victory_road | [video / action for ilex forest if you can fuckin find him]

Skip to Main Content

Entry tags:

[video / action for ilex forest if you can fuckin find him]

[The newest Indigo League Champion has been quiet since his victory. As he tends to do whenever he's upset about something, he withdrew into the wilderness and has been tromping around moodily in the forest for the past several weeks. It's helped a little. He hasn't found that giant Pokémon that's supposed to be hibernating somewhere in the depths of Ilex Forest but looking for it has been a nice diversion. To some extent he is ready to exist again. And he has something he needs to get done anyway.

The camera turns on not facing him but rather a pair of Murkrow who are standing, somewhat sheepishly, next to a neatly-arranged line of wallets. There's a lot of them. At least ten.]

If anyone lost a wallet at the end of October, I have a sneaking suspicion it may have ended up with me. Heckle and Jeckle were very busy on Halloween, apparently. If one of these is yours let me know and I'll have them fly it back to you and apologize personally.

[This is how you discipline your dumbass bird children, right? Totally. The two Murkrow do look very cowed. Jeckle's head is drawn down so far into his neck ruff that it looks like he's trying to disappear. Heckle is looking very carefully at something off-camera. Luckily they're spared being put any more on the spot as Ford turns the camera to himself. He looks kind of tired. More tired than an old man should look as a baseline.]

I would also like to know if anyone has seen traces of Pokémon of unusual size in Ilex. Thus-far I've had no luck in locating any despite local legends being very firm about their existence. I would have expected prints, or abandoned dens, or signs of natural pathways. There's also no information on what species this supposed behemoth is which is further complicating matters. Any information would be helpful.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No, still got my wallet. Didn't hear 'bout a big guy either.

[Hello Ford! Long time no see. Thida looks pensively into the 'gear, brow furrowed.]

You sleepin' okay?

... As okay as I usually do?

[So, at odd hours and often with days awake in between. That's healthy and normal. Totally.]

Oh. Okay.

[You just look tired is all, Ford.]

Whatcha been doin'?

[JUST NORMAL OLD PERSON STUFF....]

Trying to find this giant whatever-it-is, mainly, with no luck. You would think something unusually large would be easier to keep track of.

Prob'ly used t'hidin', though. That's how it's big - nobody found it, so it's takin' care of itself.

_{[Hey, Ford! Do you know what time it is?

It's weekly delivery time.

Only this time instead of the normal backpack full of goodies, Bertolt's Charizard comes storming into camp with the flame on her tail cranked all the way up to eleven, a grimace etched on her snout, and her usual Delivery Bag gripped in one paw. She stops at the edge of the campfire, looks back over her shoulder, and snarls as she sharply turns on her heel to march off to the edge of the trees to grab something and drag it back in. It's larger than the normal bag she's been bringing-- Wait.

Is that a person?]}

Vervada! L-Let me go! _{[N O P E. She is sick and tired of flying all over this forest looking for this man! Do you know how hard it is to fly with all these trees?!]} Vervada!

_{[Correction, is that Bertolt?]}

I-I thought we were just going for a fly!

_{[She can't exactly pick him up at her height, but she does her best effort to throw him forward. Of course it only results in her dragging him ahead of her by a foot or two from this angle, but as soon as she lets go and she hears him thump into the dirt, she chucks the delivery bag into Bertolt's chest, snarls again, and launches herself up into the air and out of the trees.

It takes Bertolt a moment to realize what just happened, but when he does he pushes the bag off of himself and practically explodes to his feet.]}

Hey! Don't leave me down here! You can't just leave me in the middle of the woods! Vervada!

[Well. That sure did just happen. Ford watches all this with a bemused expression from where he's sitting by the fire pit he finished putting together not half an hour ago. No wonder Vervada's been so frustrated: not only has he been in Ilex Forest which is a natural maze, but he's not been staying in one place long all the time he's been in here.

He looks at Bertolt. He looks at the pot currently heating up on the camping stove over the fire. He looks back at Bertolt, who's still shouting vainly after the long-gone lizard.]

... Hello, Bertolt. Coffee?

Verva--

_{[Oh.

