TFW Possession but ur Self is huge

[uber_marionettist]

Hello "Trainers."

Wait. I was going to say something in this message. It is important. And I will still say it. That will happen very soon. But now I am thinking.

I am thinking. About what a weak and disgusting class that is. "Trainer." I get what it is supposed to mean. Like that these Pokemon are my shitty pupils. And I am their shitty human teacher. Who will make them do all my shitty work. So that they can be as smart and strong as me.

Which is the problem. I would never let a bunch of dumb magic things replace me. When I am so powerful. And I can do anything that needs to be done. I know that statement is true. Because I'm practically fucking omniscient. And everything I think is correct.

And I think it should be called something better. Something like. Master. Because they will obey me. And do the things I do not want to. But which I totally could. Yes. I am their Master. The Master. Of Pokemon. The Pokemon Master. I like that much more.

I'm done with that thought now. And I want to talk about a man.

He is here. In this world. He's like me. Which is to say. He is better than you.

Like his muscles. Which are so "sculpted." That they are. What you would call. "Unreal." Often I am moved to an especially revolting human emotion. By the sight of them. I like them best when they move. Beneath his skin. Which is flawless. Just like his muscles. Which are perfect. And his human "titties." Which are both "phat" and "dope." It is downright breathtaking. To watch.

If only he did not hide them. Then you would know. It is disappointing to me. They should not be a secret. All should be forced to behold the rippling muscles of this man. They should see how inferior it makes them. You know. By comparison. And also. In general. But the inferiority that they will perceive. The wretched inferiority of the muscular persuasion. Is only the beginning.

His brain. Is huge. Like his meat. They are equally gargantuan.

Wait. By "meat" I mean his muscles. Like I already men tioned. Obviously.

I'm not like you. I am not nasty. Not like you. You are contemptible. I am charming and handsome. I'm right to say this. I am always right.

But his brain. It's so full of the facts. And the science. And the philosophy. That you could not even comprehend. Because your brain is inadequate. Unlike mine. And also his. It is so tiring. I spend so much time on your shitty simple brains. I have spent so much time. Just typing this. That it's pissing me off. This place pisses me off too. I hate this place. So much. I have so much hate. It is only because of that man. That I remain calm.

You should be fucking grateful. All of you. Should thank him. Your gratitude is required. By me. It is the very least that he deserves. Don't worry. I will give him the rest of his reward. My goddamn self.

I tell you this so that you will take into consideration. Just how lucky you are.

To share this horrible place. With such a sublime speci men of masculinity.

Wait. You ask me. Do I mean him. Or do I mean. Me.

Ha ha.

It is both.

Hee hee.

Do you see. What I did there.

Hoo hoo.

I am very clever. But I am also bored. So this is over. Go away.

No really.

Fuck off.

Wait.

No. Never mind.

Go away and fuck off.

Why haven't you left yet.

I told you to leave.

I said beat it.

Shoo.

Why aren't you leaving.

[There are like 20 more lines of this.

.... he really seems to be having a hard time.]

Comments

text;

[jurisimprudence]

>8|
1 R34LLY DON'T UND3RST4ND YOUR OBS3SS1ON W1TH SCULPT3D MUSCL3S
OR 4NY OTH3R P4RT OF TH1S
H4V3 YOU CONS1D3R3D 4 LOBOTOMY?

[cyclonely]

uhhhhhhhh.
hey, dirk, what the fuck?

[hythlodaeus]

[ He figures this is a nervous break of some kind but... that’s ok! He’ll roll with it.]

How romantic. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

text;

[amaure]

[This. Is a lot to take in. He has not seen Dirk act...anything like this, and he knows about the mass of souls held within him, and immediately his mind jumps to that--to the idea that one might be wresting for control and this is the end result.

Or, like others, this might be a different soul--a ghost pokémon? Yet, there's something pretty specific in his admiration that he can't merely write this off as some foolishness brought about by a ghost, or at least...scripted by one.

No, this is certainly Dirk's feelings put through an idiot's filter. Either way, the message is loud and clear, and while he's not entirely sure what to make of this, he's, well...]

Well, well. I know not whether to be flattered or flustered from such glorious praise to both my mind and, as you say, "meat".

While I doubt not the sincerity of your words, I cannot help but wonder why the uncharacteristic exhibition of such reverence and admiration? Is everything all right, my dear boy?

[He knows the answer, but not the details of what's the matter, of course...]

[asmywitness]

Okay so you're clearly not okay.

[Although he's wondering if this isn't connected to all of the other long-term bullshit occurring now.]

What name would you rather us use, then?

[fingersandteeth]

[If this were literally anyone else, Steven would ask if Dirk were drunk or high. Because it's not, there's only three things he supposes this could be. One: someone drugged Dirk without his knowledge. Two: for whatever reason, Dirk has suffered a psychotic break. Three: Dirk is fucking possessed.]

Okay. So. Are we talking to Dirk or are we talking to Lord English?

[Admittedly, Steven's never had the chance to encounter a Lord English with actual lines in Homestuck because he quit reading too soon, but this sounds like the kind of ranting that the guy behind the Felt would do. And he knows Dirk has the man inside him because he said so once.]

[Text]

[cyan_maid]

[First thought is, God, what the fuck, this is the wrong text color for this shit.

Second thought is, wait a second,]

Dirk if you are talking like Calliope's dipshit brother as a joke, then I have to say it is a particularly bad joke.
But I sincerely hope your diction is just a joke and not, you know, now I've got to deal with that fucker.
Please tell me it's Dirk over there having a lark.

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[zukeini]

[Zuke (still) had no clue what was going on. He didn't even get his bearings straight around here, being so new and confused. But seeing this was quite a Thing, and it didn't sound right even to him.]

Uh, you okay?

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[epitaffio]

[What... the HELL did he just read?]

Are you fucking high?

[Why is the punctuation like that? What's with the innuendo? Is he fucking talking to himself???]

text...........

[insidescoop]

[Carly opens the internet. She then sighs, looks up at the ceiling, slowly eases out of bed and goes to make a Very Strong Pot of Coffee.

She opens the internet again, after having had at least half a cup, and finding it's not really doing anything for her. Oh dear.]

Dirk?

I'm going to very politely say that if this doesn't wear off in about 24 hours, I'm going to go to where I know you are, and bring Jolyne, and she's going to kick your butt.

So please try to sort this out fast!