victory_road | Closed log

As Grant had requested some of the plants to begin with, wanting to get into gardening, he'd always meant to help out when it came to actually planting. He's a little behind Dedue, having been distracted earlier in the day as he tried to sort out, y'know, Child Problems and Baby Pokemon Problems and the like, but once he got a chance he stepped out, asked Dedue where he could contribute, and got to work.

Since then, he's mostly kept quiet, except to ask questions about how to do something right or if there's ever a rare moment of Dedue speaking first. It takes a little work, sometimes, to keep himself from falling into his usual nervous rambling, but he likes to think he's managed okay. Prone though he may be to talking, quiet can be nice, too, especially when there's an obvious task to focus on.

The focus part, though, is getting... more difficult. Dedue had already been working for a while when Grant got here, and it's no surprise that he's had to shed a layer or two after all that! Grant just... y'know. Just wishes he weren't having to work so hard not to stare.

It helps to keep his gaze fixed on the ground as much as possible, but that... doesn't work quite so well when he's got something to ask. He finally makes himself look up - directly to Dedue's face, do not look anywhere else - when he finishes planting a start. "Alright, that one is done, uh-- w-what should I do next?"

Grant is a pleasant gardening partner; he's inexperienced, perhaps, but he takes instruction well and doesn't shirk from hard work. They fall into a companionable silence while they take care of the garden, and Grant seems less anxious around him now than he had been at the nursery. There's less nervous chatter, anyway, and that must bode well? It would be unfortunate if he continued to intimidate His Highness' paramour, especially when he doesn't intend to.

They're finishing up with putting in the last of the roses when Grant asks for further instructions. Dedue drops in the last few shovelfuls of dirt and then jabs the blade of the shovel into the ground. They're coming along nicely, especially since Dedue started by himself at the beginning. The only thing that bothers him is that Grant has started up again with the stuttering and the odd rigidity to his posture, like he's uncomfortable again.

"We have made good progress," he says, and considers their next steps. "We will need to put in the jasmine and pine next, as we would not want to delay putting them in the ground for too long, but that should be enough for one day."

Grant seems like a strong sort of man, but perhaps this has been more labor than he's used to in a day, and perhaps he's mistaking fatigue for nervousness. Dedue's used to heavy manual labor, so he's not entirely sure where the limits are for people who don't live his kind of life.

"Do you need to rest? I do not mind taking a break if you are tired."

"Alright. Great. Sounds like a plan."

To the remaining work, that is. At the suggestion he might need a break, Grant looks a little bit surprised, and maybe confused - which, on the bright side, means he's maybe a bit less tense? "Oh - no. It's nice of you to ask, but I'm fine-- though, if you need a break, we can always stop for a bit! You've been at this for a long time now, haven't you?"

"I will have no issues with continuing," Dedue replies. "I am used to long hours of labor. I did not wish to push you into working past your endurance."

Well, it's also good that Grant isn't fatigued yet, since they have a good bit more work to do. Is it rude to have asked if he wanted to rest? It might have been considered a slight against his strength if he had asked the same of a Faerghan man, though Dedue is aware that Faerghus isn't always a good litmus for such things.

"Nor do I mean to imply that you would not be capable-- I merely would not want for you to overtax yourself."

"Ah, yeah, I should be alright; I've got pretty good endurance, I'm used to doing physical work. I mean, probably not as much as you, but-- I'll be fine! I really do appreciate it, though."

Is he doing better or worse? He can't tell. He's just gonna... start digging a hole for this jasmine ~~instead of himself.~~

"Very well."

Dedue isn't... entirely convinced that Grant is being completely honest with him, but so long as he insists that he's fine, he has no reason to contradict him. He'll just keep an eye on him, and make sure that he doesn't appear to be wearing himself out.

He joins Grant at the place where the jasmine is to be planted, and helps him dig down into the earth. It'll go faster with the two of them working together, rather than going about separate tasks.

"Once spring comes again and the growing season begins, we will be able to trellis the jasmine and the roses so that they climb," he says. "The jasmine will need to be trained more to take to the trellis well, but I would like for it to grow high enough to be near Claude's window."

