victory_road | Convenience Store Idiots Log

What a glorious day to be on the register when none other than Solus is coming to the department store to purchase his usual wares. With the all-nighters he's been pulling, on top of the injuries he's been nursing since his run in with Steven (and the stairs...), he's been overly relying on coffee and other such caffeinated beverages to keep himself up and at 'em. Who truly knows how long he's been awake for, but the tired and irritated stare he offers John upon his greeting does not promote confidence.

In fact he almost exudes that Karen-like energy, the kind of customer that, upon the smallest slight, would ask to speak to your manager, while berating you the whole time. Expecting you to just take it. It's an energy that makes him pretty recognizable, for he is also a frequent customer, considering his work is not far from here—nor his apartment.

Perhaps the fact he's walking with a cane does little to help the image of a codgerly customer, and neither does how he's dressed, but there's no helping it. When he does finally approach the counter, it further cements that this is not going to be an enjoyable exchange. With about four canned coffees (triple espresso), and a prepackaged sandwich roll ups (Pokémon Greek equivalent), he levels that thousand-yard stare directly at John again. Catching his eyes with his own golden ones.

"Be quick—I know not whether you are new—nor do I care—but I can only hope you are much more competent than some others I have had the utter displeasure of suffering here." Yep, he's that kind of customer.

Oh god....holy shit.... Of course on the one day, the one time block that John's working he's going to have to deal with a visit from Fancy Asshole. John's been in the store before when this dude showed up, he was even working in the storeroom the time Yui ran back there to cry angrily and complain.

And now, it seems like it's John's turn. Jeez, this is going to be fucking impossible to get through without a writeup, isn't it... He's already struggling with keeping his expression friendly, forcing down the ball of fury in his chest at this guy being a dismissive douche about his coworkers.

"Haha...ok," he says awkwardly, and starts scanning the coffee cans. What if he just didn't do the spiel? Like, Fancy Asshole seems like the kind of guy to leave a bad review no matter what John does, so he could just not do it? Ugh...it's so hard to work out what parts of his job are more worth getting in trouble over. Why are customers allowed to be like this?! God...whatever. "Find everything you were looking for? --uh, sir?"

When things go well, Solus can prove to be quite the model customer, but that's only if everything goes right. The moment something impedes him, something is to his dissatisfaction, all bets are off.

Like now! John's stock-question leaves Solus narrowing his eyes. Not that he had fully expected John to say much about his comment, but it's as if the boy (and to him, he certainly is but a boy) ignored the complaint outright.

"That much is evident," he says with a tone dripping in poison, "what a useless query."

For a moment, John's expression is a little too blatantly dead and then he breathes in through his nose, smiles apologetically, and takes the sandwich rolls. "Uh, well, I can't read minds, haha! If you couldn't find something, it wouldn't be obvious, right?"

He tries to scan it but it's not beeping. Looking a bit closer, John realises (to his dismay) that only three quarters of the barcode are intact. That means he's got two options: go get another, identical sandwich, or try and work out how to manually enter items into the system. Ok, one option, probably, because going to get another sandwich is a lot more clearly a waste of Fancy Asshole's time than fucking around with the POS system where FA can't see. Flipping the package so he can see the type information, he starts making his way through the menus as fast as he possibly can, given his lack of cashier experience. Give him SBURB instead, honestly, this is hell.

"Would I have not asked if I knew not where aught was? Spare me this inanity." Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today—and every other day of his life, honestly.

He watches John with an equally bored and exasperated expression as the scanner fail to scan the sandwiches...and as John desperately tries to enter the data so he can get Solus rung up and out of here. It almost seems like he's going to let him do it without his needless commentary, but John can never be so lucky.

"...Really. Are you certain you should be at the helm of such a device if you know not how it operates? What absurdity."

Edited 2020-05-30 23:55 (UTC)

Dirk only grabs his quick picks from this department store when he knows John will be on the clock; everything else he buys comes from specialty stores, anyway.

It's not that he expects John to be on register; in fact, it's specifically because he's not on register that he can waste as much of John's time as he wants. John needs to be pressured, Dirk has learned, if you want him to do anything. He's like Jake: you can't be nice to him.

All that aside, his levels of paranoid vigilance are only barely focused on the people in front of him, and if Solus weren't the most ~~ridiculously~~ distinctively overdressed figure possible, he wouldn't have clocked him nearly so fast.

Distracted by Solus pretty much the instant he steps in the door, though, it takes Dirk a moment to recognise it's John behind the register.

.....

Huh.

