victory_road | So no one told you life was gonna be this way...

Entry tags:

So no one told you life was gonna be this way...

Who: Jane Crocker, Dimitri, Claude, Felix, Sylvain (maybe? If he's here?), Grant, Chip, and probably Dirk Strider somewhere

Where: Goldenrod City, Jane's House

When: January 25th, Midnight through to the rest of the day

Summary: Jane wakes up from her canon update to a house still full of guests and a head full of memories of all the awful things she did on her 16th birthday. Fun!

Rating: PG 13 for death-related trauma, swearing, and Homestuck

Log:

[Midnight on January 25th, Jane wakes up.

No one knows to expect when they'll be sent home, whether permanently or - in this case - temporarily. Especially not when you've stayed in one place for years with no change. For Jane, who had already been in bed when sleep took her, shooting up with a gasp and a strangled cry of pain was not what she expected. There's a lingering tingle of her in her head, connection severed but not forgotten, and a pain in her stomach that, while rapidly fading, is sharp as a blade. Breathing hard, Jane presses her hands there.

No blood. There ought to be blood. Something - something impaled her, it hurt, hurt so bad, hurt was the last thing she remembered after anger and fury and nothing going right and isn't this what you wanted? All that you ever wanted? Why fight it when you can just SUBMIT]

No-

[She's not supposed to be here, where is she? Where is this? Jane presses the heels of her hands to her eyes, fingers reaching up to her forehead. She can just feel the faint scarring left from OBEY]

No! No no no get out of my head!!!!

[So, uh.

This is panic, what's going on. Definitely a lot of panic. But the funny thing about panic is that you're not thinking straight, and you're not going to remember things right away, like the sound of your Audino who has steadfastedly guarded your door now bursting in to hug you tight enough to keep you still, or the fact that you had a group of guests staying at your house who may or may not have remained in the interim.

So that's going to be fun.

(No it's not.)

(I'm so sorry.)]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Dimitri wakes up easily.]

[It's a trait left behind from those five long years when he couldn't trust the world at large, when anyone and anything could kill him in his sleep. Honestly, it's occasionally been an issue when they've been traveling, or staying at inns. Inns are better in that they tend to have some soundproofing added to them, as pokemon battles can happen at all times of night, especially in the larger cities. On the road, listening to Pokemon scurry about...]

[Dimitri has been slowly adjusting for the past couple of months, but it's a hard habit to break, even with Kent's help making his sleep dreamless. So when he hears that sudden yell, he's on his feet in a heartbeat, Gremlin popping up on all fours on the pillow while Kent clings to him.]

[He's not thinking, not really. All he's doing is grabbing a heavy book from near his bed and charging out of his room towards the source of noise. Kent is still attached to his head, Gremlin having grabbed the hem of his Tentacruel tee, and Sooter is at his feet bristling in alarm. Behind him, Gaibhenenn wobbles after with Adarllwchgwin's fluffy body held in her arms.]

[At least it's easy enough to find out where the scream is coming from - the door is busted wide open. when Dimitri sees who it is, finally realizes he'd recognized that yelling...]

[Oh.]

[He... knows this.]

[Lowering the book, Dimitri gently speaks up.]

Jane? I am here - Dimitri.

[Grant told Chip, when he got up, to stay put. He... doesn't expect them to listen to that for long, but he can only hope it's enough time to determine whether there's something dangerous going on or--

--okay. No visible attacker at least, but Jane is awake and... not doing good. Grant stops short behind Dimitri, looking from him to Jane to her Audino, and speaks quietly.] What's going on?

[Dinah is holding her tight. Not too tight, but tight enough that if Jane is going to flail, she won't. It's - it's a grounding warmth and fluffiness that helps, like. Oh. Yes. This is Dinah. This is her bedroom in her house. Her house, in Goldenrod, in Johto.

And then suddenly there are men here.

