[video / action for the parking lot of the violet city dedenny's]

[meteorman]

[At a little past three in the morning a video shows up on the 'gear. Ford has been something of a cryptid as of late -- more than he usually is -- and this picture just hammers that home. He's standing in what looks like... the parking lot of a Dedenny's? The lighting isn't great considering he's outside at night, which really adds to the ambience. The light from the sign glints off his glasses. He looks a little manic, but what's new?]

Come to -- what's the phrase-- come to the Violet City Dedenny's if you want an asskicking.

[Look at him, learning memes that are simultaneously from his future and also extremely out of date.]

I'm turning seventy-four in one week. I want to start celebrating early.

[There's a momentary pause.]

I should clarify I am referring to a Pokémon battle. If you were to physically fight me it wouldn't be very fair to you.

I am also open to verbal debate if you don't feel like coming all the way to Violet at three in the morning. I've noticed there isn't egalitarian appreciation of Pokémon and I won't stand for it. Every Pokémon is cute, not only your standard Eevee or Cleffa.

[He lifts up a fat little Pyukumuku. It extends its 'hand' and bops him gently on the face, skewing his glasses.]

You look at Eviscerator and tell her she isn't adorable.

Comments

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[uber_marionettist]

Question. Is she named Eviscerator because she ejects her own organs?

[meteorman]

That's half the reason, yes.

If I were allowed to give her a knife it would work the other way as well.

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[fingersandteeth]

But what if I *wanted* to physically fight you, Dr Pines?

[He's probably still ultimately getting his ass kicked in that case, of course, but not nearly as badly as he would have before he went home for a few years.]

[meteorman]

Worst-case scenario, I'd break one or both of your arms and then we'd get arrested in a Dedenny's parking lot, which is probably one of the worst places in which to get arrested.

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[neverfinishanyth]

Is that some kind of sea creature?

[meteorman]

Yes! Or rather it's a water-type Pokémon that closely resembles a sea creature, but, details. Eviscerator is a sea cucumber, often considered one of the ugliest animals in the sea by people who have no taste.

video;

[breakyourlife]

[Is he laughing? Yeah, he's laughing.]

Dude. Maybe like a hundred years ago. You're lucky Pokémon battles are the big thing here, or you'd have had quit fighting forever ago.

[meteorman]

[Oh you sweet summer child.]

I disagree. If anything I'm still disappointed the social rules of this universe prevented me from breaking Lusamine's nose.

[Is he still sore about something that happened, like, over a year ago? Oh yeah.]

Video

[adandyinspace]

[Anyone? No? Alright.]

IT'S THREE IN THE GODDAMN MORNING!!

[meteorman]

You know you can mute your Pokégear, correct?

[he's 74 and even he knows what 'do not disturb' is]

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[amaure]

Seventy-four hard earned years, no doubt. That you should be so physically fit at such an age is truly impressive.

[He remembers how his mortal vessel felt at seventy-four, and it's wasn't exactly great. There was a lot of napping, that's for sure.]

As for the matter of these creatures... [He smiles politely.] Well, there's no accounting for taste, I suppose.

[meteorman]

It isn't so difficult when you get into the habit of daily exercise and mindfulness.

[And also you treat your body like a tool and have a problem with pushing yourself to your limit constantly against all common sense but you know.

Eviscerator continues to bap gently at his face, skewing his glasses more and more. He serenely ignores it.]

At least you're self-aware enough to admit you have bad taste.

[schachmeister]

[Armin has an arlert alert set up on his gear for when certain people post to the network. These people mean a lot to him and he doesn't want to miss anything they might have to say.

Of course, he didn't expect one of those people to post to the network at 3 goddamn am.]

I agree that Eviscerator is really adorable. [super groggy sounding and looking. There are blanket creases on the meat of his cheek.] but couldn't this sort of thing have waited until morning.

[meteorman]

No, no. I'm under the distinct impression that the only appropriate time to invite people to a liminal public place for an asskicking is late at night. It's part of the cultural tradition.

[This is his area of study he totally has this on lock. It's serious science.]

