001 - Video

[sociallychallenged]

Uhhhhh... [There's a very confused looking older man here, with a headful of curly gray hair and a thick beard and he's about as flummoxed as any new person could be on here. It's taken him a while to figure things out enough to make a video post.]

Does this thing come with a 'How to be Human for Dummies' guide? Literally asking for a friend. I mean, we're talking square one 'skin is itchy' stuff.

[Just clearing up that bit first.]

[Second bit?] Why is any of this shit an actual thing? Because I'm way out of my fucking comfort zone. [And he thinks he might have had a heart attack or something? At least he's gradually accepting that he might actually be alive. Kind of. He lowers the Pokegear for a second so he can get his bearings, without concern for the camera, so briefly everyone gets a view of upside down curious Growlithe nose in New Bark Town.]

[Someone doesn't know how to use the video function very well. He probably never will. Godspeed.]


Action For Connor

This is not what I expected out of the afterlife. [Hank says out loud, holding his head in confusion, eyes tightly shut as he's trying to verify that he's dead and this absolutely has to be the last harrowing moments of his long, silent journey into oblivion.]

[Yet he feels very alive. His stomach is growling, his head is hurting, he's pretty sure there is something in the air crossing his city sensibilities and aggravating his fucking allergies. And there is a dog most decidedly Not Sumo attempting to paw at his leg. A dog with tiger stripes. Why tiger stripes? Who knows.]

[Oh yeah, he does know. Because this is that one game? Did his son's last foray into it suddenly impress itself back into his brain? Hell, he's not played this fucking video game himself. He only played the damned cards when he was what, twelve?]

[He drags his hands down his face, finally, looking around outside of... his house? That he just got kicked out of he thinks? With huge, startled blue eyes. Oh what the fuck is any of this?! He hopes that if he did die, and Connor finds his body, he'll never know that he went on a mind-bending postmortem preteen adventure.]

Comments

[plasticasshole]

Are you sure this is the afterlife?

[Connor is sitting with his back to a tree, with his Magnemite floating around his head. He doesn't remember dying, and he thinks he would have. Also, he's still not sure there is even an afterlife for androids.]

It feels very real.

[sociallychallenged]

Connor?

[The level that his face twists up can likely only be achieved by interacting with Connor at any given point. Whether it's an android admitting he wants to listen to music, or being doused in cold, cold water.]

[And here he is, in the fucked up afterlife or something else. Just existing can prompt that face from Hank at the moment.]

What the fuck are you doing here? You have a floating tuning fork... looking at you... I'm actually not sure what it's doing.

[In case he wasn't aware.] Can you scan any of this?

[plasticasshole]

I am aware, yes.

[He sounds tired and vaguely irritable, and he shakes his head.]

No, I can't. I can't scan anything. I've tried.

[And it worries him that he can't do it anymore. Is he malfunctioning? It's bad enough that he's been brought here, but now he isn't working properly either.]

[sociallychallenged]

[Hank knows fuck all about fixing broken androids and will probably never even have the slightest clue. But yet he comes over to look at Connor, as if the additional set of uneducated eyes would do anyone any good.]

[He hunches down in front of him and grabs his face in his hands. He's meaning to look into his eyes, see if they might be obviously wrong somehow, with something that he's not at all authorized to repair.]

Your face is warm. [He didn't realize his hands had gotten kind of clammy and cool until then. He presses the backs of his knuckles against his temple to double check.]

video;

[sassymaru]

Human for dummies?

Shouldn't that be something a human being is already aware of?

[sociallychallenged]

On the most basic levels, pretty much.

I don't wanna have to explain to him what every ache is. As soon as he gets fuckin' gas pains, I'm out.

[No he's not. He's going to wait until he makes rude noises and never let him forget it.]

[sassymaru]

Why not?

Has he not been around humans before?

[sociallychallenged]

Only a few months of us or so. And that wasn't really to spend quality time. He's got the raw knowledge but I figure if I ended up somewhere turned to a fuckin' cat, I'd probably end up scratching myself with my claws anyway.

video;

[shiro2hero]

I can't say why any of it's "a thing", but maybe I can help if you have questions.

I've been here about two years now.

[sociallychallenged]

Jesus, you've been here two whole years?

Holy shit.

[That's dumbfounding to him.]

Great, 'cause I got very little idea of what's going on. I don't even know who "mom" who wasn't actually my mom was.

[shiro2hero]

Two years as of a couple weeks ago. It goes by faster than you think.

[A sheepish sort of shrug.]

Okay, that one, we're a little stumped. We're not sure who she is, or how all of us manage to wake up in her house. But you're not the only one stumped.

[sociallychallenged]

I guess that much is the same anywhere. Should be some sort of fucking equation based on the speed of time and how much you're dealing with.

[Makes sense to him.]

That's a pretty messed up weird cyclical hole in the universe to fall into. Okay then, what are the chances of us being dead and this is an afterlife thing.

[video]

[paladinlost]

As far as I know, no such guide exist. It would be useful for those few arrivals that were not initially human or organic, now that you mention it.

[Goodness knows those ponies could have used it.]

