victory_road | [Closed Log] How to deal with feelings

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[Closed Log] How to deal with feelings

Who: Vanitas and Yuri
Where: Route 45
When: November 3rd
Summary: Aftermath of the nightmare event
Rating: PG-13ish? Maybe

Fear, pain, desperation. It was that trio of emotions in particular that had Vanitas all out of sorts. Had him on edge and snapping at Yuri, his own Pokemon and people that even glanced in their direction wrong. So it was probably no surprise that Vanitas had decided to leave Blackthorn and get on the road. He wanted Yuri to come with him but he couldn't get the words out to ask, so it was probably a good thing that the other young man tagged along without prompting. (Considering how much of an ass he was being, though, Vanitas was honestly surprised Yuri just didn't go off on his own.)

The next few days of travel were tense, Vanitas barely talking, barely acknowledging anyone and more than once he was started out of his thoughts but Scrapper or Flood attempting to get through to him.

It was their third night on the road when everything just seemed to start crashing down on Vanitas, the young man seated by the fire he'd started up with Scrapper's help, eyes glassy as if he was fighting back tears, his head swimming.

Goddamn emotions. Goddamn everything about them and the people that claimed they were necessary. This was horrible.

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Yuri was irritated at being snapped at. He'd tried so hard to get back to Vanitas in the stupid forest and this is how Vanitas was going to act when he was able to reach him again? He honestly thought about going off on his own. He probably should have. Why should he have to deal with being snapped at and belittled?

Even Potya seemed annoyed at Vanitas's behavior, but still, would sit at the end of his bed or lay down next to him where he sat. She understood it was hard on them all and was willing to forgive.

Yuri stopped trying to interact with Vanitas but followed. He instead focused on training his pokemon and giving them the attention they needed. He needed to find a shiny stone for Vesna, maybe that would help the issue with Zarya, if she was bigger.. Zarya wasn't evolving either. He wasn't sure what to do there but maybe it was for the better...

Potya pats his leg gently, making a purrble noise at Yuri. He looks up from his gear, frowning at her. He follows her head turn to look at Vanitas.

"....Van, what's wrong?"

Vanitas startles at the sound of Yuri's voice. How long had it been since they'd spoken to one another that it startled him to hear it?

Shit.

He didn't bother to wipe his eyes, long past caring now because caring took too much out of him in the wake of the emotional onslaught he'd been suffering from.

"I.."

The young man falters and starts to look away but a soft cooing comes from his side. Toppler, his recently evolved Swoobat, had settled at his side, bumping his nose against Vanitas's arm. There's a moment of nothing, no reaction from Vanitas whatsoever, before he finally shifts to scoop the bat-Pokemon up, resting him in his lap.

"...Back home, I didn't...I wasn't a complete person. I didn't have all the emotions I have now."

Potya noses Yuri's arm out of the way so she can climb up into his lap, settling neatly there for the time being. She wasn't going to be out-affectioned by a Swoobat, that was for certain.

Yuri knew that there were vastly different worlds out there. Different parameters in each world, some good and some bad. Yuri only spoke about the skating in his world because it was the only part he could grasp fully enough as a young man to talk about. Sure, he understood a lot but he preferred only talking about the things he knew the best.

Vanitas hadn't talked about his world at all. The only bits he'd even heard implied was by that weird Jack guy.

"That's.. weird. I mean.. we sort of have that in my world but they're usually like.. sociopaths that kill people and hide them under the porch."

He'd talked to enough people that were confused about his world and what he told them about it to not be surprised at Yuri's response.

"I'm one part of a whole. My master, Xehanort, ripped me out of my other half," Vanitas said lowly, focused on the fire as his arms tightened around Toppler who cooed softly. "Ventus was the light half--all the warm, weak feelings--" He stops, frowning at himself. "...All the good feelings, I guess. I was everything else. Anger, hate...everything that Xehanort knew he could shape into the tool he needed."

And back home, he'd loved it. He had thrived on those feelings because that's all he'd known but here..

"I came here and suddenly I can feel things I never knew before. I was fine, I was dealing with it but then that..those nightmares.."

Oh. Literally, one part of a whole is what Vanitas meant. That was new but Yuri knew to not... poke fun at it right now. Or try to make weird assumptions or even to figure it out. Some things needed to be accepted at face value.

