4th Run // YOU CANNOT CONTAIN T-PAIN

[rambling_runner]

[ The camera snaps on to show Ash holding up a Slowpoke, grinning cheerfully. ]

Hey guys! Meet T-Pain! I've been here for like a day and he's been following me around everywhere! He was even waiting outside the Inn when I got up! Ain't that cool? I think he wants to join me too, but he kinda takes five minutes to react to stuff. Like, look: [ He pulled out a Pokeball and showed it to T-Pain the Slowpoke. ] You wanna come with?

STOP. Stop that right now! You can't take that Slowpoke! [ Ash paused, straightened up as a wiry man stormed into view, shaking a finger at him and shouting. ]
Oh, is he yours?
No! But you can't catch any Slowpoke here! [ Ash raised an eyebrow. ]
Then why not? He's been following me around since I got here, and there's tons of Slowpoke. What, if there's no Slowpoke then the crown falls or the Elite 4 gets tied up and held hostage by a bunch of evil twats wearing big red R's on their shirts? There's like, fifty Slowpoke around here, you got more than enough to protect the town or whatever-

[ The local bristled, narrowing his eyes at Ash. ] It's forbidden to catch any Slowpoke in this town! So put that pokeball away right now and leave this poor Pokemon alone!
[ T-Pain was finally reacting to the offer Ash had given at the start of the video, happily trotting up to him and pushing his head in his hands to follow the Pokeball. Ash lifted his hands and made a show of taking off his bag, putting it on the floor, and putting the Pokeball away. Then he picked up T-Pain, put him in the bag, and zipped it up so only his head was poking out the top. ]
What are you doing? Wait- [ Ash quickly swung the bag onto his back, turned and fucking ran. The video jostled as whoever was holding it ran after him, clearly laughing ]

Stop! Stop him!! THIEF!
CHOKE ON SEVEN SLOWPOKE DICKS!

[ And then the camera shuts off. WELL THAT SURE HAPPENED. ]


[ Private Text to Maruice ]

Ur. So I can't come back into Azalea cos I kinda might have stolen T-Pain. I'm hiding out in Ilex Forest when you're ready to go. Sorry :C.

Comments

Video

[dreamsofahero]

You know, you could have just let him follow you all the way out of town first...

*... Sion don't encourage this*

[rambling_runner]

...I didn't think of that. [ He's a little sheepish at that. But he quickly regains his energy. ] And that guy might've tried to hold him back!

[dreamsofahero]

They do generally let the slowpoke roam around town as they please, I'm sure some must occasionally wander beyond it and back. So long as they're doing it on their own, and someone isn't deliberately trying to lure them away.

[rambling_runner]

Nah man, they'd been giving me dirty looks since I started calling him T-Pain. Besides, I was outright asking him if he wanted to join me, it wasn't like I'd sent my Pokemon out to start a proper fight to catch him.

[dreamsofahero]

Perhaps you should be more discreet next time.

*Sion*

Though really, while the locals' efforts to protect the slowpoke from those with malicious intent is commendable, I don't see how it's in their best interest to prevent them from leaving if they choose to.

[rambling_runner]

Yo, so; what is the big deal with them and Slowpoke then? Does the town implode if they fall under a certain number or am I cursed as fuck now by the Slowpoke Gods?

[ From his bag comes a very cheeriful cry from T-Pain. Who still just has his head popping out the top, with a perfect :D! expression. ]

[dreamsofahero]

Well, there's a local legend that claims the area was once struck by a severe drought, which only was lifted when a slowpoke's yawn summoned rain. They've been venerated there ever since.

[Video]

[thenightsky]

Did you just..

[Hey there, Ash. It's your buddy Noctis staring at the feed on his 'gear with a slightly confused look, the shiny little Eevee perched on his head this time looking equally as confused.

Luckily the prince seems to snag out of it easy enough, muffled snickers turning to outright laughter.]

Oh my god you totally just stole a Slowpoke!

[Video]

[rambling_runner]

I couldn't leave him behind! [ He couldn't abandon T-Pain here Noct! now safely in Ilex Forest and hidden in some bushes, he sat cross-legged on the grass and folded his arms ]

Besides their reasoning sucked.

[Video]

[thenightsky]

[Laughter dying down a bit, though his smirk stays in place, Noctis just shakes his head.]

You're ridiculous. What are you going to do if they manage to track you down?