That way, he'd be able to enjoy the fragrance from his bedroom, if he opened the window at night.

To Grant's credit, he does mean it when he says he's doing fine. ...Even if his face might look sort of flushed when Dedue joins him in digging, which has more to do with the current Bicep Proximity than anything else.

He does his best to focus on what he's actually saying instead, nodding at his explanation. It's not too difficult, since he is genuinely interested. "Oh, yeah, that sounds perfect! It's really thoughtful of you to plan out this stuff for the others."

Grant's face is a little red when he starts helping him with the digging, though that may just be from exertion and the cool autumn weather. Planting is hard work, though thankfully not as hard as it could be, since they're planting well before the ground would freeze.

"The garden should be enjoyable for all of us," he says. "Additionally, Claude has done much for His Highness' sake in my absence, and I am grateful for it."

He knows that Dimitri, especially when preoccupied with his ghosts or in the grips of melancholy, can be hard to handle. Even Dedue found him... difficult when he reunited with him after Myrddin, and it takes a lot to faze him with regards to the prince. Jasmine isn't really enough to repay him for what he's done, but it's at least a start.

Dedue ceases his shoveling for a moment, to regard Grant.

"I understand that you have done much for His Highness as well, and I do not believe that I have adequately expressed my appreciation for the aid that you have given him. If there is anything that you would ask of me, please know that I would do it gladly."

"Ah--" Grant answers with a nervous little laugh, tightening his grip on his shovel. That grounding pressure helps a little, both with the flare of warm, nervous energy in his chest and the discordant tightness in his throat - maybe insecurity, maybe just... something adjacent to it.

He shakes his head, adjusting his hold on the shovel to start actually digging again. "Th-there's no need for that. I mean, I appreciate it, but... don't worry about it. I'm just glad I could help him out."

"His Highness' moods are difficult to navigate at times, and he is prone to fits of grief and melancholy. There are many who, upon finding him at his worst, might have deemed him beyond help."

Fits of grief and melancholy or, as the modern folks might say, traumatized and depressed. Dedue had always anticipated that he would have to aid Dimitri through his mood swings, no matter how foul his temper became, but he didn't expect others to have the same dedication, and especially not a complete stranger. Everyone else, after all, is not bound to His Highness by both sworn duty and personal love. Dedue swore his life in service to Dimitri, and it's as good as 'til death do us part.

"You are a man of uncommon kindness, Grant."

Alright, so much for continuing to dig, because Grant actually almost just lost his grip on the shovel. He does his best to play it off, rolling his right shoulder a couple times as if to blame it for the interruption. It's not totally an act of misdirection; the remaining damage to the joint there had not liked how his arm jerked when he slipped.

It helps that it also gives him an excuse to look at that shoulder instead of at Dedue, while his face absolutely burns.

"Well, uh-- th-thank you." He... he should say more than that. "Y-you too, I think."

Something happens then-- either his shoulder twinges or the shovel slips, but Grant stops in his work in order to roll the joint as though it pains him. His face reddens, which might be either from discomfort or embarrassment.

"It is merely the truth, and no thanks are necessary."

He reaches out to take the shovel, since Grant is busy with his sore shoulder. "Is your shoulder all right? Rest it, if you have hurt it."

Better to rest it if it's injured than to try to continue working and do further damage.

"W-well, I mean-- it'd have felt weird not to say anything." He laughs nervously, as if that can compensate for his blaringly obvious embarrassment.

He's tempted to insist it's no problem, and he suspects he should be good to keep working in a bit, but... Dedue's right that he probably shouldn't jump right back into it. He nods, even if he can't help making a bit of a face. "Just, uh, messed up and aggravated an old injury, I think. I should be alright in a couple minutes, but-- yeah, I'll give it a bit."

