victory_road | 001

[Out of all the horrible things that have happened so far this week, the worst is yet to come. It's some guy and he looks into the feed like everyone just played some sort of huge prank on him. It certainly feels that way, being told he's gotta trek three days in the snow certainly sounds like a joke.

Thankfully it looks like he's hastily slapped on some kind of winter outfit, his giant hair sticking out from under the hat that barely wants to stay on. From what can be seen of his jacket, it appears to stick out unnaturally and even wiggle about, probably the pokémon he was given. Anything to stay warm.]

Hey, sooo, I know you're all havin' a really fun time right now, but I'm freezing my ass off and my communicator ain't working. So I'm using this one. Anyway, quick question, what kinda planet invents the video phone and not something like, I dunno...a bus?

[Dandy feels like this is an incredibly valid question.]

If you find one good lookin' corpse, don't touch my wallet, I swear to-- [But before he can continue, the wiggling intensifies and Dandy's face suddenly breaks out in all smiles, an extreme contrast to the face he was just making. He laughs like an idiot and falls to his knees, the video shaking and losing focus in the process.] NO! S-STOP!! That...that tickles...!!

[And it cuts...]

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Sounds like a crappy video game if you ask me...

[Rarity doesn't matter... What kind of joke is that? It sure does matter when your life revolves around it.

To break up the tension, a small fuzzy head pokes out of Dandy's jacket and starts to look around. Or, well..."looks," the hair covering her face makes it pretty obvious she isn't seeing much. It's a tiny deino and it looks like she wants to see who her trainer is talking to. She doesn't smell anyone around, but the cold overwhelms her quickly, so who knows...maybe she's missing something. Either way, she starts to shiver just a little, dragon-types and the cold, man...

Dandy's pissy expression turns to concern as he tries to stuff her back in there.]

Hey, no, we already figured out that ain't gonna work, it's jacket time!

Well, as it happens, THAT one is rather rare. I don't know anyone who started with a Deino...

And I've heard other people make a similar comparison to a game.

HA! Hell yeah, score one for Dandy, baby~!

[He starts to pump his arms up and down, giving his deino plenty chance to continue poking her head out. Hooray for them! Once Dandy finishes celebrating, an ever so confident grin hits his face as he runs a hand over his hair. Even in the face of death, that won't stop him from being a smug asshole.]

It makes sense after all, my whole career revolves around catching all sorts of rare bad boys. They're obviously drawn to me, like a moth to a beautiful flame...

[If his pokemon had visible eyes, she'd be rolling them.]

Are you a bounty hunter of some sort? Or a...treasure hunter?

[Lust, no, what did you do? Can one man preen so hard?! Is that healthy?!]

Take a little bit from column A, smash it against some of column B, and BAM! I'm what they call an alien hunter, baby. Kind of a big deal. See, it's my job to travel the galaxy, bag me some rare aliens, then turn 'em in for that sweet cash reward~

[His grin is utterly obnoxious as he begins to pat his deino on the head.]

Gonna take this little puppy in the moment I can contact my ship. If I'm lucky, we'll be just in time to catch happy hour at BooBies once she's registered~

Oh, you're from space? I've known people from space.

I'm afraid you won't be able to contact your ship. This world, this dimension, it's somehow cut off from others.

It is? Huh. Bummer.

[But it doesn't look like that upsets him for too long, in fact he's back to all smiles soon enough.]

Eh, but that's never stopped me before. [SHRUG.] Dandy ain't no quitter, we'll just have to get creative~

I wish you luck.

I take it your name is Dandy?

The one and only.

[Because no one else is ever named Dandy. No one. Ever.]

So who the hell am I talkin' to anyway?

A pleasure to meet you.

I'm Lust. Or Miss Fitz, if you prefer. I've been here a very long time.

Ooo, sexy mystery lady~ Are we doin' like a reverse Charlie's Angels thing here? Just don't go sendin' me on missions in nothing but a bikini, the cold will actually kill me.

[But she does have all his attention now. His stupid, stupid attention.]

So whatcha hidin' for? I mean, it can't be that bad, can it...?

I don't think a bikini would suit you anyhow.

I'm not myself at the moment, let's say. Sometimes odd things happen in this world - they always right themselves relatively quickly, but they happen.

Hey, you don't know that. I'm pretty sure I can pull anything off.

[But she didn't say no, so this is totally a Charlie's Angels thing. Nice.]

So, uh, you mean the whole body-switchy thing? Or is there some other weird shit happening on top of that?

Then I suppose we'll have to see once summer comes around.

Yes, I mean that. I am literally not myself at the moment.

Man, that blows.

[He says that almost as if it were the same as someone losing the remote or dropping their ice cream...]

If someone had my face, I'd be pissed. Like, what are you even supposed to do in that case? Can't knock their teeth out when they're your teeth.

It's hardly their fault, these sorts of things happen sometimes. Usually wild Pokemon are to blame.

Of course.

So we punch the pokémon.

No, we don't punch Pokemon. It's rarely a thing done with intent, they simply have abilities that can have...unexpected results.

[At this rate he won't be able to punch anybody...]

Well if they ever decide to unexpectedly get you back to where you belong, I would love to meet the real you.

[It'd give him something to look forward to if he makes it out alive. And not because he's, like, suddenly alone and not sure what to do from there. His friends might've been annoying, but at least they were something.]

I'd say I'd call you when I get to town, but something tells me this ain't your phone.

I'm sure I'll be back to myself by week's end.

I'll call you.

Now that's the best thing I've heard all day.

[Or...read. Whatever, she gets his point.]

Maybe things won't be so bad after all~

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