victory_road | 7 ∅ [Video/Action for Route 39]

[The broadcast begins, but there's an unintended second or two of jostling before Dave gets the camera set up the way he wants. The cause: He's outside, for once, leaning against a tree to get out of the noontime sun. He looks...actually pretty content, if slightly sunburned. It's fading, at least. The straw cowboy hat he's resting on his chest must be doing some good.]

Howdy, y'all--[He breaks character immediately for a snicker.] Christ, okay, never let me say anything like that again. Anyway. For those of you unused to human custom, we got a time-honored tradition of embarrassing people publicly on the day they emerged gross and wailing into existence.

[He shifts so he can dig a folded piece of paper out from his pocket and opens it. A Ponyta nearby wanders over to check out what he's doing, then blows into his hair and walks off again to watch over the Miltank they're rounding up. The corner of Dave's mouth turns up.]

This one goes out to a special dude on his special day. He knows who he is. P.S., it's Karkat.

[One breath in, and then:]

Okay,
D.J. Strider here.

[Oh god he's gonna rap.]

I gotta take the time to make a June declaration
On my sanctioned lunch break from bovine aggregation
Since we've all been re-stationed to make reparations
To this fucked-up earthquaked Pokémon nation:
Congratulations! On the commemoration of your buggy origination
The germination, gestation, and ex-cavern relocation
And the perpetuation of your person-ization
To the tune of eight sweeps of EXP accumulation
By my admittedly shitty estimation, (leave some room for deviation).
So, yeah, in celebration I propose a coronation--

[And he lifts his hat to reveal: A Burger Slowking cardboard crown and a shit-eating grin.]

For my favorite crustacean on his wriggling day,
And if y'all answer to Cancer make sure to say hey.

[...Okay maybe he's done. For now. Dave puts the hat and crown aside and starts braiding little wildflowers together.]

We'll be accepting donations of birthday cake and child-friendly toys at the MooMoo Farm, care of Dave Strider.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Buggy origination... cavern relocation...

Hooboy Rakka's still trying to keep track of all those sweet rhymes.]

Dave, that was great! [Not a hint of sarcasm to be seen.] So is it really Karkat's birthday today?

Near as I can tell, yeah? It's sort of hard to determine what with all the time travel and alternate universes and the fact his planet runs an orbit of completely different length, but six-twelve is basically the closest approximation, as far as seventh grade math can take me.

[.... stares]

W-wait, time travel...?

Oh. Did I, uh. Not. Tell you about that? Ahaha.

[Nnnnnn he doesn't...really want to talk about thiiiis...]

It was kind of a thing, where I come from. Like, a thing that was happening basically all of the time.

...N-no, you didn't! [Somehow this was not what Rakka expected out of this conversation. She's definitely surprised... and confused, but what else is new...]

Dave...!

[aaaaand we're stepping away from birthdays for a moment]

Edited 2016-06-19 07:55 (UTC)

I'm. Not super sure where I would even begin to explain all that. You really want to know?

I'm... [His sudden admittance brings her to pause. She does give him a nod, but it's stiff, like it's the autonomous answer she would give.]

Is it... really that long?

[This is just getting more and more curious.]

Edited 2016-06-20 08:19 (UTC)

It's pretty much my entire life story, so, yeah, kind of?

[Do you have, like, seven years to sit around and wait for upd8s, Rakka?]

Short version is, I was "conceived" through weird time travel bullshit and also it used to be my, like. Superpower. Basically. But everyone else got put through fucked up time shenanigans anyway besides that.

[....nani the heck]

Time is... your superpower...? [You know, she doesn't have much better things to day right now. she might just take those upd8s] And... you're made from it. Dave, I...

[Sorry, man. She's super confused.]

It's not gonna get any less confusing if I explain it, you know. I lived it, and I still can't say I "get" it.

[But he's not going to say no if she asks.]

...I-I understand. [Really. If there's one thing that Rakka does understand, it's that life can get very complicated, very fast.]

I-if it's alright, we don't have to talk about it now? I mean - it's Karkat's birthday, right?

Yeah. It's the closest human equivalent, anyway.

[He could let it drop. Maybe she'd forget, or maybe she'll be too polite to bring it up ever again, ever, but...]

I can call back later, I guess? If you really want to know.

[That's the problem as it stood: she was too polite, especially around topics people don't like talking about.

....But as much as she should say no, Dave hasn't outright refused either.]

... That would be nice. [A little nod.] If you want to, I mean. That's okay.

[Small shrug.]

It's fine. After dinner, maybe? I'm working the rest of the day.

So am I.

[These kids have got work to do, besides their issues.

She nods quietly.] That's fine. I have to get back to work today anyway. And, uh, I'll text Karkat later and wish him a happy birthday, too.

[Because another nonhuman might get it.]

...Where are you, b-by the way?

We woke up in Olivine, but we're staying at the MooMoo Farm right now so we can help round up the cattle that got loose during whatever happened over prom. That and, 'cause they're short-handed and shit right now, they need help taking care of the farm. So me, Karkat, Jade, Dirk--we're all pitching in.

[He has finally become Texas Stereotype. His destiny is fulfilled.]

It's kind of fun. I never spent so much time outside before.

Olivine...? At a farm?

[That's equally puzzling and... disappointing. Three months hearing about how great Goldenrod City is, and she can't even enjoy it with the rest of her friends right now.]

You mean you spend a lot of time indoors, huh?

Yeah. Well, and I lived in a city, so when I did go outside it was less like experiencing the great outdoors and more like roasting in a box made of steel and concrete so hot the asphalt melted. Which turned out to be good practice for living on a lava planet for a while.

...

That's gonna have to be one of those things I talk about later, huh?

[This face. For all eternity.]

Um, yes. [nods!]

Man, maybe I should start writing this shit down for people. I'm losing track of who I told what...

That would probably be very helpful. Maybe even with pictures?

Strider: An illustrated biography. Autobiography? One of those things.

[If he makes fun of it, it's not a totally dreadful prospect, right? RIGHT?]

A biography is... [Her head slowly starts tipping to the side.] a biography, done by someone else. An Autobiography is one that you write yourself!

[...] I-I uh, learned that, back home.

[Not that she really understands the full problem here yet. Ahahah....]

Right, that.

...

So when should I call? Like, when's a good time.

[...hmmm]

Uh, later. In the evenings, that's when I'm not doing anything.

[Video]

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