Grant relinquishes the shovel to him without much trouble at all, and Dedue finds his reasonable nature to be a very appealing part of his personality. Someone like Dimitri or Felix would continue to stubbornly work themselves regardless of injured joints or pain, either until they couldn't anymore or they were forcibly removed from the situation. Grant, at least, has the good sense to take his advice and rest his shoulder for a bit. Dedue sticks the blade of Grant's shovel into the earth to keep it upright, then can go back to finishing the hole for the jasmine bush.

"I understand," he says, hauling out another shovelful of dirt. "Sometimes, when storms come in, I think more of me aches than does not."

Old scars, both from the Tragedy and from his imprisonment after freeing Dimitri. More than a few of them had been deep enough to cause lingering pain or stiffness in bad weather, and he's fairly certain that in ten years or so, his knees will creak from the weight of carrying heavy armor and weapons.

Unsure of what else to do while waiting for the pain in his shoulder to subside, Grant sits down where he is, nodding sympathetically at Dedue's reply.

"I could only imagine... I, uh, I don't know if there's anything the rest of us could do to help when that happens, but let me know if there is."

"I appreciate your concern."

And he means it-- but he doubts that the others are even actively aware of the fact that he experiences pain from his wounds, or would be able to tell when he does unless he said so. Even physicians could not accurately discern his pain when examining him, due to the way that he has trained his face to stillness. And he would find it... uncomfortable to announce such a thing, and thus it often goes overlooked. Perhaps Dimitri would notice, if he were looking for the signs.

"Many of the wounds that pain me are old and have long since healed, however. I doubt that there is much else that can be done for them."

"Mm, yeah, I guess there may not be much to do in that regard... but there could be ways to help with the pain."

He tilts his head back slightly, tapping a foot idly in the dirt as he thinks aloud over possible options. "Physical therapy can sometimes help with that kind of thing - though I can't guarantee that one. Oh, I think I've got, uh, ibuprofen in the house, too... and I should pick up some hot and cold patches, if you ever want to try those out, they can help with muscle pain. ...Uh, feel free to stop me if this is... y'know, unhelpful, or annoying."

Grant, he has noticed, seems to enjoy solving problems. Dedue allows him to speak, to work his way through potential options of mitigating the issue. There's nothing to be done for the scars themselves, since they're now an immutable part of him, but maybe there's something that he knows that Dedue hasn't yet encountered. His experience with medicine, after all, is far less advanced than what can be found in this world.

"I was taught some exercises that can help reduce the pain... I was told that it is important to keep the tissue flexible."

Particularly so for the burns, and meditation helps, as well. The other things that Grant mentions are unfamiliar to him, so he has no way to know if they'd be helpful.

"I... do not recognize the other things that you have mentioned, so I cannot be sure if I have tried them or not."

He'd tried warming balms, which were at least close to the hot-and-cold patches, though their effects are usually superficial. Modern pharmaceuticals, of course, are far beyond the purview of medieval physicians, though vulneraries could sometimes offer some relief, when he could get them.

"Oh, yeah, that's good for sure."

He nods slightly; he'd figured those would be unfamiliar. "Ibuprofen is a pill that helps relieve inflammation; it's good for aches and muscle pain, things like that. Fevers, too, though that's less relevant in this case... and, uh, hot and cold patches are these medicinal patches you stick onto your skin, and they feel cold and then heat up. Both of those last a good few hours, too."

Dedue isn't entirely unfamiliar with these pills-- Dimitri had him take them when he was feeling the affects of the vaccinations. They were helpful, or at least appeared to be, in relieving his pain and taking down his fever, so it seems like a logical assumption that they might be useful for other kinds of pain, too. He hadn't asked Dimitri for the name of the pill when it was given to him, though-- he'd just taken it.

"I see. I will keep these options in mind the next time I am in discomfort."

And it's not lip-service-- he'll consider it, and try to implement something to see if it works. He's aware that he isn't as useful if he's in pain, so if there's a way to alleviate his discomfort, he'll do it to be able to function normally again.

He digs until the hole looks about deep enough, judging from his quick estimation of the length of the bare roots, mounds the soil at the bottom, and then hauls the dormant plant into the hole. The crown of it-- or what will be the crown, once it isn't dormant-- is just high enough to be above the soil once the hole's filled in again.

