victory_road | 01 🪐 After the war

01 🪐 After the war

Who: Matt Holt and You, probably
Where: Cherrygrove through to Violet City
When: Mid-late July
Summary: A catch-all for shenanigans. I'll match your writing style if you comment. :)
Rating: 10/10 (it's all kid safe I'm sure)

Cherrygrove:

One of the good things about having spent the majority of your adult life as a transient space explorer/rebel fighter is that you get used to having to adapt to new situations pretty quickly. Anyone who can't manage that trick doesn't last very long, in his experience, and even though this world and his new sidekick Blobert Hooke the Solosis is incredibly fascinating, he hasn't relaxed his guard just yet.

He's read all the materials that "mom" pressed on him before shoving him out the door, changed into the clothes he was given to blend in better with the locals, avoided posting to the network to maintain a low profile, and kicked the ass of every youngster that crossed his path with fairly little in the way of remorse. Matt still can't figure out why he's here, though, and even if he could, that doesn't make him worry about the state of things back home any less.

Oh well. No amount of worrying is going to change things. All he can do is keep walking. This city is pleasant enough, at least, and it's nice to take a load off. As fighting fit as Matt is, that doesn't make him accustomed to hiking for days on end. Eventually, he and Blobert plop down on the sandy dunes looking out over the sea and Matt pulls his hair out of the ponytail it's been tied up in with a sigh.

"I guess this is it for a while. Might as well get used to it here."

Violet City:

Spending a full week on a trail is exhausting. Even having been provided with a map, the distance seems practically interminable. It's like an actual miracle when he finally spots the buildings peeking through the foliage of the trail. Even Blobert seems tired--he's been battling his little butt off. Or... well, if he had a butt he would have certainly battled it off by now.

Luckily, here's a little cafe on the edge of town, and Matt all but collapses into one of the wrought metal chairs with a groan. "My kingdom for a horse!" he declares in a needlessly dramatic way, earning a raised eyebrow from the server who's come to take his order. Right, they don't have horses here. Just pokemon.

At any rate, carb loading doesn't seem like such a bad idea right now, given how far he's come and how far he has yet to go. Using the cash he'd earned from brawling with ten-year old kids along the trail, Matt buys a stack of pancakes and a bowl of cut fruit for himself, and a big helping of poffins for Blobert.

"Eat up, little guy. You deserve it."

Wildcard:
[ Hit me up if you'd like to run into Matt elsewhere. I'll probably include a few more prompts below when it isn't two in the morning. ]

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Traveling is... it's good. It's been good. There's a lot to focus on out on the road. More than the disappearances, or keeping track of everyone. Sasha was a godsend there, dragging him off and sticking to him like glue. There's the exploration element to it all, too, which he has to admit, he'd missed more than expected.

But on the other hand, the constant flights back and forth from where he and Sasha were camped, and where Keith ended up launching an attack on a "red Gyarados" got tiring. His Skarmory was always a steady flight - with stamina and training to spare - but that didn't mean he wanted to push her to the limit.

So... a stop in Violet it is. It's on the way back. He can grab a warp pad from there. Just a quick voicemail back to Sasha so she wouldn't worry he'd up and left completely -

They touch down in the middle of town, where there's a nice empty square for it all. Shiro sliding off, and shaking his hair out from under his flight helmet, pausing to unzip the leather jacket he kept for just such these flights. "Good going," he tells the bird, absently smoothing down some of the metal feathers with his right hand. "That was a long haul, huh? Hungry?"

The answer is a loud, grating caw the likes of which is probably better suited to Jurassic Park.

"Yeah, that's what I thought, c'mon."

He turns, Skarmory hot on his heels, toward the cafe. And immediately feels like someone just hit him square in the chest with a Mega Punch. He's... hearing things. Seeing things. Right? That's - he's been awake too long on the flight. That's all. There's no way he's really seeing this. Skarmory has no such compunctions - seeing the poffins, she starts cawing again, threatening to shove her dumbstruck trainer out of the way.

Shiro's helmet falls out of numb fingers with a thunk.

"... Matt?"

At the sound of that familiar voice, Matt whips around fast enough that he nearly drops his pancake-laden fork. Blobert the Solosis puffs up a bit, defensive over his little pile of food.

