yourself. Damn, sure must suck for no one to like you enough even to be bought on a holiday like that.

[Sorry, she might be slightly salty by being where she is right now.

Only slightly.]

Then do you really care who I am? Just pointing out the obvious while I'm bored as shit in a goddamned forest. Y'know, while looking through a public network. Sure seems like I'm allowed to comment whatever the hell I wanna.

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[thedifferencebetween]

Isn't that what everybody does the day after? Finish their booze and chocolate from the holiday? As for nobody liking me... yeah, pretty sure my wife, my husband, and my girlfriend would argue that point, but okay, sure!

[Let's just ignore they're none of them currently in this dimension, but Jack's not going to pass up an opportunity to mention that he has no trouble with his personal life. Under normal circumstances.]

No, you're just bitching and projecting cuz you're stuck in the woods in the middle of winter and I'm curled up comfy and cozy in one of my mansions.

With chocolate!

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[strings_theory]

Sure sounds like you're the one fucking projecting over there, where are these mythical wife, husband, and girlfriend of yours, huh? Sure as shit not hearing anything in the background, so gonna take it as either:

A. You're a lying sack of shit.
B. They ain't here because this place sucks
C. They ran the hell off, too, because fuck knows I sure would if I had to look at someone like you for longer than the five seconds you probably take to get off

[This is awful, why is no one stopping this. But she's rolling her eyes once again and just muttering something under her breath to the furfrou who's shifting with a loud yawn.]

I mean, I'll give you one of those things, as I'd rather sure as shit be in Florida where it's warm all year 'round with no goddamned snow. Other than that? Nah, dude, I'm good. Just not a fan of dicks with talking heads.

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[thedifferencebetween]

See, now you had to ask questions and turn this into a really awkward bummer.

They're actually dead. So....yeah. I'm a widower.

Well not Ros, but she...shit, I dunno quite how it works, but when the weekends go wacky she can use her dimension-hopping machine to get here and spend the weekend. That's the girlfriend, she's a cool chick. Sucks she doesn't stick around but if I could run around to any friggin dimension I want? Hell, I wouldn't stick around either.

Here, this is her.

[Jack attaches a picture, one of the ones from that one weekend they'd had disposable cameras. It shows Jack and a very slim, petite redheaded woman with freckles and very sharp, narrow features and a general Victorian look to her.]

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[strings_theory]

[You know, for anyone normal, that would probably elicit some sort of apology or get them to back off. But this is Jolyne and she's just taking a deep breath and using her hands to push Weather's fur down a bit so he can get a good look at her face.]

Join the fucking club, asshole. I lost literally goddamned everyone, including the entire fucking universe I'm from. Also ended up getting ripped the goddamned fuck apart. So cry me a fucking goddamned river like I give two fucking shits.

Though, I'll give you one thing, she is hot.

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[thedifferencebetween]

What, you want a medal in the Tragedy Olympics? You're the one being the aggro asshole here.

Jesus, if I send you a ride to get the fuck outta the woods, will you calm the shit down?

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[strings_theory]

I didn't bring up people being dead for sympathy points, unlike you. So do me a huge favor and jump off a bridge.

[Man, just ignore the low growling from the dog in her lap. It's fine.]

Nah. I'm fine out here, not the worst situation I've been in. 'Sides, then I'd owe you and fuck all that noise, actually.

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[thedifferencebetween]

Kid, you were the one who out of left field implied my spouses had left me because I'm...whatever insulting bullshit you pulled out. Yeah, I'm gonna correct you. And what, I'm supposed to apologize for the fact that they're dead makes me sad? Holy shit, sorry I have emotions.

No, see, the reward I'd get is maybe you dropping the whole defensive angry thing and possibly having an actual worthwhile conversation! Those...those can be kinda hard to come by around here. Plus ya know...it's always good to rack up those karma points.

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[fingersandteeth]

Which holiday?

[It was September when he left his world and he's been stuck in Rocket Training all week. Forgive him if he isn't completely caught up on current events.]

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[thedifferencebetween]

Valentine's Day. Hence the heart shaped box of chocolate I'm currently noshing on.

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[fingersandteeth]

Oh. Huh.

Honestly, it's not really my holiday? There's all this pressure to create the perfect romantic day if you're in a relationship and if you're not, you end up feeling like there's something wrong with you for not being in one--even if you don't particularly want to be in one.

[That said, there'd always been a lot of lonely, horny guys on Grindr on Valentine's Day, so he'd never really had trouble getting laid on February 14th. Well, until he'd been kidnapped by fairies of course.]

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[thedifferencebetween]

If you're single the trick's just hit the bar and look for other lonely sad saps looking to get laid! Easy peasy!

Oh come on, don't be like that. Actual relationships are overrated anyway, flings and one night stands are way more fun and come along a lot more often!

[fingersandteeth]

[God, but Jack's saying everything that Steven agrees with--but it's not exactly something he'd just admit in front of all the otherworld transplants. He wants to be respectable, after all. So he'll settle for a wry,]

Speaking from experience?

[And then he'll leave a message on the same private line as before.]