"I assume that you take these medicines as well?"

"I can put a bottle in the kitchen, so people've got easy access. ...Probably with a larger-print copy of the directions and safety warnings, just to be sure." He... does not necessarily trust everyone in this house to read the labels on pharmaceuticals, frankly.

Grant leans over to watch him get the plant settled in, and nods. "When I need them, yeah. More often I need 'em for my back than my shoulder... weird, given how much older those scars are, but I guess the injury was worse."

That's something he's found is kind of nice about having fallen into this particular social group: Bit by bit, he's gotten more comfortable talking about his own scars and injuries. Even if he still occasionally feels odd about it all, it doesn't feel like the topic sticks out so much.

It's not an unwise choice, really. While Dedue follows directions well and is fastidious about such things, not everyone is their household is like him.

"So such things are."

The worse the injury, the longer it lingers. Most of the scars that he got in battle during his time at the monastery bother him relatively little, which he surmises is due to them being quickly treated with magic. The worst are the ones that healed poorly, became infected. Grant also mentions that his back is worse that the shoulder injury, and Dedue takes note of that fact; he's aggravated one joint, he doesn't need to do the same to his back as well.

"Thank you for your advice. I rarely speak with the others about these matters."

Not that he thinks they would have poor advice, but... if he talked to Dimitri about it, the conversation would inevitably stray to dark places. Felix is a melee fighter as he is, and would have certainly dealt with similar injuries, but their current truce is tentative enough as it is. Ashe and Claude are both ranged fighters, and he would hate to worry Ashe besides.

So... Grant, apparently.

"Yeah, no problem." Though Grant may not know the details of, say, the tension between Felix and Dedue... he can imagine where it may be a difficult topic to bring up with each of the others, for one reason or another. "I... want to help out any way I can, and, uh-- the good news is that being from a world that's more like this one in some ways can help with that!"

He gives a nervous laugh, suddenly self-conscious... probably as a delayed reaction to being thanks. Dammit. Well, of course he couldn't have kept it together indefinitely.

Though Grant might not know the exact details of why Felix and Dedue get along approximately as well as a fork and a light socket, he can probably make a few inferences just from knowing both of them to any degree. It may even be for the best that Grant doesn't know all of the specifics, considering Felix's habit in their school days of using... unkind names. The important thing, anyway, is the understanding that conversations between Felix and Dedue are awkward at best and verbal mine fields at worst.

"Your familiarity with the kinds of technologies used in this world has been very useful," Dedue agrees. And then, with an entirely straight face, adds, "I also appreciate that you did not recommend any treatments that require me to be stuck with a needle several times."

Is that a joke? Is he being serious? Who knows, his face looks the same regardless.

Grant seems to go right back to being nervous, though, and Dedue can't quite figure out why. He is something of a mystery that way-- he'll seem fine for a while, even quite friendly, but then will suddenly become nervous again for seemingly no reason. There must be something that he's doing that's causing this anxiety, but Dedue doesn't know what it could be-- he hasn't done anything noticeably different from five minutes ago. If, at least, he knew what the behavior was, he could correct it for Grant's comfort.

Well, Grant, at least, seems to take it as a joke; he laughs again, and this time it's more genuine than nervous.

...Maybe a bit nervous, since he still covers his teeth with a little lift of one hand, something he's mostly managed to pull back on doing. But it's not, y'know, the prevailing emotion.

"Oh, I dunno enough about those to recommend them - I'm just happy that what I can give doesn't sound too offputting!" He lets his hand drop back to his knee, still smiling idly while he gives his shoulder another quick squeeze to check on it. "Ah... speaking of helping, I should be able to get back to it, I think."

Grant laughs, and it's pleasantly low and rumbling. It's also the first time that Dedue can think of that Grant has expressed that kind of mirth in front of him, even if he's shy about it-- the way he covers his mouth with his hand is oddly demure for a man. Cute, perhaps.

"I am somewhat concerned that there are treatments that would require me to endure more needles."

