[Audio] v1.0a

[uber_marionettist]

[Just a disembodied voice.

The drawl really sells the extra enunciation.]

Does anyone have a horse.

Cutting to the chase: I've been running around in picturesque nature, getting that fresh air for about eight solid hours and all I'm seeing is bugs and small birds, plants with faces. Lots of little mammals. Real beginner garbage stuff. Which makes sense, seeing as I'm at the beginning of this game. But I'm not going to pick something up and train it all the way to its no-doubt underwhelming final form and discover it needs replacing like two days from now. Or two weeks from now. Or two months from now. Or whatever. I don't know how long this game is or its scaling.

Don't care either.

If I'm going to be here, I at least want a horse.

[Those are his terms. He'll figure out the rest as he goes.]

Comments

[Audio]

[cyan_maid]

[She

She knows that voice. It's a little deeper, perhaps, than she remembers, a little more cold, a little more...detached? Ah, but he's probably got stuff on his mind and he's pissed about being here when he could be doing other things - that's how Dirk Strider seems to get, sometimes. And to be fair, Jane sounds a lot more tired than she would like - traipsing around a cavernous tunnel looking for one loud boi and a friend who'd left saps a lot of strength from a girl. She's got about two days left before she hits a city, but suddenly it feels like so much longer.

Dirk's here. Dirk's back. He doesn't seem to remember being here before, but at this point, Jane will take what she can get.]

Hoo hoo! Well, I can't say I know where to find one per say, DiStri, but if you're not swamped by folks offering Ponyta eggs by the time the day is out, I will be thoroughly surprised!

[Audio]

[uber_marionettist]

....

[...Jane?

It's a moment of bizarre whiplash, more dizzying for how credulous she sounds. 'Credulous' isn't a word much associated with Jane Crocker, but there it is--or there it isn't, actually. No forcible delivery, no bundled expectation.

Time to play it careful.]

...okay, I'll bite. What are you doing here?

Not that I'm not thrilled to hear your sunny voice, which you don't have to put on for me, by the way, but I thought this was supposed to be my little expedition in battle pets purgatory.

[Audio]

[cyan_maid]

[Wow, rude buster - she is 100% genuine Jane Crocker.]

Oh...ah, is it that obvious? I have sort of been running around for the past several weeks...haven't even gotten to have a decent shower lately, and then the girl who was with me...mm, it's kind of a long explanation. But if you think I'm going to welcome a friend with a sour expression, then you are sorely mistaken! Even if there's no actual expression to accompany the message!

[As for the initial question, well...]

I've been here for quite some time, actually. Let's see, it'd be...three years in mid-July? That sounds about right.

[She's just, uh, going to let him digest that first.]

[Audio] (CW gendered insult)

[uber_marionettist]

[Oof. What?]

That doesn't make any fucking sense.

[Three years--?]

Wait.

How old are you?

[He thought they were done with timeline fuckery. Or at least that particular flavour of timeline fuckery. That's Dave's schtick--

Fuck. Gears. He got fucking gears.

That underhanded, overpowered, sanctimonious bitch--]

[video]

[paladinlost]

[A newcomer with knowledge of this land? That hasn't happened in a while.]

I could breed you a Ponyta, if you'd like. Or a Blitzle, if you prefer your horselike creatures with stripes and electricity.

[Video]

[uber_marionettist]

[You like video calls from impassive faces with triangular sunglasses, right?]

Ponyta. It's got 'pony' right in the name. Nice. I like that.

[Blitzle... like Blitzen? No. That'd be a reindeer. And reindeer don't have stripes, so maybe a zebra. He doesn't know what that's about, but beggars can't be choosers. Unless they can be. Apparently, he can.]

So you can just breed one? How long does that take?

[Not that he's in a hurry or anything. Not yet.]

[Video]

[paladinlost]

Sadly it loses the 'pony' upon evolving, but I've no doubt the horn it grows as a Rapidash is a fair trade.

[Even impassive faces with triangular sunglasses like sharp instruments of death, surely.]

As my Pokémon only need the flimsiest of excuses to make eggs, I could have one ready by the end of the day. Delivering it to you would take approximately another day and a half. Perhaps slightly less, if you make yourself very visible on the road.