We're not quite certain why we were brought here, but I've no doubt your comfort zone will adapt quickly. This world is very... well, comfortable, most of the time.

[sociallychallenged]

[If he knew there were ponies with these troubles, he'd have no fucking idea what to do with that information quite yet.]

So that sort of thing happens every once in a while? Sure. Get some brainy people, let 'em put something together that won't leave any stone unturned. Until today I didn't take into account what a nightmare someone's first fuckin' headache must be.

My comfort zone is, admittedly, pretty fuckin' narrow.

[He admits, the dog helps. He likes the Growlithe.] Anybody ever manage to get out of here?

[paladinlost]

It's happened... a handful of times over the past eight years, perhaps? I must admit I've not kept track of every new arrival's species, but most are more alarmed by their missing powers than their brand new humanity.

[And even more are alarmed by the whole situation, but that's another matter entirely.]

Deliberately? No. At random, whenever this world tires of them? Very regularly. Most of us stay between one and three years, though there are cases of both extremely long and extremely short stays.

[sociallychallenged]

[Oh Jesus Christ, what?] Missing powers?

[In that blunt sort of 'vague disbelief but he knows he needs to accept this shit' way. He guesses that would be about like Connor not being able to scan stuff. But still there's a phrasing there that they used suggesting it's a bigger problem than his android partner suddenly turning into your average meatperson instead of plastic prick.]

[How many people come in with powers?]

So they just up and poof out. Really no place to mosey on out of, huh? Fuck... Here I was hoping there'd be somewhere for 'dad' to tuck me in and I'd whoosh right on out.

[Honestly, it's as likely as anything else he's run into today.]

Video

[sleepallthewayhome]

[Oh hey, it's a seven year old.]

You should look in the library. They have lots of books that explain things.

What did your friend used to be?

[sociallychallenged]

[Well, there went this former father's heart. The kids only a big bigger than his son was before-]

He was an android. So he had the human shape, but he didn't feel discomfort or pain or hunger or need to breathe. A lot of basic stuff that comes with some reactions he's probably going to be surprised by.

We're used to stuff like coughing an hiccups, but that's probably gonna be a new thing for him.

[sleepallthewayhome]

Oh! I have a friend back home whose an android. His name is Bishop. Does your world have space travel and colonies in space?

[Because if they have androids then maybe it's closer to where her world is. Maybe. Anyway, she seems to think for a moment.]

I think the libraries the best place to look. But also um, if no ones told you yet. You can't die here. So he doesn't have to worry about that. I thought people were just telling me that because I was scared and a kid. But I've been here for half a year and even though you get attacked by things all the time. None of them want to kill you. Also we got attacked by weird monsters from a portal in the sky once and no one died.

[Which kind of helped her believe that no dying thing.]

Oh ....and you should warn him about bad dreams. Those can be really bad. And if he didn't have to sleep before they probably would be scary.

[Video]

[maybeitsmabelline]

There's someone here that was a giant police robot! I bet he could help!

[Mabel's all smiles when she responds, clearly not put off by how grumpy the guy seems because, let's be real, when is she ever put off by grumpiness.]

Otherwise, you maaayyy want to find a library or something. I have no idea if it'll help but my brother always says books can solve anything.

[It's said with a fond eye roll. Oh her silly brother. Sometimes punching stuff is necessary too!]

[sociallychallenged]

[Exposure to grumpy people can successfully build up a tolerance. Or just the knowledge that only a slim margin of what they say is ever actually personal.]

[Hank still likes kids, though.]

He's probably right in this case. Sometimes it's easier to have what you need to say already written down so you can just shove it at someone and say, 'I don't have time for this.'

You know, even if you care for and are concerned for that person.

[He'd be all on board with that punching sentiment, though. It's one of his favorite ways to deal with problems. Sort of a mix of feelings there.] How far is the nearest library?

[maybeitsmabelline]

[That gets a giggle out of Mabel.]

If there's one thing I've learned it's that people doing stuff like that means they actually really care about the other person!

[She's got your number Hank!!!]

Mmmmm [She tucks her arms behind her head, tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth.] I thiiinkkk it's in Ecruteak! So it's pretty far from where you guys are! But you could ask them to send you books!

Video

[dreamsofahero]

I'm afraid I haven't heard of any guide quite like that... Though I imagine if you have questions, plenty of people would be willing to help as much as they can.

*but as for that vaguely-worded second bet...*

Though, what sort of things do you mean?

[sociallychallenged]

Oh, just....

[Alright, he guesses that now is not the time to get into discussions about what's real and fake, because there is enough unreal information being passed to him that Pokemon might as well be as real as anything else he's conjuring up right now.]

I don't know what the fuck's happening. Suddenly this woman younger than me claiming to be my mom throws me out of my house then I get a gameboy and fuck if I even know. Now my partner, previously unable to feel pain, has a headache.

So I'm having kind of a weird day and having difficulty processing the general afternoon cartoon wholesomeness that shouldn't exist.

[Starting to sound like they all did at some point, though.]

[dreamsofahero]

And I imagine the constant music isn't helping either, for that matter.

*he's long since learned to tune it out, but...*

To put it simply, this is another world than those we come from, and seems to operate by somewhat different rules than most.