He'd undergone the vaccinations because he'd been told that they were necessary, but that didn't mean that he wanted to get jabbed another half dozen times. What else could doctors want to inject into him to help with his pain? And would it help, or would he end up in bed with a fever again?

Well. Thankfully, that's not a road that they're going to walk down. Instead, Grant seems to have rested his shoulder enough to return to work, and Dedue doesn't object when he takes up the shovel again. If he believes himself to be well, Dedue will trust him to know his own body.

"Very well. For this, all we shall need to do is fill the soil back in around the bare roots." He realizes that he should probably explain the whole process, though, and adds, "The roots are dormant right now, and will not grow until spring. Because of this, it is important to ensure that the hole is large enough to accommodate the entirety of the root system without bending it, or else the plant will show poor growth."

As they're filling in the hole, Dedue also does one other thing-- fetches a bag and tosses in a cup of a coarse, greyish-beige powder.

"Bone meal," he explains. "It is a good fertilizer for flowering plants."

"Well, I think acupuncture is used for pain a lot... oh, and there are some painkillers that are injected, but that's the really strong stuff."

He just-- had to drop off that last bit of information, alright. But that's it for that topic, and now he can get back to focusing (or at least trying to focus) on gardening. He picks his shovel back up, nodding as Dedue explains.

When Dedue adds the bone meal in, Grant takes advantage of his feeling... semi put-together for the moment to shrug off his overshirt. Probably would've done it earlier if he weren't thinking himself in circles so much. "Oh, yeah? I might've heard of that before - just in passing, though, never actually seen it used."

Grant removes his shirt, which is entirely reasonable considering that hard work generates heat and Dedue had done much the same already for the same reasons. Technically, propriety would dictate that Dedue remain entirely clothed in the company of his social betters-- even during training at Garreg Mach in the summers, he would remain in his full uniform even when the other boys would strip down to shirtsleeves. There's a looser definition of propriety in this world, anyway, and Dedue doesn't have to fear being chastised for being out of uniform.

So, the both of them are in their undershirts while they're working. Grant is a well built sort of man, sturdy and strong. Faerghans valued such qualities, from what Dedue remembers of such things, so it's perhaps unsurprising that His Highness would choose a man like Grant as his lover. He's a lucky man to have caught Dimitri's attention.

Dedue returns his attention to where it should be-- the garden.

"It is commonly used in Fódlan," he says, using the shovel a little to ensure that the bone meal is spread evenly through the dirt, "as the materials are relatively plentiful. I have found that it can be beneficial for some vegetables as well as flowering and fruiting plants, and helps to prevent stunting."

Because of the phosphorus in the bones, mostly, though Faerghan agriculture hadn't quite progressed to the point where they knew about key plant nutrients.

"Adding it now will ensure that the soil is enriched in time for spring."

"Materials being animal bones, right?" He assumes the bones are from animals, anyway. From what he knows of Faerghus, he hopes that's not too much to ask, but... then again, he guesses sometimes you just gotta make use of what you have? "And they'll need time to break down... neat."

He's halfway talking to himself while he waits, committing what Dedue tells him to memory at the same time that he connects the proverbial dots. He keeps helping to fill in the hole once the bone meal is spread and it's time to get started again - but, now, he's wondering something. "Sorry if this is... overstepping, or you don't want to talk about it, but - you said this was used in Fodlan, right? Was the same true back in Duscur, or did you use different fertilizers there?"

"Animals and fish, yes."

Look, Faerghus is a nightmare, but it's not exactly that kind of nightmare. They aren't quite at the point where they're grinding up grandma to toss into the ground for next year's tomatoes. It's just that bone meal is easier to get than other forms of fertilizer that are available.

Then Grant asks about Duscur, and Dedue pauses for a moment in filling in the rest of the hole. His Highness had likely spoken to Grant about Duscur, though Dedue can't be sure of in what context-- he seems to be aware that the topic is sensitive, so he knows at least about the Tragedy. He appreciates the out that Grant is offering him, a way to sidestep the conversation if it would upset him. Dedue has been asked far worse things far less considerately than this, however.

