victory_road | Arrival; [Video]

He let's Felix sleep, curling up with Bonnie in the tree roots. He's got too many racing thoughts and wild emotions to sleep for himself, but watching over Felix's rest works out. It reminds him a bit of their march to the monastery for their then uncertain reunion. Taking watches from their tent out in the woods, and the quiet of the other's sleeping presence.

Sylvain ends up losing track of time. He eats a fraction of the food Dimitri ordered for him, and reads through the manuals in his bag. And before long Felix is actually here, and not just through a screen.

Sylvain waves up at him and the Vikavolt. Beside him, Bonnie rears up and prances on her hooves. The redhead ended up telling her stories about his and Felix's antics while they waited. So she seems excited to meet him and giant insect.

Not as excited as Sylvain though.

He catches Felix in a sweeping embrace after he's barely touched the ground. Sylvain debated playing it cool, just letting Felix approach. But that plan immediately vanished the second he saw him. Replaced with excitement, dragging Felix off his feet in a tight hug felt like a much better choice.

"Hey you," he gusts out against Felix's shoulder, all affection in his voice.

Felix doesn't even get five steps before those familiar arms are closing around him, and for once he has zero qualms about it - he returns the embrace eagerly, even hops up a little so he can wrap his legs around Sylvain's waist, too. He's warm and solid and real, and Felix clutches him close.

"Sylvain." It's more sigh than word, really, and it feels like months' worth of tension leaves his body all at once. He knew that he's always felt safest with Sylvain, but it's never been driven so viscerally home for him before just how strong that feeling is.

Forgetting for a moment that Sylvain doesn't remember any of their previous intimacy, Felix turns his head to bury his face in that gorgeous red hair and inhale deeply. "...hi."

Oh, Felix shouldn't be allowed to fit so perfectly against Sylvain like this. It leaves his face burning up to his ears as he realizes it, holding Felix tight. He doesn't fight the squeeze of his thighs around his waist, but struggles with where to put his hands at first. Is he allowed to hold him up? Is that too much, too soon? He hasn't any idea how far they'd gone before.

He settles for a hand at the small of Felix's back, supporting his weight a little better. The other rubs soothing circles between his shoulder blades. Keeping his legs astride to keep them both securely up, he then tilts his head to nose against Felix's neck. Warm, familiar affection washes over him. Deeper though, just like how he's daydreamed of. Maybe it'll hide the blush too.

"Mm, I know it's been a lot longer for you, but somehow I missed you too."

Felix doesn't notice Sylvain's mini-crisis over where to put his hands; if he did, he might have just moved them to hold him up himself. Instead, he's busy having his own mini-crisis because he desperately wants to kiss Sylvain, but...from the other man's perspective, it would be their first kiss, and he doesn't want to rush it like that.

He closes his eyes for a moment just to feel things. The tickling of hair against his face, the nuzzling into his neck, the strong hands on his back. He never wants to let go.

"It's the screen," he mumbles into Sylvain's hair. "Seeing you in the screen but not being able to touch you. It makes it worse."

Sylvain will probably notice at some point that Felix isn't dressed in his traveling outfit from Fodlan, but in more modern Johto-style clothes. Still, they're clearly reminiscent of his preferred style.

Not letting go is fine by Sylvain. Seems they're both making up for lost time in some way. Sylvain's years of pining all coming to fruition makes him want to hold fast to it.

If he does notice Felix's clothes, it's mostly that somehow they're still so similar. Something about that is terribly appropriate. In the same way that Felix still smells the same too. All pleasantly familiar.

"Hey, I'm gonna set us down. Not letting go," he mutters against Felix's neck, and carefully takes a knee. The other's weight is hardly an issue, but Goddess knows he's exhausted on all fronts. He never did get a chance to rest after the battle for the Imperial Palace. He utterly refuses to budge on putting Felix down still. So he ends up sitting with Felix folded into his lap, and stroking his back.

"Y'know, I really wish I'd done this sooner. Like how you fit against me."

"Okay."

Felix doesn't even move, nor does he question why Sylvain seems so content to stay like this even though he must have only just seen Felix right before he came here. He knows that eventually, they'll have to separate; Dimitri will show up at some point, and he has to let Inda out of her ball, and introduce the other Pokemon...eventually, Claude or Grant will probably call to see how things are going, or Dimitri will call them first...eventually, they'll have to break this little bubble they've made.

But eventually isn't now.

"Heh. I doubt I would have gone for it during the war." During the war, he says, as if it's over. It isn't, not for him, but he's been away from it for a year - it might as well be. "Though I suppose it's possible. After all, it only took us a week the first time around to figure this out."