Edited 2020-05-31 20:47 (UTC)

Are you offering to do it?! is John's first thought, which he manages to not say, staring very hard at the screen. Finding the sandwich rolls in question, finally, he gets them selected without too much more trouble. God, fuck, he's so angry, he feels like his face is gonna boil.

"You said you didn't care if I was new, so I am not sure why you care about my cash register experience all of the sudden," is the statement that he ends up going with, almost helplessly drawn along by his growing rage. "Your total is P1500."

At the comment, Solus' eyebrows raise in mock surprise, and perhaps there's a slight cattish curl to the corner of his lips at such defiance. This one isn't like the others, this one's got some fight to him.

"Indeed, I did. I remarked that I only cared for your swiftness, which is quite apparent in its short supply." He offers coolly as he pulls out a black vintage looking wallet, opening it up to retrieve the amount, handing it over. He does not notice Dirk, beyond the fact he's aware that someone is watching him, but he's used to eyes being on him, so he doesn't think much of it as he focuses on John and his growing fury.

All of the sudden.

It takes every ounce of willpower to stop himself from correcting that one. How the fuck did John--was that John all along? Was that John's fucking narrative effect?

He's so consumed with impotent pedantic seething that he almost forgets both John and Emet-Selch (the latter half of which sounds like a disgusting onomatopoeia for the first) are like two sentences away from some kind of dramatic bullshit showdown over the checkout counter.

Almost.

That's my fucking scene to steal.

Aight. Time to assess. He's pretty sure that it's John's who's going to actually snap; he knows exactly what that looks like, what it sounds like. He'd written that himself.

Not yet, though. No. John's a slow burn.

he doesnt get pissed about anything except for the absolute dumbest shit

And Solus... he likes to play. His guess is that Solus is gonna keep poking the bear--not that John is a bear, obviously, he'd need a lot more body hair for that, not to mention his intolerance for his face falling anything short of smoother than a baby's bottom.

Well then.

Time to piss off two birds with one stone.

Making a beeline for John's register, Dirk sidesteps in front of Solus, folding his arms on the counter and pushing Solus as much out of the way as the pompous man will let him. He keeps his back to Solus, though--the antagonistic action is meant for both of them, but his address is to John.

"And you'd rather this than playing the damn game."

MAN, John is gonna come up with something SO BITING to say, like, he sees that shitty little smirk. It's obvious FA is doing this on purpose to piss off whatever employee he meets. Why would someone DO something like that! Where does this guy get off--

--and then Dirk suddenly shoves his way in front of Fancy Asshole just as John's about to take his money, and John flounders for a moment as his brain tries to switch tracks and flops around, just...trying to unpack this entire situation. Hey, what the fuck? What the fuck, though. He comes to the only conclusion that makes sense.

"Did you sic this guy on me to try and get me to quit my job?!"

Solus is entirely thrown off by Dirk's sudden cut in. Here he was getting ready to see what John was going to do, greatly enjoying the build of tension and conflict between them. And now this...tiny man cuts in, bumps him out of the way a step (Solus not allowing him any more than that, which keeps them in pretty uh, close proximity), making that smug look contort into mild bewildered disgust. If he knew this was Dirk, that'd be different, but for all he knows this diminutive man is but a random stranger.

A moderately flamboyant looking one at that, with how his hair is styled and he bears those shades. Not to mention his choice of clothing, but that hardly matters right now. Not when they both speak up, and what the moody cashier has to say irritates Solus almost more than the act of basically being hip-checked. Fortunately he's been regaining some strength since his whole...incident, so he didn't hit the floor from that maneuver.

"Please. As if I would ever entertain the idea of being someone's pawn for such an absurd scheme," he rolls his eyes and shakes his head at that, "if you've a squabble between you, I've no interest in playing witness to it."

Lifting his cane, he uses the handle of it to hook Dirk's shoulder to tug him back, "now, remove yourself, boy. And you, finish this transaction so I may be on my way."

Edited 2020-06-02 03:14 (UTC)

You know. The sudden and inescapable level of proximity wasn't intolerable, despite it being the first time he's been this close to a human being in days (in John's case) or really months (in Solus'). He knew it'd be fine. He's always fine.

And in fact, he was fine right up until Solus put that god damn cane on his shoulder.

"Don't be an idiot. If I wanted to make you quit your job via direct antagonism I'd be doing it myself. This is my coworker." He reaches up, seizing the cane's handle with his left hand, and doesn't let go. Then he takes his right foot and steps back, placing it against Solus' corresponding insole to forcibly unbalance him.

"Still, I gotta say. When you told me you were in no shape to cross blades, I didn't think you meant you were a fucking cripple. You can't spring that on a guy like this."

