victory_road | NETWORK ; 002

[Millennial Tree Cookie supposes this person may expect text responses, but... the thing is, he is very bad at typing. So here comes a somewhat shaky, poorly-framed Grampa Video.]

Many beings seem to have trouble adapting to improved circumstances after growing used to danger... it is only natural. In what ways have you struggled to embrace this world?

Forgive me, I'm not exactly up for speaking at the moment.

I should be thankful for how peaceful it is. That I have a chance to rest, finally. And yet, the calm and quiet are disturbing. I feel like at any moment, I should be back on the battlefield, or that the slightest thing could shatter this world.

That is no trouble at all. I can try to respond in kind, if you would prefer - though I am not very skilled with this device.

Five years is quite a long time for... many beings, is it not? [Since he knows that there are others here who weren't originally human.] Enough to feel interminable, to influence your sense of what is "normal". And then, of course, you will expect a return to "normalcy".

You don't need to trouble yourself.

But yes. It's practically a quarter of my life.

( and then there's everything else she's endured. has she ever truly had a moment's peace since she was two? )

I know the war would be ending soon, thanks to the place in time my friends here were also taken from- and with that, rebuilding and prosperity. And yet, I can't seem to accept it here. It feels wrong.

I am afraid you likely would have had the same difficulties if you were to experience the war's end more naturally; your struggle may not be a product of your location, but simply of the peace itself. Whether it came about here or there, that peace would surely take time to adapt to.

I fear you may be correct. When strife is all one's ever known, anything less feels alien. And yet, being able to embrace it is all I want, despite how it eludes me.

I'm sure you will be able to, with time. As difficult as waiting for such changes may be, that patience can be well worth it.

I only hope you have others around you who can understand your experiences more directly; I gather that being able to discuss such difficulties can help in moving forward.

Several friends of mine from my home realm are also here. Aside from Felix, and occasionally Dimitri's own instances, it feels as if everyone else has settled so well. I can't help but feel out of place among them sometimes.

[Ah, yes. He supposes it makes sense that she would want to move the conversation out of the public eye, given how personal this seems to be... and he certainly takes note of Dimitri's name.]

How long have they had to adjust, in comparison to yourself?

You must find the answer for yourself.

As if I haven't been trying. But I can't, so I'm asking.

And that is my answer. No one else can answer this question for you.

Time. It just takes time.

I used to think I'd never have enough, and now that I do I don't even know what to do with it.

It helps to have a hobby. Can you think back to the sorts of things you liked to do before the war started?

I've only ever thrown myself into my studies- magic, to fight with. Strategy. I don't think I've done anything that isn't related to combat, ever. I tried to do the same with the new technologies available, but it only lasts for so long.

What did you do?

I kind of have the same problem. I started military training at 12. Never had much time to have or develop other interests.

Here, I like to train Pokemon and battle. I'm on the second round of my Gym Challenge right now. I also like to do high-speed flight with my Pidgeot. And... sketching, I guess.

When I first arrived here, I was given the tools to be a pokémon breeder. It feels like yet one more thing telling me to lay down my tomes and strategy books that's more like a slap in the face, to be honest.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to complain. Your insight is appreciated. Truly.

Have you been able to accept it?

It's okay to complain. I do it all the time.

Honestly? No. As long as things aren't resolved at home, I never will be. But I've acclimated, more or less.

Honestly, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one who can't seem to accept it. It shouldn't be, because it's frankly one of the worst feelings I've experienced, but it is.

It's your life. Your memories. You get to decide how you want to live.

Not saying that's easy or anything, but it's the truth.

You're right.

I just wish that it was easy.

Magical theory, battle strategy, they come to me as easily as walking. But this? Nothing's felt harder.

Did you ever think you'd live to see the other end of the war? That you'd be there when it was all over?

To be completely honest? Not entirely. I suffer from many health problems. They thankfully don't apply here in this realm... It would be nice, of course, but there was a risk of the war making them worse, or accelerating things.

Health problems? Are you a strategist or something?

[Since he assumes that most health problems would prevent someone from being on the battlefield.]

