victory_road | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Denizens of Shark House and anyone else invited over

Where: Shark House/Goldenrod City

When: All through the holidays!

Summary: Catch-all log for Shark House members' December threading

Rating: PG-13?

Log:

There may be plenty of awkward family drama, explosions, and the general mayhem that can't be avoided when the members of this household are...who they are. But it's the holidays, and everyone's home for them, so there's celebrating to be done anyway.

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[VICTORY.]

[Envy looks deeply smug as he nods.]

I guess I can do that, if it means I don't get all my presents eaten.

Come on, let's go then.

[He's already extricating himself from the blanket pile.]

_{[She heaves a sigh for show, but does sit up, rubbing her eyes and running her fingers through her hair.]

[If worst comes to worst, she can always nap later-- Lust can keep an eye on things.]}

All right, all right... keep your shirt on.

_{[Stifling a big yawn, she gets up and doesn't bother undraping the final blanket from around her shoulders. Because fuck it, it's coming downstairs with her.]}

[He's quicker than her to get down the stairs--he's hardly running, but it's a quicker than usual saunter.]

[And, like he'd said, he starts up the fancy do-everything-for-them-so-they-don't-blow-it-up coffee machine for her.]

There. Now you won't have to eat a Pokemon egg.

_{[She emerges at the bottom of the stairs a minute or two after him, rubbing her eyes.]}

I would, just to spite you.

But I definitely prefer coffee.

_{[She pads over behind him and gently headbutts him right between the shoulders, leaving her forehead there and just leaning on him. Normally SHE'S the one trying to drag him out of bed, so on this ONE DAY that the roles are reversed, she's going to milk it for what it's worth.]}

[He lets her lean, because it would be a lie to say he didn't enjoy it too, but once the machine dings he tilts his head back to look over his shoulder, snickering.]

What, did you fall back asleep?

C'mon, the coffee's done, let's go look and see what we got. If we got anything. If his magic omnipresence didn't overhear us saying we were going to shoot him and steal it all in the night.

[He laughs again and goes to get the coffee ready, if ready means dumping an absurd amount milk and sugar in both mugs and calling it a day. He doesn't wait around to see if she likes his additions, instead taking his own mug in the direction of the tree. Where there's a...really big, weirdly lumpy package. It's got his name on it. It's definitely not an egg.]

What the hell is that supposed to be? Did I get a dead body?

_{[She rubs her head in circles against his back.]}

Mhm. I sleep-walked all the way down the stairs. Almost died.

_{[But she's apparently awake enough to grab the coffee without spilling all over herself, and she straightens up so that she can drink it without spilling all over him. Meandering into the living room after Envy, she flops down on the couch and regards the sight of the tree and its piles of loot-- complete with at least one or two Pokemon snoozing among the colorful packages-- blearily but fondly.]

[At least until Envy points out the one that could definitely be a dead body.]}

... Haha, oh shit.

Either you were really good, or really bad.

[Envy is fascinated. He kneels down by the package, giving it an experimental poke. It rustles faintly.]

[What is IN HERE?]

Shit, yeah...I mean it doesn't smell like a dead body.

Maybe Santa overheard our plan to shoot him.

[HMM]

I think I have to open this now. I need to know what's in here.

It's Santa.

He knew the only way to get you was by surprise so he wrapped himself up under the tree and waited.

_{[She takes a sage sip from her mug. Mm, sugary sludge. It's a good thing that the only way Envy knows how to make coffee is basically exactly how she likes it.]}

Oh god. Now I'm worried.

[But he sure is going to sit right down in front of this mystery gift and rip it right out of its wrapping paper. It's...a lot of fabric? Pink and white and purple...it's a giant goddamn ballgown, all wrapped up in a bundle.]

[Envy's face has paled, looking at it. Slowly, he stands up, holding the puffy shoulders of the thing and letting it hang straight from his hands. It's...honestly pretty ugly, even if it's well made. A little white hairpiece falls to the floor as it unfurls.]

What the fuck.

[It's muttered, in an almost horrified way.]

_{[She leans over-- can't help it, she's curious too.]

[And her first reaction when the paper tears away to reveal a bunch of ruffly, flowery fabric is to bark out a laugh. A laugh that dies in her throat almost immediately, as a weirdly overwhelming sense of deja vu slams into her.]}

... What... is that?

[Envy's expression has set into one that's half grim, half incredulous. Looking at it makes his skin crawl.]

Well...it's a ballgown.

Guess who it belonged to?

... No fuckin' way.

_{[But is she really surprised? NOT THAT MUCH. It isn't the first time they've gotten really weird gifts from Santa.]}

Yes fuckin' way, because apparently Santa really is a petty asshole who can't take a few jokes.

What am I even supposed to do with this? I don't exactly want to hang it up in my closet to look at!

[About this time, Lust stumbles down into the Christmas morning confusion, half-awake. It was a late night and she hasn't gotten any caffeine yet. Nor does she make it to the coffee pot, what with the light commotion in the living room.]

[What...is that...?]

...What in god's good name...?

_{[Heather is just. On the couch, STARING AT IT.]}

... You could burn it.

[Upon seeing Lust, Envy knows that she'll know exactly what this monstrosity is. He holds it up higher, flapping it in place a few times for emphasis.]

Look what I got for Christmas, it's this thing! Of all the things!

[And then what Heather says catches up to him.]

...we should burn it!

...Perhaps we should stop making the house so unfriendly towards Mr. Claus. If this is the sort of special gift we're waking up to.

[Because Lust knows exactly what that fashion atrocity Envy's waving around like a giant pink flag.]

We can stuff it with straw and light it in the yard.

_{[Heather's actually already subtly casting an eye over the other presents. It's not the first time she or someone she's known has gotten a... less than savory item from home, but dammit, she really wanted this to be a nice Christmas.]}

Let's get Greed's grill back out of the shed.

We can do a dress-burning and make burgers.

In December.

[Honestly, all this talk of burning it is already starting to make Envy feel less caught by surprise and indignant and more EAGER.]

...we could put some fake hair on, draw a face...

You know, maybe this really is a good gift in disguise.

I always hated this hideous thing. It never looked good no matter what she looked like.

Even I couldn't make that monstrosity look good. Not that I'd ever want to...

[Really, for all their old master styled herself as some erudite woman of wealth and taste...she was decidedly lacking in the latter.]

Will the grill be big enough, do you think?

We're creative people.

We can make it big enough.

_{[Heather gets up from the sofa, looking... energized.]

[She's far from being a pyro, obviously... but the thought of burning a Dahlia Dante effigy is JUST satisfying enough to waft away her usual distaste for fire.]}

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