[ text / action for new bark town ] (cw: blood, probably talk of death/violence)

[jurisimprudence]

A. text

TWO TH1NGS

F1RST
JOHN 3GB3RT
1F YOU'R3 H3R3, W3 N33D TO T4LK

S3COND
W1LL TH1S WORK TO G3T BLOOD OUT OF CLOTH1NG OR W1LL 1 N33D TO G3T 4 D1FF3R3NT PRODUCT FROM TH3 N3XT TOWN?

[Here she's attached a photo of the standard bottle of liquid soap that comes with the backpack.]

B. action

[If anyone's on the lookout for newbies, Terezi can be spotted sitting by a flowerbed next to "Mom's" house. She doesn't look any less human than anyone else here, at least at first. Though her ears have a bit of a point, they're hidden by her black hair, and the sharpness of her teeth is concealed by her pursed lips as she taps away at her Pokégear. No, if there's anything to raise concern, it's the fact that she looks like she's had a bad accident with some paint, or perhaps smashed a box worth of Grape-Berry Double Homicide Gushers against herself. Teal and purple mar her shirt and even stick to her face and arms in places.]

[It doesn't really smell like paint, or the corn syrup-laden fruit approximant of candy, either. It's dry by now, but one might recognize the smell of blood.]

[Her starter isn't far: a Gible wanders about the flowerbed proper, occasionally casting a concerned glance back at her new trainer in between devouring whatever blooms might remain at this time of year. She'll settle for withered stems, too; she ain't picky.]

Comments

[jurisimprudence]

WH4T
4R3 YOU R34LLY T3LL1NG M3
TH4T YOU W4NT M3 TO T3LL JOHN TO B3COM3 GOOD 4T POK3MON???

[uber_marionettist]

.....

Well, it sounds fucking stupid when you put it that way.

But.

Ugh.

Yeah, that's basically what I'm asking here.

[jurisimprudence]

.......................................
WHY?

[uber_marionettist]

I thought I just explained that?

[jurisimprudence]

NOT W3LL 3NOUGH
L1K3 OK C4NON 1S D3C4Y1NG 4ND YOU W4NT TO UPHOLD TH3 N4RR4T1V3 SO 1T C4N SURV1V3 B3TT3R OR WH4T3V3R
4ND YOU S4Y JOHN 1S TH3 ONLY ON3 W1TH 4 SOL1D L1NK TO TH3 4LPH4 C4NON T1M3L1N3
BUT TH4T DO3S NOT T3LL M3 WH4T B31NG GOOD 4T POK3MON H4S TO DO W1TH F1X1NG OUR WORLD
DO P3OPL3 G3T 4 M4G1C T1CK3T B4CK HOM3 ONC3 TH3Y G41N 4LL TH3 L3V3LS 4ND B4DG3S?
OR 1S TH1S 3X4CTLY 4S DUMB 4S 1T SOUND3D TH3 F1RST T1M3?

cw: r slur

[uber_marionettist]

For fuck's sake. Okay, here. How's this.

Collecting all the badges grants you access to the Elite Four, and defeating the Elite Four grants you membership in the extremely small, "elite" collection of players called the Aurora League.

And if you need to ask why that matters, which you probably will despite objectively not "needing" any of this yourself... but sure, let me present an entire deposition on the topic. Why not.

Some months ago, there was an event. Several events, actually, featuring a number of 'wormholes' that manifested along with more Pokemon called 'Ultra Beasts,' supposedly from another dimension or some crap.

At the climax, a single, extremely powerful demon of an Ultra Beast came through a wormhole that was opened in a sealed-off cave, supposedly to do something terrible to reality. The cavern in question was accessible only to members of the Aurora League. That part was supposed to be a secret known only to them, but I found out about it.... ugh, through means I'm not sharing on a public connection because I'm not fucking retarded.

Anyway, I attempted to crash that party, but it didn't work. They put it back through the portal to its home whatever, and that was... the end.

So far, anyway.

I've done my due fucking diligence and forced the League to acknowledge my mastery of the basic game mechanics and let me into their little club, but I'd find it extremely helpful if John gave even a single solitary shit about doing absolutely anything at all besides sitting on his sadsack ass or jockeying a cash register.

[jurisimprudence]

OH NOOO D1RK 1'M SOOO SORRY
1T MUST B3 SUCH 4 HUG3 1NCONV3N13NC3 TO YOU TO 3XPL41N YOUR PL4NS TO SOM3ON3 WHO YOU 4R3 4SK1NG TO H3LP W1TH TH3M!
>:[ >:[ >:[ >:'[
LOOK 1 4M SO F1LL3D W1TH R3GR3T TO H4V3 M4D3 YOU W4ST3 YOUR PR3C1OUS T1M3
YOU DO R34L1Z3 YOU COULD H4V3 S41D TH1S 4LL 4 LOT SOON3R 4ND S4V3D US 4LL 4 H34D4CH3, R1GHT?
4NYW4Y
1F JOHN W4NTS TO L1V3 H1S L1F3 L1K3 TH1S TH3N TH4T 1S NOT MY PROBL3M
4ND 4S YOU S41D H3'S 4LR34DY D34D 1N C4NON
SO HOW 4BOUT YOU L3T H1M B3!
1F YOU W4NT TO F1X C4NON TH3N 1T W1LL H4V3 TO B3 UP TO TH3 P3OPL3 WHO SURV1V3 1T

[uber_marionettist]

So, me. Got it. Thanks. Good to know I really could have saved myself the time it took to explain that.

Whatever. If you're not interested, then you're not interested.

I can't even imagine being the kind of individual who could just turn and walk away if a completely credible and reliable source approached me about a very simple and potentially reality-saving measure that I could personally aid, but hey. I'm not you.

And if you change your mind, I might even still be here.

[jurisimprudence]

D1RK
1 4M GO1NG TO S4Y TH1S ONC3 4ND ONLY ONC3
YOU 4R3 F4R TOO L4T3 1F YOU TH1NK 1 W1LL L3T MYS3LF B3 L3D 4ROUND BY TH3 SN1FFNOD3 BY SOM3ON3 WHO TH1NKS H3 KNOWS B3TT3R TH4N M3
1 W1LL GR4NT YOU KNOW *MOR3* TH4N M3 4BOUT C3RT41N TH1NGS
1MPORT4NT TH1NGS!
BUT KNOW1NG MOR3 4ND KNOW1NG B3TT3R 4R3 TWO V3RY D1FF3R3NT SUBJ3CTS
YOU'V3 4LR34DY TOLD M3 SOM3 V3RY 1MPORT4NT CLU3S FOR WH4T 1 W4NT
TH3 R3ST 1S TR4NSP4R3NT POSTUR1NG
1 WOULD W1SH YOU GOOD LUCK W1TH YOUR V3NTUR3 BUT SUR3LY YOU MUST 4LSO KNOW TH4T LUCK N3V3R M4TT3R3D

[uber_marionettist]

You're right; luck never mattered.

Otherwise, I disagree strenuously. I can't make you do anything you don't want to, Terezi. That's never been in my power to do.

But I'll be here when you decide you need me. Just know that the only leading I'm doing is to the conclusions you would inevitably make yourself. I'm your side.

[jurisimprudence]

TH3N 1 4M SUR3 YOU'LL B3 JUST F1N3 1F 1 R34CH THOS3 D3C1S1ONS ON MY OWN, WON'T YOU? >:]
1 TH1NK W3'R3 DON3 H3R3 FOR NOW
1'V3 GOT TR4V3L1NG TO DO!