victory_road | THICK AS THIEVULS

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!fourth wall

THICK AS THIEVULS

Who: ANYONE AND EVERYONE
Where: ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE
When: JUNE 26TH TO 28TH
Summary: GET IN HERE AND MINGLE
Rating: BUT PLEASE MARK YOUR THREAD CONTENT ACCORDINGLY
Log:

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[He definitely is, despite all attempts to the contrary. Despite trying everything not to. It's the silent sort of tears, too, the kind that just stream with no sound. Only ragged, shaky breaths.]

[One hand lifts, pressing to the side of his face, as if that's going to, somehow, stop the flow of them. Settle him down. It doesn't do any good.]

You - were here. You were here - with us. With me and I ...

[How is he supposed to say this? He shouldn't. He should keep it silent and just... accept the affection. Just pretend.]

[That would be better, wouldn't it?]

[ Matt's a smart person, y'know? He can be an idiot, sometimes, but he's pretty good at figuring out codes and puzzles, and human behavior can be like that too. "With us." "With me." The tears that speak of the loss of someone more important than a colleague--maybe even more than a friend.

The concept is kind of hard to wrap his noodle around. It's the kind of thing you dream about but you know won't ever really happen. Except, apparently, when it does. This has gotta be some kind of parallel reality situation, right? Gotta be. But Shiro is Shiro in any reality, and if he's hurting it hurts Matt, too. ]

We were... together? And I left? I... I'm sorry, Shiro. I wouldn't have done it on purpose.

[ Hesitantly, he pulls Shiro into a tighter embrace. ]

I'm here, now. It's gonna be okay.

[God he wants to believe this is real. This isn't just the work of the Weird Weekend. That this is going to stay and he's getting another chance to make things right. The fact Matt gets it, without Shiro having to elaborate is a godsend. He doesn't think he could have got the words out, otherwise.]

[For all his strength, all he can do is sag into the hold. Lean into it like it's a lifeline, shoulders fighting to stop shaking.]

I waited - I waited too long to ... do anything and I just. And then you were gone.

I'm sorry - I'm so sorry.

[Maybe it'll help. Maybe letting the words finally come out will do something to repair the hole in his chest.]

Okay, now, I'm gonna stop you right there. I'm pretty sure you have nothing to apologize for.

[ Matt sighs through his nose and wraps his arms firmly around Shiro, protective. ]

You waited too long? If I was involved, doesn't that mean I'm equally at fault, here? You're not the only one who has to carry that burden, Shiro.

[It's funny - it's like their places have reversed. Instead of him protecting Matt, it's Matt protecting him. Part of him wants to laugh, but the rest is too busy getting borderline dehydrated.]

[In all honesty, he's likely needed this. He'd had to suck it back up, smooth it back over, once Pidge started her own tears. Maybe he hadn't needed to, but he'd felt like he should, for her sake. This is... needed.]

Yeah - too long before I asked you to ... to make it official, you know? Way too long.

[It is his fault, ultimately.]

We didn't even - it lasted a week.

Shiro... it doesn't have to be official to be real. That's not how love works.

[ Matt's voice is so tender as he says this, like he hadn't likely come from some battle strategy meeting where he'd been barking plans and orders. This is a different kind of battle and it needs a different tactic. ]

We were happy together, weren't we? Even before you asked?

Edited (what is html) 2020-06-29 04:39 (UTC)

[It does make sense. Doesn't it? They had been a couple for a long time before... everything. Even before that, just having him there had been incredible. It helped ease a lot of things on his mind.]

[He's quiet for a while, breathing. Focusing on that.]

Yeah. Yeah, we... were. [And then, he shakes his head, as if realizing something.] Matt, I'm sorry - I - this has to be bizarre for you.

[ That's better. Matt keeps his arm around Shiro, his sad smile turning into a grin at Shiro's comment. ]

Bizarre? A little bit, I guess? But I'm not sure how it'd rank on my list of "top ten most bizarre things that have ever happened to one Matthew Edwin Holt." I'll have to do a bit of reflection, but I'll get back to you on that.

[ In truth, it's pretty damn crazy, but hey, it's... better than being abducted and held prisoner by bloodthirsty aliens, right? Right. Huge improvement.

After a moment he gives Shiro's shoulder a squeeze, then stands up and offers his hands. ]

Come on. I don't feel much like sitting in the dirt all day--do you?

Matt... you don't have to hide it. It's a lot to take in and I just. Dumped it on your lap. It's okay to be upset.

[Or anything else Matt's feeling. He doesn't want him to hide anything for Shiro's sake. What kind of horrible, selfish man would he be if he asked that.]

[But... the hands are offered up.]

[He's allowed to take them, isn't he? Because there may not be time for something like reflecting. It still hurts. It may always hurt.]

[But he takes those hands.]

Sure.

If you think I'm upset because I found out we got married, I mean... no? No.

[ When Shiro puts his hands in Matt's, he gives a tug to pull him to his feet. ]

If anything, I'm upset because it hurt you--because I hurt you in some way, even without meaning to, even if it was a... a different me. I want you to be happy. You deserve that much.

No, it - it's not your fault. It's the way this place works.

[He lets himself be tugged, trying to put this into words.]

And I'm not... going to be upset if you're not comfortable.

Like I haven't had a crush on you since we passed Venus?

[ Before then, really, but he's not gonna own up to that. Admitting even this much makes him a little giddy with nerves, but he said what he said. It's worth it to make Shiro quit apologizing. ]

Anyway! I have no idea where we are, so... lead the way?

[It's like you can hear the record skip in his head. Okay, honestly, he'd... known there'd been more than a few feelings, but that had been in Space Prison, as far as he knew.]

... you did?

[In what universe is that even possible, Matthew.]

Um. Town, probably.

Well... yeah? You couldn't tell at all? I tried to hide it, but I never thought I did a good job. I mean, I was really excited about the mission, too, but...

[ He shrugs and laughs. ]

Don't worry about it. It feels like that was a million years ago, anyway.

Town sounds good, though, especially if there's food.

No, I - really couldn't.

[His brain was absolutely everywhere else. On the mission, and on a million other problems.]

[But - ]

Yeah. Okay. Town it is.

We'll get you pancakes.

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THICK AS THIEVULS

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