A week and some dumb bullshit, but whatever.

After a minute or so, Felix does pull back from the embrace, but only far enough to shift to his knees, straddling Sylvain's thighs, and take the man's face in both hands. Sylvain looks a little different from the last time Felix saw him - his hair is shorter, his eyes are more tired, his hands more callused. Felix doesn't care, but he does wish he could fast forward to the part where Sylvain gets enough sleep for once. None of them ever got enough sleep on the march.

...dammit, now he really wants to kiss Sylvain.

"I want to kiss you. But I don't want to rush you. I can wait if you want to take it slow." He generally hates waiting for anything, but something this important is worth it.

In Sylvain's defense, he'd been sure the war was going to kill him in some horrifying way. And the last few battles to seige keeps and capitals, it's really brought home how close they were to victory, and death. Too many close calls to count, he's savoring what feels like a just reward. So he keeps Felix close as long as he'll have Sylvain.

Besides that, he's tired physically, mentally and emotionally. Sylvain's practically melted into their embrace as it is.

"Only a week, huh? Well, I suppose a big part of dating is learning the other person. Makes sense since we'd already been doing that our whole lives." Sylvain nods to his own logic, and shifts to let Felix kneel over his lap a bit easier. "It's alright, I was too scared to ask anyway. I never would have worked up the courage if I hadn't promised myself to at least try if we survived Enbarr."

Sylvain's content to just exist with Felix. The little sanctuary he finds here, he's reluctant to leave. He only reacts to Felix when the other touches his face. Sylvain offers him a lazy smile.

"Sweet of you, but I'm no blushing virgin." The lopsided smile is made all the more mischievous by the fact he cocks a brow expectantly.

"Do whatever you want with me. I'm-" he tilts his head, wanting to lean into a kiss, and feels something warm and metallic on his cheek. It almost feels like...

His gaze shifts, brows momentarily furrowing.

Well, it feels like a ring. And certainly looks like a ring. Third finger. Left hand.

A wedding ring...

Sylvain starts to feel his pulse pick up again. He looks to Felix, worry creeping into his expression.

"Felix...?"

"Apparently, everyone else figured it out long before we did. According to them." Felix makes a face. "They should have said something."

He huffs, definitely not sulking or blushing slightly in embarrassment. "Obviously." When Sylvain's expression turns mischievous, though, Felix gives him a smug smirk. "I'm well aware."

Felix starts to lean in, too, but stops when Sylvain suddenly frowns. At first he has no idea what the problem is, but he follows the other man's gaze and...

...oh, shit. He didn't even think about the ring. Fuck.

He snatches his hands back like they've been burned, somehow paling and flushing at the same time as his eyes widen and his whole body tenses up.

"I...I didn't want...ugh." He drags his hands down his face, annoyed not with Sylvain but with himself, or maybe with Arceus. He averts his eyes from Sylvain's gaze, frowning.

"I know how much you hate the idea of getting married. Especially...when it's not someone you chose. I was going to tell you, but I didn't want you to think I had any expectations."

Sylvain's stunned into silence not for the first time today. And though his mind is paralyzed, his hands still reach for Felix's. Calloused fingers are gentle on his wrists, trying to guide the ring back into his view. He stares at it, and feels foolish for being menaced by a band of metal, but he can't help it. Marriage is a dirty word. More of a prison sentence than a joyous occasion. It's always been a threat in some way. Something weaponized against the idea of his happiness.

"I don't need a ring to prove how much I care about you," he says, smoothing his thumb over the band. The reactionary part of him bares its teeth, but it feels empty. It's just that, a base reaction. He doesn't feel the usual, cynical disgust at the idea when he thinks of marriage with Felix; it's subdued, cautious. Which is the biggest difference: with Felix.

"I um- I don't know if I'm ready for that just yet," he tries to explain. "It's not that I don't love you. And Goddess knows, if I had to marry, I'd never want anyone else. But... I- I..." He's faltering now, and it makes his cheeks heat. Any poise or confidence just dissolves through his fingers when he tries to muster it up.

"I don't even know what I'm trying to say. How about I get back to you on it? I know that's a horrible thing to ask of somebody, but just give me a chance. I promise I'm not upset with you. I'm just having some conflicting feelings about the whole-" Sylvain vaguely waves his hand, "-idea? Concept? Whatever it is, I just wanna be us as we are."

Felix braces himself as though he's expecting an enemy attack, feeling his hackles rise to protect him from the fear of rejection. But even before Sylvain says a word, he's taking Felix's hand, and that has to be a good sign, right? He's not leaving, that's the important part, and he doesn't look disgusted or offended.