My world has been at war for over sixty years. At some point, you grow so tired of it that peace feels like an oasis in a burning desert. But if you don't want to drown, finding a goal, be it permanent or temporary, that requires intensive activity helps greatly.

I've tried throwing myself into learning everything I could about the technology and advancements in this realm, and yet nothing is distracting enough. I can't get settled at all. Even traveling- which should familiar, as a soldier constantly on the march- feels unfamiliar now.

Since you were used to fighting, what about Pokémon battling? It's not the same as fighting by yourself, I know. And doing the Gym challenge isn't for everyone. But you can challenge yourself in a thousand ways, with some creativity.

I had considered it, but relying on the power of something else instead of my own... I don't know. It's so different, I can't quite put it into words.

Maybe I should do it anyways. If only because it's something to do.

It can be an unpleasant reminder that we don't have access to our usual powers, skills or tools, in a way. It also involves trusting greatures we've only recently discovered and that may look far too fragile to battle to our eyes.

Still, snatching victory from the jaws of defeat is a feeling pleasant enough to aim for, and it's a good excuse to celebrate or treat yourself to boot.

Reasonably, I know my pokemon are far stronger than they seem, but yes. One is a dollop of cream, Captain Ash. It boggles the mind, sometimes.

... But you have a point.

I believe that with all of this, I may have jumped in too soon to trying to acclimate.

Between your dollop of cream, my ice cream cone and the little meringues I've seen walking around, making the opponent too hungry to think is starting to looke like a valid strategy. Still, I have to wonder what the locals think of our confusion, used as they are to little birds that can potentially lift grown adults.

That's understandable. There's so much to see here, so much to discover and train, that every moment not spent trying to learn feels almost wasted.

I try to tell myself they'd be just as confused about things that are a regular facet of life for myself back home, honestly. But with all they've likely seen over the years since we started arriving, who could say for sure?

Even trying to see everything feels hollow, I must admit. Things that should and do bring joy and wonder fade too quickly. As selfish as it is however, I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling. I'd hate for there to just be something wrong with me.

Considering they only see small, sanitized shards of foreign lands, people forced to adapt to their own culture to boot, I think they'd be in for a shock. The mere absence of Pokémon or similar creatures would be difficult to adapt to.

Many among us go through similar experiences, one way or another. I travelled through a whole region, got all the badges there, and when I moved on to the next I just... couldn't muster the will to keep going, even with a personal challenge to keep things fresh. Brains are funny like that.

'Funny' isn't exactly the word I would use. So many people in my life seem perfectly at ease. Only a couple seem to struggle the way I do. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.

I don't know if there's a way to ever really get used to it completely.

But for me, usually it helps to take a nice, long nap, somewhere sunny and warm.

( it's a suggestion that's so unlike her that it actually makes her laugh? so hey, bonus points, there. )

I think you might get along with an old classmate of mine. He found such things helpful as well.

Is that so? He sounds like the kind of guy who knows what's important in life.

He was very much a man of his own comfort. Little mattered to him other than what made him happy, and what made him happy was learning and sleeping. He was gentle.

( and incredibly weird. )

I can only hope circumstances have treated him kindly.

You haven't seen him in a while, then?

No. We're on opposing sides of the war.

Oh. That sucks. Sorry to hear it.

[Some nuance is lost through text but that's fine.]

Who knows, though. He could show up here some time.

[Ah. This dilemma. Dimitri understands it, in a way.]

I wish that I could give you an answer that would work well, Lysithea. Sometimes, it almost seems as though I am a human person again, and I could perhaps be something worth interacting with.

Yet all too often, even here, I feel myself slipping. Sometimes it is in grand ways. During the winter holidays, for example, I became violent once more, and said such dreadful things that Felix could not even look at me.

Even when such events do not happen, I feel as though the battlefield haunts me, and has done so for many years even before this. Sometimes I cannot even put myself to sleep naturally, because a part of me is certain that some unknown enemy will find me, and I will have to thwart an attempt on my life.

I wish you the best of luck in finding answers, Lysithea. I do not know how to feel truly at peace, but I can help with finding ways to sleep peacefully, or eating well, even when one's body wants to refuse both of these things. Sometimes focusing inwards on one's self is the first step.

NETWORK ; 002

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