Video

[bestswordmaster]

[Why is Felix awake at 3am? It's probably Sylvain's fault.]

You're turning 74 and you think physically fighting you wouldn't be fair to someone else? Big words, old man. What could you possibly do to back them up?

[meteorman]

[Why wouldn't you be awake at 3am. That's a totally normal time to be awake. Probably. Or maybe that's just a Ford thing, but he's never had good sleep hygiene.]

I don't have anyone on-hand who would be comfortable with me breaking their bones as a demonstration. Generally people tend to not like that. I can break and re-set my own nose as a party trick but all that proves is I've been punched in the face a not-insignificant number of times.

[nastyboy]

[Dimitri should not be up at 3 in the morning]

[Dimitri should not be considering getting into a fight with the very nice man who gave him a painted picture of Gremlin With Sunflower.]

[but here we are]

If I came to meet you, would you promise not to tell my boyfriends? [okay, good, he's able to use plural casually now, awesome] And also -ah, are you not a gym leader, Sir Pines? Would this count as an official gym match, or simply for fun?

[meteorman]

[Counterpoint: friendly fighting is the doorway to friendship. This is a natural progression of their acquaintanceship.]

... You know, I hadn't considered that.

I think if you decide to come all the way to a Dedenny's parking lot at three in the morning that's enough to count for a badge. We'll tell your boyfriends you earned it the traditional way.

[Unless they like... scroll back and see this post but you know what, one thing at a time.]

It isn't as though the League can tell me it isn't official enough, they've given out badges just because the sprinkler system went off at the wrong time and no one complained.

action because Chip isn't a COWARD

[demonpuppy]

[Fifteen minutes after the post goes up, a small child is running up to the parking lot outside patio Ford is currently hanging about in. This is probably fine.]

Battle!!

[They have a Salandit on their head and hair so messy they were clearly in bed on their Pokegear when this post went up.]

chip and dimitri are the only valid people on this post

[meteorman]

[See, anyone else might see a young child barreling toward them and re-think the whole 'asskicking' thing. Ford, however, has known kids who could and would kick his ass. He knows better than to underestimate a child. There is only one reservation he has:]

Hold on, now. Around what level Pokémon do you have with you? I want this to be fair.

[Really it's that he prefers a genuine challenge. There's nothing fun about flattening someone with a team of six level 100 Pokémon unless their team is on the same level.]

[Video]

[cyan_maid]

Seventy-four? You could've fooled me!

[Hey there haven't gotten to chat with Ford in a dog's age but WOW THAT'S MANY YEAR how does he manage to keep going like he does]

While it is far too late at night for me to contemplate embroiling myself in any metaphorical ass-kickings, I don't mind having conversations about the cuteness factor of a Pokemon who others might not consider cute. I find that personal relationships with a Pokemon help foster maximum cuteness opinions.

[See: Gertrude the shiny Grimer, permanent resident of Jane's kitchen, just the sweetest thing that smells like burnt sugar and leftover icing.]

[meteorman]

[See, Jane gets it. Jane has good taste. Everyone else is just mean.]

This is true. Our personal rosters may introduce bias. As a counter-point: I used to think Clefable were fairly cute until I worked with one myself and now I can tell you that they are capable of being terrifying monsters. Being pink means nothing. It's camouflage.

[Jane has probably seen Phoebe. She knows. She is aware.]

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[epitaffio]

[What Doppio is doing up at three in the morning is a mystery, but either he hasn't been up for long or he's about to go back to sleep, because boy his eyes are bleary. Looking at Eviscerator seems to wake him up a little, though...]

She IS really cute! Um, what is she?

[Also, pretty bold of this old man to boast like that... But it's 3 AM, Doppio can only focus on one thing at a time and he clearly has his priorities straight.]

[meteorman]

[Ford Pines is a lot of things but ridiculously confident in his own skills is one of the top five. He's been around long enough that he is pretty familiar with what he can and cannot do. That doesn't mean he isn't constantly pushing the envelope, but you know. He doesn't boast. He just says facts.

