victory_road | [Video, Goldenrod City]

Current Location: Goldenrod City
Current Music: the sound of defeat

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[Video, Goldenrod City]

_{[The Goldenrod Christmas Market is open but once a year, and Heather usually enjoys it.]

[But her expression as she trudges between the stalls with the PokeGear pointed at herself is not full of Christmas cheer]}

This is... hour three.

Stall number... uh, seven.

Five hours of sleep. Got here at six.

_{[And if you don't believe her, there are deep shadows under her eyes. Well, more than usual anyway.]}

And folks, I have still not found what I'm looking for.

_{[There's a jump cut, and now she's talking to some portly fellow with a stall full of oddities, from tropical Sevii berries to weird stone idols. There's probably a Pokemon holding the 'Gear this time, because the PoV is from roughly Heather's waist.]}

Really?

Yes'm, the last one just got snapped up maybe ten minutes ago.

You're kidding.

No ma'am, seems like they're just in vogue this year. Ever since that Cara Liss lady came onto the scene, everybody and their grandma wants fossils.

Jeez, and just last year these things were everywhere...

Sorry 'bout that, might be getting some more but not for a couple weeks... can I interest you in a Helix Fossil instead? Those got popular a few years back but after the hype wore off there's plenty to go around.

Thanks for the offer, but no... I'll keep searchin' around.

_{[Another jump cut, and now Heather is just sitting there on the cold gray sidewalk, looking defeated.]

[She stares up at the sky. DESPAIRINGLY. And whispers;]}

I just wanted to make an elaborate Jurassic Park joke on Christmas morning.

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[Seriously wondering whether he should send an emergency supply of booze and coffee or not, Cecil asks as gently as he can:]

Which fossil were you looking for, to be unsuccessful after so many attempts?

[Is it made of solid gold or what.]

_{[FEAR NOT, CECIL. By the time she answers, she has succumbed to the need for caffeine and is sitting in a nearby cafe. Her head is on the table, though.]}

Old Amber.

Don't even ask why, it's dumb.

[The 'head on the table' thing is still a bit alarming, but the very presence of the table makes Cecil slightly more optimistic.]

And for your 'dumb' purpose, do you need the resulting Aerodactyl, or the Old Amber itself?

Just the Amber.

I have more big reptiles than I know what to do with already.

_{[... Actually, it really is mostly just her Feraligatr.]

[But he is more reptile than she ever thought she'd possess in her life, so.]}

I see. A shame.

[Too bad that makes the solution he had in mind useless. But...]

Would you get the same... effect, or what have you, with a painted rock or piece of wood in the correct shape? Not if you intend to give it as a gift, of course.

_{[She drags a hand across her face blearily.]}

Hnnghhhhh... I mean, I guess...

_{[But man, it would be so much funnier if it were real. She's seen how big those golden orbs of ancient tree-blood are and having it glued to the flimsy little bamboo cane she found would just be *chef kiss*]}

I'm just usually the 'Go big or go home' type when it comes to stupid jokes, you know?

It's true that the details often matter very much, especially when they are otherwise minor.

[Admittedly, he's thinking more about buying original artwork over reproductions or prints than stupid jokes, but same concept, right?

As he tries to think of a solution, he raises his head to look at the ceiling.]

If there are none to be found at the market... Where do you think their suppliers get their stock? From whom?

I... didn't ask, honestly.

The dig site on the Sevii Islands, probably?

_{[She's never truly explored the whole chain of islands properly. Or bothered learning much about fossil revival, honestly.]

[Only enough to make Jurassic Park jokes.]}

The one that is willing to trade fossils for a few days of digging?

[Cecil obtained all of his fossils from zombie attacks and good old fashioned distributions, but he's learned that much. He truly should visit that island someday...

But this is not the moment for these thoughts.]

That's... perhaps a bit more work than a joke deserves, unless you truly are determined.

Yeah, I haven't been back to Sevii since all that... Ultra Beast nonsense went down.

I don't know if I'm that dedicated.

_{[She has enough other shopping to do that going all the way out to the Islands for something so dumb would be an... ill-advised decision. Unless she wanted to just throw in the towel and get everybody "ALOLA! WISH YOU WERE HERE~" keychains.]}

It did somewhat ruin the fun of the beach trip. Besides, if you're going to visit, it might as well be to fully explore the islands, rather than tire yourself out for a week and rush back before Christmas.

[Lousy keychains as presents are one thing, overly-complicated jokes another, but spending a week in a tropical paradise and not even taking the time to enjoy it? Cecil cannot condone it.]

_{[Look, JW missed the entirety of the eighties and nineties.]}

Is that a Christmas movie where you're from or somethin'?

No, but it should be.

Way better than Home Alone.

_{[But no, the answer is that she had an inspired idea at about 2 AM and wanted walk into the room dressed up as John Hammond instead of Santa and with a sack full of plastic Tyrunts instead of literally anything Christmas-y.]

[(and yes, of course she has informed her 400-year-old monster BF and his sister about 90's monster movies from her own world. in what universe would the homunculi NOT enjoy the bit where the lawyer gets eaten off of a toilet by the T-rex)]}

_{[JW just bats his eyes, as though he were waiting for an explanation. When none comes, he prompts her:]}

Never caught that one. Tell me how.