Never before in his life has John ever felt such a strong impulse to go ohhhh like he was an extra on Wilmer Valderrama's shortlived competition TV show 'Yo Mamma'. He's just as confused as before but now there's like. Some sort of anime-off happening? Like, which one of them, Dirk or FA, can be the most insufferable anime man.

At least he's apparently insulted them both simultaneously by implying they're working together to aggravate John. That's a nice, accidental bonus. Coworkers, though...where does Dirk even work? John's never remembered to ask but he guesses that's a thing adults are meant to find out about each other? Honestly, he can't imagine either of these dudes escaping their own anal cavity enough to participate in any real kind of job. Rude phone tech support? Are they BOTH heels?

If they start a fight right now does John get in trouble?

"Does this really have to happen right now?" he manages to get out before Dirk Starts Something. He didn't even manage to get Solus' money yet. Goddammit, Dirk.

Well, that certainly is a lot happening in a short amount of time. Something that ordinarily is no problem for Solus, but he's under slept, still in pain, mortal, and surprised to learn that this tiny man that's not only grabbing his cane, but tripping him, is Dirk. Regardless of how good of a grip Solus has on that cane, it does not save him from the humiliation of hitting the ground that his already unstable legs were threatening from the beginning.

At least Dirk has the manners to treat someone with a disability, no matter how temporary, with dignity. Or, wait, nevermind that's not what happened. Fortunately, he's only fallen on his ass, and while his hip's less than appreciative for it, Solus is left smirking darkly up at Dirk.

"My, that is certainly a way to introduce yourself," he muses with an edge of annoyance to his otherwise light tone, "but to name me a cripple is a gross misnomer—this would imply my injuries permanent. Rest assured, we will be crossing blades anon."

Yeah, he's utterly ignoring John now, Dirk has his attention. Also his cane, which he is holding his hand out for. There's no way he's gonna attempt to get to his feet without it, he's been disgraced enough as it is.

Edited 2020-06-02 08:22 (UTC)

"Too late. It already did."

Standing back up, Dirk tips his head back a bit to regard Solus behind him. His expression--stoic, with the kind of unfeeling, unemotive blankness that's less an 'expression' and more 'where expression goes to die'--doesn't change at all.

"I'll hold you to that." While deadpan, his voice is less a total eclipse of affect than his face is. It could be, if he wanted. That's not the first impression he wanted to make, though--and it'd be too late for that now anyway.

He only half turns, spinning the cane in one hand to plant the top length of its shaft firmly against Solus' palm.

Is this kismeses? Is there an alternate version of Dirk that is somehow a troll and now alt-him does kismeses things? This is so weird and unnecessary (and uncomfortable) that it's starting to feel like different species romance stuff.

John's not exactly mad that Dirk knocked FA to the ground, but he's feeling too hassled by the situation that he can't even manage to feel pleased FA's getting his comeuppance. Also he's pretty sure you're not supposed to use that word anymore for people? Whatever. All of this is dumb. He decides to interrupt Anime Hour so that he can at least potentially disengage from it and look at his Gear instead.

"You still want your sandwiches and coffee or are you gonna do a big sword fight because in that case you need to take it outside and come back for your stuff after." He tries to project because Solus is both on the ground and looking at Dirk, and he wouldn't be surprised if he has to repeat himself anyway.

Solus has no idea what kismesissitude is, but he would find it utterly intriguing. Such a succinct way to describe relationships between people, but to add a romantic element to it as well adds something almost...theatrical to it all. However, that most assuredly is not what's happening here.

As John suspects, Solus is not exactly listening to him, but he does hear him. He merely doesn't care. With the shaft in his hand, he grips it tightly, and whether Dirk intends to help him up with their mutual hold on the cane, or hand it over completely, Solus will be rising to his feet. Straightening his clothes a moment later, brushing himself off.

"I am ever a man of my word," he retorts smugly, eyeing Dirk with a far keener eye than before, "Never have I made the habit of leaving a partner unsatisfied, and I plan not to start now."

If John if feeling the gay in this department store right now, it's for good fucking reason. A moment later, he breaks his gaze, and looks to John. Picking up where they left off, he extends his arm past Dirk to hand over the amount required.

"Do finish your job." As if Dirk and Solus' little...whatever that was, wasn't utterly at fault for the delay in the transaction. Somehow this was John's fault.

He doesn't let go of the cane, though he doesn't pull to help Solus up--just lets his body act as a counterweight before letting it go once the significantly taller man is upright.

Dirk is not, by nature, a relaxed person. He carries his tension in his jaw and shoulders, often telling on himself in the process. The lack of it is also telling, inevitably more deliberate than the visibility of tension itself.