Now that Sylvain's getting a closer look, he can see that the ring isn't just a plain band. It's made not of gold, but of a strong, black metal, and it's embedded with small gems; some of their meanings are more obvious, like the ones that are the color of Sylvain's hair and the ones that are Gautier red. The others are some kind of purple stone that Sylvain wouldn't recognize as fragments of a Dusk Stone.

I don't need a ring, Sylvain says, and Felix would be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed, but he can understand that. He can deal with it, for Sylvain's sake. It...does hurt to feel like they're stepping backwards in their relationship, that Sylvain might not want to commit to so much anymore, but he'll get over it. The important thing is being with him.

...but Sylvain keeps talking, and he says 'yet.' Felix looks up at him, eyes slightly wide, hoping he doesn't look like some silly urchin waiting for Santa to arrive on Christmas night or something. And then Sylvain says, 'it's not that I don't love you, and from his perspective they've only been together for a few hours but he's already using that word, and Felix can tell that this is sincere. Sylvain isn't humoring him, or trying to spare his feelings. He means it.

Felix keeps listening, and when Sylvain is finished, he leans forward to pull the other man into a tight hug again. "It's not horrible. It's sensible. You need time to think it over. I've thrown a lot of curveballs at you." Whoops - he's forgotten that none of the others from Fodlan have any idea what a 'curveball' is. Ah well. It doesn't occur to him that the Felix of a year ago probably wouldn't have accepted this so easily or had the words to express why he doesn't need to give Sylvain 'a chance,' because he will always have endless chances.

"I just want to be 'us,' too." He pulls back again, just enough to look Sylvain in the eye so he can show him the absolute certainty behind what he says next: "I love you, Sylvain. Ring or not."

So he doesn't know what a curveball is precisely. But the name and context clues give him enough not to question it beyond a soft snort of amusement. Which melds into a pleased sigh. His arms curl tightly around Felix in turn.

What he's most grateful for is that Felix doesn't fight him on this. It's probably the benefit of understanding exactly why Sylvain is apprehensive of marriage in general. Also the fact that apparently the Sylvain from before worked past it. In truth, it puts Sylvain himself at ease. Maybe he can't handle it now, or even fathom how, but somewhere down the line, maybe it won't make him flinch. If it makes Felix happy, Sylvain thinks it'll be worth it in the end.

Reluctant to let go, Sylvain is happy to linger close when Felix says he loves him. He hadn't exactly meant to use that word earlier, but it had slipped so naturally. Really, he's always loved Felix. He's loved him so long it feels strange to consider a time when he didn't. It just took a while to understand his feelings ran deeper and differently than only 'best friend.' Admitting it aloud to Felix himself was far easier than Sylvain imagined. Having the sentiment returned so sincerely, Felix holding his gaze and all, leaves a blooming warmth in his chest.

"Thank you," he gusts out, the relief plain in his tone and expression. He should probably say more, but he thinks Felix will understand how much it truly means to him on just that.

Sylvain brings a hand up, brushing along the line of Felix's jaw. An affectionate touch meant to coax Felix to tilt his head just so.

"I'd still like that kiss if you're offering."

Felix does understand; Sylvain didn't have to say anything at all to ensure that. He smiles and leans into Sylvain's hand. "Hmph. I'm not offering, I'm demanding."

He straightens up on his knees so he can lean down, arms still wrapped around Sylvain's neck, and kiss him. Usually, Felix kisses like he does anything else - hard and fast, almost aggressive, like a challenge. Now, though, he takes his time. It's still firm and sure, still passionate, but slow and indulgent, too. It's for both their sakes, really - this is the first time he's been able to kiss Sylvain in months and he wants it to last, dammit.

It doesn't take long for him to coax Sylvain into parting his lips so they can deepen it. If the other man doesn't care about taking it slow, then hell if Felix is going to bother. He also doesn't bother to hold back with his intimate knowledge of exactly what Sylvain likes in a kiss.

Sylvain finally finds some boldness with his hands, and settles on Felix's hips. He squeezes gently against the curve of them, thumbs rolling over the crest of bone. That's nice. Feels like he's wanted to do that for ages, even when he tried not to let himself consider it.

Speaking of things he's always wanted: Felix kissing him actually shorts out any worrying thought. Lidded eyes flutter shut, a soft sound accompanying their kiss. The exhaustion of the day melds into the slow, lazy way he just enjoys the taste and feel of him. It leaves him warm and buzzing for more, so he's eager to explore Felix's mouth with greedy intent. While his mouth is occupied, he hands tug Felix by the hips to be flush up against him. Anything to keep as little space between them as possible.