_{[She is tired enough that she, fortunately, does not think to give him attitude over somehow missing both Home Alone AND Jurassic Park.]

[She raises a hand, fully ready to tick off points on her fingers.]}

Well, for one thing, in Home Alone, Kevin doesn't violently consume the burglars. So Jurassic Park is already in the lead there.

_{[JW makes a pretty good face because he's been doing some fairly impressive mental gymnastics over here trying to figure out what Jurassic Park was supposed to be about. He did watch her video. But he's still got a lot to learn about Pokemon and what one can do with fossils.]

[Luckily, he starts to get the idea.]}

Okay, stay with me, but I am going to go out on a limb and guess that Kevin is not the family dog.

_{[Okay well NOW she's going to focus on the fact that he hasn't seen Home Alone.]}

What? Dude... you haven't even seen old trailers?

_{[Maybe there's an equivalent in this world where it's the same premise but with a plucky Youngster and some Rockets that she could find for this dude... but that would require effort.]}

Home Alone is about this kid who accidentally gets left behind when his family goes on winter vacation because they've got a gajillion kids for some reason, and then he has to protect his house from burglars.

I shouldn't rag on it, actually, it's a pretty good movie.

But like, it can't compete with dinosaurs.

_{[JW frowns, CLEARLY ruffled, but at least he knows it isn't his fault for missing out this time.]}

I had some weird Time Experiences back home, so no. I'm not really up on the latest flicks. Or...I guess what's latest. When are you from?

_{[He calls them flicks for one thing. As Heather explains the plot of the movie, he has to admit that it sounds pretty fun.]}

Alright, I'm with you. So. Why should the dinosaur movie be a Christmas movie? Make me a case. Make it good.

_{[He grins a little, finally glad to find something to save him from the day's boredom.]}

_{[Time experiences, huh. Maybe it explains something about this guy, but she's not sure what.]}

I don't owe you anything.

But, hear me out.

_{[She clears her throat, clearly taking a moment to come up with something on the fly.]}

Dinosaurs... became coal, right? FOSSIL fuels and all that.

So, like, at the existential level, they're just carrying out their Christmas duty by punishing the park-goers for their sins.

And the dude who runs the park kind of looks like Santa incognito, so you could interpret it as being his plan all along.

You get me?

_{[JW nods slowly as she speaks. So there's dinosaurs in a park. He guesses that's why it's called Jurassic park. But he still doesn't know the plot. He doesn't feel like he needs it at this point. He's just enjoying bullshitting.]}

I think so...but like. Wait, isn't coal 'n stuff for bad kids? Are these dinosaurs punishing children?

... Well, some children.

The only ones who get eaten are adults.

But really, don't you just wish some adults would keep getting coal for Christmas?

_{[SHE KNOWS SHE DOES.]}

Now that, I can get behind. If we can agree on one thing, it can be that. Or worse. Coal for kids can't really do harm, but what we need is something more fitting for adults.

Well there you go!

Dinosaurs.

But I mean for real!

Dinosaurs are real here.

Well yeah, I guess you're right. But they don't eat people. Can't believe I'm saying that.

We need something functional, girl.

Okay then, Mr. Big Idea, name something here that would eat people.

Getting eaten isn't even a good punishment! You don't suffer enough. I'm talkin...shards of glass. Tar! Mouse traps!

Yikes.

[At least it's a sympathetic yikes???]

Is the fossil more important or the pokemon you get from it?

Also, Cara Liss?

The fossil, I wouldn't be reviving it.

And-- wait, what?

_{[She hadn't even been paying attention to what the guy was saying by the point that name was dropped.]}

Think anywhere would have just... regular amber? May be better than nothing, if there's no fossil around.

That shopkeeper mentioned a Cara Liss?

You can just buy fossils?!

[Behold, the baffled whisper of a fake Mall Santa looking at his PokéGear in his bathroom break.]

When the holiday market's running, you can buy just about anything.

_{[IF THIS WAS A VIDEO CALL, SHE WOULD OPENLY ASK IF SANTA WAS REALLY CALLING HER WHILE ON THE SHITTER.]

[BUT IT'S VOICE.]

[SHE DOESN'T KNOW.]}

[THAT'S GOOD THAT'S THE POINT HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE UNDERCOVER]

Is that legal??

...what kind were you trying to get?

[Local child has a concern??]

Is Santa real here? You can ask him.

Old Amber. S'like a big... gold glass ball.

And of course Santa's real, but I'm like, on the naughty list constantly, so I can't depend on him to bring me anything but coal.

_{[She actually has no freaking idea if Santa is real here or not, but those mysterious Christmas eggs have to come from SOMEWHERE and anyway she's not going to tell a kid that he ISN'T real.]}

Well then you just have to ask Nega-Santa, duh.

But that's the stuff bugs get stuck in, right? Can you find one that's kinda like it and make a costume?

Have you thought about volunteering at the dig site? It might be easier at this point.

That would require me to come all the way out to Sevii, and I'm very much a mainland gal.

Not to mention that's a little more effort than I was really imagining I'd be putting into a gag gift.

It isn't all that bad out here, you know.

[Sorry, Heather. He just gotta stand up for his home a little bit.]

Maybe it is time to start thinking about a different joke... though I'm not really sure what the joke was.

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