He might boast a little.]

A Pyukumuku! Primarily native to the islands of Alola, though they can be found just about anywhere there's ocean. If you're familiar with Earth animals, the closest comparison would be a sea cucumber.

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[scourgingstars]

goodness, i remember being a spry young man of only seventy-four. regrettably, i have neither the physical nor the team-based strength to engage such a fun request on any level of meaning.

[what's a sleep, is it that thing he does in the afternoon]

[meteorman]

I wouldn't be so sure! I tend to keep a variety of Pokémon of many different strengths with me. I don't enjoy relying on level alone to win my battles. I am currently equipped for at least a one v one match at around the level 20 mark.

[He will MAKE IT so you can fight him, do not underestimate grandpa.

Should he ask about 'only seventy-four'? Probably. On the other hand Stanford Pines has known enough ancient beings or people with weird time shenanigans. At this point it feels incidental.]

text - reply at not 3 am

[instrumentally]

Are you still at the restaurant?

[meteorman]

Yes, actually. As it turns out they have decent food as well as a spacious parking lot.

["Decent" feels like a fair word here.]

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[missleadingquestions]

She's adorable and she's got a cool name.

[Maya is spending her after-work hours pokemon hunting in and around Lavender Town with a soft lantern in hand. She's taking a break to indulge this fight call from afar, with Mimikyu resting in her lap.]

You're right though. All pokemon are cute.

Ghosts just happen to be cuter than the rest.

[Clearly this is something to fight about??]

[meteorman]

[... See, Ford thinks about his roster and about the ghost types he knows and realizes he can't really argue this point? Ghosts are statistically more likely to be cuter. She's not wrong.]

I don't know if I would say that every Ghost-type is cuter than any other Pokémon, but I would agree that on average they tend toward the top. My Dhelmise, for instance -- when it found out I had named it after a famous ghost ship it suddenly became very serious about living up to that legacy. The legacy of a ship that never even existed in this reality! So sweet.

[This single paragraph should tell you everything you need to know about Stanford Pines and how he is defining 'cute' here.]

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[shiro2hero]

You had me worried there for a second. The thought of you throwing down behind a diner is kind of terrifying.



You know for whoever you went up against.

[meteorman]

Apparently I've been quiet enough lately that there are people who don't believe me when I say that.

[He may be fighting at least one of them. You know. He's a Pines, once he's challenged he can't ignore it. There's family honor on the line.]

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[tokenelfcharacter]

And if we wish to fight YOU?

[meteorman]

I won't turn you away, but I will tell you that I don't make a habit of exaggerating my abilities.

Also we'll have to be quick about it in order to not get the Jennies called on us.

[Video]

[floatsaway]

[The video feed actually comes several hours later - because ya girl Ochako isn't stupid enough to forget to put her Gear on silent mode when she sleeps - though she is still a wee bit sleepy, hair mussed and sticking up slightly in one spot. looks like she just got up a little bit ago.]

Mmmh...! [BIG STRETCH before she catches herself and looks sheepish. Oops, that's rude.] Congratulations, sir!! You really don't look that old at all - I would have guessed at least ten years younger, actually.

Ehehe, as for a fight, I'm not sure how strong my Pokemon are to go head to head against someone I don't know...I'm still pretty new to all this myself, but I think if I actually fought you myself, we'd both learn something from one another, ne?

[Kind of a 'don't judge a book by it's cover' sort of deal. Ochako is small, round, and quite cute with her pink cheeks, and Stan may be old and gnarly, but each of them could throw hands like the best of them, without hesitation.]

[meteorman]

[The good thing about being a man whose arch nemesis is a floating triangle and who hates unicorns above most everything else is that Ford knows very well appearances mean almost nothing.]

I'm equipped to battle a wide range of levels, but if you'd prefer hand to hand that's an option. Just so long as you're aware we may get in some legal trouble if we're caught.

[The fact that he's saying this while sitting in the Dedenny's and working his way through a milkshake is totally not weird. If any of the waitstaff hear they at least don't indicate that they care.]