victory_road | 1st Illusion [Video

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1st Illusion [Video - Pallet Town]

[When given the opportunity to drop three thousand dollars on ill-advised ferry tickets, GOB takes both the offer and the ferry. It is, alas, not as much like a yacht as he'd have hoped, and they also seemed to lack a sense of humor regarding "squatters."

He's not entirely sure he isn't dreaming all this, though it's gone on for quite a few days longer than usual if it is, but luckily enough, cell phones seem to work roughly the same over here as they did back... you know, over there. There's a requisite amount of fiddling and focusing and fussing before the video stabilizes and GOB -- this forty(ish) year old guy with a receding hairline not entirely hidden by his new hat-- gets to talking.]

So, here's a quick question: we don't gotta poke holes into these… red... ball... things, right? And they're not… all squished up in there, either? I mean, you know how it is. You walk into a door just once and then you've gotta call some guy about the insurance policy…

Wait, there's no insurance policies here, right? I mean, even if there was, there's no way I'm paying— what, like fourteen thousand Poké-dollars for a piece of paper, come on.

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[A teenager with a messy mop of hair responds with video, though he looks at least a little bit confused. He's talked to a lot of people who seem new to the whole Pokemon thing, but this is the first guy who's ever talked about insurance policies. It must be an adult thing.]

Uh, no, you don't have to do anything to the Pokeballs. The Pokemons inside of them will be fine as they are. I think it's like hammer space or something.

And I don't think there are insurance policies. I have never heard of them anyways, so you're probably okay. Unless it's only for adult trainers or something, in which case I cannot help you.

...You don't mean actual hammers, right? Just gotta... you know, clear that up. Could be all kinds of things in there.

[Oh, right, he's talking to a kid, and worst of all, he doesn't have any candy on him to work as a bribe.]

There's a whole bunch of adult things you don't really have to do. Like taxes!

No, no. I mean, you could put a hammer in there, but I don't think that is what is inside of Pokéballs. Unless you had some sort of hammer Pokémon? Anyways, it is just a term to describe taking things from out of nowhere. I think it's based on Looney Tunes. You know what Looney Tunes are right?

[It's not just a subtle jab at this guy's age - there is enough multi-universal stuff going on here that John can never be sure what people are familiar with.]

Also, taxes sound like the worst.

Something about a cross-dressing rabbit, right? [Humming Kill the Wabbit goes here.] Yeah, I think we're good.

They are, I really can't stress that enough.

Yeah, I think that is one of the episodes!

Anyways, if you have to pay taxes because you're an adult, you should let the rest of us know! I am turning eighteen on my next birthday so I will need to be prepared to be a full grown up.

Crap, what do teenagers like instead? I'm pretty sure it's drinking, right?

Uhhh, no? Teenagers are too young to drink. We aren't supposed to have any alcohol until we are twenty one.

[And obviously there are no teenagers who would ever dream of breaking that rule.]

Uh huh. Yeah, that's... totally how that works. Yup. And definitely no drinking and driving, either, completely off the table.

[Never ever!]

Yeah, obviously! Drinking and driving is for dumb people who want to get into terrible accidents and die. It's even dumber if they don't wear seatbelts.

No, you don't.

[Cloud really couldn't judge someone for not paying attention to the Professor when things were explained; it's not like he had.]

They'll be fine inside the Pokeballs, but you don't have to keep them inside there if you don't want to. Mine travel alongside me.

[As one can probably tell by the tiny fuzzy spider that's playing around in Cloud's hair at the moment.]

[GOB's never known an instructive pamphlet he didn't completely ignore before tossing into the nearest garbage bin.]

Sounds like they'd just wander off that way, I mean, how would they know they're supposed to be yours?

[You might want to rethink that life choice, buddy.]

Once you catch them, they're yours. They may not like it necessarily but they won't run off.

[At least his hadn't.

Well.

Materia had tried. Ad failed. Which is why she had a harness.]

[#YOLO]

Okaaay I think I'm gonna stick with stuffing them in the balls.

You don't stuff them into anything.

[Cloud can't help but frown.]

The pokeballs pull them in on their own. Don't try and force them--you'll just end up hurting them.

No, you... really don't have to worry about Pokemon dying from... just about anything, really, even if you probably still will. They're remarkably sturdy creatures.

So if I hypothetically knocked out a couple... uh, by hypothetical accident, I really can't say that enough-- They're just... hypothetically sleeping?

I... look, were you training or defending yourself.

Does both count?

Oh, yes, certainly. Both definitely count.

So... I'm not gonna get pulled over by pokemon cops for this.

No, you're not. It's definitely fine and completely expected. I think they might get on you if you try and punch them yourself, because they're definitely a bit strange about things like that, but... otherwise it's fine.

Right, got it, no punching. That shouldn't be too hard to not do.

It's really not. Your Pokemon can go ahead and do that for you.

Seems like that's kinda the idea.

Right, so you don't have to worry too much. Just make sure you have a few of them to protect you from all the rats and small birds plaguing the first stretch of unpaved road.

I'd like to see some of the pigeons where I'm from take on these guys.

...I'd be really concerned about the pigeons. Wait, are they just pigeons? Not... rooster pigeons?

No, you don't have to poke holes in them. That would probably just break them.

So you... buy more of them?

--well, yeah. If you wanna catch more Pokemon, buy more balls.

But it'll definitely help to not break the ones you already have. They don't need holes in them, the Pokemon can breathe just fine.

So... I'm guessing sticking straws in the sides isn't very effective, either...

_{[There's a long pause.]}

Are you fucking with me, or just stupid?

Hey! I'm definitely not fucking with you.

Okay, then you're definitely stupid.

Maybe don't catch anything or use Pokeballs at all.

_{[She doesn't actually know what would happen if someone BROKE a Pokeball while a Pokemon was still inside it, and she doesn't really want to.]}

Well then what am I supposed to do, use my hands?

Yes.

Physically carry all of your Pokemon.

At once.

Pfft. Bet I can carry way more than you.

Prove it.

Film yourself carrying at least six Pokemon.

You got it.

Uh... not necessarily today, though, I've got things to do, you know how it is.

I'll wait, heart in my throat.

Nah, they're fine. I don't get how it works or nothing, but it does.

Yeah, I think I'm starting to get the memo here.

It takes a while to get used to it, but once you do...

I hardly ever think about how weird everything around here is anymore!

That's... great. There an over/under on how long that weirdness ignoring thing takes to kick in?

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1st Illusion [Video - Pallet Town]

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