Even with their words, when Jane looks at Dimitri and Grant, her eyes are wide, confused - a little wild in that nervous sort of way - for about fifteen seconds. Dinah is rhythmically rubbing her back, which helps calm the urge to do something until she recognizes them.

Oh, right. That's Dimitri. That's Mr. Grant. That's right, they're staying at her house. That's right, she has people over at her house.

Her breathing starts to even out, but Dinah is still holding her, starting up a noise Jane has never heard from her - almost a purr.]

...H...Hi.

[...I mean what else do you start with, anyway?]

Dirk wasn't asleep to begin with. He rarely is. no, what holds him back from being the first at the scene (broken leg and cast be damned) is the moment of spiralling uncertainty--who is Jane screaming at? Is it him? Or the Condesce?

Or--?

It leaves him reeling for one or two precious seconds, seconds after which he has to leverage the weight of his cast and seize the nearest crutch (he leaves the other behind) to lurch his way to Jane's room, managing to tap a button on a Pokeball on the way--

Unfortunately, this means that when he arrives, shoving his way between Dimitri and Grant, so too does a massive, bone-bedecked vulture.

"Jane!"

But that's all he says; he knows to wait for the reveal.

"Don't mind us, Dirk," says a somewhat wry voice from the hall; Dimitri and Grant aren't the only people he'd shoved past, as it happens. Claude isn't going to push his way past or crowd the door, but he still came to check on Jane just the same.

"You okay, Jane?" His disembodied voice sounds considerably more concerned now. Unlike Dimitri, he'd realized who that scream belonged to before he showed up, but that doesn't mean he has any better idea what's going on.

Hello to you too, Dirk.

Still, Dimitri allows him to go through with little objection, although Gremlin (having scurried up to Dimitri's shoulder) tries to swipe Dirk's shades from his face as he passes. He does not succeed, but the Offended-ness of the action is still present. Dimitri just gently pushes his rat back, and exchanges a concerned look with Grant.

A little harder to hold back is Gaibhenenn, who follows the gap made by Dirk and in fact waddles right past him with zero care. She is zero years old and does not care about Dirk's broken leg. She is Here! And waddling up to Jane and Diana, a little Miltank who hasn't even grown her owns or udders yet, to offer up a tiny puffed up Swablu.

Here. A soft friend, for comfort.

Well, Dimitri guesses they're kind of... just doing this. He awkwardly sidles into the room so that Dirk and his giant bird can have room, although he stays up against the wall best he can. He doesn't want to crowd Jane too much. He... knows how nightmares can be.

And other things.

"Everything is going to be all right," he says softly. "Whatever happened, everyone is here. Dirk is here too. Do you... want tea?"

[Wh

Okay this is a lot. A lot of beings in her room coming in. She thinks she hears another Pokemon - Deva, it's Deva - from the hall, and Dinah pauses in her purring to say something back to her. Claude, the Indeedee that just came out and poked her head into the room is now booking it to the kitchen to Make Tea, this is fine.]

U-um.

[Just. Her brain is Aware of who is who but everything still needs to Catch Up. Or focus on the baby Miltank for half a minute, that's good too. Baby Miltank, pure.]

Yes?

[She sounds unsure, but Dinah is there nodding next to her. Yes, tea, tea for her human, the kettle's on it'll be fine.

And then realization properly hits.]

H-how long was I...gone?

[Ah shit-- reflexively, Grant shrinks back a little at the look on Jane's face - which probably makes it all the easier for Dirk to push past him.

He follows Dimitri into the room, sticking close to him and the wall; his voice is only slightly louder than before when he speaks.] It's been a week.

It's probably just as well that Dirk's annoyance never shows on his face as Dimitri makes assurances he can't back up, but Salome--ever spiteful and ever petty--clacks her beak threateningly just a millimetre from the man's ear.

That Dirk has to hobble slowly through the increasing number of Pokemon to make it to Jane's bed is not helping, and it's made harder by the fact that he really is trying his damnedest not to smack a round, pick calf with his crutch or stumble over any birds. He's not even breathing hard by the time he gets there, but he is both calmer and more tense than ever as he props himself up against his crutch, not-quite-touching the foot of her bed. He still doesn't know what she knows, or how much she's seen.