"Shiro?"

Surprise turns to elation, and when he hops up out of his chair his immediate response is to give the man a big old bear hug. He even lifts Shiro off the ground briefly before setting him down and stepping back.

"Holy crow, it really is you. You--" Look different? The rainbow hair is new. But Matt looks different, too. His hair is pulled back in a messy ponytail that reaches past his shoulder blades, and he's wearing a veteran trainer's outfit even though he is neither a veteran nor a trainer. He's also tall, now--just over six feet--his shoulders broad under his structured jacket. His observation peters off as he takes in Shiro's expression and his body language, though he still smiles amiably.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," he says, looping an arm around Shiro's shoulders and dragging him bodily over to the table. "Come on, sit. I'll buy you pancakes. And some of those little pastry things for your... dinosaur."

Everything feels... numb. It's July, but the air seems like it's gone cold around him. Even the usually grating sound of Skarmory's caws sound like they're distant. Is this a dream? It's not the weekend. Did he fall asleep mid-flight? The way his ears start rushing, heart in his throat, sure feels like a dream.

But there's no mistaking that voice. The bright look in those eyes. Every little motion is familiar, even. It doesn't matter that Matt looks older, looks stronger, more capable than he's ever seen him before. That's him. There's no question at all.

This... can't be real.

The contact registers - the hug, the lift, and any other time, any other moment, he would have laughed at it. Somewhere deep down, somewhere not frozen in shock, is elated, overjoyed at this new information. He returns it mechanically. Hands suddenly unsteady.

He's at a table, abruptly. Like his brain just flat out disconnected for a while there. It's so familiar, it's so right and normal and why does it hurt...

Say something. He should say something. Anything.

"Okay."

... say more than that.

"How... long have you...?" Been here.

"Been here? About a week, now, if I had to guess. It's easy to lose track of time on the trail. Feels like I've been walking for about a week anyway."

On his side of the table, Blobert is busy attempting to subsume the entire plate of poffins, which is weird since he's a funky little goo dude with no hands. Poffins are floating in his gelatinous body, waiting to be munched down. It... works, Matt supposes.

The whole situation feels surreal, if he's being honest. Plucked from his ship to an alien world, and now here with one of his oldest friends having brunch with their animal companions... It's beyond strange, but... Matt is happy, too. Shiro looks healthy, at least, even if he's flabbergasted.

Once another stack of pancakes and poffins is ordered, Matt sits back in his chair. "What about you? How long have you been here?"

A week.

A week, and he had no idea. He was off wrangling a gyarados and Keith. Or hiding in the woods with Sasha. All while Matt was here... but, looking at him now, or rather, staring at him now, he's different. Time passed in their world, clearly. The recognition and fondness are all there.

Not the affection.

His heart falls a little further toward his feet.

Skarmory, however, has no such weird emotional hangups, and shoves her trainer into his chair with her beak. Metal feathers fluff primly as the bird settles in to wait. Though she cracks an eye open, watching Blobert. Can she steal a poffin...

"Me?" Right. He's being asked a question. It's an important question. He just has to swallow down the handful of sand that feels as if it's taken up residence in his throat. "I... it's been... four years?"

"Four years?"

Matt sits up straighter in his seat, suddenly at attention again. That's longer than the Paladins had even been missing back home. It shouldn't be possible, but he knows that spacetime can get twisted up in some pretty unexpected ways, hypothetically. Shiro is obviously gobsmacked to see him--has he been alone here all this time with no news of the others or the status back home? But hadn't the Paladins only just returned and defeated the occupying Galra forces on Earth?

His head swims for a second but he gives it a shake.

"I don't even know what to say to that." He doesn't ask if Shiro's okay, because, yeah, clearly not. Instead he asks, "Is anyone else from home here too? Or has it just been you this whole time?" Giving Shiro another brief once-over (as if he'd have wounds to tend to), Matt spots the gold band on his left ring finger and has to quash a surprisingly intense pang of jealousy, schooling his features and hoping his feelings hadn't been all over his face. It's been such a long time since they've seen each other that he'd been certain was over his old crush, but apparently not. Time and distance and all the relationships that come with them have dulled the feeling, but it's not gone completely. That's not embarrassing at all.