He's not relaxed right now. He is fully prepared for Solus to use this moment to take him off balance and get the better of him in some capacity. What he gets instead is a lot more interesting. Entertaining for sure, and way less embarrassing than being obligated to knock a cripple onto his ass a second time.

One heavy brow quirks up, not quite interrogatively.

"I'm holding you to that."

There's no trace of smile, no additional emotive quality of any kind, before he turns to glance at John.

This is starting to actually make John feel really uncomfortable, like he shouldn't be here watching this. Does that mean he's a homophobe??? He hopes not. He hopes it's just general...PDA coming from two assholes discomfort. Is it PDA if it's all weird and snipey like this?

(Based on many of his more embarrassing public interactions with Terezi, he assumes so.)

They're both looking at him now, and he escapes his worried internal monologue to realise that FA has his hand extended again with the money. John decides to address Dirk, as possibly the least predictable element in this equation.

"If you push him out of the way again I am going to kick both of you out."

He's serious!

John's going to reach for the money again, and take it and finally cash out Solus if there are no other interruptions to his dang job.

Well, it seems Dirk is playing it cool, and John is doing his job. Certainly looking up from moments ago, huh? Though, if John was worried about some measure of PDA, this isn't even close to how bad it could be. Fortunately, Solus fancies himself more of a gentleman than that.

With the transaction finished, and his wares and change acquired, he doesn't even offer John a proper thank you. Or one at all, because his attention is back on Dirk.

"I had not taken you for one to keep such incompetent company, has your time here truly been so rough?" He shrugs all the same, turning slightly away from them, as if with the intention to leave them both. However, he keeps his gaze on Dirk, a little pointedly, "no matter, should you want for better company, you know how to find me."

"...right. Okay. I need to preface this statement with the disclaimer that I am fully aware of the destination intended by that invitingly leading statement. And I intend to take you up on it in very short order, actually."

Dirk presses his voice as low and inflectionless as it can go, leaning back against the counter with his palms braced on the edge and his elbows bent.

"....so I hope you don't find it too gauche when I straight-up acknowledge that the question you asked at the beginning was rhetorical and still find it begging an answer."

He's done with the part of this particularly audacious solicitation that requires physical engagement, so if this is still making John uncomfortable, that's just too damn bad.

"One, it has been that fuckin' rough, thanks for asking. But two," His brows come down and his jaw sets purposefully. "John and I have a bit of a history. Not a big one, but he was a pretty important guy back home. He sucks shit because this is the absolute god damn opposite of what he's meant to do."

God, John is sick of this guy treating him like a non-entity of a peon. He's sick of this guy period, honestly. With any luck, getting through the transaction as quickly as possible will remove not only FA from the store, but maybe John will be lucky enough for Dirk to follow him, and he can escape his biweekly nagging session for today.

He's really only half-listening as he cashes Solus out, not even bothering to make an effort at a Customer Service Expression, and as Solus isn't even looking at him, John says "your change," flatly under Dirk's side of the dialogue and puts it on the counter in front of him.

Thus, he's paying attention again by the time Dirk tells him he was important but now he sucks shit.

"I am meant to be dead, Dirk," he says, wrinkling his nose up. "That is what I'm meant for and you know that. I'm not Red or Blue here, I am just a dude who would prefer to not get hassled at work!"

He's utterly not bothered by Dirk's need to answer the rhetorical, in fact he likes that he feel such a stubborn need to indulge his pedantic nature. So, as he goes on, Solus turns a bit more fully to look at him, clear amusement on his otherwise condescending features. In fact, it might even enhance the condescension.

However, what's more interesting than the fact these two have history or that John is (somehow) important, is rather what John has to say about that. Finally, John is capable of pulling Solus' attention from Dirk outside of the necessary earlier transaction, his scrutinizing gaze resting heavily upon him as he quirks an eyebrow.

"So, you are among those that should well be resting in the Lifestream, then?" He forgets himself for a moment, calling it the Lifestream when they might call it something otherwise, but it matters not, "how very interesting. I find there are more and more of you here... Does leave one to wonder what that may mean."

Is this some strange afterlife? He knows he isn't dead, and not everyone here are dead either. Oh well, it doesn't matter. Yet, he then quickly turns his attention to Dirk, his eyebrows raising, "if he is of the dead, then 'tis better to let him live out the rest of this meagerly prolonged existence as he sees fit. He has naught to return to, after all. Besides, I doubt he would be much help even if he wasn't set on his indolence."

Convenience Store Idiots Log

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