The tension between him and her and their meta is ever-present, always, but now....

"What's the last thing you remember?" His voice is quiet in the same way it always is, a toneless drawl that may be comforting in its familiarity--or may be all the worse for it.

Felix woke up just as abruptly as Dimitri did, was out of the room with his wooden sword in hand just as fast. But once his mind caught up, he didn't bother rushing around any further. So rather than pushing into the room, he's leaning against the wall out in the hall instead, arms folded and sword at his side.

"She's clearly overwhelmed and you're all suffocating her. Back off and give her some room. Let Dirk handle this for now. You all can play hero afterward."

Despite his words, though, he's clearly concerned for her as well. He just knows that if it were him waking up from something horrible and screaming in the middle of the night, the absolute last thing he would want is to be mobbed.

Grant's warning to Chip, of course, lasted for all of ten seconds after Grant left the room. With Lazzo, Espie, Patty, and Precious either in Chip's arms or hovering close behind them, they hover at the end of the hall full of nerves and worry and unpleasant memories.

(He's not here, he can't be. If no one is angry then Jane isn't hurt.)

Felix's scolding makes them flinch, despite not being directed at them, and Espie nuzzles their cheek with a soft trill. There's too many people in the room anyway, they'll just be in the way...but. Did Dimitri say something about tea?

They can do that, at least. Turning, Chip hurries down the hall toward the kitchen.

"Hey, I'm not in there," Claude says mildly to Felix. He's not really speaking loudly enough for it to carry much into the room. "That said, while I don't know if I actually think he'd try anything, I also don't trust Dirk or his person-handling capabilities so much that I mind that there's at least one other person in the room with him and Jane..."

He peeks into the room. "But you are right that this is a lot, especially for someone who just woke up." He clears his throat and raises his voice. "Grant, Dimitri? How about you - and maybe any excess pokémon - at least back up to the door? It's kind of cramped in there."

He at least trusts them to be more reasonable than Dirk. And to, you know, actually listen to him.

[Okay, so there's a lot going on at once.

And there's a lot going on in Jane's head at once, which, you know, is understandable. This all adds to that, and it's probably not the best frame of mind to figure out what to say when, who to address, what their thoughts are right now, but. But if she just lashes out, she's no better than the person she had been when she slept.

So there's a considerable pause before Jane actually speaks up. It's noticeable now that she's clinging to Dinah, an anchor in all of this, not asking anything of her, just being there. She's always been there.

Jane is shaking slightly.]

I-I'm so sorry-

[She says that first, to Grant - sorry that she invited them to stay and she couldn't even be a good host. That's just rude as anything. But rationally she knows her Pokemon would have taken care of everyone the best they could, and bless them, they can keep the house running when she's gone and not burn it down, so that will have to do.

A hard swallow.]

I got my brain hijacked by my great-grandmother, was knocked out by a spider bitch, and killed - so please sit down before you hurt yourself, okay?

[This is to Dirk. It's not as detailed as her brain wants to rush to say, and her voice is very strained. She'd be hugging her middle if she wasn't already hugging Dinah. But also, uh. The cast? Is new? And the room is crowded, please do not trip over the baby Miltank. How did you even know she was like this? Cheese and crackers, DiStri.

To Felix and Claude, she gives an internal and intense thank you, everyone is in here and this is A Lot.

When Chip goes to the kitchen, they will find Deva the Indeedee plugging in a very safe electric kettle full of water. There's stools for climbing on to get mugs, and her little hands still haven't figured out how boxes open to get at the tea bags. Also, her default is to make strong tea with a lot of milk and sugar, which not everyone is going to like. She will appreciate your help immensely.]

Y-You probably already know the story but it's - it's long and - and I just want to feel like my insides aren't going to literally spill out of me for a minute or that she's still in my head. Is that okay?

