victory_road | [Video] [005]

[The video isn't immediately focused on Connor today, instead it's focused on a Swanna. Said Swanna is in the process of sneaking up behind Hank, wings flared, and she pecks at his ankles (earning an "ow, what the fuck!") before realising the camera is on her. Then she hides her face behind a wing, demure as anything.]

Everyone saw that, you know.

[The camera shifts closer to her, and she waddles off to hide. Almost as soon as the focus is off her? There's another swear from Hank, followed by a deep sigh.]

Well, I was hoping being seen by everyone would make her stop. She's quite shy usually. Does anyone with a Swanna have this problem? Hank doesn't like birds as it is, I don't want to have to keep her in her ball all of the time just to stop her from doing this. Bribing her with food isn't working.

And I suppose I'll ask while I'm here, does anyone have any recommendations for dark or psychic type pokemon? I have a Kadabra, a Houndoom and an Alolan Meowth. And if anyone has a Carvanha or Lileep that they wouldn't mind breeding, I'd like to know.

[Connor likes to just chase after certain pokemon to train up sometimes.]

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[Things were easier in that regard when he had no emotions to speak of. If he hadn't gained emotions, he would have been able to ignore the Swanna no problem. But now he has to deal with things like empathy and compassion and guilt and honestly it can be a bit much, sometimes.]

I never really interacted with animals before I arrived here. I petted a dog once, but that's it. So I've never really encountered this problem before. I don't want her to drive Hank away, though. I can tell he's getting angry.

He's getting nipped, so it's understandable. I don't think he's going to leave forever, though - the space might help her understand that it won't get her the response she wants.

Or, you could try... putting something she doesn't like to taste on his ankles?

I don't think he would leave forever, no. But it would still feel like a failure on my part if he had to resort to moving to a different room.

[And Connor has weird hang-ups with failure.]

I'm not sure what she wouldn't like. And I'm also not sure Hank would enjoy having something like that on his ankles. I can ask him, though.

I get that. Sometimes we have to mess up to learn from that mistake, though. It's hard to learn how to accept that.

[ he doesn't know connor's issues with failure- or that emotions are new to him. but he offers the advice as kindly as he can. ]

He might have some ideas, yeah. It might make him feel better to be involved.

I suppose.

[Still, he doesn't seem happy at the prospect of having to learn from failure.]

Having to make those mistakes in the first place... the idea is unpleasant to me. How do you cope with it?

[It's a bit of a loaded question, and he realises that. But he honestly feels that he needs all the help he can get in that regard.]

[ that's a question marco obviously wasn't expecting, and it shows. he has to think for a moment, brow furrowed. ]

I mean, I always try to learn what I could from those that came before me. Like you're doing here, asking for advice. Sometimes, you're that first person to have the problem, though.

[ he takes a small breath. ]

I was always told that coping with failure meant not giving up. Sometimes you just wouldn't succeed. And it was okay to feel bad about it, but the most important part was getting up and trying again, with something new, or until you got the hang of it.

And I mean.. if it's really getting to me, I'll talk to someone about it. How it makes me feel. Sometimes it helps to know someone is listening.

[Connor nods, frowning slightly.]

Failure was never an option for me back home. Too many mistakes would have killed me.

[That's the simplest way he can put it. Too many mistakes, and he would have been deactivated and branded a failure by his creators.]

I'll try to remember what you just said, though. About not giving up.

I'm sorry for the strange question. I'm still learning how to be human, and how to cope with emotions. I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable.

It's not a strange question, but I'm not sure what you mean by learning how to be human?

[ marco seems genuinely confused - but just by that. he guesses if you made simple mistakes that would end up getting you killed, that could make you seem less than human - but he knows nothing of androids, so he hasn't pegged connor as one. even the flashing light he saw when he picked up the egg he figured was some weird cosmetic thing. ]

You didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all. I promise.

I wasn't human before I came here. I was an android- that is, a robot with a body created to look like a human being. I was made of plastic and wires, not skin and bone. I didn't feel pain, or need to sleep or eat. I originally didn't feel emotions, either.

[Now he's only a few months into dealing with them, and they're still difficult for him to work with. Even the positive ones can feel overwhelming sometimes.]

I'm sorry, I should have explained that first.

[ brb processing. the only thing marco knows close to of robots is the occasional machinery back home, and the pokemon here like porygon. but while he clearly isn't sure what to make of it, he ultimately decides he doesn't need to understand the how to get that this is all new to connor. he's like a kid. an adult kid. ]

It's fine! I can see why it's overwhelming though. And... why failure is such a big deal.

No one is going to get mad if you fail here, I think. I know it's not helpful, but the thing it really does take is time. To learn what you feelings mean, and how you can help them. Humans get the benefit of time to grow up and learn all that. It seems like you got tossed into it all at once.

I did, yes. Luckily I have a very understanding partner to help me.

[It's obvious that Marco isn't really sure what he means, but as long as he's sort of figured it out Connor doesn't feel the need to elaborate further.]

I hope it doesn't take too much time to figure these things out. But... thank you for the advice. I think I needed it.

[ 'close enough', as they'd say. his hearts in the right place, at the very least. ]

I think you're doing pretty well so far, for the record. And you're welcome. If you have any, uh, human specific questions or problems, I can always help out more in the future.

[Video] [005]

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