Oh.

Bertolt whips his head around and for a moment he feels dizzy, and he just... sort of gawks. That--

Oh.]}

...Uncle Ford?

_{[Holy shit.]}

You're-- Uh... Please.

[Ford reaches around to his pack and pulls out a second mug. It's black and has all the different colors of minior ringing the middle of it.]

I'm getting the impression this visit is a surprise to both of us? Not that I'm unhappy to see you.

[He's just used to being able to hermit a little more effectively. It's probably good for him that Vervada decided he wasn't allowed to. Company might do him good.]

Here, sit down. Do you take sugar? Cream?

I... Y-Yeah.

_{[Bertolt stares for a moment longer, then steps closer to the camp and settles down next to Ford. He hadn't expected Vervada to bring him to Ford, nor did he expect Ford to be in the woods like some weird elf so it's. Yeah, this is taking a little bit of time to really sink in.]}

I-I'm not picky with my coffee. I'll even take it black.

Well. I have both if you change your mind.

[Why would you ever not expect Ford to be in the woods like some weird elf? That's kind of his whole aesthetic. Weird forest grandpa. Weird forest grandpa with a huge sweet tooth. He pours a very generous amount of sugar into his own mug (patterned with Unown) while the coffee finishes brewing.]

I kept meaning to write you back thanking you for the care packages. Time just gets away from me sometimes.

[That and he's still not great at, like, the usual pleasantries he assumes most people must be good at. It's hard for him to articulate the simple thought of 'thanks for demonstrating that you care about me'.]

Go ahead and surprise me.

_{[He's started to branch out in his coffees more and more thanks to Jean, so there isn't a lot that'll throw him off! He doesn't mind being a taste tester for anything new Jean comes up with too, so there's also that.

Come at him, Ford. Come at him with everything you've got.]}

I'm just glad Vervada has been able to find you. I wasn't sure if she could at first because... I didn't know where you were, exactly, but she was coming back with empty bags so that was a good sign.

_{[She wasn't the sort to dump the contents out in some bush, thankfully. Askeladd on the other hand, he might be the sort. But that's also why Bertolt chose a Charizard over his Zoroark!]}

You've... been okay, right?

I've... been.

[It's been real up and down lately. Beating the Elite Four was the culmination of years of work and he'd felt fantastic about it. Getting back to find Elsa gone had brought him crashing down about as fast as it was possible to crash. Checking and finding that nobody else was gone had been a salve for the wound, at least. If any of the rest of the family he'd cobbled together had also left him it probably would have been too much.]

The pastries helped.

_{[Bertolt frowns for a moment, his brows scrunching together as if he's thinking about something, and then he scoots closer and wordlessly offers his hand. It's there if he needs or wants it, but Bertolt won't push.]}

I, uh... I have more with me. Like I was yelling, I... thought Vervada wanted to go flying with me before she went on her delivery. She threw the bag at me too, and I think I picked a good day to not put anything delicate in it this time.

_{[He reaches for the bag on his opposite side and drags it closer, and gestures to it. It's there if he wants to look around in that, too.]}

Was the rugelach okay?

_{[Did he botch the pronunciation? He sure did.]}

[It's okay. It's the thought that counts, especially right now.]

It was just fine. And I have a pretty discerning sweet tooth, I know what I'm talking about.

[He gives Bert a smile that isn't quite up to his usual level of enthusiasm and pours him that promised coffee. Just black for now. It's a roast on the lighter side so its flavor is smooth enough to get away with being undoctored. Ford just doctors his anyway because that's how he is.]

_{[Bertolt jumps a little at how hot the cup is, but it's quickly forgotten when he sees that smile. He can't put his thumb on it but something doesn't seem right, though at the same time he isn't sure how to broach the subject.

So for now he blows on the coffee, takes a tentative sip, and his eyes widen. This--]}

Is this some of what I sent the first time?

_{[It's familiar!]}

Hey, Ford. It's good to hear from you.

[Look, he may have been a little distracted by Boyfriend Camping Adventures and also Halloween, but he totally missed you man.]

I haven't seen anything like that, but... I also didn't spend a lot of time out there. Maybe Matt and I can swing that way to help.