[Video]

[rambling_runner]

I'll say "I'm very sorry. Here, have the Slowpoke back." And give them a Slowpoke who isn't T-Pain for their stupid mass collection of fucking Slowpoke.

Like! Back home there was a thing witht he Tower of London where they need to keep a bunch of ravens there or the monarchy will fall. So what they do is that they have seven? I think it's seven like, official ravens that they keep there and look after and all that shit. They don't flip their shit over every single raven that lands nearby!

[Video]

[thenightsky]

You're ridiculous, you know that? [And he kind of adores you for it.]

But Ash. These Slowpoke are super important. Super important. Don't you know anything?

[His sarcasm. Can you hear it?]

[Video]

[rambling_runner]

[ Ash grinned and leaned forward waggling his eyebrows a little. Somewhere, in a time and space far far away, Oisin Fox felt a twinge of parental instinct. Someone's encouraging his dumbass child to be a dumbass. ]

Oh, I know. That's why I stole him. Not cos he likes me and I like him. This Slowpoke will be the root of Azalea's destruction. His absence will lead to chaos and drought. And as I train him and hone his powers for my own evil agenda, he shall become the darkseed of Johto! The blight of Kanto! Darkness will fall and the world will tremble before the might of T-PAIN! [ He finished off his speech with the most evil laughter he could, taking cues from Vincent Price at the end of Thriller ]

video;

[bertall]

Is th--

<sub>[Oh, Arceus. He remembers this town--

Oh no.]</sub>

...D-Did you really just steal it?

[rambling_runner]

I mean, he didn't belong to anyone. If he had, I wouldn't have done shit. Technically all I did was escort him out of town. [ T-Pain is free of the bag now and seems to have caught up with his 'kidnapping'. Although his reaction is to flop onto Ash's lap with a big grin. ]

text

[toothaches]

dude what the fuck!!!

[rambling_runner]

OKAY I CAN EXPLAIN. I offered him a pokeball to come with cos he's been following us everywhere, and this guy came up and started shouting at me about him. I asked if T-Pain was his cos everyone just lets the Slowpokes wander about but he kept yelling, saying I couldn't take any Slowpoke from here. So he told me to put the pokeball away and fuck off, so I put it in my bag, put T-Pain in my bag and then legged it.

SO I KINDA STOLE HIM but he didn't actually BELONG to someone, it was just some crazy wanker?

text

[toothaches]

DUDE!!!! it might be some kind of super sacred pokemon or some shit ur gonna get cursed!

Re: text

[rambling_runner]

I ASKED and he just went >8C NO NOT THE SLOWPOKE NOOOO

Like I doubt that in a town FULL OF SLOWPOKE T-Pain is like, the one destined to lead them to Nirvana or head some Slowpoke army against the Ends of Days or some shit

text

[toothaches]

there has to be a reason!

text

[rambling_runner]

I asked! And like, there's a thing at home; if all the ravens leave the Tower of London, the monarchy falls and the country collapses or some shit. But here's the thing, they have seven ravens that are officially kept and looked after by a dude hired JUST TO LOOK AFTER THEM. That ain't what's happening here, they just have Slowpokes out the ass and get pissy when someone takes one!

Video

[usedstockpile]

[Rich Kid Gil, Total Ethics Authority, sees no issue with this debacle. The Slowpoke has free will, ergo, what's the issue?]

I mean. He did agree, didn't he? I fail to see the problem. He's slow, not stupid, he can make his own decisions, right? You can't kidnap the willing.

Re: Video

[rambling_runner]

Totally. They were just flipping their shit over nothing! [ Punk Kid Ash, also a leading expect on ethics, agrees! ]

Re: Video

[usedstockpile]

Well, ancient traditions and all of that. Something about poachers in the region and their tails? I don't know the particulars, but they have their (albeit a little excessive) reasons.


Though, if you ever wanted to go back to that town, was it wise to put up video evidence?

[rambling_runner]

Well, I didn't intend to just take him when I made the video. I justed wanted to show him off; I know not everybody's seen a Slowpoke, and given how they take their time to react I figured it'd be cool to show that to people.

If they'd explained or had more of a system for like, protecting or keeping track of like, a bunch to be their 'official Slowpoke of Azalea', then I would've been more willing to talk more. The guy who shouted at me just acted like a used douche about it.