Audio - Backdated to the 23rd

[thedifferencebetween]

'Sup kiddos? It's me, Handsome Jack, everybody's favorite super rich Pokemon Trainer!

Do you know what day it? It's a special day....

If you guessed 'Handsome Jack's birthday', you get a gold star!

Metaphorically, ya know, I don't actually have any gold stars for you.

But can you believe it? Do you have any ideas how many birthdays I've had here? Cuz lemme tell you...it's been a lot! I mean a whole frigging lot!

[He's not been in this world for about as long as he was president of Hyperion. It's not something he likes to think about, but hard to avoid when he's in the middle of turning fifty five.]

Anyway, I might have a party this weekend for the cool kids, but today I'm gonna relax, take it easy, spend the day being pampered and catered too....more than usual, I mean!

You all know where to send birthday wishes and presents.

I expect birthday wishes and presents.

Comments

voice

[uncutetomboy]

Happy birthday, Mr Jack! I hope you're having a nice time.

[Jack... may or may not recognize the voice, but it's Connie's little girlfriend, who he's almost certainly met by now, even if we never actually threaded any of it out.]

voice

[thedifferencebetween]

Thanks, kiddo! Yeah, it's a good one.

I mean it could be better, but it's pretty good.

Re: voice

[uncutetomboy]

I'm glad!

There's a present in the mail from Connie and me, but I'm not going to spoil the surprise if it's not there yet.

We're going on the SS Anne today, with Carly and Jolyne! Connie's just finishing her packing. [Which may or may not be code for last minute boat heist prep.]

voice

[thedifferencebetween]

Yeah, I heard something about that. Have fun, don't drown.

Re: voice

[uncutetomboy]

... I'll try not to?

[This is an actual concern with Akane. She can't swim and sinks like a log.]

I'll bring a float whenever I get close to the edge of the boat!

Re: voice

[conniemaheswaran]

[While Akane is talking with Jack, Connie takes the opportunity to sneak up on her girlfriend, planting a smooch on her cheek and giggling when she sees Akane's face.

Right. Jack!]

Happy Birthday, Jack! I wish we could be there for your actual party, but the S.S. Anne is on a tight schedule. I really miss you; we need to find an excuse to hang out again after I get back.

I hope our present makes up for our absence, though. [Jack can hear the wink and fingerguns.]

[When Jack gets his present, he'll discover an extremely high-quality, gold-embossed saddle for his Rapidash, along with a pad, girth, a bridle, and reins.

There's also a note in the box:]

Jack,
I can't thank you enough for helping me adjust when I first arrived here. Without you easing me through my introduction to the wonderful world of Pokémon, I definitely would've done something stupid and gotten in trouble. But more than that, thanks for being there for me—for being family. If you ever need a favor or any help, don't hesitate to call, okay?
Happy birthday,
-Connie

Happy birthday, and thank you for taking good care of Connie.
-Akane

Action(?)

[asmywitness]

[Tyler doesn't actually know Jack all that well personally, but based on everything Steven has gushed to him at various points these past few months, he feels fairly safe in sending Jack a bottle of very highly rated single cask Meowmoré whiskey and a pair of artsy fartsy coffee mugs with "World's Best Boss" and "World's Best Underling" in fancy script.

If nothing else the act of the gift will keep him in Steven's good books.]

Video;

[amaure]

What a special day indeed! My, my! Namedays are always so lovely, are they not?

[He looks so smug...]

The most sincerest nameday wishes to you, Jack, from your princess.

[Oh, that's why.]

(not here)

[fingersandteeth]

[Please imagine Steven incredulously mouthing the words 'your princess' at Jack because that's exactly what he's doing right now.]

Video;

[thedifferencebetween]

[Great. This guy.]

Oh, oh that's cute, yeah, I see what you did. You remembered a thing that happened, and you referenced it!

Look at you with your working brain...

Video;

[amaure]

Ah, the point is not my working brain, but rather yours! It does my heart well to see that despite your numerous namedays, it does indeed still retain its memory.

Is that not the best nameday gift of all? I'm very happy for you.

Video;

[thedifferencebetween]

Yeah, you seem to think I'm older than I actually am. I get it! All my wisdom and experience, it can give the wrong impression.

I'm still heading up the hill, haven't actually gone over it yet. Maybe. I guess I don't actually know what the average human lifespan is where you come from, but it doesn't matter, cuz we're talking about me!

Video;

[amaure]

We are indeed talking about you, and ever is it an enjoyable discussion. Perhaps I forget myself, my own age catching up with me no doubt, but it is so easy to allow oneself to mistake wrinkles for wisdom, eh?

Though, I have come to learn that mayhap they are directly related to one another. Either way, you wear your age...well! Still worthy of your adjective, by my reckoning.

[Audio]

[strings_theory]

Shit, dude, you old.

How far into the grave are ya now? [She's not even being rude is the worst part, she's genuinely just being An Idiot and finds this A Joke.]

[Audio]

[thedifferencebetween]

I'm not old, I'm fifty five. I'm hardly halfway to a hundred - that's old, where I come from.

[Audio]

[strings_theory]

Older than my dad, dude. So pretty old.

[Jolyne, stop that. But at least she really doesn't sound like she's being a dick on purpose.]

Either way, 'grats on the birthday? I'd send you something or whatever but kind of getting a boat soon, so that might be an issue.

[Audio]

[thedifferencebetween]

To you, but you're a friggin kid, you think everybody over thirty is old.

Send it from the boat, problem solved. Delivery Pokemon can fly over water.

[Audio]

[strings_theory]

No, everyone over forty is old. [Like her dad. Who's here. Who she's not mentioning. It's fine.]

G o d, fine, fine. Gon' be late, but that's probably fine at this point.

[Private]

Heard tale of someone getting involved in a little business venture of mine. You get to enjoy any new highs lately?

Audio

[hythlodaeus]

[Maybe he knows him by his voice, maybe he would recognize him better by his bathing suit— This is a man who has been in his house now, whether or not he greeted him at all. Hythlodaeus speaks very slowly.]

I wish you a very pleasant name day, Handsome Jack. I do hope you enjoy your cake. Steven worked very hard to improve his technique.

I will send Steven with your gift come Wednesday. You will require some special equipment, yet I've been told you are a man of culture. You may have it already!

Audio

[thedifferencebetween]

Ya can just call it a birthday, we use the term 'birthday' here.

Yeah Steven mentioned that. I don't think I've got anything to be worried about.

locked down, down, down baby

[hythlodaeus]

Happy birthday, then.

Ah, I've just realized there may be a... Let us call it a quantifiable difference in weight. I have tested it on myself, but I am 384 pounds. There should be no ill side-effects, but I would not recommend, say, trying to finely chop some vegetables.

locked down, down, down baby

[thedifferencebetween]

Buddy.... I appreciate the warning, but I've smoked, snorted, shot up, inhaled, eaten, and drank pretty much every mind altering substance in the galaxy. You name a Pokemon, I've licked it.

What I'm saying is I know my way around this kinda shit.

[hythlodaeus]

A fellow connoisseur, I see. I’ve been compounding from a variety of sources, but so far only Gloom has managed to create something that isn’t simply poison. I have designs to put selective breeding into effect.

Do try to take a brief note, if you are able.

[And then a pause. ]

...Tropius.

late but you can't stop me - audio

[secondhandsome]

[god he does not care but also he's

responding anyway

for some reason

.....maybe just old habits]

...Happy birthday.

[He guesses.]

audio

[thedifferencebetween]

[Well well well...look at that.]

Thanks, buddy!

I'd say back at ya, but... guess that doesn't work these days, huh?