Felix doesn't need much encouragement to press close to Sylvain, and gladly. There's a part of him that wants to just forgo any more conversation and do nothing but this for the rest of the night, but there is one important question he hasn't asked yet.

So eventually, and reluctantly, he breaks the kiss with a quiet sigh, running his fingers idly through Sylvain's hair and staying pressed up against him. "I have a question. Do you want to know about the things you don't remember? I could tell you about the first time we did this, or the first time we did more than this, or how we...got engaged...but I understand if you would rather make a fresh start without feeling as though you're following in your own footsteps."

Sylvain makes a low whine in the back of his throat when Felix pulls back. His breathing comes quicker, and his hands paw at Felix's sides in question. Why stop- Oh.

Laying his head against Felix's shoulder, Sylvain has to mull it over. There's an uncomfortable option here in the fact he doesn't really want to know. At all. But those memories will always be with Felix. And they probably meant the world to him; still do. It's hard to consider anything else, and eventually he decides it's probably better not to keep torturing Felix over his silence.

"Maybe," he offers unhelpfully at first. "Just later." When he doesn't feel like an imposter that has crawled into someone's life, masquerading as their loved one.

They will, and they do, and there's unfortunately no way Sylvain will be able to avoid them completely, because both houses are littered with photos and joint possessions. And sooner or later, he has to introduce Inda, and that's going to be a whole can of worms all by itself.

But 'later' is fine. They'll have a long journey back to Olivine before Sylvain has to deal with any of that, and they can talk again about it in the air. If Sylvain were to voice his concerns more specifically, Felix would tell him that his worry makes no sense - Sylvain is Sylvain, regardless of what he remembers or doesn't, and Felix has loved him since before he really understood what this sort of love was, so it couldn't possibly ever matter.

As it is, he just nods. "All right." He runs his hands up to Sylvain's shoulders and then down his chest, where they push the man back to lie in the grass. Felix takes in the sight of him like that for a moment before he leans down to follow, claiming Sylvain's lips again.

Going down willingly, Sylvain stretches out more comfortably beneath Felix. The time the other takes to look him over, Sylvain is doing just the same. The beat of his pulse picks up, watching what remains of the light of the day catch like a halo behind Felix. He's stunning like this, isn't he?

And then Felix is kissing him again, and how can he resist after such a sight? Or at all for that matter. One hand comes up to dig into the fabric of Felix's top. Just enough to get his fingers under the hem, and setting a warm palm on the small of his back. The other cups the nape of his neck and gently squeezes. Maybe there's a possessive note there, hungry for him after years of pining. Can he really be blamed though? After such an emotional reunion that Sylvain never could have anticipated, and still feels the shadow of doubt cling to, he just wants this part to never end. No emotional baggage, no self-loathing, just how warm and right Felix feels.

"There's only one thing I have to know right now," he gusts out when he pauses to breathe. "Did I teach you how to kiss like this?"

Sylvain may call it 'possessive,' but if it is, Felix doesn't mind in the least. To him, it's grounding, comfortable, familiar. Sylvain's touch feels like home.

Panting quietly, he smirks. "No. Dorothea did. But you taught me how to kiss you." There's a pause, as his smirk softens into something pleased and warm. "And you were the first one I ever slept with."

"Dorothea?" Oh, that makes him brighten up. He's practically beaming, and claps Felix's back firmly like the proud wingman he is. "Atta boy, Fe! I always knew you could land a real catch!"

As pleased as he is, he does feel his heart pick up a beat. So, he got to be Felix's first after all; something he'd quietly resigned to be without a long time ago. Just like most of what he'd imagined he could ever have with Felix. But that in particular. That means more to him than most things.

"Mm, good. I'm glad it got to be with someone who cares a lot about you." It's too strange to say 'with me.' Not with something like that.

Felix makes a face that wants to be a scowl, except he's not actually anywhere close to angry, so it doesn't quite get there. "I didn't 'land' anything. She convinced me to go out with her a few times back at the academy. I didn't hate it, I suppose."

And no, he never told Sylvain about that, because he knew exactly what kind of reaction he'd get and avoided it at all costs.

"So am I." He starts to say more, but stops himself; Sylvain doesn't want to hear about these things yet. Instead, he gives the man a wicked little grin. "And now I'll have all kinds of things to show you." A pause, then, as his enthusiasm is tempered with a realization: "If...if you want that."

"I think you're the only man to put 'I didn't hate it' in conjunction with 'I went out with Dorothea.'" Sylvain has to laugh. Only Felix. Truly only Felix.