[And then, because he has to:] Everything all right?

[This is the issue with having friends. Get enough of them and they get to know you and then they get perceptive and then they ask you if everything's all right and you have to figure out how to answer.]

Ffffine.

[

]

...

Really.

[Don't make him talk about this on a public post, he is allergic to having emotions where people can see them. But he and Shiro have had, shall we say, emotionally-fraught talks before. He can probably trust Shiro with this kind of vulnerability if he can trust anyone.

Still gonna take it to a private call, though.]

No, not entirely.

[Yeah, they really have had a lot of talks like that. But he still braces for the worst when he sees Ford putting the conversation onto private mode. He's not sure what the worst would be, but hey.]

[You worry.]

I'm listening.

[It's not as bad as it probably seems like it will be. But when has Ford ever had a proportional reaction to anything?]

Elsa disappeared. We were... good friends.

It shouldn't bother me. Isn't isn't as though it's the first time someone I know has disappeared.

[It isn't even the first time an Elsa has disappeared. It isn't even the first time an Elsa has disappeared and left a Skadi in his PC box! It shouldn't be a problem. He should be used to it.]

... Ford.

[Ouch.]

[There's that pause before "good friends" that sets off a couple alarms in his head. The kind that say maybe more than "good friends". But if Ford isn't going to bring it up? He'll let it lie.]

But it still hurts. Right? You think you're used to it then... it happens. And you're not.

[He gets it, man.]

[There's a reason they didn't tell anybody. Except Anna and Chloe, that is, and those two are both gone now anyway. Part of it's for exactly this reason: he didn't want too much pity if the worst happened and he lost her. A normal, friend-sized amount of pity he can deal with.]

It's not like I can do anything about it. Which means there's no point in being upset.

[It all follows very logically. You would think that would be the end of it.]

Taught myself to shut off my fear response, you think I could shut off missing someone.

[Grumble grumble.]

You're upset because you cared. If anyone else was upset they lost a friend, would you tell them there wasn't a point?

If I lost another teammate, would you say that to me?

[... Okay, on second thought, this is Ford, so he Might. But the point still stands.]

[This also... definitely brings up a thought he really doesn't want to think about. If he lost someone he Cared about, capital C.]

I don't think that's something you can shut off.

[DON'T USE LOGIC ON HIS LOGIC! That's playing dirty!

But Shiro is right. Ford's never been good at turning off his emotions, no matter how much he thinks he should be able to. Fear is one thing: that's just a physical response he's learned to shut off. Turning off caring would require a lot more than purposefully regulating his breathing and heart-rate and ignoring the little voice that says 'try not to die'. In over thirty years he couldn't even turn off caring about his brother, and for most of those years he thought he hated Stanley Pines and was better off without him. How the hell is he supposed to turn off the good kind of caring? Especially when he's the kind of man who insists the past is in the past and then still spends decades being a broody asshole about something minor that happened in highschool.]

Then how do I deal with it?

[Aside from like... compartmentalizing himself to death, which we've already established is bad. Learning to open himself up to people is great until it sucks, huh?]

[Don't call him dirty, he's right.]

I can only tell you what I did. Because I don't know if there's a blanket cure for this kind of thing. Or even if there should be.

[He's sitting on a rock or something, and leans forward on his knees, because this is promising to be A Talk, and he might as well get comfortable.]

When Allura disappeared... I did what you did. Shoved it down and didn't think about it. Then Dorian. I... also didn't talk about that. To anyone. I don't know if I had anyone around when they were gone. But I remember people offering to talk about it, turning them down because it hurt.

And I think it hurt more, because there wasn't anyone reaching out.

[In fact, this? Right here? Probably the first he's really talked about how much losing Dorian hurt. He's told the others about Allura before...]

When Hunk vanished... it still hurt. But, this time, I had the others around. I had Keith. Matt. Lance, Sasha. Jean and Armin. They were there. And there for me. I was there for them.

I know I can lose them. I have nightmares about losing them. But I know shutting them out is going to hurt worse.