[If there's anything in Dimitri's defense, it's that he was kind of trying to not step into the room, up until Dirk shoved past and, well. When someone is shoving past, there's only really two options available, and Dimitri had opted for the forward choice that had let Dirk in without issue.]

[That had just been, unfortunately, the option which also carried him inside. At least this means Dimitri doesn't need much encouragement to go out, glancing to Claude and nodding when he speaks up.]

[Although, much like Claude... Dimitri isn't entirely sure about Dirk being in there. Not because Dirk is a criminal, necessarily, but because Dirk Strider has given off the consistent first impression that he kind of... is not the most well versed in social ability. This is a problem, Dimitri thinks, for someone waking up from a really bad nightmare, or hallucinating, or whatever it is that Jane might be experiencing... which sounds like A Lot.]

[But maybe him being a friend will make up for that. Dimitri tries to tell himself that as he slips back out of the room, taking position besides Felix against the wall with a distinctly nervous air.]

[Gaibhenenn is left inside, an executive decision made so that Dimitri doesn't crowd Jane anymore in the effort to retrieve the little calf. At least she's a mostly unassuming presence, reaching around the bird in her arms to pat Jane's leg.]

--You've got nothing to apologize for.

[With that quick, quiet effort at reassurance, Grant does step back out with Dimitri; he almost presses himself against the wall there, still trying to make himself smaller even outside of Jane's room, before he glimpses Chip down the hall. Ah. Yeah, of course they didn't stay put.

So, not wanting to risk talking over Dirk and Jane's conversation, he sets a hand briefly on Dimitri's shoulder to get his attention before nodding down the hall toward the kitchen to do whatever he can, even if that's just making sure Chip is okay.]

Oh.

Dirk is aware that the immediate brush with relief is not an appropriate emotional response, that it's monstrous of him to even consider that, and that it's even more monstrous to be bitter, to be disappointed.

....

"Oh." He says the syllable out loud, though it's got a very different inflection than it did in his head.

Which is to say: none, unless 'gay cowboy' is an inflection indicative of emotion now.

Game over.

"...I know one telling of it," he says, watching behind his shades as the others shuffle out of the room, one by one. He doesn't bother to pretend he doesn't have his eye on them, but it's not like he's making it visible, either. Still, he has an eye on them.

He ignores the Pokemon, though, trying to wrest his growing whirlpool of thoughts and instincts and reactions into something manageable, something less splintered and more present. Or at least outward-presenting. He shifts the single crutch to his other arm, buying himself time as he does his best not to drop his ass on the bed like a 200-lb weight.

"But I don't know your version of it," he continues once they're gone.

Yeah. That's what he thought.

"So tell me."

[She has everything to apologize for, because now everyone is upset, it's her fault, she did it again she ruined everything. That's absolutely buzzing around in her skull as the others leave - their disdain for Dirk does not escape her, but that's a conversation for not right now and a contemplation for not-right-now Jane.

"Gay Cowboy" could mean a lot of things, though. Could just be Dirk trying to stay calm and be neutral about it. That's actually okay. Better than freaking out. (Better than being disappointed enough for her to pick up on it right away.)]

...Do you even want to? I was a wretched person with an even more wretched woman in my head doing wretched things, I...

[But it all comes spilling out anyway.]

Jade showed up and she was fine and then suddenly she was evil, and she got that - stupid tiaratop on me, and then suddenly she was in my brain and I was just. I. I punched Jake! I put him in a cell to make him my creepy sex slave husband! And then I stabbed Karkat to make a point in bringing him back to life with the Lifey Thing, and bullied a vampire with those dumb troll potions, and then that spider bitch killed Jade and I tried to bring her back but that fucking clown groped me and then those dog pawn people took Jade, and then - and then, goddamn it, I killed Jake but not for good, just to get him to stop being all Hope-y, and then the spider bitch put me to sleep and I have no idea what happened until suddenly I was impaled and I deserved it, I'm never coming back from that! I knew it was going to be bad but I never knew just how bad and now this place really is all I have!!

