Ryan Akagi (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
chickenchoicejudy) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
victory_road2023-01-25 07:39 pm
chickenchoicejudy) wrote in victory_road2023-01-25 07:39 pm
text
[By now, you've probably seen it. It started on a teenager's Instantlergram, and then migrated over to Chatter, Timbr, and you might have even seen a video or two on your For You Page on Joltiktok about it. The Daily Dottler ran an article about it sourced by no one.
About what? About how the hot new band Chicken Choice Judy was recently "caught in the wild" at a child's birthday party dressed head to toe as giant torchics.
And the internet, as it often does, has been having a field day with it:
"guess there's one entertaining thing at my brother's dumb party. #chickenchoicejudy #torchic #canileavenow" - Original Poster MimiKissyKyuutie
"cake is very bad for torchics this is completely irresponsible" - Chatter user badbreedertipsonly, famed meme account.
"what the heck is a chicken anyway" - Timbr user newgearhoothootdis, followed by hundreds of replies of increasingly bad guesses.
"this isn't news, call me when the torchics kiss" - Joltiktok user luvdisco, with a filter that adds sparkles to the picture and a music clip that seems to be Celine Brionne's My Heart Ball Will Go On played badly on a Pokéflute.
And so on and so forth. So it probably isn't a surprise when Ryan pops up after a day or so of this.]
hey so
i get how things go on the internet but how do you take them off
like forever
is just deleting the whole internet an option, or...?
you know, for no reason whatsoever.
[Except you know exactly what reason it's for. Because everyone in all of Johto and Kanto has seen it somewhere recently.]
[ooc: Thank you to
action; cw: internalised homophobia
But Ryan has known who he is for most of his life. Since puberty at least. And Bowie was someone who always seemed to know exactly who he was too, someone who wasn't afraid to be himself in a world that wasn't always okay with it.
So when Bowie said coming out as bisexual was the biggest mistake of his life? Ryan was heartbroken.
Ryan jumps a little when the receiver slams, but recovers easily enough. As for the cheating...]
I mean...maybe everyone knew? [Ryan shrugs.] They wouldn't be the first rock stars to sleep around. That wasn't exactly the scandalous part, man.
[But something feels off here, more so than he would have guessed. He tilts his head and looks at Min-Gi.]
Are...you okay?
action; just assume Min's going to be weird here for a while probably
[He's trying very hard to sell that as being his one and only problem here. He might have more success if Ryan hadn't known him literally his entire life. Or at the very least if he didn't look at him like that.]
Y-yeah. I just don't know how to talk about that stuff. [There's a pause, then he offers Ryan an apologetic look.] Sorry.
action; Min is always weird :V
He lets the thought he's having really sink in, as if that might allow it to fall directly through him and out his feet instead of getting tangled in his heart on the way down. Min can probably tell once again that Ryan's thinking, but his face is unreadable.
It shouldn't come with the territory, but even Ryan knows that isn't what this conversation is really about. Pushing the issue feels...cruel. Something about that apology does too, but that isn't fair. He can't exactly hold that against Min.
What he eventually says is subdued, but to the point.]
We need to call Joltiktok. ...I'll do it, if you want.
[Instantlergram is where it started, but Joltiktok is where people started joking about their sexuality, and that's likely the most damaging one for Min specifically. He can't even say the words out loud.]
action; rude! >B[
What he doesn't anticipate is... that. He blinks owlishly, not able to process what Ryan's talking about at first.]
Wha--?
[He's talking about the websites? Now? They do need to talk to them, and Joltiktok is one he'd been dreading especially, but he's not going to call them this second.
Ryan's tone is flat enough to tell him everything he needs to know. Min's hurt him, and now he's being shut out. Maybe deservedly, but he can't just let it happen. He can't let him brush past this under the impression Min thinks there's anything wrong with who he is.]
Ryan... You know you're the most important person in my life, right? I care about you. No matter what.
action;
I care about you too. I'm calling Joltiktok.
[The words are distant and automatic. He does care, it isn't a lie. He's just trying really, really hard not to let Min turn this around on him. Really, it isn't about him. It's about Min-Gi and about how he's being perceived in all of this gossip.
