[video / action for the parking lot of the violet city dedenny's]

[meteorman]

[At a little past three in the morning a video shows up on the 'gear. Ford has been something of a cryptid as of late -- more than he usually is -- and this picture just hammers that home. He's standing in what looks like... the parking lot of a Dedenny's? The lighting isn't great considering he's outside at night, which really adds to the ambience. The light from the sign glints off his glasses. He looks a little manic, but what's new?]

Come to -- what's the phrase-- come to the Violet City Dedenny's if you want an asskicking.

[Look at him, learning memes that are simultaneously from his future and also extremely out of date.]

I'm turning seventy-four in one week. I want to start celebrating early.

[There's a momentary pause.]

I should clarify I am referring to a Pokémon battle. If you were to physically fight me it wouldn't be very fair to you.

I am also open to verbal debate if you don't feel like coming all the way to Violet at three in the morning. I've noticed there isn't egalitarian appreciation of Pokémon and I won't stand for it. Every Pokémon is cute, not only your standard Eevee or Cleffa.

[He lifts up a fat little Pyukumuku. It extends its 'hand' and bops him gently on the face, skewing his glasses.]

You look at Eviscerator and tell her she isn't adorable.

Comments

[meteorman]

That's half the reason, yes.

If I were allowed to give her a knife it would work the other way as well.

[uber_marionettist]

Okay, so that's disingenuous and misleading. I could put rubber gloves on Acorn's ears and call him Handsy but that's not reflective of his actual material qualities. You basically took an Appletun and called it Hannibal because other people eat parts of it.

[meteorman]

I'm not the one who decided what the physical process of expelling organs is called when referring to a sea cucumber or sea cucumber adjacent energy being. If you want to critique my choices you could dock me points for being too literal, but disingenuous? No.

[They are friends.]

Friendship is a beautiful thing

[uber_marionettist]

I'm docking points for being pedantic and hyperliteral simultaneously.

[meteorman]

You can't dock me points for being pedantic. That's like docking water points for being wet.

[Whoa-ho! Look who's self-aware a little as a treat!]

[uber_marionettist]

Who said I wasn't docking points for that? As far as I'm concerned, that's two strikes against Eviscerator here already.

[I won't pretend that I'm not enjoying myself here. Because I am.]

[meteorman]

[Oh NOW we're getting into it]

For a man who once told me I didn't bathe enough you certainly have some questionable opinions about water. Not that I'd recommend bathing in the ocean but you're still wrong.

[uber_marionettist]

Oh, my bad. A shower is absolutely indistinguishable from a body of water that comprises over seventy percent of the planet on a good day, you sure fucking got me.

Also that's blatant misrepresentation of my character. At most, I suggested that you have a preference for musty basements and that your hair desperately needed some attention. Like a shampoo and conditioner that aren't part of a five-in-one.

[meteorman]

You said my hair was moldy.

I explained before and I will explain again: I favor efficiency over appearance. I don't see what's wrong with that. There's only so many hours in a day and I don't want to waste too many of them primping.

[Using separate shampoo and conditioner is totally 'primping'.]