[TEXT - I'm so sorry]

[uber_marionettist]

You all know what today is?

No?

Can't say as I'm surprised, but it's 4/13, and that means cake. Amongst other things.

Don't bother checking your calendars for clues. Here in Johto and Kanto, it's just another spring Tuesday. But on the last version of Earth I inhabited, today would be a major planet-wide holiday. One that all four kingdoms celebrated. From dawn 'til dusk, 'til dawn on 4/14... I'm talking parades with balloons and floats, cakes and confetti and costumes, Can Towns sprawling a whole city block. Head injuries from ill-behaved bucket-slinging teens. Gatherings so packed they violate fire ordinance. All the trappings of unrestrained revelry.

I'm not saying I miss it. It's not like that. I'm a private person, not a party animal. Ain't nothing here to celebrate, anyway. But it'd be downright sacrilige to let it go without even a word of acknowledgement.

....

I'm being serious about that. It's actually sacriligious.

And me being who I am, I can't abide that.

Say it with me now:

Happy 4/13, y'all.

Comments

[amaure]

How careless of me, I should have procured a cake for such a dear occasion. I do suppose there is yet time to obtain such goods, though as I think on it, mayhap you would rather something else?

[uber_marionettist]

[We're doing this in public, huh?]

Not that I have anything against cake, but promise me no grey face paint and you might just have my attention.

[amaure]

[Whether or not Emet's message was meant to be taken in any certain way is left up to the reader's discretion. Perhaps it was an innocent "something else". Like ramen!]

Indeed I did not think you had scorn for baked goods, at least, not entirely, but I believe you've a better source for such delights than some random bakery, yes?

But worry not, I have little interest in painting myself so. Though, I see you have no objection to horns.

[uber_marionettist]

[He could have meant anything by that, I know. But the first time I started a bit with him, it led pretty much directly to this

Who said that? I never said that.

I do know a girl who makes a cake like you wouldn't believe, though. That one's true.

[fingersandteeth]

And here I thought it was just one of those little known holidays celebrating food.

You know. International Hamsteak Day.

[Sometimes Steven is an asshole.]

[uber_marionettist]

That one's actually 4/15.

[fingersandteeth]

I stand corrected.

[happyhalloween]

happy 4/13 y'all! what's a y'all?

i want to have cake and a parade and balloons and floats and costumes! especially cake!! i love cake!!!

why are the teenagers throwing buckets???

[uber_marionettist]

[Legitimately can't tell if this is a kid or an adult. Hate that for me.]

Y'all, like all'a y'all. You All, but better.

Unfortunately, I can't tell you about the buckets until I know how old you are. I don't wanna get us in trouble.

[happyhalloween]

i'm nine! nine and a half!

[So kid.]

[Text]

[cyan_maid]

Oh my God, no. No, stop.
Stop it right now, buster.
Today's a wonderful day, yes, but in no way is it warranting such flagrant celebrations!
Please do not actually try to instate today as a regional holiday in another world, please...!

[uber_marionettist]

Well, if it ain't the birthday girl herself. Are you really telling me you never wanted to see yourself as a 70-foot parade balloon? Not even once?

I wouldn't worry about it so much. You and I both know it won't get that far. Besides, I'm telling the truth.

[cyan_maid]

I...honestly never imagined it?
Because in truth, I could never think of a situation in which a seventy foot tall parade balloon of myself would ever be a feasible possibility.

See, I know you're telling the truth, and that's what makes it even more mind-boggling and worrisome!
Even if I don't get it, I know you're being honest!
And it's bonkers!

[uber_marionettist]

Bonkers is a pretty good word for it. After the first one, I preferred to watch the festivities from a safe, high vantage. You know, away from the admiring throngs.

I still made sure they knew they had my seal of approval when they swapped to having a separate balloon for my decapitated head, though.

[cyan_maid]

...Oh, God, you would.
You absolutely would let people do that.
Oh my God.
God freakin' damn it.
Now I'll know that if one of those weird weekends happen again and all I have is a fuzzy memory of you riding a balloon of your own decapitated head, it wasn't some kind of fever dream.

[uber_marionettist]

What can I say? It was an inspired creative decision on their end. That's the kind of high calibre choice that you see from people with nothing but respect for the source material.

[cyan_maid]

Duly noted.
And I insist that there not be anything like that happening here, because I might actually expire from shock.

[uber_marionettist]

I'd say 'no promises,' but it is your birthday. And Dave has a real bug up his ass about the whole decpitation meme thing as it is, so you don't even gotta use up your birthday wish for that one.

[cyan_maid]

I mean, I wouldn't be surprised it bothers him? You're family, of course he wouldn't want there to be a meme of your head being cut off.
But thank you, I appreciate it.

[uber_marionettist]

[I'd argue that Dave being family is exactly why h--you know what? Never mind. That's Strider business.]

So what is your birthday wish? I thought I'd wait and ask this year. So don't say it's nothing.

[cyan_maid]

My birthday wish? Well, I was under the impression that those are to be kept secret for when you blow the candles out on your birthday cake, or else it won't come true. ;B

[ron_factor]

You know you didn't mention what exactly we're supposed to be celebrating, right?

[uber_marionettist]

Yeah, that was on purpose.

You ever read something about another person's holiday, and as you're reading it, you realise it sounds stupid as hell? Like, I could say the whole world was celebrating a birthday and it would be accurate, but it would also make it sound like a planet of potential idiots.

But since I've said it, let's call 4/13 a big planet-wide birthday party. That work for you?

[ron_factor]

Fair enough.

I can't really talk, like 99% of my holidays basically boil down to "They tried to kill us all, they failed, let's eat."

oh me too Ron

[uber_marionettist]

Not bad. But it sounds pretty reductive after like four or five of those, right? That's the thing.

That said, I can personally attest that there was plenty of attempted and successful death along the way to this one, if it helps you get into the spirit.