He picks up his Gear again and thumbs through Joltiktok's website, to look for a phone number to try and call. ...Except, there is no phone number. His efforts are going to be for absolutely nothing.]
Ugh, they have to have a number somewhere...
action;
[That pisses him off a bit, even if he does deserve it. He'd been so anxious to get hold of the websites when reporting the images hadn't solved the problem, but now he's more worried about Ryan than what the internet thinks of him. He should never had said anything. Never have let the topic come up. He knew he couldn't handle that conversation, and yet he'd broken the unspoken rule that had existed between them for years.
Stupid.
He stands, storming over to Ryan to try and remove the Gear forcibly from his hands. It's a pointless endeavour if he really does want to keep hold of it, but he's not going to let him ignore him when he clearly isn't okay.]
Put it down. We're still talking.
action;
[Cool, they're fighting now. That's totally how Ryan wanted this to go.
Min grabs for the PokéGear and two of them have a little tug-o-war over it for a moment until Ryan finally pulls it out of Min's grip. Obviously he can't actually use it while Min is trying to take it from him, so he does the next best thing he can think of with it - he shuts it, tucks it underneath him, and sits on it. It's not like Min's going to touch another guy's butt to get it.]
What is your problem?! I was getting the number so I could take care of it. What else is there to talk about?
[The fact that he's being weird about this now, probably, but he's sure as hell not going to bring it up.]
action;
He sits next to him, expression still irritated as he leans in to hug him.]
I love you. That's what there is to talk about.
[Min-Gi's grip is arguably too tight, but he doesn't want him worming his way out of his arms and between the two of them Min does not have the advantage in strength. He's not taking any chances.]
You're my best friend, Ryan. I don't care if you're bisexual... or gay? [His voice goes up a couple of pitches there, but it's more uncertainty of his identity than having to use the words themselves. He thinks Ryan's bisexual? He's talked about having girlfriends while he was gone, so that's probably right. ...Right?] I'm sorry I upset you.
action;
But that's not what happens.
Min says I love you and Ryan stills. He doesn't dare so much as breathe.
His heart swells but his brain screams that this is obviously too good to be true. Min couldn't even say the word gay two minutes ago, and now he's supposed to believe he's trying to sweep him off of his feet?! He stops trying to squirm away, but he's glad that Min can't see his face this way. He must look so baffled and hopeful and flustered all at once.
Then, the punch line.
...It hurts more than he expected, somehow.]
I...
[He can't. He can't, how is he supposed to do this?!]
I...love you too, man. [He hopes that sounds enough like himself, and not as tiny and devastated as he feels. Haha, yep! Love you too! Like bros!] Look, you didn't upset me. It's fine. I just...want to fix it for you, that's all. The stupid Joltiktok thing.
[Because it's not about him. It's not about him, or how he feels, or how Min-Gi loves him but definitely not like that and how that makes him want to curl up in a ball under a blanket and disappear.]
It's not saying anything that isn't true about me, but it's slandering you and that sucks.
[Because Min is not gay or bi or anything on that spectrum. But it's fine that Ryan is, apparently!]
action;
Something is obviously wrong, but he can't for the life of him work out what it could be. It's not the stupid Joltiktok thing, he's convinced of that much. He frowns, relaxing his grip on him but not letting him go just yet. Hugging him isn't helping, but... what else can he do?]
Forget Joltiktok. You don't have to fix anything for me, okay? I'll... I'll deal with it.
[He really doesn't want to, but it doesn't seem fair to let that responsibility fall to Ryan when he's clearly still so bothered about something. Does he still think he has a problem with him...? He can't, right? There's no way Min could have been more clear.
He draws back with some reluctance, looking him over with hurt bewilderment.]
Did I say something wrong? I told you... I don't know how to talk about this stuff, but at least give me a chance to make it up to you.
action;
[It's basically all his fault that Min was made uncomfortable about gay things in the first place. He can make the call and deal with the fall out.
Min pulls away and Ryan actually resists it at first - maybe hugging wasn't helping, but hugging was keeping his face hidden and he knows Min's going to try and look at him and pinpoint exactly what's wrong. When they first part, he looks more at the floor than Min and seems...sheepish, almost. Guilty. He doesn't like how any of this feels and even more than that he hates that he's dragging Min down with him.