"This technique was used there as well," he says. Was, of course, because Duscur now no longer exists, and the territory where it once was is used mostly for House Kleiman's mining operations rather than agriculture. "Countries like Faerghus had more resources, however, and thus more options. At Garreg Mach, one could even request magic infusions."

And pegasus blessings, which Dedue has to admit probably aren't any better or worse than regular horse shit. But people do much prefer to use that term rather than the less euphemistic one.

He definitely knows enough to want to be careful with the topic; he's just glad that the question doesn't seem to have been too uncomfortable for Dedue, at least not enough so that he feels the need to take that way out and avoid answering.

"Huh... I'll admit, I'm a little surprised the use of magic in agriculture wasn't more accessible? But I guess that makes sense, given the differences between our worlds. It's pretty common where I'm from - I think I've read that it was pretty vital in keeping some crops around at all. It's..." He sighs, glancing upward after getting another shovelful of dirt into the hole. "I dunno. Sorry, I'm probably rambling, but it's just... the thought of agricultural magic being something you have to go to some fancy rich people school for is a little... strange, from my perspective."

"I should clarify. Garreg Mach was not the only place that used magic infusions in agriculture, merely the first where I was able to access it."

He doesn't believe that the staff at Garreg Mach were exactly pleased that he had access to it, but as a student, they couldn't deny him without good reason. He was denied access to the greenhouse and its amenities for a while, when he was still under some suspicion for Flayn's disappearance, but that was at least short lived. And, of course, he had nothing to do with the kidnapping, but wild and unsubstantiated accusations being leveled in his direction is nothing surprising.

"The royal gardens were frequently visited by mages from Fhirdiad's academy of magic for treatments. Certain sections of them could even blossom well into winter, if done correctly. I suppose that anyone could theoretically do the same, if they had sufficient talent and knowledge."

Not on a large scale, of course, but for individual gardens it would have certainly been possible. Dedue might have enjoyed learning to use magic if he could apply it in such a manner, but it's unlikely that he'll ever have the opportunity, and even less likely that he would've been permitted to use it at the palace at Fhirdiad even if he did have the ability. Instead, he learned to swing an axe and fight in heavy armor and how to move so quietly as to be inobtrusive despite his size.

"And I do not mind that you talk. I understand that I am not always an ideal conversationalist, but I am glad to listen."

"Oh, thank god." He lets out a breath of relief. "Got freaked out for a second there, but-- the more accessible it is, the better."

Not that there isn't still plenty to be alarmed about with regards to Fodlan, and not that he's not still wondering about the accessibility of the knowledge part, but... listen, he'll take anything about that place turning out not to be as bad as it first sounded.

Besides, he doesn't necessarily want to linger on that particular topic right now. He gives a quick nod, and a nervous little laugh with it. "I-I appreciate that. I don't mind if you don't want to talk a whole lot, that's-- y'know, up to you, but if if it doesn't bother you that I do, that's really good to know, since I uh... I really tend to talk."

He can feel his face heating up, even before he makes the solid decision to add on this next part, because... he's got to get it out sometime, particularly if he's going to be telling other people in his life to be upfront with these things. "Especially around good-looking men."

Dedue listens patiently while Grant talks. The whole rambling thing, especially when nervous, hasn't escaped him, though the explanation for it is a little... odd? It seems strange to specify that he gets chatty around attractive men to Dedue. Perhaps he's trying to explain behavior that he's exhibited towards Dimitri and Claude? That, at least, would fit all the criteria.

"Ah," he says. "I am certain that neither His Highness nor Claude mind, either."

Okay, well.

Grant didn't have any particular expectations for what response that comment might get, and yet, there's still just... a moment of feeling like all thought has just sort of stopped in his head as he tries to... to shift gears and respond to that. Much like how someone learning to drive stick might try to shift gears, and instead just end up with the car making an awful screeching noise and not moving at all.

