victory_road | Twelfth Transmutation | [video, backdated to 9/4] Don't be a Gary

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Twelfth Transmutation | [video, backdated to 9/4] Don't be a Gary

[Seems like Pokemon videos are in vogue lately--when the feed from Alphonse's Gear opens it's an oddly-colored Pawniard that's peering into the camera. She leans back, blinks, and looks up to someone off-screen before nodding and turning it around to show two young men scuffling several feet away on the ground.]

Get off of me already!

No! You had this coming and you know--OW!!

Fuck off, Elric, you're the one always whining about playing by the rules!

You're the one cheating, you asshole! You don't challenge people fresh off the road when your team is completely healed up!

The hell I can't!

[There's a soft sigh from off-camera, and the Pawniard turns the camera around again to make a confused face.]

Is...this normal? Trainer never acted like this before...um, Chimera said to ask if someone can come stop them, please?

[Suddenly Alphonse and Envy's shouting ratches up another few notches, and a large sigh can be heard before a Tyranitar starts stepping forward. A Luxray huffs out a snort and adds his own two cents.]

I don't think that's gonna be neccessary NOW.

You fucking--what, hey, what's--?!

Chimera! What are you doing, put us down!

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Well...

That's one way to solve the problem. Good work, green guy.

[It's clearly a little while later when Al responds, looking very clearly grumpy and sporting a few nasty bruises.]

I hope you mean the Tyranitar and not the stupid palm tree.

Are you all right?

[Because that's slightly more of a concern than asking about 'what palm tree'.]

But yeah, that's. What I meant.

Yeah, I'm fine. A little sore, but fine.

[Al sighs and glares off-screen for a moment, scowling to hide his embarrassment.]

For the record, Envy totally earned that. Ambushing me for a battle before I could even get into town...I've been on the road for over a week going through that cave, I ran out of Potions two days ago! And he's been able to heal up at the Center!

[Now there's a shout from offscreen.]

I just got finished traveling through that same cave too!

You're just a sore loser! Before you'd even lost!

[Is this really happening here. Is he really hearing this.]

You guys have quite the rivalry going. Maybe you need to agree on some rules here, before things get too out of hand.

[Why does he always feel like he has to be the Adult.]

Shut up, Envy! You had a whole day to recover!

[MUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE]

[Al lets out a gusty sigh, and turns back to the camera with a very tired look.]

I already tried to. It took Heather going along for him to not fly on ahead of me and get every badge before I could even get to the cities.

What?!

You just made that up right now! The only thing you ever said was that you bet you'd beat me!

[UGH AL]

That was the first thing we agreed on!!

[jfc children.]

Look.

I'm aware I don't know either of you very well, but even I can see you arguing back and forth won't accomplish anything. If beating each other is that important to you, agree on the rules.

[He really can't help the Dad Voice. It's instinct at this point.]

[Al actually jumps a little and looks...startled? He wasn't expecting a scolding like that, definitely.]

I just want him to play fair, he's the one that wants to win no matter what!

Then the both of you need some kind of neutral party to make rules for you. That you both agree to.

Or neither of you wins.

[Sorry, Al. This is literally like breathing to him anymore.]

[Al frowns, but he's not actually opposed to the idea--he was the one that wanted to keep Envy from cheating in the first place.]

Heather was supposed to be keeping Envy fair, but she had to leave a few days ago because of an emergency. [Which is as far as he's getting into whatever Henry's problem is in public.] I'm fine with setting rules, he's the one that's being a big baby about it.

Heather... the blonde girl? With the big tiger-striped dog? Is she all right?

[They've only talked a handful of times, but that apparently means Heather Mason is firmly in the 'worry about' category.]

Why is he 'being a big baby'? Doesn't want to follow them?

Huh? Oh, she's fine, it's just...uh. Family troubles.

[She and Henry are basically siblings, right? Right.]

He's used to fighting dirty and not giving anyone a fair chance.

['Family troubles' could literally mean anything, which... doesn't ease his mind. But at the same time, it also says it's none of his business.]

All right. But I hope things start looking up.

Then he should learn some restraint if he wants to really claim a victory. Doing it any other way isn't a real win.

[Envy, over at the counter getting an ice pack, finally returns.]

Oh yeah, I'm the one who's a sore loser who fights dirty and needs restraint. Definitely.

[...well he is. BUT ALSO:]

Because when I get challenged to something I'll lose, I just walk right up and wordlessly punch the challenger in the eye instead of just telling them to fuck off. Besides, last time you challenged me after I'd left my good team with the nurses already!