Doesn't matter at this point, he supposes. It's just one more fact to contend with. Shiro managed to find happiness in the years they'd been apart, and that can only be a good thing.

Matt's smile becomes something of a wry grin, brows pinching just slightly.

"I guess you haven't been alone, at least? Would you catch me up...? Four years is a long time."

"It..."

This somehow, is easier. This is just information. This has nothing to do with feelings, with dashed hopes. Or grief Shiro just plain won't deal with. Doesn't know how to deal with, maybe. But basic information, how this world works, who's all here. He knows he can do that without flinching. So he swallows again, straightens in his seat.

"Time works differently here. However much time passes here... none might, back where we come from. Or some people could come from our futures, or from our pasts." He feels like he's gaining his feet again, the more he talks. His voice settling back into something normal. "People also tend to pass out, sometimes, and when they wake up, they dreamed of being home again. Like everyone was there - like it was real."

It has happened to him, in fact. He'd woken with new scars to prove it.

"Everyone's here." He keeps going. It feels like he's reciting a report. But the confidence is back. The steadiness is back. "We've all come and gone once or twice... but. Keith, Lance, Pidge, Allura and Hunk are all here. I've even met one of the Blades, too. I was alone for a while, yeah, but they started showing up soon after."

There's... something there. Something on the face he'd come to know and care for so much. Something he can't quite place. And he's about to ask about it. "I know it's a lot to take in, but --"

Oh, that face he knows.

That's definitely a face he knows, and one that usually makes him feel the complete opposite of the sudden anxiousness rushing through him. Because it is painfully obvious Matt remembers nothing. Not the pokemon, not the world... not...

All of that earlier, polished confidence melts away. His hands curl, slide under the table.

"I... the others... are here." He's repeating himself. He's dodging that question. He knows, if he's pressed, there won't be a choice. He'll have to say it.

Matt's brows arch at the news that others are around as well. "Pidge is here, too? Where? Oh man, I haven't seen her in... god. Ages." But Shiro's brief report seems to raise more questions than it answers. He's not wrong that it's a lot to take in. Just what kind of place is this?

A little punch of sadness hits Matt when he sees the change in Shiro's posture and expression. He puts his hands away, almost like he wants to hide the fact that he's married now, and Matt adds a little twist of guilt to his current roster of mixed emotions. If Shiro was avoiding answering his question, there are only a few reasons Matt can surmise--either his spouse has disappeared, as he'd just been told was possible, or had died. Otherwise, wouldn't Shiro be happy to talk about it? He'd never been the kind of person to shy away from talking about his significant others. To think Matt had been jealous just a few scant seconds ago. Feels bad.

"Listen," he says hastily, waving one of his hands. "I... I'm not gonna pry into your personal life if you don't wanna talk about it, Shiro. I'm sorry. Just..." He sighs. "You know I care about you, and now that I'm here, well... I'm here for you, too. No matter what. Okay? So, uh, why don't you tell me about your pokemon?" That should be an acceptable topic, right? Matt gestures to his Solosis, which is currently equal parts poffin to pokemon. "This is my partner, Blobert Hooke."

"She's here. She's back on the island with Lance. We've got a house down there. She's doing just fine."

That's more important than anything, right now. Reassuring Matt his sister is alive and well. Is it possible to get him down there? So soon after he'd arrived? Maybe - if he loans him Skarmory? Or maybe Green would be easier on a new arrival. It's a problem he figures he can solve, to a degree. Something much easier to focus on, in the moment.

A very, very fleeting moment.

How do you even begin to explain this? How do you tell someone they were the one who disappeared? That yes, Matt very much did care. Just... maybe differently than this version does. Than he ever would. It's not fair to push that on someone, right? It's not fair to suddenly drop into someone's life and expect what you had. Or even bring it up. Right?

"I know," he says, finally, dragging the words out by force. "It's just... it's complicated."

Possibly the most cop-out answer since he started saying I'm fine in answer to Armin's questions.

"Bl--" Thankfully, despite looking like he'd been blessed by the gods of space puberty, Matt Holt is still Matt Holt. And that reminder is enough to actually, miraculously, get an extremely undignified snort out of Shiro. "You didn't. Blobert Hooke?"