He sounds so hurt though. Ryan finally makes himself look his way and answer him.]
Min-Gi...you don't have to make it up to me. You didn't...
[It's the truth, but he feels like just saying it isn't enough for Min-Gi to believe him.
So with just a beat of hesitation, Ryan reaches out and pulls Min back into that hug - a more gentle version. He buries his face in Min's shoulder, but Min will still be able to hear him.
And if Min can say it platonically and not be weird about it then so can he.]
...I love you too. You didn't do anything wrong, I promise.
action;
[But that doesn't stop it feeling like one. If the internet had existed in the 80s, both he and Ryan know how a post like that would most likely have been intended.
He holds Ryan's gaze like a frightened rabbit, able to anticipate what he's going to say now, but not sure if he means it or if he's just trying to shrug him off again.
Then Ryan pulls him back into the hug, and suddenly Min realises he hadn't quite guessed everything he had to say after all. Between the gentleness of his embrace and the softer, more sincere "I love you" he can't do anything but stay there in a stunned silence. His breath stutters, and he can feel his cheeks turning pink. He's glad Ryan can't see him right now, but he's very aware that he can probably feel him freezing up.
Not wanting to risk any fresh misunderstandings he hastily returns the embrace, sniffling slightly as a few unwelcome tears prick at his eyes. He's not unhappy, though there's a wistfulness for what can never be somewhere that he tries to push down. Min's just never been good at holding back his emotions, and it's a relief to get more genuine reassurance he hasn't done anything wrong.]
It seems like it's safer here. If you did want to be more open.
[Not that Ryan needs his permission, but it doesn't seem fair that he has to feel concerned about how Min's perceived just because they're so visibly connected. Especially with the increased attention on their band over the past few weeks. It's not Ryan's fault that he's been ready for years while Min-Gi can still barely admit to himself who he really is. He shouldn't be letting his own insecurities hold Ryan back.]
action;
He wasn't sure he expected a hug back this time, but soon Min's arms are around him too. For an extra second, Ryan can keep pretending it's something more than it is. He doesn't have to look Min's way and see if he's uncomfortable. He can just...have this, for a second.
And it helps. It doesn't make that knot in his chest go away entirely, but it untangles it a little. It relieves some of the pressure.]
I'll, uh. I'll...keep that in mind.
[He sounds a little better, but being in or out of the closet was never really the problem here. Really, it was suddenly having to confront how Min feels about it that dragged up all this old shit he was hoping he would never have to actually think about in depth. At the end of the day, Ryan is himself more than anything and he's pretty sure his sexuality has always been an open secret.]
...It does seem safer though, for sure.
[It's a softer tone that comes with Experience. He has to admit, it's been really nice to not have to think about even a fraction of the things he would have to consider at home.]
action;
Not that he's about to ask any more questions now. Maybe not again for a while. Even with Ryan's reassurances it seems clear he'd blundered, and really, it's none of his business. Ryan will date who he dates, and that's that. Min has no place being jealous when he still can't even bring himself to admit he knows he's gay.
He doesn't want to make this weird by holding onto Ryan for too long, but Min-Gi's eyes are still wet and he doesn't want him to see that. He allows himself a little longer, breathing in the scent of his hair while he composes himself in a way he really hopes Ryan won't notice. When he does let him go he doesn't move away. If anything he shifts to sit a little closer to allow them to remain touching.]
So, we're good now...?
[It feels like they might be, but he wants the confirmation. He knows his attempts to be supportive were awkward and not as helpful as he'd intended.]
action;
By now he's composed himself well enough, and honestly the fact that Min himself is this worried about it is...weirdly reassuring? That feels shitty of him, but it banishes some other fears he's had deep down that were creeping up and starting to show.
He leans over and bumps his shoulder against Min's, to try and reassure him back.]
We're good. We were good the whole time though, so like. Sorry to make you worry about that. You did everything right; I was the one being weird about it.
[He's not going to try and explain it, but Min doesn't need to worry about misstepping around him. The last thing he wants is Min feeling like he has to walk on eggshells.]
action;
[He was. He was very weird, otherwise Min would have never been so direct about this particular topic. It still seems like the right thing to say though.