[It's worth noting that as she talked, her voice started getting louder, more panicked, and once she finishes she is crying. Dinah is keeping a determined hold on her, though - like she won't let Jane devolve into being sorry for herself even if she has to pull her human out of the Swamps of Despair (tm) herself.]

There's something about hearing a story you know all the beats to, every last fact or detail true and relevant and essential, told again by someone else. Someone for whom the story is new--every moment of it fresh and bleeding. It's... disconcerting. It feels dishonest somehow. What is the right thing to do? Does he wear the face of a self who's heard it all before? Who was already there? Not just in the furthest ring but right there, present and attendant to every word out of her mouth?

She doesn't know, but he does. He knows everything, how much of it was avoidable and how much of it was her fault--

"You can't change canon. I tried to tell you." He sits, awkwardly perched at the end of the bed; scooting closer seems presumptuous, considering what he's about to say. And what would he even do? Hold her? Why would she hold onto him, when he's an unequivocal failure in her timeline and the greatest traitor turned that canon has yet to see in his?

So he just sits there, trying to sound confident in his words, when he knows for certain that he is only going to be able to say the wrong ones.

"The game only loves a winner, and you hate to lose. And I don't mean that you hate losing a competition, or in life, whatever that means--but that too. You hate to lose, but that's what the story demanded. So we lost." That's a lot of doubletalk, with double and triple and quadruple meanings piling up already. Jane might hate to lose because she never learned how, or because it doesn't come naturally, or whatever other character-driven explanation fits the circumstance, but it's really just that she holds on so god damn tight to what she values. He can relate.

But the game hates that. It wants sacrifice, willing or otherwise.

"You're free of that shit now. The you that got taken over isn't real. She stopped existing before she even happened. And that's equally true in canon as it is here."

[As a note, this is all going over Gaibhenenn's head. Oh, this is absolutely going everyone else's head as they sit outside in the hallway, too, but this is especially going over hers. Because she is a cow, and zero years old.]

[So Gaibhenenn can only really look at the simple facts, and the simple facts are two: Jane is very upset, and Dirk wants to help her be Not Upset.]

[That's nice. But despite the fact that Dirk clearly wants to help, he is not coming close. Isn't it better to be close when you are upset? Maybe he does not know how. That's okay. She will help.]

[Delicately placing Adar down on the bed, Gaibhenenn leans as close as he can and makes a couple of soft moos to the other soft pink Pokemon in the room. Excuse her! She is coming to help. And she helps by reaching over to take one of Jane's hand in her little hoof.]

[There. Step 1 complete. Taking the hand, she pulls it a little bit so that she can go down the length of the bed just far enough to reach Dirk's sleeve, or arm, or hand, or whatever is nearest. She takes a hold of that too, pulling it closer, until she can bump the hands together.]

[There we go.]

[This will solve everything.]

I know I can't change it - couldn't change it, I know that...

[But it's so much worse knowing the details. Having to live with them. To be honest, it's probably a good thing no one told her the specifics - if she would have even believed them, it would only be a damning, dark cloud hanging over her life here. The life where she could be peaceful, think about other things she could do, other things she could want, and reach out for them and work towards something better. Sburb had already felt like a dead-end when she first arrived here. Now...now it can never be anything but a dead-end, at least for her.

No wonder Dirk was so eager to get back to it all. No wonder he was so focused on what "mattered" and what was "real".

While Jane's dealing with all of that, Dinah hears Gaibhenenn's little moo, and she listens, and gives a nod. Yes, you are childe, that is a good suggestion. She'll scootch over a bit so you can do the thing.]

But - but I am...all those feelings are still in me, Dirk, they're still...

[Oh. Hand? Cow takes hand, cow moves hand. Hand bunp.]

...How can I show my face to the others if they ever turn up again, knowing what I know?