"Of course I named him Blobert. There was literally no other name I could possibly have given him." It was inspired, truly.

Meanwhile, Blobert looks like he's getting incredibly full, but he's not giving up on finishing off those poffins--not that he could actually stop Skarmory from plucking a few up off of the plate if she wanted to. Fortunately, the server brings around a fresh plate, as well as Shiro's pancake stack. A steaming pot of tea is set on the table, as well.

Matt backtracks a little bit, searching for safe topics of conversation. "An island house, huh? That sounds incredible. I read about the gym challenge in our intro material," because of course Matt did the reading, "but honestly? I could go for a beach vacation. I couldn't tell you the last time I took a break."

"I... yeah, all right, you win."

He still looks amused. Halfway trying not to laugh out loud. It feels a little bit insensitive to do that. Instead, he opts to reach out with his right hand, and gently push Skarmory's head back from the remaining poffins. She squawks, chomping on his hand with that sharp metal beak -- but hey. Even a pokemon isn't a match for Shiro's right hand, apparently. He doesn't bat an eye.

"Yeah. I bought it... couple years ago. It's been sort of home base. Keith and Allura have been traveling around, so have I. But... it's a place to stay. Other people we know crash there pretty often, too." Like Angel, right now. And Armin.

Then, he hesitates. His expression falling, eyes on the table.

"You... have a room there. If you want it."

That's probably not the best way to ease into you were here before, but oh well. He's out of good ideas.

Matt flinches minutely when Skarmory's beak closes over Shiro's hand. He knows it's metal, but still, being a chew toy for a giant raptor seems like it should be unpleasant.

"I ordered extra, it's really okay. I don't think Blobert has room in his body for any more pastries, so please, your friend is welcome to have the rest."

Hearing about others is interesting, though. "Keith and the Princess? Are they traveling on their own or are they together?" Sounds like the latter, going by his phrasing, which... huh. They seem like they'd be an odd couple but he's seen stranger. He'll have to greet them at some point, for sure.

Matt continues to listen to Shiro talking about the beach house, but there he goes again, just ... wilting slightly.

"A room for me?" It's not the kind of offer that Shiro should look so crestfallen delivering, unless he had a good reason to feel that way. Matt knows there's a lot being left unsaid, and maybe some of those things should be addressed--where they relate to him, at least. "Is it just a spare room where I can crash when I'm the area, or is it my room?"

Skarmory doesn't seem to need any further encouragement. She pounces on one of the treats, pecking it to shreds before inhaling the crumbs. Maybe she should be named after Jurassic Park. Shiro, again, looks nonplussed by the behavior. The dubious benefit of training her this long.

"She's not usually this cranky. You just caught her after a long flight." She's cranky, though. That's just her default mood.

Some of the amusement returns to his features. An odd mix of pride and humor. "They're together. Don't ask me how it happened, but they're happy. And that's all I want to know." He's proud of them. But really, there's some things about your friends and family you just don't want to hear.

Or is it my room?

Leave it to Matt to hit the nail squarely on the head. He's quiet again, still unable to meet his friend's eye.

"Yours," he manages, finally. It comes out hoarse. With his left hand gripping his pantleg for some kind of stability. "It was yours."

And that's the end of the fun part of this conversation, such as it was. Matt sighs softly, sinking down in his chair and lacing his fingers together over his stomach. It's... not hard to figure things out, but there are still missing pieces to this puzzle, and digging each one up is obviously painful.

He has to dig anyway.

"How long was I here before?" he asks. "When did I disappear?"

Shiro already could tell that he had no memory of his previous time in the world of Pokemon, but that makes it perfectly clear. Whatever he knew about that time is gone, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to find out about what happened.

About everything that happened.

"Couple years."

Maybe this would have been easier if he'd forgotten, too. If he hadn't tried. It's his worst fears realized. All of this. He pushes his hand through his hair, the old telltale nervous gesture he can't quit. As much as he wants to end this conversation, he can't. Matt deserves to know.

"You were here... a few years. Spent a lot of time at the observatory, tracking meteor showers. Getting them updated. You - you made a lot of progress with them. I was proud - "

The words are coming now. There's no stopping them. Or how thick they sound in his throat.

