victory_road | Audio Post

[Well, this has been a shitty month. What the hell happened? Vault Hunters everywhere, Crimson Raiders, his own employees turning on him? None of this is cool. None of this is acceptable.]

[But he's not going to let on that he's less than thrilled or maybe a little bit nervous. Nope, everything's fine. And he's still got a business to run and a secret organization to work for. This is all just a hiccup. So he tosses up a quick message on the public network]

Hey, so...been a lot of excitement lately. Someone left a door open and a whole bunch of riffraff got in! I mean, have you seen some of the people popping up around here? Sheesh! Not to mention...you know. The built in insanity of this planet. That's...that's a thing.

Anyway...if my people could check in with me, that'd be great. You know who you are. Gotta get moving on all our plans, here! You know my private line.

[And because Jack's not happy and needs to lash out....time to make Rhys' life miserable. Well, more miserable.]

Oh, and Rhys? Hey cupcake, I want my shirt back! That was a walk of shame loaner, not a gift.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

How exactly do you get that this place is insane?

[Because it's pretty normal compared to some of the stuff he's dealt with, sir.]

And you might want to work on your welcome wagon skills.

It probably started the day I randomly woke up here with no explanation. The freakish weather, random memory loss, non-existence of any weapons or governmental structure...

Take your friggin pick.

Why? I'm not the welcome wagon. I'm a guy who's sick of murderers and bandits from the homestead showing up every damn weekend.

So you're telling me strange things never happen where you come from?

But everyone can see what you're posting. You're going to freak people out more than necessary talking like that just because you're having a bad day.

Strange, but still adhering to, you know. Actual laws of nature and crap. Physics work.

...talking like what? This is how I talk, kiddo. Nobody's had a problem with it the whole time I've been here. Which is longer than you, I'm gonna guess!

When baby eating psychopaths show up, everybody has a bad day.

Different universe, different rules?

[At least that's what he has to assume.]

You sure about that?

[Don't test him.]

And how do we know that you aren't exaggerating the entire situation? I'm not sure how inclined I am to believe a guy wearing a face over his face...

Different place, let's just say that.

...Um, wow. Are you naturally rude, or did you have to work at it? This is my face, and it's medical.

But you ask anybody from Pandora about Psychos and they''ll tell ya the same damn thing.

I'm sure it is.

[He totally believes you, Jack. Really.]

And let me guess, they won't tell me anything negative about you? Or is that just a minor detail?

...that is literally what it is. You know how people have prosthetic arms and legs? Same friggin thing.

Uh, not sure where I implied that, but I guess it would depend on who you talk to. But I definitely don't eat babies. Like certain mask wearing, grammar deficient Psychos.

...which is all Psychos.

So prosthetic faces are a thing. Right.

Do you have proof that this guy eats babies?

I'd be kinda shit out of luck if they weren't.

Other than when he publicly agreed on this network that he does? Cause it's not like I've sat and watched and taken pictures. That...that would be really sick. Like...ew. Oh god. Why did you even make me think about that? Gonna have nightmares now...

So what happened to your face that required a prosthetic?

People tend to say whatever they want over something like this network just because they can or because they think it's funny. He could have been baiting you.

I asked this guy who's patience was wearing thin too many personal questions.

Okay, you don't seem to be grasping that I know this guy. I really don't know how else I can possibly offer proof, beyond giving him a baby to eat! Which I'm not gonna do. Because baby eating is bad.

But seriously. Ask anybody from Pandora about psychos and baby eating.

Or skin pizza.

[Insert faint smirk here.]

Subtle.

[The smirk fades as he shrugs.]

Just because you know someone doesn't mean everything you say about them is automatically true.

I just told you that there are other people here you can ask!

I'm not just randomly friggin trying to convince you, someone I don't know or give a single crap about, that some other guy you don't know or give a crap about eats babies for my own funsies. That's...why would anyone do that? It's convoluted and stupid.

Isn't that kind of exactly what you're doing?

No, I'm attempting to give fair warning about a dangerous guy running around.

But you seem to think I'm randomly making up stories about violent cannibals.

I think you're being overly dramatic about someone that you most like just despise from back home just because you can.

Again. I am not the only person who will confirm this!

How many times do I have to repeat that? Don't believe me? Ask anyone else from Pandora! They're everywhere here now. Ask'em about Psychos. Ask'em about skin pizza. Ask'em about meat bicycles.

For god's sake, the fact that there is established slang for what they do should be a pretty strong indicator, that hey, I'm not just talking out my ass!

Then why didn't anyone else come over the network to give this sort of warning?

This is honestly just coming off like you have a chip on your shoulder when it comes to this guy.

New world, new start.

[It's a lot of fun riling this guy up. He's not going to admit that though.]

What am I, Sister Psychic? I don't know! For all I know, they told the people they thought should know.

Well, the dude did kill my family, but again, that...that should be a pretty strong indicator he's not a good guy.

Seems to me like you should have led with that instead of the baby eating. It would have been more convincing.

One of those things is of a concern to the general public, one of'em isn't.

They both seem like concerns to me. But one is more believable.

Christ, I'd like to come from a planet where baby eating Psychos were hard to believe.

But I don't.

That's a shame.

I almost wish I came from a place with meat bicycles.

[Dry tone is dry.]

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