Dirk watches the little bovine as she takes Jane's hand, and then his, too bemused to really fight with her about it--snatching his hand back from a tiny cow just seems needlessly aggressive. He kinda wishes he had, though, when he realises what she's up to. At that point, though, it'd look like he was yanking his hand away from Jane, and--fuck.

This may legitimately be the first time he's physically touched Jane since he got here. Now he doesn't have a choice, and it feels--it feels wrong, on a lot of levels. Him. Her. Canon. Non-canon. Everything. He--

He grabs her hand and squeezes it. His hand is rough, and his fingers and palm have thick callouses.

"You're-- asking me?" He tries not to sound too incredulous, too shocked. He fails, scrambles for the joke, the one-liner. Is it honesty or just self-deprecation if he says it this way?

"I guess step one is don't do what I do."

[She didn't want to initialize it - Dirk has boundaries, he has things he doesn't want to do and she won't force them on him. But when he squeezes her hand, she squeezes his right back. A smooth hand, kept that way with care, but there's the light sensation of old scars; the slice of a slipped knife, a too-smooth patch where a burn left its mark. Little Jane wasn't born with a whisk in her hand, after all.]

You're the only person I can ask.

[You're the only one here.

Still, she nods at his advice. The specifics, she thinks, are in how he reacted when he arrived - dismissive, frustrative, brusque. Don't push everyone away. Don't isolate yourself.]

Okay...and step two?

"....do what you've been doing."

There's a second of silence. Then it's two seconds, three, four. It is abundantly clear to Dirk in this moment that not only is he the wrong person to be having this conversation with her, his own existence is antithetical to the kind of answers that she wants or needs. That his deepest and most personal truths, his moral character are so contradictory to what she wants, that he might as well just take whatever comes to him first and say the exact opposite. It's not that he's a bad person; sure, he's the villain, but he still thinks he's a good person. He knows, however, that 'good' isn't enough. He is not a bad person. He simply isn't a redeemable one.

Luckily, he doesn't need to tell her the truth as it applies to him. He doesn't need to talk about his reality any more.

And he doesn't need his own thoughts to be applicable.

He has Dave's.

"Dave and I ended up talking about this kind of thing, early on.... which ended up not mattering, at least not in the way I thought it did. But he said something that I think is relevant to you, which is that truly bad people don't wrestle so much with whether they're good or bad, and that when it comes to the struggle between becoming evil versus simply trying not to... caring enough to put in effort, that counts for something."

Edited 2021-01-31 10:57 (UTC)

Yeah?

[She's. Not really sure how such a conversation could've come about between Dirk and Dave, but they're good words. They're good words, Dirk. Keep doing what she's doing - as cheesy as it sounds, that amounts to continuing to live, laugh, and love - and to have some confidence that in wrestling with these questions, in wanting to be a good person, maybe she's on the right track to staying that way. That's.

That's actually reassuring, in a weird way.

Jane sniffs, wipes at her eyes with her free hand.]

I'll do my best, then.

[It's. Still gonna be difficult, at least for now. There's still going to be that awful ghost of a feeling in the back of her mind, of someone watching and fucking around with the synapses like setting up some ridiculous, elaborate gingerbread house, interior included, but. Maybe it can be pushed back against. With some work.]

...Augh, fuck, I've been such a bad host...

You have not, Jane!

[Dimitri is still out in the hallway, willing to wait however long it takes to make sure that Jane will be alright. A lot of things are going over his head - mainly the details - but he thinks... she's been getting better, thanks to Dirk.]

[So he's been content to let Dirk and his cow handle it, but at this... Well, this he feels he can help with.]

Of course you have been left unconscious for a few days... but that is nothing that you could have prevented. [He... thinks.] Despite that, you have planted seeds of kindness here that took care of us even when you yourself could not. This home that you have taken such care in maintaining? Your Pokemon, who have carried on your kind nature?

Those are the results of your effort and soul, Jane, and they have shown you a good host even when you could not actively be one.