"- Last winter was when it happened. I think. I lost track of a lot of time between then and now. Just one day... no one was there."

And he'd bailed out. He'd done what he had before. He'd just run because it was easier than trying to face an empty room and an empty space and nothing left.

Science is the process of learning about the world by making observations and using them to form hypotheses--the more data is collected, the more a hypothesis can be refined, the more accurate your understanding becomes.

Matt is a scientist. That was why he'd been chosen for the Kerberos mission. It was his true passion, and even though he'd become a soldier, he never lost that inquiring mind. All the pieces of the equation are accounted for: the ring, the empty room, that telltale sweeping of Shiro's fingers through his hair, his earlier comment about having been on the road for some time now and how that seems to coincide with Matt's own disappearance. He only has to solve for X. Even if he hesitates, there aren't that many possible outcomes. The answer is pretty obvious.

He's not sure he can believe it, but Shiro's expression doesn't leave much room for doubt.

Standing to his feet, Matt paces a few steps in one direction, then a few in the other. Blobert watches him curiously while Skarmory scarfs down the remaining poffins.

"It was me," he says. "Wasn't it?"

The cold returns. It returns in a rush along his limbs, settling in his chest with a vengeance. Everything feels like it's slowed and speeding up in the same instance, rushing through his ears like a gale. He can't lift his head. He can't look Matt in the eye.

He shouldn't.

He should leave.

Just get up and run again - it's too hard. Leaving is so simple and doesn't have to hurt someone else. It doesn't leave the pressure of that missing piece to fall on Matt's shoulders. And yet... Keith made him promise to stop. Made him say he would try harder not to do exactly what his instincts want him to now. Instead, he grips his pantleg so hard he can feel his nails through the fabric.

"I'm sorry," he says, finally. His vision's gone blurry and he has to blink to clear his eyes. "You don't need this right now."

It was you.

"What do you think I need?" Matt asks, shaking his head with a small chuff of dry laughter. Shiro knows that Matt has always preferred to face the world for what it is than be comforted by illusions. That hasn't changed, even through the years that have separated them.

Still, he won't make Shiro say it--not when he looks like that.

Rubbing his eyes, Matt circles the table and drags Shiro's chair back so he can come around and stand in front of him. When that's done, he crouches down until they're eye-to-eye. His hands are resting on the arms of the chair.

"Shiro. Look at me. Please." When he does, eventually, Matt's expression is a soft thing, his brows furrowed.

"You don't have to apologize to me. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who's sorry--sorry for disappearing, and... sorry for coming back like this, without remembering... any of it. I never want to be the one to cause you pain, but it looks like I have, twice, without meaning to. Can you forgive me?"

Time to adjust, space, not me - not this -

That's what it boiled down to. That's exactly what the issue is. Not wanting to put more on Matt's shoulders when he was already having to adjust to this place, to being slid out of his own timeline - on top of what he'd gone through while he was back in their universe.

Maybe he can pin it on the urge to protect him. As capable as Matt became - has become - that need to look after him just hasn't faded. It's still there. Why make him hurt, too? But even as he thinks it, he knows it's avoidance. He knows he's dodging the issues.

Then his chair is tugged, and, seemingly out of nowhere, that familiar, sorely missed face is trying to catch his eye. Right - if he really doesn't want to burden him, he should be stronger than this. He should be able to just look at him.

It's the words that feel like they've knocked him flat all over again.

"What -? No, no, you don't... You have nothing to apologize for. It wasn't your choice. There's nothing to forgive."

"Okay then. It's not my fault, but it isn't yours either. I know you're probably trying to figure out how to blame yourself somehow, so... don't do that." Leaning back slightly, Matt sits on the edge of the table, releasing his grip on Shiro's chair.

"Look, Shiro, I... I might not be the person you lost, and I really am sorry for that, but don't think for a moment that I don't care about you. You're--" The first person I really fell in love with? Could he ever actually say that to Shiro? He'd only just broken up at the time, but the time they'd spent together on the way to Kerberos was time that Matt treasured--still treasures, if he's being honest. He'd known then that it wasn't gonna happen. Shiro was so far out of his league that he might as well have been from a different planet. Of course, now that he's dated people from different planets, it kind of puts things into perspective on that front. He'd been so young, too, that it feels like looking back at a different person. And yet...