He leans against him slightly when Ryan bumps his shoulders. Partly to try and show Ryan that nothing's changed, but also just because it feels nice. Comfortable.]
Thank you. For telling me. I know it's a big deal.
[Yeah, he still hasn't clocked on that Ryan doesn't actually think of this as coming out and they are looking this from opposites sides of the "open secret" thing.]
action;
Gonna be honest, man. I...kinda thought you already knew?
[It feels obvious to Ryan, and to some degree it feels like it's always been obvious. He never said so outright, but there was only so much he could really hide it.
Then again, telling Min was never really in the cards. If he told Min, he always felt like it would call attention to his every move. He might not be able to be as open and close with him, or at least that's what it felt like back in high school.]
But, uh. You're welcome? ...Thank you for being cool about it.
[A beat, and then he realizes he never actually answered Min before. Maybe he should?]
...Bisexual was the right one, by the way. Since you were wondering.
action;
But he hadn't thought he was supposed to know.
He goes quiet for a moment, seemingly unsure how to react again. And then... he laughs.]
You never told me! What, did you think I read your mind?
[He sobers slightly then, a faint smile still on his face.]
I... guess I wondered. Sometimes. I figured it was stuff I wasn't supposed to notice. Or I was just misreading.
action;
Maybe! You never know!
[Except he does know, and so does Min - neither of them are mind readers and they have to actually talk things out so both of them understand. But it feels right to tease him back about it.
He didn't actually want to pull away though, so he settles against Min again.]
Well...congrats? You weren't misreading, dude. You were just...reading.
[Like everyone else in Ryan's life. Somehow, that doesn't feel as bad coming from Min though.]
action;
Even if I could I don't think I could handle whatever goes on in your head.
[Min doesn't pull away either, leaning slightly so his cheek can rest on Ryan's head. He still feels a little stupid for not realising that Ryan hadn't felt like he needed to say anything directly for him to get it, but some of his offhand remarks do make more sense knowing that.]
Man, guess I'm not as good at reading as I thought.
[This is the stupidest joke, but he clearly thinks he's being funny.]
action;
[It feels so good to know that this isn't something that he's going to lose - to know that Min still feels comfortable resting his head against Ryan's and that they won't be dancing around each other, too afraid to touch the way they have their entire lives.
The biggest--
No, the second biggest barrier to telling Min in the first place was completely irrelevant. The actually biggest still might catch up with him one day, but right now he isn't losing anything and it's such a relief.]
Or you're really good at reading and just second-guessed yourself. 'Cause I mean, you weren't wrong. Just...
[Ryan searches for a word, but one he really wants never actually comes and the one that's sticking out in his thoughts isn't quite right. He laughs a little bit.]
...I dunno, polite?
action;
Huh.]
Is it polite? I dunno. I guess it was kinda dumb not to just ask you about it.
[They both know it's more complicated than that, but it shouldn't have been. Not really. Not when it came to the two of them. But then it's not like either one of them had been great at communication back when they were younger.]
I'm glad we talk more now. That's better than being polite.
action;
[Ha, ha. He's got puns for days over here.]
I'm glad too though. It's...not always easy, but it's definitely better.
[Though really, he's speaking more for himself than Min now. Sometimes it's hard to talk things out, and he still can't say he always wants to, but it never leaves him feeling worse than before. Min doesn't let him get away with hiding as much, and even if he hates it in the moment sometimes, he knows it's a good thing. It's good for both of them.]
action;
You did that on purpose.
[The irritation in his voice is false though, and he nudges him as best he can without actually having to move away. You're only a little funny, Ryan.]
It is better. You worry me sometimes, but... I like knowing what's going on with you.
action;
Maaaaaaybe.
[Excuse you, he's very funny - especially with the playful insinuation that it was absolutely on purpose.
The tone shifts very slightly though. It isn't necessarily bad, just...a little more serious. More sincere.]
...Really?
[It's not so much that he doesn't believe Min - it's just weird to think about. That someone worries about him and likes knowing what's going on with him? He doesn't actually want to worry Min, but the fact that he does is kind of touching.]
Sorry, that came out way too much like a question.
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;
action;