Edited (IT WAS NOT A NOVELLA) 2018-11-20 06:55 (UTC)

But none of that fixes the core issue. Talking about her being gone isn't going to bring her back.

[It just seems so pointless. So unhelpful. He recognizes where Shiro is coming from, he gets it all in theory. He cares about the people he still has. It wouldn't surprise him if drawing with Mabel or ransacking a library with Dipper cheered him up in the short term. But that won't do a thing about what's actually upsetting him, and once he's alone again that will come creeping back in. He's remarkably emotionally elastic; it would take more than this to actually punch him all the way down into being depressed. But it's still hollow consolation at best.

He still misses his brother every single day, and it's been years. All the friends he's made here don't lessen that ache in his chest any. He just doesn't think about it every moment of every day, and with time he won't think about Elsa all too often either. But that doesn't mean it will stop hurting.

It's complicated and it sucks and he hates it.]

I don't intend to shut anyone out. But there also isn't much anyone can do so there's not much of a point in bringing it up to begin with.

Not talking about it hurts too. Holding it all back hurts. I...

[He knows damn well it's not going to bring anyone back. Talking about things that hurt didn't ever end up solving them, after the fact. All they did was bleed the wound out a little more. He's not the one to give this advice. He's the one who bottles everything up. Throttles it all down.]

[He always has been.]

[And wasn't that part of the problem, in the end?]

It makes it worse. Because you crack, eventually. Because people want to help, and somewhere down the line... not talking -- whether you want to or not, it pushes people away.

[Hence, making things worse.]

[HhhhhHHH. Ford doesn't have a comeback for this. Shiro is right. And Ford is really working hard to do this thing where he trusts people, where he lets them in, where he accepts help because his stupid lone hero persona has always been the thing that gets him in trouble. Emotional wounds will always scar over with time either way but maybe he can lessen the scars left behind if he puts some effort into it? It still feels hollow and pointless but so did a lot of things before he got some sense knocked into him by the apocalypse. This is probably the same thing.

He pushes his glasses up and rubs roughly at the bridge of his nose.]

I have always been a... private man. There are things about myself that I've never shared with anyone, even with my own brother, because he didn't need to know.

[A lot of what went on in those thirty years he spent in space, for instance. He'll make jokes about it in vague terms but some of that stuff is stuff he could never tell Stanley-- Stanley, who'd just blame himself for it, who'd just hurt because of it. And who else could he trust enough to discuss it frankly with? Nobody knows about the true nature of their relationship. That was on purpose. He's a private man. She was a private woman. They agreed it was best. Would it be disrespectful to tell someone else?]

Can I trust you to keep a secret?

[As people in this world go, Shiro is probably the leader in terms of knowing about Ford's dirty laundry. He's probably the best choice. And he's offering pretty blatantly even if he's not straight-out saying it, and maybe Ford is going to at least try to be trusting, and maybe it will help. Worth a shot.]

[Hey, score one for the dad skills. At least in this instance. He was hoping he was saying the right thing, hoping by virtue of experience, he could help. If there was a way to keep someone else from hurting the people they cared about by holding back...]

[His shoulders relax a bit, and he nods, understanding.]

I get that. You don't want to hand them what happened to you... because there's nothing they can do to change it. And they'd want to.

[They'd promise to. They'd try to. And never take it well when you told them there wasn't anything they could do. Or you bottled it up until there was no other outlet for it but the one that wrecked everything.]

Of course, Ford. [A slight smile. Something sympathetic and hopeful in his face.] You're practically family by now. Anything you need to say... doesn't go any further.

[He means that. Every word. Shiro's never had much of a bluffing bone in his body, where feelings are concerned. Ford probably knows how sincere he is, just from association.]

[That's definitely it, not wanting to put it on other people when there's nothing they could possibly do. The only times he's really opened up that way have been when it was literally unavoidable, like when he got knocked into a flashback right in front of Chloe and had to suck it up and explain to her why being shocked shook him up so bad. He can talk when he needs to. But what he considers a dire situation is, well... dire. It's harder when it's a time like this, when it's something he feels like he could-- should-- be able to power through on his own.

Maybe that's another thing he needs to review. God knows he has a history of letting things get so much worse than they need to.]

