003 / video

[neverstudied]

Soooooo.

[The feed starts a little abruptly, focused on an Elgyem cradled in the crook of someone's arm. The Elgyem in question makes hopeful grabby-hands towards the Pokegear, her handlights blinking.]

Got this little girl recently- from a guy called Ford Pines. She's kind of like, the closest I've come to actually trying to take care of a human baby. You know, Ray likes to call all the Pokemon we get our "children", but this one's the first that's really.. humanoid, I guess? Dunno.

But that's not- that's not what I wanna talk about.

[The Pokegear's camera zooms out a little bit to show a bit more of the whole picture- the Elgyem is cradled to Venkman's chest, and he's currently sprawled out on a couch looking exhausted.]

No, what I wanna talk about is- so, Spengs has a little psychic baby of his own, Kölliker- a Solosis. She's been learning how to speak mentally, right now she's pretty firmly in the "swear all the time" stage of development and I can already see the "terrible twos" comin' up even though she's only, what, 2 months old? And that's a liiiittle terrifying, because, uh, she can kind of read minds? And just peek into our brains and emotions, and that's the kind of power you don't want a toddler to have.

[He shifts his arm a little and looks down at the Elgyem, who's stopped grabbing for the Pokegear and instead has her little nub hands clasped together. She stares up at Venkman unblinkingly.]

And this girl- Sigourney- she's only a little over a week old, but on the day she was born she figured out how to go through our memories, and just like Kölliker she can like- read our thoughts, and emotions, and kind of manipulate them? She was able to send memories from my brain and transplant them in Egon's head, like a mental text message. It's- it's weird.

[As Venkman speaks, he idly rocks Sigourney in his arm.]

And the other day- uh, so, background, I did do a little research on this species and it's evolution after she started doing the whole "reading my thoughts" thing, and the evolution- Beheeyem- is able to just. Completely rewrite people's memories. Sometimes without them even realizing it. And I thought, ok, that's completely fucking terrifying, sure, but she won't be able to do that for a while, right?

[Venkman sucks air through his teeth and shakes his head. Sigourney, meanwhile, snuggles closer to his chest. It looks like she's falling asleep, though her eyes never close.]

Nah. Nope. Nada.

... She hasn't tampered with anything important, and I don't think she really knows what she's doing. But I was writing notes the other day about her dredging up certain old memories, and now when I try to think of what they were, there's just... Holes? [His brow furrows.] Also, I don't remember anything about fifth grade anymore. Like, I literally... don't remember being ten years old, except for summer break. I dunno what it was about fifth grade that she decided to just chuck out the window, but that's just gone now. And today she was poking around a lot at some memories I really don't wanna lose...

So here's what I'm asking.

[Sigourney is definitely asleep by now. He lowers his voice to just barely above a whisper.]

First of all, is this, like, an isolated thing? Is this sorta stuff normal for Psychic Pokemon when they're babies- just being, incredibly powerful and not really sure of how to use that power-, or are Egon, Ray, and I just really, really unlucky? Because I'll be honest, wouldn't be surprised if it's the second one. Could be some sorta, I dunno, residual effect from our dimension.

And second of all- anyone know how to train psychic toddlers to not be mentally destructive and do shit like this? Both for Sig, and for Ko when she hits that tantrum stage. I'm open to suggestions, here. Any suggestions at all. Seriously.

Comments

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[pkemeter]

[Egon's at work right now, so....]

That's absolutely fascinating. Perhaps she found these memories particularly distressing and decided you would be happier without subjecting yourself to relive these traumatic events.

[Wait. He also asked a question.]

Ray and I could probably put together a ten-week crash course on ethics.

[The only problem is that this "crash course" would likely be on a college-level and absolutely unsuitable for the Pokémon equivalent of toddlers.]

[neverstudied]

what the fuck was so traumatizing about the entirity of fifth grade?????

i mean

i guess technically it COULD have been really traumatizing? since now i dont know what it was??

thanks spengs now i'm gonna be worrying about this for the rest of my life

... no. no you wont. you couldnt teach at the college level without making people cry

[pkemeter]

Couldn't you simply just ask her to give back your memories? She probably doesn't understand the implications behind her actions, nor does she realize how important memories are to human beings even if there are things we'd rather forget. After all, whether memories are seen as bad or good, they still make us who we are.

Hm. Maybe I should ask her to go through my memories and systematically erase certain points of my life and see if I remain the same person.

[neverstudied]

thats basically what im trying to do but she doesnt quite get what im trying to explain to her









spengler do i have to ban you from being around the baby. because i will. dont test me

[pkemeter]

Maybe put it in context of herself. Surely she can understand if she wouldn't like something to happen to herself, other people wouldn't like it either.

[Which is...something Egon sometimes struggles with himself, but he tries his best.]





I see your point. I will refrain from engaging with any memory experiments for now.

[neverstudied]

yeah no shit you'll "refrain" im not letting my pokemon break your brain intentionally especially when im trying to make her stop breaking our brains in the first place

[pkemeter]

But think of the scientific merit that might be found within such experiments.

Oh, yes, speaking of Psychic Pokémon, Kölliker appears to have evolved today.

[Just going to drop that in the middle of the conversation as if he were talking about the weather.]

[neverstudied]

SHE FUCKGIN WHAT

[pkemeter]

She evolved. I was on my way to work when a Murkrow attempted to ambush me, so I decided to have her fight it. She then transformed into a slightly larger cell with nub-like arms and an additional "brain" floating in its cytoplasm.