Matt sighs again and scrubs his hands over his face before carding his fingers through his hair.

"I don't know what to tell you," he admits. "I'm a little out of my depth here. It's gonna take a little time for me to get my bearings, and I... I don't know. I wish I could spend that time with you, but I don't want to hurt you by just being around, and it feels kind of cruel of me to ask you if there's any chance we could just start over."

"You don't have to apologize for anything."

On that much, he's absolutely sure. He can't be angry with Matt for this. No more than he could be angry with Allura, or Jean, of Angel or anyone else who'd disappeared and returned again, with no memory of what happened before. It isn't their faults. It's Arceus or whoever keeps toying with people.

He expects nothing to come of this. Nothing but reuniting with someone he missed. Just meeting a friend again. It would have to be enough. In time, it probably would be. He just needed to figure it out. Deal with the loss - figure out how to deal first. So of course he shakes his head.

Of course he reaches out. He can do anything, for someone else. Put aside what he feels, that it hurts. "It's - fine. It's fine. You don't have to say or do anything..."

This is just... really a mood roller coaster. Absolutely. Start over...? No, it can't mean -

"Start over?"

"Look, I... a lot has happened, Shiro." His voice cracks a little as he says this. "I didn't know if I'd ever see you again, and... here you are." It figures that it wouldn't take long for the surprised elation of their unexpected reunion to give way to... whatever this is. They thought they'd lost Voltron for good. It had been so long since the resistance had felt any real hope at their chances of victory against the warring factions that were the remnants of the Galra Empire after Lotor's demise.

And then there's N7 waiting for him back home, right? His chest aches a little thinking of her, but if everything he's been told is correct, she won't even know he's gone. He needs to accept that he may never see her again, but it's not that simple or easy. He'd been coasting along since New Bark, trying to not to seem conspicuous, always on guard as if the Galra could have been behind this somehow. Seeing Shiro here, though... it's so many emotions to try and process at once.

He laughs once, swiping at his eyes with his sleeve cuff. Even he doesn't know what he means.

"Y'know. Start over. I... I can't be the person I was before--can't replace him. I'm not the same person I was eight years ago. The war's gone on so long and we've lost so many people, and... who knows if you'd even like this me as much as you liked the me from before? So... maybe we could start over and, I dunno, see how things shake out."

A lot has happened.

That sounds like the understatement of the century. He finds himself shaking his head, though. If nothing else, the simple fact Matt named his pokemon Blobbert speaks volumes. That's still the same nerd under all that muscle and growth.

His hands lift, hovering slightly. Everything in him wants to reach out, draw Matt in and hold him as soon as he sees him wipe his eyes. Do something - not just sit here.

"I can't... ask you to do that."

He hates the words. He hates how they come out, and how true it is. When he wants nothing more than to agree. He wants... so much. But it's just not fair - it's asking Matt to fill a hole he never signed up for. What kind of selfish idiot would he be to spring this bombshell on someone and then ask them to...?

"I - care about you. Too much. That isn't going to change, that hasn't changed. Too much to ask you..."

Maybe they can catch up, start over in other ways. As much as it's killing him to say.

How does someone even navigate a situation like this? Matt isn't sure. Maybe he'll never know. It's by far the strangest position he's ever been placed in, and that's... really saying something when you've already been abducted by aliens.

When Shiro lifts his hands, however--hesitant, questioning--Matt responds by shifting forward to embrace him.

"Whatever we are," he says, "I'm just glad I found you again."

They'll figure it out. He's sure they will. Whatever it takes, however long it takes, they'll get it sorted.

There really isn't a manual for this. There's no book or helpful guide for figuring out what to do in this mess. There's only... the two of them. They've got to work it out, to whatever end, together.

It's almost embarrassing how rapidly he sinks into that hold. How easy it is to wrap his arms back around Matt like nothing's changed at all - even though he can feel the differences under his hands.

"Yeah. Me too."

And despite how choked up he sounds, there's no hiding the sincerity there.

"Welcome back."

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01 🪐 After the war

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