[ text | un: keith - fail anon ]

[tempredmental]

[So, not being the tech genius that Pidge is, Keith's attempt at making this an anonymous text kind of failed... So, have fun, guys.]

So how do you apologize to your girlfriend for walking in on her in the bathtub?

Comments

[nightyorb]

Okay.

Hey, if it is any comfort, I offered to shoot you in the dick and she said no, so I think you are probably gonna be just fine.

[tempredmental]

No. No. Not at all. That's not any comfort at all.

WHY WOULD YOU OFFER TO SHOOT SOMEONE IN THE DICK?!

[nightyorb]

I was letting her know that non-fatal shooting was also on the table.

I'm a professional, Keith. I can do both.

[tempredmental]

WHY WOULD YOU EVEN OFFER TO SHOOT SOMEONE IN THE FIRST PLACE??

[nightyorb]

Cause I'm no good with advice but I'm good with shooting people!

[tempredmental]

That doesn't make it the right answer!

[From the guy who used to beat people up for talking bad about his parents... or just retaliating against bullies in general... or just getting in trouble in general...]

[nightyorb]

You have no idea how often shooting people is the right answer.

Listen, Allura is my friend. And if you are a dick to her, you deserve to get shot. Even if you are her boyfriend. Maybe especially if you are her boyfriend. That's why I made the offer.

[tempredmental]

It was a mistake. I wasn't trying to be a dick. Besides, she and I were friends before we were dating. I happen to know that if she really wanted something like that to happen, she could easily do it herself.

[nightyorb]

Sometimes, even when you know your friend is perfectly capable of wasting some dude themselves, you still kill him for them cause that's what a good friend does!

And I know you weren't trying to be a dick now. That's why I asked her. I checked!

[tempredmental]

It wasn't obvious from my initial post that I wasn't trying to be a dick? Like, why would I be trying to find a way to apologize if I was trying to be a dick? If I was trying to be a dick, I wouldn't have cared that much.

[nightyorb]

You could've just been trying to make yourself look good. Control the narrative and all. Plenty of people play off things they did on purpose as accidents if they get caught. You never believe what the criminal has to say about his actions without fact-checking things.

[tempredmental]

Oh my god! You sound like one of my frickin' teachers!

Totally not here

[heartofalioness]

[Oh. She thinks that's the first time Riz has ever called her a friend. She won't respond (NOW at least) but... well, she might grin a bit at that.

Allura will remember this.]