[Sorry bruh, this is legitimately the most Disappointed Dad expression there ever was on Earth.]

You sure seem like it.

All I'm saying is you both need to settle these things before you let it get out of hand.

Then you should have thought of that before picking a fight with me right away!

[No comment on the subject of sucker-punches, of course.]

It's not like I'm trying to pick fights with him!

Both of you.

Figure this out. No more sucker-punches or picking fights, that way.

_{[You know, there was a time when Wrath's response to a video like this would have been to cackle with glee and claps his hands like an awful little clockwork monkey.]

[But now he likes both Al and Envy.]

[And because he has no ability to quantify how one person he likes can dislike another person he likes, this means there's a Problem (tm).]}

Hey, stop fighting!

Lust said you'd be coming home soon. If you kill each other, you won't be able to come home soon!

[The only problem around here is Envy's dumb stupid face--]

[Ahem.]

We will be, I just need to get to a Center and rest a bit before we fly back. Envy's just being a stupid jerk and picking fights when it's to his advantage.

Well, Envy is a Homunculus.

That's just what we do.

[Al sighs and shakes his head.]

Pokemon battles aren't supposed to be like when we were all fighting back home. It's a friendly competition, not...that.

Friendly competition?

_{[WRATH DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. HOMUNCULI ARE IN IT 2 WIN IT.]}

[Oh boy, time for another round of 'attempt to explain civilization to Wrath'!]

As in we're not in any actual danger if we lose. Our Pokemon wouldn't be permanently injured if we lost, and all either of us would lose is a bit of pride. It's like if you only ever wrestled with your Pokemon when you knew for a fact they couldn't keep you down--there's no point to it other than making yourself feel better.

That's playing.

If I was actually competing, I wouldn't have any mercy.

[SIGH.]

Right. Well, battles are supposed to follow rules and be fair. And Envy's mad that the last time we had a fair match I beat him, so now he's decided he needs to cheat to win.

That's why a Homunculus will always win against foolish humans.

When we've learned a fight won't go our way, we make it go our way!

Tell that to the black eye Envy just got.

Well, next time, he'll know to give you a black eye first.

_{[A thoughtful pause.]}

... Maybe two black eyes.

_[IMAGINE.]

... But you still shouldn't fight. Especially not about Pokemon.

And I'll know to duck.

[He says like he doesn't have a nasty bruise across one cheek in the shape of Envy's fist.]

Hehe, I'll try to keep it to just Pokemon battles, okay? I can't guarantee anything about Envy's manners, though...

Oh, Envy doesn't have any manners.

_{[He says this cheerfully and in complete earnest, because the only manners he knows about are to say 'please' and 'thank you' and Envy basically NEVER says those.]}

[Alphonse bursts out laughing, doubling over for a moment from the force of it. Oh, Wrath, bless your blunt little heart.]

Well, he better start learning them!

Can he, though?

_{[It's hard to even tell if Wrath is being sassy or ENTIRELY SERIOUS because either could be true.]}

[When in doubt, assume he's serious.]

Well, it might take a while, but if he tries I bet he can. He learned how to do pancakes and grilled cheese pretty much on his own, didn't he?

[This is what his life has come to. Comparing simple recipes to the complexities of social courtesy.]

Yes!

_{[ENVY IS THE BEST CHEESE GRILLER]}

He does that really well!

See? So if he can learn to do that, he can learn to do manners.

...probably.

[What, Al can't just be completely not shitty about Envy, okay?]

Oh for the love of...

Are the two of you men, or children? What's the matter with you?

[Envy is the one who responds to this; he's sporting a heck of a black eye.]

I challenged him to a battle and he punched me in the face, that's what's the matter with me.

[Muffled, from off-screen:]

Before I could even get to the Center!

Alphonse simply punched you in the face, with no provocation and for no reason at all?

All I did was challenge him!

He just didn't want to lose to me.

[HUFF. Of course, there's Al's reason from the background too.]

And what's this about Alphonse needing to visit the center?

_{[Here is a very unhappy Sylveon.]}

My trainer started behaving very badly too! I think it's an epidemic!

Edited 2016-09-12 00:16 (UTC)

[Oh! Falke has seen a Sylveon before! Beryl doesn't usually have such a sour look on his face, though...the little Pawniard looks confused, and the Luxray steps into view behind her.]

Really? What happened to them?

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Twelfth Transmutation | [video, backdated to 9/4] Don't be a Gary

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