Fortunately, there are no awful screeching noises here. Just... a second or two of potentially-uncomfortable silence (as opposed to the comfortable silence Grant's gotten used to with Dedue) while he tries to form any sort of a reply. "N-no, they... don't mind, either. Though it's, uh, I don't have that problem with them as much these days, since I've sort of... gotten more used to being around them."

Shit. He's gonna have to make a decision here, isn't he. He's got to decide whether he's got it in him to push the subject any further, or just tell Dedue outright what he meant, or if he should just... just give up and leave it.

It certainly is a decision that Grant will have to make-- does he try to explain to Dedue that, no, he wasn't actually referring to Claude and Dimitri then, or does he just let it go? Who knows, maybe Dedue will realize what he meant on his own in a few days, once the conversation has a chance to percolate in his brain a bit. Maybe it just takes a while to get past Dedue's particular brand of Fucked Up By Faerghus. Maybe he'll remain oblivious until Grant grabs him by his face and says it plainly.

"I am glad."

Not that it's needed, but, hey, at least you know that you have Dimitri's vassal's approval about your relationship, Grant.

Grant nods, slowly, at Dedue's reply. That's... y'know, that's good. He should probably leave it at that, he thinks, and not try any harder to clear this up-- oh who is he kidding this is agonizing. Not the part where Dedue doesn't know Grant is attracted to him, if he'd just left it he could've lived with that, but now that he's tried to bring it up, not having that clear the air has him feeling like he's going to crawl out of his own skin.

"...I meant you. So you'd know why I was being so, uh, weird, around you, specifically. Uh, where should I start digging next?" He says it as quickly as he can while still being clearly heard, just-- so he can't back out mid-sentence somehow.

God, he's already regretting it. What if Dedue was just trying to tactfully avoid the subject, and now Grant's forcing him to address it outright? Maybe he really shouldn't have said anything.

A minute or two ago, Grant's thought processes ground to a halt like a new driver trying to figure out a clutch, and now, Dedue's do much the same. Grant's clarification leaves little room for misinterpretation, clearly stating that his nervous behavior around Dedue has been for the same reason that he'd previously been nervous around His Highness and Claude. This introduces something of a logical error to Dedue, on account of the fact that he can't see any way that he'd be categorized in the same way as men like Dimitri or Claude.

Grant had specified that he became, as he puts it, weird around attractive men. As Dedue is not an attractive man, it would make little sense for him to elicit that kind of response for that particular reason.

"I am afraid that I do not follow you," he says, because he's really gotten lost somewhere along Grant's train of thought. "I can understand why you would become nervous around His Highness and Claude, given what you have told me, and I am... aware of my own appearance, and how it discomforts others. Of course, I prefer that you have become more comfortable in my presence, but I do not see how these two things relate."

Grant stops his desperate, evasive search for anything to do that doesn't involve looking at Dedue, and instead... goes ahead and looks at Dedue, brow creasing as he takes in that answer.

At least he's not worrying anymore that Dedue was just trying to gently sidestep the subject. And that clarity makes the prospect of talking this out a lot less stressful, even if he hadn't been consciously aware he was considering that possibility until after he corrected Dedue on what he meant.

"I'm... not uncomfortable with you, Dedue," he says, still picking his words as he goes. "I'm sorry I ever gave that impression, I know how much that can suck. I..." Oh god he's got to say this huh. "I just think you're very attractive."

Dedue isn't entirely convinced when Grant insists that he wasn't uncomfortable around him-- he's gotten fairly good at perceiving discomfort in others, and Grant had definitely seemed nervous in their first interactions. Dedue had, of course, interpreted this as Grant finding him intimidating, as most people did. The idea that Grant could be acting strangely around him due to attraction hadn't crossed his mind, and probably never would have.

"That is very kind of you to say," he says. Dedue had been taught an extensive amount of etiquette when he was being trained to be Dimitri's retainer, and exactly none of it has prepared him for what to say when someone confesses that they find him handsome. What to say when His Highness' paramour confesses that they find him handsome.

"I am surprised that you would harbor such feelings. Compared to His Highness and Claude, I must be quite plain at best."

