Text; forward-dated to tomorrow

[schachmeister]

I saw these kinds of pictures on the internet, so I thought I would try to make my own. Because I am pretty sure he deserves it.

[Along with the text, there is a picture. On it, one of those new types of bird pokemon sits on what seems to be the deck of a boat. The vacant expression in its eyes makes it clear this animal has never had a single thought in its life and is not going to start having them now.

However, unlike most individuals of its kind, which are a lovely blue, this one is a bright, eye-searing orange. Every bit of it is orange, beak, feathers, everything. Incredible! Might this be one of those rare shinies?

Oh wait, it also seems to be chewing on the edge of a sign. Or, well, it is a picture, so you can't be sure if it is chewing exactly, but it sure has its beak clamped down on it.

The sign reads:]

I'M NOT ACTUALLY SHINY. I JUST FELL INTO A VAT OF CURRY.

[And as if to prove it, two other pictures follow the first.

One the first of those, that same bird is sat in a tub outside, parts of Armin visible as he gives the Cramorant the scrubbing it needs. And indeed, where the suds have already managed to have some effect, you can see the bird does have normal blue feathers.

On the second picture, the bird is now sitting in the sun, wrapped up in a bunch of fluffy towels as if it just had the best birdy spa day. There is even a small towel wrapped around the tuft of feathers on its head. Oh, and there is a second sign:]

SO FAR I'VE TRIED TO EAT THREE BARS OF SOAP,
A CONTAINER OF POKE-FOOD (CONTAINER AND ALL)
AND MY NEW TRAINER'S SOBBLE.

I HAVE NO REGRETS.

[Feel extremely free to add your own pokeshaming pictures.]

Comments

[captainash]

[...

......Oh no.]

Is that a species thing, or did you somehow manage to catch the least picky eater in the Pokémon world after the Snorlax family as a whole?

[schachmeister]

I'm not sure. The pokedex does say they are glutenous enough that they sometimes try to eat pokemon other than their preferred prey, but I don't think that explains wanting to eat bars of soap.

Though in his defence (maybe?) he was famished. It looks like the curry coating his feathers made it difficult for him to fly and move so I'm sure he hasn't been able to catch anything to eat since he ended up covered in it.

[captainash]

Was it one of those novelty Barboach-shaped soaps? If you stand a few metres away and squint, it kinda resembles the real thing. What's his prefered prey, anyway? Fish, or bugs?

On the one hand, that is sad and potentially dangerous. On the other hand, I'm guessing there a reason he was coated in it in the first place...

[schachmeister]

No. Just regular bars of soap. Not even the kind that smells like fruit. Just soap.

The Pokedex says they hunt a pokemon known as Arrokuda. I'm not familiar with those, but judging by its webbed paws, I'm willing to bet it is a kind of fish pokemon.

It does make you wonder how he managed to survive up until this point. Maybe he has some hidden intelligence.

[Armin turns to gaze upon his new Cramorant's unblinking gaze. There are pokemon where you can see the glimmers of intelligence in their eyes. This... is not one of those pokemon.]

Or maybe not.

[captainash]

Considering that Slowpokes and Psyduck both thrive in the wild, stupidity isn't the hindrance to survival it should be.

Not that I have any ill wishes towards your new friend, even if he apparently thinks soap and Sobble are as tasty as fish. If his lack of discernment doesn't hurt him, good for him!



Are you completely sure he's not just a sociopath trying to give you trouble, though?

[schachmeister]

So far it seems like he mostly gives himself trouble. He was actually pretty well behaved all things considered when I was washing him. I own pokemon who don't behave nearly as well when they need a bath.

So. Probably not a sociopath.

[Ever tried bathing an Incineroar? It is not recommended for the faint of heart.]

[asmywitness]

[Tyler is delighted that Pokemon Shaming is a thing, and uploads a series of photographs in quick succession.

The first is a Rotom floating over a smoking Pokegear; instead of a sign hanging on it, an A4 notepad is propped up beneath it.]

I broke two Pokegears before I stopped trying to possess them. My owner couldn't even claim warranty on them.

[The second is a Natu, staring directly at the camera with open disdain.]

My trainer's coworker was having sex upstairs. I projected the sounds into my trainer's brain.