[A low chuckle follows Dimitri's declaration, followed by Claude's disembodied voice since he's still out of Jane's line of sight.] I didn't want to interrupt, but since Dimitri already did...he's right, Jane. We've been enjoying your hospitality here even while you were indisposed, and none of us have felt any strain from your being incapacitated beyond our worrying about you - which any friend would've done, staying with you or not. Just look at Dirk. [It's technically a callout, but not much of one. If Dirk was trying to act cool and unaffected, he's been doing a terrible job.]

So don't you worry about us. We're all fine and well taken care of. You just focus on sorting out whatever you need to, okay? And I don't know if we can help, but any of us would be glad to if we can in repayment for everything you've already done for us - because we're all still well in your debt.

I think Chip's gonna be along with your tea any second, by the way.

Dirk is about to comment, about to ask her if she'd still be calling herself a bad host had Team Rocket come up behind her and cudgeled her in the back of the head and her time out of consciousness was accompanied by a real concussion or brain bleed, but his extremely blunt (ha) assurance is prevented by uninvited voices cutting in from the hall.

"...."

His head snaps towards the direction of the hallway, and there's no discernable change of expression to his deadpan. But while he squeezes her hand again, the speed with which he redirects his attention towards the others could be a clue to his opinions. Maybe. Just perhaps.

"This is how you express your gratitude? Rubbernecking during an intimate emotional and personal exchange? Where were you, crouched just outside her own doorway?"

The lack of emotion--of disappointment, anger, or even audible disapproval--is actually kind of impressive.

"Would it kill you to mind your own business for a little bit? Maybe give a woman a bit of privacy while she cries into the soft busom of a bipedal marshmallow following some honest-to-god trauma? Just fuckin' wondering."

Felix is farther down the hall, sitting against the wall with his knees pulled up toward his chest and his head pillowed on his arms on top of them. He dozed a little before Jane started shouting, but now he's wide awake again, confused and alarmed about what she was shouting. He can't hear any of Dirk's words, but he sure hears Dimitri and Claude, and he facepalms.

Their hearts are in the right place, but is now really the time?

"I thought you were going to let Dirk handle this for now. He hasn't come out yet, so I assume he's still doing that. Maybe the two of you should have gone down to get the tea."

Look, he's tired and grumpy and worried...he's not at his most tactful. (Which isn't all that tactful anyway, but hey.)

"Um..."

Oh, look who's here with a tray of cookies! Grant stands behind them with the mugs of tea, and both of them look like they're unsure if their timing could be any worse.

"I...the tea..."

[Dinah just fucking. Shoots Dirk a Look when he snaps back at the others. Shakes her head. Moves back between him and Jane to take her into a hug again. If you're going to be rude, then you don't get her girl, is the basic message. Yes, she is the JaneKeeper, Keeper of the Jane. The Batterwitch would quiver before her.

Also don't fucking call her a bipedal marshmallow, cripes.]

Ah-

[It's a lot to register - the kindness, Dirk's protectiveness, Dinah holding her again - so she's a bit stunned for a moment before she can clear her throat.]

Dirk - it's fine. It's. They're worried, just like you.

[This, she feels, is not presumptuous to say - you did hobble in here in a leg cast and apparently broke into her house to check on her, which is just how you show you care, and yes it's not a good idea but by gum that's not a discussion for right now!]

I...I should go out there. But you're right. You're very right, and...I'm going to follow your advice. I promise.

Funny. Dirk doesn't recall ever saying he was worried.

But it's fine. It'd whatever. He's not going to pick a fight about this in front of Jane, not when she's already strained to her limit just playing the gracious, appreciative host. He can't really comment in how appropriate feeding her cookies that are definitely subpar to her own is or isn't, but he does not present the most welcoming or even approachable figure as Chip tiptoes timidly into the room.

By now, Chip has probably at least discovered that Dirk has a personality besides "intimidating, imposing, and kind of mean," but.... well. Anyway. He's just sitting there, implacable and impassive. So go on, Chip. You can do it. Just walk past him. No problem. Right?