"...Well you're not a tool."

That was a weak start. Yuri just didn't know how to really approach this kind of situation.

"Nightmares are just.. your head taking all your bad feelings and insecurities and haunting you with them. It doesn't help there were pokemon pushing it along but that's all they are. Just.. .. "

He puts his hand on Potya's back, fingers curling in her fur.

"Like mine, I know Yuuri isn't like that, he wouldn't be cruel. He supports me actually and cheers me on so the nightmare isn't real.. even if its real in the moment."

Yuri pauses, thinking for a moment about what Vanitas had just said...

"...How.. ... how real are yours?"

Vanitas is quiet as Yuri speaks, just opting to listen for the moment and try to find some..some little bit of hope in what the other is explaining. He understood nightmares to some extent but it had never been something he had to even consider happening. So hearing it explained like that, hearing that it was just his head trying to mess with him--those Pokemon messing with him--did ease him.

At least a little bit.

"...Some of them are memories. Altered memories but they're based on things that happened," he admitted, tearing his gaze away from the fire to look down at Toppler. The Swoobat nuzzles into his arms with a soft twill, clearly more at ease with his trainer now that they've found a common ground. Now that he understands Vanitas a bit better. "I..don't exist in my world. Not anymore."

Some of Yuri's dreams were the same but not to Vanitas's level. The stakes felt high in the dreams but sometimes they were just competitions. His head attributed stakes that weren't necessarily there quite a lot.

Vanitas's last words were startling, to say the least. He wanted to question if it was just because he was here that Vanitas didn't exist but the way the other young man said it implied a heavier truth.

"I..."

He didn't know what to say. He shifts, Potya hopping off, and he's moving over to Vanitas. His arms loop around his friend's shoulders and he was squeezing a little tighter than he meant to.

He needed to be sure Vanitas was solid right now and that Vanitas could feel that Yuri was too.

"Then.. you have to stay here. And I'll stay here so you're not by yourself."

The hug was unexpected but not...it wasn't unwelcome. It just takes him a moment to process what's going on before he slowly but surely winds his arms around Yuri. It was such a strange sensation, being hugged that is, and for a moment he found himself questioning if it was real. But it had to be. They had been traveling for days already.

Absently his arms tighten a bit around the other young man.

"...You don't have to stay just for me," Vanitas murmured, a part of him feeling..guilty, god that was a new one, that Yuri was thinking that way. Another part of him liked the idea of staying here with Yuri and their Pokemon. Just..getting a chance to live.

Yuri sits back on his heels and pushes Vanitas gently to try and lighten the mood. He smirks and jerks a thumb towards where Potya was now lounging, rolled onto her back and stretched out next to the fire.

"Its not just for you, because these dumb assholes would probably be lost if we left anyway."

He was sure he could figure out a way to send a message back home, to let his grandfather know everything was okay. His granddad would have enough money to retire on. Everything would be fine, Yuri was certain of it. He had to be, because sometimes you needed to take a leap and do what needed to be done to help someone you cared about out.

"We can figure this all out and get a stupid hut or something and teach some of them how to put on skating shows and make insane amounts of money showcasing them. Then we can retire and be like that weird midget Joey and his Rattata and just fleece ten year olds for their money."

Vanitas sways with the push and let's out a soft snort.

"Yeah, that's true. I doubt any of mind could handle themselves otherwise," he murmured, glancing over at some of his Pokemon and smiling very faintly. In reality, he would be lost without them. Being here gave him a chance to actually learn who he was without Xehanort around; without Ventus. It was terrifying and exciting all at once.

And he had...he had friends.

"We'll be better than Joey," Vanitas corrected, relaxing more now than he was feeling better. Now that he had told someone the truth. "We'll be unstoppable in our business prowess~"

He grins and sits down next to Vanitas to look over the fire, at the cat stretched out on the other side of the fire. He leans against Vanitas, then pulls in a breath to get up the courage to...

He finds Vanitas's hand, lacing his fingers between the other boy's. He turns his head to push against Vanitas's shoulder with his forehead before setting his chin there.

"We gotta start somewhere though. I should try and earn some of these badges. My Pokemon should be strong enough to sweep through at least the first few without an issue and then we would have some good starting money."

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[Closed Log] How to deal with feelings

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