[And a third, a bit blurry and timestamped very late at night, with a very soundly beaten-up Duskull attempting to on the same notepad as the last two photos.]

I thought trying to jumpscare a random trainer at 4am would NOT end badly for me.

[schachmeister]

[You win Tyler. You super duper win.]

All I can say is I really hope all of those didn't happen on the same day.

[asmywitness]

Luckily no. EVA, my Rotom was about mid-March, my Natu was right before all the baseball drama came up on the news, and the Duskull was this morning.

[schachmeister]

Well, if we are sharing older things too...

[Armin attached a second picture. It's of a large, muscular Incineroar. It's also doing that thing that cats do where they absolutely have to wash their unmentionables in not only the most public place, but also when there are guests over.

In this case. It's him sitting on the kitchen table. Essentially a large, muscular cat man, one leggie stretched all the way out, with his head between his legs, going to town on himself.]

My Incineroar has a bad habit of cleaning himself like this. It is very unsettling.

[asmywitness]

That's disgusting. I love it.

[will the meme fly over Armin's head? maybe]

I am extremely glad I don't have any cat Pokemon, this is a great incentive to never stray down that harrowing path.

[schachmeister]

[It sailed over his head like a 42-sail Royal Clipper on a good and windy day.]

Magellan is the only cat-like pokemon I've got and I'm okay with keeping it that way. (Unless Vaporeon counts as cat-like, though personally I would argue it is more of a fox?) My friend has a ton of cat pokemon and come shedding season, his house always looks like its got plush carpeting everywhere.

[fingersandteeth]

Isis did *what*--?

[Oh god. That had been the post-heist sex. The really good post-heist sex.]

Also, when did you get a Duskull?

lets pretend i didn't fuck up the date

[asmywitness]

Yeah. Turns out birds have better hearing than you'd expect.

[he's not outing you steven but he hopes you know how disappointed he is]

4am this morning. Seems like a running theme with my ghost-types.

Re: lets pretend i didn't fuck up the date

[fingersandteeth]

... I'm so sorry, Tyler.

[He'll warn Jack about that... not that it'll probably help. Jack... kinda doesn't care who hears him.]

Well. If you run into another one of them...

[asmywitness]

I wouldn't know where to start. There's plenty of ghosts around here but mostly when I look it's just Gastly, I think I saw a Shuppet? I don't know if they only come out at night or something but they're not easy to find. Jester found me.

[Hence the shame tag.]

text;

[shiro2hero]

[Oh... Oh no. Oh no.]

[But also? Good. So help him, he actually laughed. And it felt?? Good??]

Well

That's not what I expected to read today

text;

[schachmeister]

[It is text, so Armin can't hear Shiro laugh, but if he could, he would be so heartened by it.]

Scrubbing curry of a bird was definitely not how I expected today to go. Or any day for that matter.

text;

[shiro2hero]

I can't imagine anyone else would expect it, either.

Did it

Really try and eat your sobble?

text;

[schachmeister]

Yes. I don't think Artie will be leaving my shirt any time soon.

[Armin will even send Shiro a selfie, angled down so Shiro can see his cleavage the lump underneath the front of the shirt Armin is wearing where Arthur the Sobble has taken refuge.]

I'm not sure if he should be blamed though. He was incredibly hungry. I think he hasn't been able to hunt properly with his feathers covered in curry.

text;

[shiro2hero]

Oh no... poor guy. Here's hoping you can work your magic, though, Armin.

[Seriously, though. If anyone can calm down the little water lizard, it's probably Armin.]

Okay, fair enough. But.

Soap?

[doctorheartstealer]

[Law had actually smiled at the pictures, and showed them to his always lurking companion. The Phantump didn't seem to care much, as he laughed and then went back to wondering.]

Gave me a good laugh. Your bird seems a bit... Courageous, specially when it comes to eating.

[schachmeister]

Courageous is a very... kind way of putting it.

[Stupid as a bag of rocks is another, less kind way.]

At least he doesn't seem worse for the wear for his... eclectic tastes in dinner.

[doctorheartstealer]

What does he eat, besides your other pokémon?

[schachmeister]

Everything, it feels like.

He did really seem to take to the Water Pokemon feed I use for most of my pokemon. And the Pokedex says something about them hunting some pokemon called Arrokuda though I have never seen one of those.