[Video]

[uber_marionettist]

The flimsiest of excuses? You gonna elaborate on that, or just leave me hanging with the tantalising prospect of a miraculous horse egg?

[Dirk's done a lot of growing in a lot of ways, good and bad, organic and mythologic. But some things are timeless. Like unicorns.

And whatever the hell this conversation is.]

I don't know about 'very visible,' but I can stay in the middle of the road. You'll catch me wearing this rad as hell classic shinobi shozoku. That's Japanese for completely inauthentic ninja wear.

But it's all black, so either I'll be very easy to find or totally goddamn impossible. Guess we're bout to find out.

AUDIO

[insidescoop]

[Carly is still in job training. She is also not sure how identifiable everything is. So...audio time!

Also map skimming.] I mean...there's a farm around here somewhere, but I sure can't tell how close you are..!

...why a horse though isn't a bike or something better around here..?

[Audio]

[uber_marionettist]

Why would I ride a bike when I could ride a horse?

[Seriously. What the hell kind of question is that?]

Anyway, it's not about transportation. It's about preferences, and optimisation.

[Why would he raise a battle bug when he can raise a steed of strife.]

[AUDIO]

[insidescoop]

Because?

[Look she doesn't know how to ride a horse okay- And!]

...I don't have to feed a bike? That sounds optimized to me!

[WHY USE A STEED OF STRIFE WHEN....PEDAL POWER....yeah]

...Also I can buy one for what seems to be the equivalent of a handful of yen here, and that's a lot better than looking for a horse I think!

[This is exactly the Worst sort of footing to start things on.]

[AUDIO]

[uber_marionettist]

Do you even know what a horse is?

[Because he thought it was extremely basic knowledge. Horses eat grass, and if there is one thing this place is not short of, it's grass. He is literally up to his [CENSORED] in it right the fuck now.]

[islandshore]

[Voice, huh? Riku can run with that. Makes it easier for him to multitask, anyhow.]

Well, I can't guarantee a horse, but you can pick up a lion around Cherrygrove. Starts off cutesy, but by the time it's evolved, it's dark, edgy, and all around intense.

[Basically, not just a cute floofball. Riku rather likes that about 'em.]

[uber_marionettist]

No shit? Free lion, huh.

What's it look like when it's small, because I have a little old lady here handing out free kittens to anyone who so much as breathes in a 20 yard radius.

[islandshore]

Small, blue and black. Kinda has a star motif going on with its ears and tail.

[...In hindsight, he really should've just pulled up the Pokedex, but ah well. They're pretty distinct.]

But man. Don't be surprised if you see more people doing handouts. Pokemon eggs can pile up if you're not careful.

[uber_marionettist]

[Star-themed lions?

His brain immediately conjures up a face in some incoherent fragments of times multitudinous, pink and green doubled up with the scent of sugar and sweat--]

Yo. Okay. No. I see where this is going. Pass.

New rule, effective immediately. No cats. No stars.

[Not that he's feeling cut up about Nepeta or dear, sweet Fefeta. That'd be absurd. He only just remembered she existed, and what he's remembering is cluttered by the events accessory to the asinine dramatics that exploded her into confetti. That there was a tragedy antecedent to that demented episode is purely a logistical problem, not a personal one.

Namely: nurturing a symbolic surrogate in the form of a constellation Leo themed pet is just inviting some kind of tedious and heavy-handed drawn-out character arc to eat up his time and attention.

No thanks.]

[voice]

[styxiedust]

Oh, you sound like you know what this is about.

[And that's just the most bland statement of fact that can come from a disembodied voice with a faint English accent there can be.]

Then it won't sound strange to you that you can raise Pokemon from eggs and there's a breeder trade that goes on here. Unfortunately, I don't have any horses to offer in my roster, only ghosts and I doubt that's any comfort. [Generally, people don't like ghosts, and that's okay.] I can offer a care package of treats, though.

[Voice]

[uber_marionettist]

Let's just say this isn't my first 'scripted narrative of reality disguised as a game' rodeo.