She also keeps giving me divisive answers whenever I ask her any questions, which is highly confusing and somewhat concerning.

[neverstudied]

oh my god

shes got two brains now does that mean theres two of her? like with siskel+ebert???
which ones the original???

[pkemeter]

I think it's more of a case of "one brain faceted into two parts" as opposed to two distinct individuals. One just seems to be much more docile and willing to follow directions, even if those directions would otherwise be harmful towards her, while the other seems much ruder and individually oriented.

[Or just...straight out selfish.]

I sincerely hope that this does not cause future problems in her training.

[neverstudied]

spengs

spengs this is possibly the worst thing that couldve happened when we already have problems with one psychic baby acting out

[pkemeter]

Oh




What do you propose we do

[neverstudied]

i dont


know

someone suggested we check out the psychic gym leader in kanto and see if she's got any tips??

god this really complicates things. we either just skipped the "terrible twos" stage or we're about to get fucking slammed with it

[pkemeter]

That might be our best option at this point. I might do further research into how to manage Duosion's finicky decision making skills, maybe ask some other trainers how they approached the problem.

I'm sure everything will be fine. Eventually.

I'll do my best to continue speaking to Kölliker and hopefully finding other ways of dealing with this conundrum.

[HE DOESN'T...REALLY...HAVE ANYTHING TO GO OFF OF REGARDING PROVIDING GOOD PARENTAL CARE GIVEN HOW HIS PARENTS WERE???? At least he gave his Pokémon SOME form of toys.]

[neverstudied]

yea. yea

when do you get home i want to see her

[Her evolving like this may be incredibly concerning but he still loves that cytoplasmic baby

Venkman's dad may have been a flake, but at least he had his mother and like, half a carny full of adoptive aunts and uncles. Unfortunately, this does not mean he's qualified for the job of "raising psychic mindreading babies".]

[pkemeter]

I have an hour left in my shift but I could always call out early.

I'm going to call out early. I will see you in five minutes.

[And...as expected, Egon shows up at the hotel room with extreme punctuality, though he looks somewhat frazzled. He's still wearing his work uniform and a stethoscope is still dangling from his neck. He's fiddling with his hands when Venkman answers the door, despite the fact that he could just very easily open the door himself.]

Hello. Is Sigourney out of her containment unit? I would recommend Kölliker and Sigourney not be in the same room while-- [A pause.] Well, you'll see.

[neverstudied]

[Venkman was just about to tell him to wait out the shift but, nope. He feels somewhat guilty for it, but at the same time: Egon willingly leaving a job where he gets to examine weird monsters? Yeah, he's freaking out too.

Venkman glances behind him as he answers the door- he left Sigourney on the couch, where she's still asleep.]

Yeah, hold on a sec-

[He digs through his pockets and pulls out her Pokeball, retrieving her with a click of the button.]

So where's Ko?

[pkemeter]

[Egon's eyebrows furrow as he pushes past Venkman into the living room. He digs through his pockets for the Pokéball in question and tosses it onto the ground. An arc of light appears and Kölliker soon follows, except...she's bigger. And no longer has that little organelle dangling off her head.

She blinks and looks at Venkman, and two echoing voices collide over each other, followed by a contradictory feeling of enthusiasm and apathy.]

Hi dad!

Kölliker — [Egon gestures for the baby to look at him, then looks at Venkman.] Ask her a question. Go on. Any question.

[neverstudied]

[Venkman blinks.]

Oh.

[His brow furrows, and he gives Egon a worried look.]

Uhhh- how are you- how are you feeling?

[pkemeter]

[Kölliker blinks.]

Fine, how are you?

[Says an enthusiastic, almost childish voice with a tone of warmth. Almost immediately overlapped by another sharper voice, which can only be described as literally sharp mentally.]

You're just asking that to be nice.

[Egon pinches the bridge of his nose, then casts a pained look towards Venkman. Before he can even say anything--]

You think I'm bad! [Accusatory, triumphant.]

Sorry! I'm sorry! [Panicked, terrified.]

I didn't say anything-- [He lets out a harsh sigh.]

[neverstudied]

... Spengs, do you ever get the feeling that our lives aren't normal? Because I do.

[He holds his hands up appealingly. His voice softens as he tries to convince these opposing baby brains to calm down.]

I'm fine. Neither of you are bad or- doing anything wrong, ok? Just wanted to check on you, 'cause we love you. Ok?

[And, as an aside to Egon:]

She wasn't speaking full sentences when you guys left, right?

[pkemeter]

[Delivered in his trademark monotone:]

Define "normal."

[Kölliker seems to calm down slightly at that--relief as well as disgruntlement wash over both Egon and Venkman. Egon shakes his head.]

No, I believe it was both the evolution and the fact she now has two brains that allowed her to start structuring more complex thoughts and ideas.

Yaaaay!

Ugh.

[neverstudied]

Yeah, well, I'm very proud of you. That's a pretty big feat to just- completely conquer linguistics in like, a day. [He's still using the appeasing tone, but he does mean what he's saying.]

So... Can you tell us why you're so at odds with- yourself?

[pkemeter]

[There's a brief pause as Kölliker appears to think this over, tapping her nubby arms against her face. Despite the fact she says nothing, Venkman and Egon will get the distinct feeling of some sort of wordless argument going through her minds.

Eventually--]

I wanna help dad!

That's stupid! I wanna do other stuff!

[And they lapse right back into arguing. Egon rubs his temples.]

They'll go on like that for hours. I've identified the desires of each brain, but...the difficult part is making them cooperate on anything.