Dedue supposes that if someone were interested solely in a partner who is larger than they, that he might have some appeal-- but Grant is involved with one man of similar size and another who is far smaller, so that would seem to rule out such a conclusion. And as far as faces go, there seems to be little to recommend him; his heavy features have little in common with the fine, noble bone structure that most of Fodlan preferred, and that Dimitri and Claude exemplify.

"N-no-- not at all." He definitely answered that too fast. He presses his lips together, as if forcing himself not to say anything else. Definitely not that Dedue is actually more his type than either of the men Grant is currently dating; that would definitely be crossing some kind of a line, and might sound like some kind of slight against Claude and Dimitri. Which it absolutely isn't, he loves them both more than he could ever say; it just so happens that Dedue is kind of... absurdly attractive.

Grant tightens his grip on the shovel again, tapping one thumb rapidly against his fingers. He's thought himself in a circle, right back to feeling bad about the whole thing.

There's more than Grant seems to want to say, but he makes sure that it doesn't pass his lips. He goes a little tense again, fidgeting with his grip on the shovel as though he's uncomfortable. And not two minutes ago, he'd said he wasn't uncomfortable with Dedue-- clearly not quite the case.

What discomforts him now?

"I see." Something about this exchange must be the source, of course. The admission itself? Perhaps he's worried that Dedue will take liberties because of this new information.

"Thank you for clarifying. It is good to know that your reactions to me were not out of fear or intimidation." Even if he's still baffled as to why Grant would find him attractive when he's already caught the attention of finer men. "Please be assured that I will make no presumptions."

After all, even if Grant has confessed attraction, that hardly means that he wants to act on it, or that Dedue would take it as an invitation.

There's really no good way to explain that, no, see, the problem isn't with Dedue, it's with Grant himself. So he'll just... keep trying to skirt around those nerves.

"Oh, yeah, no problem." Even though it was a little terrifying. He smiles weakly at that... reassurance, he supposes. That certainly seems to have been the intent, and-- y'know, objectively, it is a good thing that Dedue isn't going to assume anything further based on what Grant's told him. It does assuage some of his worries about his explanation coming across as an effort to hit on his boyfriend's friend.

However, emotions are stupid and complicated, and there's definitely a part of Grant's stupid brain that wants to take that as a pre-emptive rejection.

Then again, he also doesn't know it isn't that, and it would be pretty fair, frankly.

He's quiet, for a bit, but... honestly, Dedue's earlier reaction is still sticking with him, and even if he can't answer with the full truth, he feels like he's got to say something about it. "Sorry, I just have to-- the thing is, as far as comparisons, I mean... comparing doesn't really work, y'know? You're just handsome in a different way from Claude and Dimitri."

Dedue had assumed that, after reassuring Grant that he would make no untoward assumptions regarding his professed attraction, they would return to their gardening and act as though this entire awkward conversation had never happened. It turns out that Grant has other plans, ones that involve retreading old ground about Dedue’s supposed good looks.

Apparently they’re doing this now.

“I appreciate your kindness,” he says, feeling a little like he’s repeating himself, “though I am afraid that I do not see what you do. I suppose that I will have to take your word for it.”

Grant says that he finds him attractive, so Dedue will take that at face value. There’s no accounting for taste, he supposes, and perhaps Grant just… has some kind of soft spot for unattractive men. It would hardly be the strangest thing, and who’s Dedue to tell him who he can find appealing? There are other attributes that men have found attractive that are more odd than Dedue’s features.

For all that he'd been ready to launch back into the subject, there's not much force behind Grant's eagerness, because... well, the point here isn't to make Dedue uncomfortable. He might have failed on that front already, actually, just by getting too eager just for that one moment.

Grant gives a quick, embarrassed nod of acknowledgement, staring down at the dirt. "Okay. Sorry. If you say so."

Grant really hardly has to worry about offending Dedue-- he's endured far worse than the awkwardness of someone telling him that he's handsome. It's... confusing, not offensive. Something that he may have to think on, a little later.

"Let us finish our work," he says, and the distraction of work may be what they both prefer right now. "There is only the pine left."

Closed log

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