We were together. Elsa and I. Romantically.

[Yes, dumbass, that's usually what 'together' implies. It wasn't really like being together changed their relationship much. It was just like their friendship had been up to that point, actually, and that's why it had worked so well. She was easier to let in than anyone else had ever been. She intimately understood things about him that he'd never talked about with anyone else, and they were the things he desperately needed to talk about, and now he's back to square one and without a source of support he'd come to depend upon.

Anyway. He clears his throat.]

The last time I fell in love I wasn't able to say goodbye to her either. At least this one knew. That's a step up.

[Haha. Cover your pain with jokes!!]

[That's the reason he'd gone to Ford, so many months ago. When Keith was bound and determined to "fix" what had gone wrong. To change everything that happened to his friends. And Shiro had been forced to tell him he couldn't. Ford understood.]

[Sort of like, he thinks, how he can understand what Ford says next. There's a brief memory of Dorian's face. And then Matt... those days when he wakes up and has to reach out and touch him. Just to make absolutely certain history isn't repeating itself, assure himself it's still real.]

Ford... I'm so sorry.

[There's a roughness to the words that wasn't there before. One that says, absolutely, I've been there. Been there and been on the opposite side. One more thing kept close to his own chest.]

[No laugh, just a watery sort of smile.]

Did it happen here? [The most careful of digging. The easiest way he can think to prompt Ford to go on.]

The one before? Oh, no. No.

[That's less immediate. Easier to talk about. He'll take the out offered him; they'll circle back around to the harder stuff in due time, he's sure. But he's grateful for a chance to kind of step back.]

She was... a while ago, now. Years and years. Back when I was still traveling the multiverse on a childish revenge quest.

[He can say that's what it was, now. His original plan (find and kill Bill Cipher, and probably die in the attempt) was stupid. It was a stupid self-defeating martyrdom fantasy.]

She saved my life. And she's responsible for this.

[He lifts a hand and knocks it on the side of his head. There's a couple of dull clang sounds. Has he told Shiro about his metal plate? He actually can't remember. Now that he knows a large amount of people he actually can't keep track of who knows what about him, which bothers him if he gives it any serious thought. So he doesn't.]

[Hey, he knows, if it were him, talking about past relationships lost, he'd want an out, too. Several of them. Because even now, years after the fact, he's not even remotely sure how to address that hurt. The one of his own making. Ford, in his opinion, has one up on him in that regard.]

She sounds like someone pretty special...

[He had more to say. But uh. The whole clang sound makes him stop. It's easier to stay calm in the face of a video feed. The distance helps. But it doesn't keep his brain from leaping to a conclusion he's not terribly proud of.]

[Thanks, trauma.]

She --

What is... that?

[Ford, please clarify before he becomes absolutely sure of The Worst.]

Oh.

[So he hasn't told Shiro about the metal plate. Probably it's never come up. Generally their discussions of his past have centered around surviving alien worlds and then surviving the emotional aftermath of surviving alien worlds. Welp. Now's as good a time as any.]

That's a metal plate. I had it installed to keep out a demon. The demon who was trying to destroy my reality. [He's pretty sure he told Shiro about that.] It would have been difficult to defeat him if he could enter and control my body at any time.

[Look, the relief in his face when Ford implies it was his choice? That's sort of painfully obvious. Okay -- that's fine. Changing something about yourself by your own volition? Fine. Even if it's a metal plate in your head.]

[Which is odd, yes. But for different reasons.]

Yeah -- I remember you mentioned it... [A deep breath.] So. She put it in for you?

[... Right. Shiro, for some reason, might react badly to someone having metal installed on their body by an alien. How insensitive and on-brand of Ford to forget.]

Yes. And then she cared for me while I recovered.

[Which... you know. He wasn't really used to anybody taking an active interest in his wellbeing. He didn't take an active interest in his wellbeing. He still doesn't a lot of the time, which is why he's sitting here depressed in the forest. So be looked after so thoughtfully by someone who also told him that he was special, that he had a destiny, that he had the face of the man who would defeat Bill (hilarious in retrospect now that he knows what she meant)... look. Between that and the seven eyes, he was a goner.]

