[Closed]

[rollstoseduce]

Who: A metaphorical wolf, an actual wolf, a bard, a swordcat, a rat king, a poison king, a horse with wings, a horse with a bug fish name and a wyvern eta and now a second horse
Where: National Park
When: Some time during 4th wall
Summary: Sparring! Powers! Potions! Animals! Secrets revealed, oh my!
Rating: let's give it an R for naughty jokes and references in narration



So you want to fight a witcher?
>Yes
>No
>Gwent

Comments

[bestswordmaster]

Felix blinks a little at the story about Geralt. Not at the reason Claude was afraid, but at the fact that he somehow just made himself calm down and stop feeling something in a matter of minutes, or less. Obviously, Felix knew that Claude was very good at seeming unaffected, but he had no idea Claude was capable of literally being unaffected just because he decided he was. Felix doesn't have the first clue how that would even work. It seems like magic to him, honestly.

But that thought goes by the wayside quickly. Claude clutches him tightly and hides his face, and it seems like a clear message to Felix--one he doesn't think he's ever gotten from this man before. He quietly brings one hand up to stroke through Claude's hair and holds him close with the other, seeing no reason to say anything else just yet. He wouldn't know what else to say, anyway.

Felix may not be a very patient man by nature, but there's no impatience here. He'll sit here like this for as long as Claude wants. All evening and all night, if that's what he wants. Maybe the way Felix can protect Claude from an attack like this is with a shield not of steel, but of the certainty that Felix cares for him more than he knows how to put into words.

[vrdantwind]

Claude hasn't been meditating for a large portion of his life just to not be good at clearing his head and his heart when he needs to. Conscious control over what he expresses, and even feels at times, hasn't just been an ideal to pursue; at times it's been a legitimate survival tactic.

Claude really does seem like he could sit with Felix like this indefinitely. But, the longer Felix holds him...the more Felix will feel the tension, the desperation, slowly seeping out of him. The closeness and reassurance are clearly providing some kind of comfort, even without any words beyond that one spoken 'I love you'.

But, eventually, Claude does speak. "I love you, too." His voice is quiet.

[bestswordmaster]

The more Claude relaxes, the more Felix relaxes with him. By the time the quiet response comes, Felix has long since bowed his head to bury his face in Claude's hair. Now, he lifts his head only to press a kiss into those curls.

"We don't have to talk anymore," he says softly. "If you would rather not. I can stay here, or...I can go. Or we could do something else. I don't know. It's your choice."

Felix, for all that he often pushes people away when he's upset, rarely actually wants to be alone no matter how much he tells himself he does. Being alone and tiring himself out is much easier, but it's not any kind of comfort for him. He doesn't know whether Claude is the same, or whether he really would feel better being by himself for a while. He finds it strange and a bit alarming that he doesn't know that; he and Claude have been together for a while now. Why does he still know so little about what Claude truly needs or wants? He feels like he should know these things, but asking seems like defeat - like admitting he doesn't know, revealing how little he understands someone so close to him.

But maybe he knows one more thing now than he knew before.

[vrdantwind]

"I want you here," Claude murmurs, without hesitation. His arms around Felix don't loosen their hold any, either. "And...I don't mind talking more, but I don't know what else to say. I just...feel stupid. For a hundred different reasons.

"I still can't figure out what I should have done differently, or better. I keep looking over things, looking for where they went off track, but even knowing it must be somewhere, I can't find it. I can't even figure out if I really did something wrong, or if I was just...an idiot to trust him. To believe in how much he acted like he cared about me. Not romantically, but even just someone who mattered to him. I've seen how he treats the one person who actually matters to him, and it's not like this. Not just...walking away forever over some minor grievance. Not using Geralt's insecurities against him because he's annoyed. So just how badly did I miscalculate? How much did I not see?"

[bestswordmaster]

I want you here, Claude says, and it makes Felix feel sort of warm and settled. When Claude had said that he was okay with talking now because it wouldn't be any easier later, Felix thought maybe it still seemed like an obligation to him, one he didn't really want to fulfill at all but felt like he should. Felix wanted to help Claude, and Claude had shown him that talking could help if one did it right, but he's aware that he's not the person anyone would willingly go to for that sort of thing, and he can't blame them.

But Claude said I want you here. So he is helping, after all. Good.

Felix frowns, resting his cheek on top of Claude's head again and thinking.

"You once told me conversation could be like battle. So it makes sense that you're reviewing what happened to identify what you need to train to improve for next time. But sometimes, factors you couldn't possibly have taken into account ahead of time affect the outcome. It doesn't make sense to put the blame on yourself for those. Right?"

[vrdantwind]

"That's true," Claude admits. "The problem is that I can't tell whether or not those kinds of factors were in play here...or if it was all factors I could've controlled, if I hadn't failed at that. It's not really easy to tell. I can't see anything I could have done differently, anything I should've changed that might have helped...but am I not seeing them because they're not there, or because I'm missing them?"