~~Jeez Dirk it's almost like, under the circumstances, worry is a reasonable response, and a reasonable reaction to assume you'd have~~

Given Chip's existing nervousness and Dirk's... just, everything, his whole vibe, Grant caaarefully positions himself to be between them before nudging Chip gently to keep them by his side. Nothing personal, Dirk, it's just that you're... concerning.

Also, though, he does have a mug of tea for Dirk, which he'll just... set down in his vicinity if Dirk doesn't go to take it.

He smiles gently at Jane, passing off her tea in turn. "Everyone will be glad to see you, but you shouldn't rush yourself if you're not up to getting up yet; I'd suggest at least eating and drinking something first."

Chip then carefully sidles by Dirk (very carefully not making any sort of eye contact) to put the tray of cookies as close to in Jane's lap as possible. It's all chocolate chip, and while not piping fresh they definitely haven't been sitting out long.

"There's...um. There's more in the fridge...if you want..."

...they were definitely making a batch a day.

Grant's flagrant attempt to defend his(?) kid from Dirk does not go unnoticed. Dirk's sigh is a strictly internal sentiment, though; he can't say it's unjustified. It's just--

Oh. Uh. He's being handed a mug?

It's... warm.

He takes it in his one free hand without seeming to react, just an impassive and uninterested recipient of a beverage he doesn't even attempt to drink.

Which is actually because he has strong feelings about psychoactive chemical substances, which includes caffeine--and he recognises the smell of a hot cup of tea. But it's nice of Grant to hand him one, even if he has to know Dirk isn't going to want it.

[Dirk, you're worried, it's fine. You don't need to say it for it to be true, don't be that guy.

~~Look I know he's That Guy but Jane believes in him, however ill advised that belief may be.~~

She looks up at Grant, tries to smile. It's a wan thing.] I...I really don't mind, I. It feels like I ought to, um, make up for lost time?

[They're going to ask Questions that she's not sure she's ready to answer, but at the same time, it's only fair? Of course they have questions. She woke up screaming.

Her smile towards Chip is a much more warm - she's putting effort in for them, because they're a kid and they're nervous, and also, cookies? Oh my God, they made these? She thinks they look spectacular.]

Aw, shucks Chip, thank you so much. I - you know, I am quite peckish, I'm going to try one right now. [And she does - and it's good! Very good! She hums and nods in approval. Already the cookie is working its magic.] Did you make these? You did a good job.

[100% said in earnest, she thinks they're some swell cookies.]

[They smile when she takes a bite, and perk up a bit more when she compliments them.] Really? I--I just followed the recipe on the bag, so...

[The first few batches are, uh. Maybe less edible, to be honest. Just toss those out for the Zigzagoon hoard.]

[Chip frowns again, though, and start to reach for her hand--before they think better of it, and just grip the bedsheets instead. They weren't nearby to hear any of the stuff about dying or batterwitches, but...]

...you're okay, right?

[She's being honest, they are good cookies. Sometimes following the recipe on the bag is the best move.

She hesitates a little at the question, though.]

...I'm...I'm here. I'm still here. That's what matters.

[So not "alright", but. Jane definitely feels like she could have a chance to be alright with time.]

Dirk makes a sound--a short, truncated exhalation of breath that might have been a laugh, although what kind of laugh is unclear. It might not have been a laugh. It might just have been him thinking.

He's got a lot of thoughts going right now, and most of them are even relevant.

Well, maybe not relevant, not in the canonical sense. Just in the topical one.

That's what matters. It is, isn't it. In both a positive sense and... well. His own. Which he'll be keeping to himself, for now. Whatever negative implications come bundled with that truth are for him and him alone. For Jane, she can go nowhere but up. At least by her own measure. And what other measure bears weight here?

He's starting to feel disconnected from it all, his presence alien. Maybe not strictly uninvited, but...

"Yeah," he agrees quietly from his spot on the bed.

Still here.

That's what matters.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So no one told you life was gonna be this way...

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