And then the moment I was no longer confined to bedrest we drank so much Cosmic Sand that I was in a completely different dimension the next time I regained consciousness. So. [He waves a hand.] There was never really anything there. If I had had the courage to make a move I wouldn't have had the time.

[JUST A LITTLE BIT, FORD.]

She sounds like a talented being.

[It's probably not the best way of saying it. But he can't think of a better one, right now. It's the equivalent of saying "that's rough buddy". Maybe later, he'll send Ford a message with more effective language. Right now, not so much.]

Do you think she'd end up here? Somehow? Maybe... you'd get a second chance.

[The next part, he hesitates. He doesn't want to make this about him. He just wants to offer some kind of hope. And Ford's being honest with Shiro...]

I did.

[That's okay. Ford isn't good at platitudes either and he doesn't really expect or want them. This whole 'sharing' thing is new to him to begin with and he wouldn't like it much if all it got him was Shiro saying 'that's rough but it'll be okay'. He has enough PhDs to know that already. It's the other thing Shiro says that gets his attention.]

Maybe. The probability is astronomically low, but low odds have treated me well before.

[Not that he plans to get hung up on that hope. Just because .00000000000000000000000000001% of a chance is still a chance doesn't mean he's going to start planning out his future around it. It would be nice. It would be incredibly lucky. There are a lot of things he would like to do over, if he could. A lot of things he'd like to say now that he's not a revenge-obsessed martyr with a lone wolf hero complex. But he's always made his plans as he goes. Until she's standing in front of him he's not going to entertain too much wishful thinking. That way lies dwelling and he's done enough dwelling for three lifetimes already.]

Though this world has already been a second chance for me in more ways than I thought it could be. I think it's that for a lot of us.

[He knows he wouldn't know what to do with sympathy. If someone gave it to him -- it's easier just to brush it off. Set it aside until you did know how to deal with it. Ford strikes him as the same sort... albeit one with a lot of the harder things behind him.]

So hey. Maybe you'll get to introduce her to us, sometime.

[He won't say more than that. Won't try to offer more than that. Anything else would be up to Ford and this inter-dimensional lady. But... what the older man says last is what sticks out most to him. "this world has already been a second chance" -- ]

Yeah. It is. In so many ways. I don't even know how to count them all... I -- wonder sometimes if we have too many.

So much we end up afraid to take them.

Maybe you could start by looking for flame spurts and pits of lightning sand?

[While others would say that sarcastically, Squirrel Girl is entirely earnest.]

[Ford can absolutely respect somebody who says that kind of thing earnestly. That's his sort of person.]

Somehow I don't think the locals were talking about a particularly large Raticate. Though I suppose with nothing else to go on I can't rule that out.

So you're saying it's not inconceivable?

[Yeah, she's probably not going to stop now.]

But if you really want to know what I think it is? It's probably a Grass-type. Think about it. Big enough to be noticed, but camouflaged just enough so that nobody's quite sure what it is.

Edited 2018-11-21 17:06 (UTC)

Pokémon of unusual size...? Do these legends happen to specify which species are involved? Though I can assure you that there are no Behemoths, or even Behemoth-like species, anywhere in Johto or Kanto. Believe me, I've looked.

[He hasn't yet managed to rule out the possibility that Tangelas are baby Malboros, though.]

They don't, which is particularly frustrating because it's left me without any idea of particular signs I should be looking for.

That is also patently untrue. I've already tracked down a monstrously large Jellicent. It is very possible for a Pokémon to grow to incredible size.

...Well, yes, such abnormally large Pokémon are certainly possible, even if identifying them without encountering them is apparently far more difficult than it should be. But even a land that can sustain such impressive Pokémon might not suffice to nourish a whole population of Behemoths, or whatever their Pokémon equivalent would be. Goodness knows anything short of a Rock-type would quickly become prey.

Hi, Dr Ford.

[Jean sounds vaguely exasperated.]

Did Bertolt's Charizard find you? And did she drop off Bertolt?

[Because she just reappeared at FCAB without Bertolt and immediately stomped off to take a nap.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only