Twelfth Transmutation | [video, backdated to 9/4] Don't be a Gary

[armoredsoul]

[Seems like Pokemon videos are in vogue lately--when the feed from Alphonse's Gear opens it's an oddly-colored Pawniard that's peering into the camera. She leans back, blinks, and looks up to someone off-screen before nodding and turning it around to show two young men scuffling several feet away on the ground.]

Get off of me already!

No! You had this coming and you know--OW!!

Fuck off, Elric, you're the one always whining about playing by the rules!

You're the one cheating, you asshole! You don't challenge people fresh off the road when your team is completely healed up!

The hell I can't!

[There's a soft sigh from off-camera, and the Pawniard turns the camera around again to make a confused face.]

Is...this normal? Trainer never acted like this before...um, Chimera said to ask if someone can come stop them, please?

[Suddenly Alphonse and Envy's shouting ratches up another few notches, and a large sigh can be heard before a Tyranitar starts stepping forward. A Luxray huffs out a snort and adds his own two cents.]

I don't think that's gonna be neccessary NOW.

You fucking--what, hey, what's--?!

Chimera! What are you doing, put us down!

Comments

[Video]

[garbagechild]

That's playing.

If I was actually competing, I wouldn't have any mercy.

[Video]

[armoredsoul]

[SIGH.]

Right. Well, battles are supposed to follow rules and be fair. And Envy's mad that the last time we had a fair match I beat him, so now he's decided he needs to cheat to win.

[Video]

[garbagechild]

That's why a Homunculus will always win against foolish humans.

When we've learned a fight won't go our way, we make it go our way!

[Video]

[armoredsoul]

Tell that to the black eye Envy just got.

[Video]

[garbagechild]

Well, next time, he'll know to give you a black eye first.

_{[A thoughtful pause.]}

... Maybe two black eyes.

_[IMAGINE.]







... But you still shouldn't fight. Especially not about Pokemon.

[Video]

[armoredsoul]

And I'll know to duck.

[He says like he doesn't have a nasty bruise across one cheek in the shape of Envy's fist.]

Hehe, I'll try to keep it to just Pokemon battles, okay? I can't guarantee anything about Envy's manners, though...

[Video]

[garbagechild]

Oh, Envy doesn't have any manners.

_{[He says this cheerfully and in complete earnest, because the only manners he knows about are to say 'please' and 'thank you' and Envy basically NEVER says those.]}

[Video]

[armoredsoul]

[Alphonse bursts out laughing, doubling over for a moment from the force of it. Oh, Wrath, bless your blunt little heart.]

Well, he better start learning them!

[Video]

[garbagechild]

Can he, though?

_{[It's hard to even tell if Wrath is being sassy or ENTIRELY SERIOUS because either could be true.]}

[Video]

[armoredsoul]

[When in doubt, assume he's serious.]

Well, it might take a while, but if he tries I bet he can. He learned how to do pancakes and grilled cheese pretty much on his own, didn't he?

[This is what his life has come to. Comparing simple recipes to the complexities of social courtesy.]

[Video]

[garbagechild]

Yes!

_{[ENVY IS THE BEST CHEESE GRILLER]}

He does that really well!

[Video]

[armoredsoul]

See? So if he can learn to do that, he can learn to do manners.

...probably.

[What, Al can't just be completely not shitty about Envy, okay?]