[Except he had the narrative to reality, and now he doesn't. He needs to take it back. But how can he write it when it isn't even there?

That's what he'd ask if it actually wasn't there. But it only feels that way. Like a gap, but worse. The lack of awareness, the yawning void of his own thoughts. What is she doing? What has she written? He can't fucking tell--]

So do you breed these ghosts or are you just collecting the dead to utilise in conspicuously sanitised blood sports?

[styxiedust]

[In that case, since it seems to be the rule of the land, there is likely something Deep and Horrible going on with this young man that Botan's not going to prod at. Or at least try not to, anyway, hard to tell what will be a pitfall in a conversation.]

Believe it or not, they breed like animals do and they produce eggs just the same, only it happens when your back is turned and of course it isn't graphic--this is a kid's game after all. I'm not required to do any of the battling as a designated egg keeper.

I'm not opposed to showing you some of my Pokemon, if you'd like, I don't just have ghosts--only I lack horses.

video

[neverstudied]

You've really got this place figured out, huh?

Don't have any horses to offer, but if you're just looking for something you can ride, I've got eggs for two-headed ostriches.

[Voice]

[uber_marionettist]

Having things figured out is pretty much what I do, yeah.

[He's actually struggling here with the two-headed ostrich. Not that he can't imagine it, but... just, man, what?

It's so fucking hard to think about what he wants at all. A horse is one thing. He can decide on that. But even simple decisions are an excruciating endeavour these days, and--

Oh, for fucks' sake, he doesn't care this time. Doesn't matter. He can just die mad about it, like everything else.]

Two-headed ostrich, though? Now you're just making shit up.

[neverstudied]

... Man, if you think a two-headed ostrich is too much, you haven't seen shit yet. That's like, one of the least weird animals I own.

[Venkman laughs, shaking his head. After a moment, he stands up from his desk, picking the Pokegear up as he does so. The following few seconds of film are blurry and jarring as he appears to walk through a hotel room and out the door. There's a faint jingling sound as something follows him, and for a moment Dirk can see Venkman grab something from his belt- a Pokeball.

The Pokegear's video stabilizes again, now focusing outside on a beach. Venkman's face pops into frame for a moment.]

Here's their dad. Or, uh, dads? Whatever.

[He holds up the Pokeball into the shot and clicks the release. A flash of red light, and a few feet away, something takes form- a very, very big bird, with three heads and three necks. The Dodrio blinks as it reforms, and they stomp one foot before swiveling all three heads to face Venkman. Two of them hiss from deep in their throats- a raspy, drawn-out sound- while the other just snaps his beak in irritation.

Venkman turns the camera back to face him- he doesn't appear phased. From the looks of it, he's used to this.]

They grow the third head when they get older. But they're about... [Venkman pauses, tapping his chin as he tries to recall the exact numbers. Dirk can see something that looks like a keyring wrapped around his wrist, the tools clinking together merrily.] ... Four and a half feet tall when they're young. They grow up to be about six feet.

text

[lyingheart]

Take a goat into consideration too.

Only one of these creatures that can jump ledges, instead of requiring you to have the Fly TM out of one of the gyms just to get up what you can jump down.

Text (omg I didn't get a notif, I'm so sorry!)

[uber_marionettist]

Fuck.

That explains more than I actually wanted to admit in a public place.

I've been having a real blast climbing straight up trees and backflipping out windows and then tripping all the fuck over myself on a little rocky outcrop, like an asshole falling down a flight of stairs, forever.

Real consistent physics you've got here.

I don't know what the deal is with that trademarked verb or noun, you've got me on linguistic tenterhooks and I'm dying to know, but while I wait with bated breath...

Am I correct in understanding the grammatically coherent part of that to mean the gyms unlock concrete mechanics for advancement, or am I way off?

you're fine! happens all the time XD

[lyingheart]

? Oh, Fly TM? Acronym. Fly Technical Machine. One of various moves pokemon can learn through a program instead of as they evolve.

You're correct in your assessment. Along with the inconsistent physics of this place. Keep in mind a small pokemon who's learned fly can carry a trainer much larger than they are. And the same goat that leaps ledges can learn to surf across water surfaces. For hours.