That smirk catches him though, and Sylvain's eyes go a little wider. Oh. Oh.

He licks his lips. As if he could ever refuse such temptation. C'mon, it's Sylvain.

"Well, you can't just tease me with something like that and not make good on it. Of course I would." No, he's not admiting the amount of times he's thought of doing just that. Or how many times it's ruined his night in the best kind of way.

The hand on the back of Felix's neck curls into the soft hair at the base of Felix's skull. He gently scritches at his scalp, though does make a mess of his hair. He really just wants to run his fingers through all of it.

Whatever last small bit of remaining nervousness Felix might have had about this melts away at that response. Sylvain may not be admitting those things, but Felix already knows. He was just concerned that Sylvain might have some reservations about jumping straight from where they started the day to sex so quickly.

Then again, sex and marriage are two very different things.

"Oh, can't I?" There's a certain smugness to his smirk now, the sort of thing he only ever used to show on the training grounds when he defeated a worthy opponent. "We'll see."

Of course, he has no intention of withholding a damn thing.

Ah, and despite Sylvain saying nothing about what he really wants right now, Felix knows what that little gesture means. He straightens up to look down at Sylvain again and reaches back to pull his hair free from its tie, letting it fall over his shoulders. It's longer than when Sylvain would have seen it last, and when he lowers himself again for another kiss, it spills over to brush Sylvain's face.

They're remarkably different things. One he's fantasized about for far too long. Shameless certainly, but it's not for lack of love. In fact, Sylvain might actually consider it an act of love not to want to force someone he cares about into marriage.

That smug air Felix puts on distracts him. The way his gaze is so sharp and sure, somehow in his element when Sylvain has never known him to be quite so bold in matters like this. It's new and exciting, enough to color his cheeks, and work a crooked smirk onto his expression. It's almost a game.

"C'mon, when have you ever held back," Sylvain teases. His fingers card back through Felix's long hair, admiring what he absolutely considers a prize. Not since they were kids has Sylvain gotten the chance to play with Felix's hair. Back then he used to love to messily braid it. Now he just wants to unravel every strand, feeling it flow between his fingers.

"Mm, damn- you're gorgeous," he gusts out with a gentle reverence in his voice. Almost like he hasn't realized he's said it aloud. But he's taken in another kiss so he can't be bothered to think about it. Far more important to memorize the feel of the other against his lips. His fingers lace tightly against Felix's scalp, guiding their kiss deeper with unbridled want so plain in his motions.

Felix will never get tired of making Sylvain of all people blush. The thought occurs to him that he'll get to dance for Sylvain for the first time all over again, and he suddenly can't wait to get back to Olivine...

...well, maybe he can after all, if it means he gets to have Sylvain's hands in his hair again, hear him say things like that again.

"I know." His tone is a bit softer than the words might suggest - Sylvain, after all, is the reason he knows. It used to make him feel self-conscious even when it was just the two of them, when Sylvain would give him compliments on his looks like that. He thought for a while it was just flattery, just something people were expected to say to their lovers, but eventually Sylvain convinced him that he really meant every word.

And then those fingers are gripping his hair tighter and Sylvain so clearly wants him, and this perhaps is how the man learns for the second time that Felix likes having his hair pulled, because a low sound escapes him that he can't hold back and his breathing picks up its pace. Forgetting, or possibly not caring, where they are right now, and without breaking the kiss, he grabs Sylvain and rolls until their positions have reversed - Felix on his back in the grass, instead.

It's a pleasant surprise when Felix doesn't deny or brush off his compliment. Even the genuine ones he's used to seeing roll off Felix by either dismissal or sheer obliviousness. So this is good. He deserves to know Sylvain's always found him unfairly gorgeous. It's always been a persistent thought he could never chase away.

Ah, but that pretty sound has him so distracted he doesn't even have a chance to react until he's got Felix under him. A hand braces beside Felix's head, his broad body looming over the other, and suddenly his pulse picks up in tempo to an uneven and roused pace. It's something straight out of a dream, Felix beneath him, that beautiful raven-dark hair framing his handsome face. Sylvain can even feel the way his breathing his quickened while astride him. He swallows hard.

"Damn," he gusts out, eyes darkening with a kind of old hunger as it all comes washing over him. He's wanted this for too long. Shit- he has to be more charming than that. He can't just let this go so simply while his heart is practically soaring. But it's all choked up in his throat. There should be something suave there. Some pretty words. Some heated flattery. Something-

"You're everything I've wanted my whole life," he finally just says what he's thinking. Because he can't remember a time before Felix. And he refuses to consider a time without him.

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