video; backdated to The Secrets

[sassymaru]

A moment of your time, if you please!

[It's Shadowmaru, perched on the porch railing of his little Olivine cottage. But, alas, the former AI looks... rather less than his usual calm self. His hair is more out of place than usual, falling out of the short tail he's tried to put it up into.]

I'm aware I'm not the only one to receive some odd messages. However... the nature of them is somewhat disconcerting.

[He holds one up to the camera.]

"He's so pretty," and some coarse language... then "I never seen a pretty man before. Like pretty like a girl pretty."

[His expression is mildly alarmed by this.]

The other is no better. Behold! [Again, he holds one up.] "I don't know if I want to take you under my wing or. Do less than polite things with you."

[He sets them aside, carefully, as if they may bite him.]

I hardly think I need to state why these are distressing notes to read. Less than polite things? I... scarcely know what to say to this!

Any of this!

[Which translates to: help I have no idea how to process this information, in Shadowmaru speak.]

Comments

[lifebloomsanew]

Oh, but what's wrong with any of those? They sound like very kind sentiments...

[sassymaru]

I... apologize - I fail to see how "less than polite things" is... at all kind.

[lifebloomsanew]

Oh, well, I'm not quite sure what that means, but the rest seem like compliments to me...

[sassymaru]

Truly?

"I've never seen a pretty man" is... a compliment?

[lifebloomsanew]

Because they've never seen a pretty man until you! They're calling you pretty, and that's something nice humans call each other. My husband calls me pretty all the time.

[sassymaru]

You - aren't human yourself?

[video]

[captainash]

Some people felt like over-sharing, it looks like.

[Ash is so, so glad all he got out of that mess was a new friend.]

There are no info or details you can use to identify the source of those messages, are there? Then again, what could you even say to that?

[video]

[sassymaru]

They were delivered via pokemon. So, alas, no. Not even my skills can locate the writers.

I have no idea what to say to this!

[video]

[captainash]

If the sources of these messages don't respond, you could just try to forget them and pretend you never read them.

[A beat.]

Easier said than done, I know, but better than thinking too much about it.

[video]

[sassymaru]

How... how am I to know who sent them?

[video]

[captainash]

Walking up to everyone you know and interrogating them is an option, but not one I'd recommend. You can also hope they'll contact you to apologize for disturbing you, but they may be too embarrassed to do so.

[video]

[sassymaru]

Mm, alas, my interrogation protocols are woefully out of date. It was never my ... purpose.

video

[sharddrive]

Romance makes people get weird.

[He- isn't sure he can actually judge how pretty Shadowmaru is.]

video

[sassymaru]

I'm not romantically involved with anyone!

[flurryofbeaus]

People want to have sex with you, not choke you out in a dark alley. Tell them you're not interested, and punch them if they don't back the hell off.

[sassymaru]

I don't know who they are!

[flurryofbeaus]

They're probably watching this, so make a general public statement.

Or, you know. Sit down and think over how many wannabe mentors you actually have. That should get you one of them narrowed down.

[sassymaru]

The only mentor I have of this... variety would never speak to me in such a way.

[Lance would never!!]

[flurryofbeaus]

You absolutely sure of that?

Because that sounded like some pervy teacher shit.

[sassymaru]

I am absolutely certain my happily married friend has no desire to say such lewd things to me!

[un_oiseau_rebelle]

[Shinobu can't help but grimace.]

Well, they did say they were on a mission of love.

[sassymaru]

This is hardly expressions of love and romance.

This is simply lewd.

[un_oiseau_rebelle]

I'm not arguing the point, but it's what the Indeedee said they were doing.

[sassymaru]

Then they must have been tragically misinformed.

Or outright lied to.

[un_oiseau_rebelle]

Or intentionally obfuscating - they wouldn't explain any further.

But I'm not sure if the cards were meant as declarations of love in themselves - mine were completely platonic - so much as a way to encourage love through honesty. Stripping away pretenses and such. Which is still terrible, and raises the question of why they'd be doing such a thing, but still.