victory_road | [Video]

_{[The feed opens on a man's face very close to the screen. His eyes flick between the lens and the little in-picture image of himself in his Poke'gear's screen. This man is filthy and his eyes are rimmed with red. He licks his dry lips. He was about to address the entire world after untold years of sheer isolation, this had to be good.]}

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhey.

_{[His voice is gruff and thin. The B-man hasn't quite gotten used how much air he needs in his lungs in order to speak. He opens his mouth to say something else but his attention is swiftly stolen by someone passing in his peripheral vision. He whips his head away takes a good long look at something before turning back to his audience.]}

HEY, HI, HOW'S IT GOIN'? This isn't how I saw my day goin', but I'm not complaining! Who doesn't love a little dimensional slip-up? Especially when it comes with perks. And a guide? What is this, my birthday? Might as well be! I've never been--

_{[He lifts the Trainer's Manual into frame when suddenly his attention starts to drift again, as though he's thinking many thoughts all at once. His chest sort of hurts. Oh. Huh. That's a sexy new sensation!]}

You know what I always say--

_{[Without warning, the man swoons and drops his 'gear. It goes tumbling, landing face-down on the path. The concerned chattering of a Pokemon can be heard from his end of the line. There is some scrambling and the creaking of plastic before the newcomer reappears. He's laying on the ground now, on his side, one leggy kicked up like he meant to do that. Mr. Juice has been saddled with the Bug Maniac's class attire and honestly he's ROCKING those shorts. He's also very winded. A Mimikyu peeks over his middle, one shadowy paw brought to its false mouth in concern.]}

--I always say, when in Rome, do as the Romans! I used to know some Romans, real swell guys. Total party animals! So, my fellow philosophers, what's a guy do to have fun around here?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

_{[Beetlejuice wrinkles his nose up instantly at Bobert. Is it better or worse than Lawrence? He's not sure.]}

Let's stick with BJ, pal. What'dyou go by?

[Envy immediately jumps to the conclusion that this guy's name must be somehow even more embarrassing than Bobert. And he decides that Will find out what it is eventually.]

Charmed to meet you, Bobert Jenkins. Sorry, can't properly curtsy over the phone.

[He's very pleased with himself.]

Name's Envy.

_{[A sort of stoney expression is what Envy is met with as Beetlejuice struggles to grapple with being clowned on. Hmm.]}

You know what? I'll let that side because you're hot. Now, Envy! Ooooooh, that's a classic. I love it!

[Envy looks even more pleased at not one but TWO whole compliments.]

Why thank you, I designed this face myself.

You've earned an escape from the name Bobert Jenkins.

My mother did love her dramatic classical naming schemes. Y'know, I've never actually met another Envy, but it sounds like you might have.

No foolin'? You did a great job!

_{[He nods. The Mimikyu's little cotton head peeks into frame and BJ gives him a little pat.]}

So did Dave here! 'N yea, sure have! Envy, Lust, Pride, Tax Evasion...

[EVEN MORE COMPLIMENTS! Envy loves it.]

[He recognizes the Mimikyu, although the only one he's ever met in person was Wrath's...creature. Interesting starter for someone to get. Especially given the direction this conversation is taking.]

There's a Lust here too, my sister. Pride's not here and that's for the best because now I don't have to deal with him being aggressively boring at me.

Tax Evasion though, Tax Evasion must be a new one.

Y'know, most people are more surprised by the name. And the shapeshifting. Where exactly are you from?

Hell!

[WELL THEN]

That'd explain it.

You dead too, then?

Not anymore!

_{[His whole face lights up like Christmas and he bares his yellow teeth, chomping at the bit so to speak.]}

I'm alive! I'm human! I'm a wet tube chock full of opinions now, baby!

[HE'S SO GLAD HE DECIDED TO TALK TO THIS GUY]

[Even if ew, brush your teeth man.]

Ha! One of those people who's into the change, huh?

You're in for a wild ride, just as a...friendly warning from one dead guy to another.

Ehhhh, it's nothin' I can't handle!

_{[He puffs up a little as he boasts.]}

SO. Did you beef it breather-style or were you always dead?

_{[Tact? What's that?]}

Complicated.

I was always an undead abomination of alchemy, but there was a dead guy before.

I don't think you probably have homunculi in hell, but my girlfriend calls it being a zombie.

And how about you? You don't sound like someone who was a...what, "breather"?

_{[Beetlejuice purses his lips curiously. That does sound complicated. Interesting! Hot.]}

I've never been a big fan of labels, but think of me as just your run of the mill demon. Was never alive in the first place!

[Oho, an actual demon? Sounds fun.]

Wow, you are gonna be in for it.

You have any cool powers back in hell?

Ofcourse! All the classics! Corruption, possession, levitation, twisting my body into a form indecipherable to the human eye, driving all those who look upon me mad with fear. Or sometimes it turns them on, people are very interesting.

And sure! I was a little disappointed when I found out I can't do any of those things now, but I've got a pulse! I'm alive and--

_{[Oh. OH, no. Oh no no no what is this what is this weird feeling oh god his throat is closing up is he choking? Is he dying? A couple of big fat tears roll over his cheeks.]}

--aaauuuwhgh? WHAAHHUAPPUN?

[Envy goes from listening to the list of cool powers with increasing interest, to a dramatic sigh and nod at the disappointment of losing them, and he was about to open his mouth to agree when suddenly]

[UHHHHHHH]

[WHAT HAPPEN IS A GREAT QUESTION]

[ENVY ISN'T SURE WHAT TO DO WITH THIS. HE DID NOT MAKE BOBERT JENKINS CRY ON PURPOSE, WHICH IS A VERY STRANGE SITUATION.]

I...uh. Don't know?

There....there?

[There is a deeply awkward grimace of alarm on his face. WHY. THIS WAS A FUN CONVERSATION BEFORE. HE JUST MET THIS MAN.]

Edited 2021-09-05 05:44 (UTC)

_{[Trust me, Envy, Beetlejuice is just as alarmed as you are. He starts fanning himself frantically with his free hand as he hiccups and sniffles and just. Is a fucking mess.]}

I'hd wont stop! Ahuuhuhh!

_{[SURE HE MISSES HIS POWERS BUT...SURELY IT CAN'T BE THIS MUCH? ITS NOT A BIG DEAL. ITS NOT. It's not like he's gone through a tremendous transformation both physically and mentally in just a few short hours or anything!]

[He lets out a few gross, open-mouthed coughs before the sudden WAVE of feelings that he's just been hit with settles around his knees. He blinks rapidly and can't see very well.]}

Wwhhhuuooow. WOW. Oh, wow. Fu-huck that. Guh.

_{[He sniffs, sucking up a long string of snot.]}

ANYWAY...where were we?

[All Envy can think of is that no matter how shitty it had been to suddenly be human, he can now be eternally grateful that he had not randomly burst into tears on camera.]

[The snot string is kind of the last cherry on top of the Don't Wanna Be Here sundae though.]

We were talking about powers but maybe I'll just.

Let you come to terms with it first and you can call me back later. Maybe in a few days.

Don't die in the woods!

[BYE HE'S ESCAPING.]

_{[Beetlejuice blinks. Yeah, he can't blame the guy. WOW that was weird. He sucks in another disgusting sniff.]}

Ciao.

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