victory_road | Video, January 2nd, Violet City

Video, January 2nd, Violet City

[The video feed cuts in with a chill beat as Dave starts talking.]

Yo sup.
This is your weekly dose of strider hittin' you with your host, lord of time and god of rhymes, DJ Cyanide and this is my cohost—

[The rotom-guided gear swivels around to Elidibus, dressed in a white suit and wearing his red mask]

The Piano Man. Play us in, Elidibus. Today we are gonna go deliver the absolute smack down to Falkner so we can unlock flying or whatever. Come root us on.

Sorry, we will not be available for autographs. I gotta fill out an insurance form every time Piano Man takes his little white gloves off.

[They're clearly approaching the gym right now. Dave's moseying on towards the camera with a swagger. Elidibus plays them in one-handed with a little ditty, his keytaur suspended in midair by the power of a rotom. In the background, Dave's Type:Null is glitching out, repeatedly freezing and zooming, people taking videos in amazement and clearing the way. ]

But we'll be mopping the floor with his birds like an absolutely devastating day at a KFC.

[Elidibus' Pokemon are flanking them. There's a luxray, a jolteon, a sigilyph, an umbreon, a galarian rapidash, and a rotom. They're very imposing.]

Speaking of. Anyone actually got the TM for that shit? Hoofing it sucks.

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[The camera shows Elidibus approaching Dave, stowing his keyboard away onto his back. His oversized team move to keep them both protectively surrounded.]

A moment, if you will.

[Elidibus steps closer, well into what would be Dave's personal space.]

There is a tradition I should very much like to uphold.

[Rocking up onto his toes, Elidibus tips his mask up just slightly, away from view of the camera, and gives Dave a lingering kiss on the lips.]

For luck, you see, for the both of us.

[And with the flash of a smirking smile - and a replacement of mask - he falls back into step next to the taller man.]

Edited 2021-01-03 10:24 (UTC)

hey im not here to piss on your parade but you absolutely have to warn me before changing the whole vibe of the podcast
now i gotta introduce you as my love interest or like as my wacky european friend who just does this

[he turns from the camera, raising his hands in a half-hearted mockery of annoyance]

we're gonna have people writing in
leaving comments
i mean the average comment leaver doesnt know their keyboard from their asshole but now we're wide open to that shit
sorry real quick do you actually believe in luck like that
or are you just torching our fledging careers as squarespace flinging monkeys

Edited 2021-01-03 10:30 (UTC)

[The smile grows, Elidibus giving a bow to the camera.]

Forgive me, loyal viewers. My duty as cohost behooves me to introduce myself appropriately. As our illustrious DJ Cyanide has mentioned, I am the Piano Man, and we are a duet in many meanings of the word.

[He gestures towards the gym with a flick of his wrist.]

Speak again of luck once we have emerged victorious, and perhaps the tradition will become your own as well.

[The twist of his mouth turns sly.]

Besides, is it not imperative to give a good show?

Edited 2021-01-03 10:53 (UTC)

Woah, woah. A good show? I mean I absolutely agree but I'm not sure about becoming the main character of some dippy romcom shit. Sweeping me off my feet like I'm a scrappy journalist and you're a city renowned architect and we just bumped into each other quite literally on the street. I drop all my bagels for my office and you peel off a cool hundred as if I didn't just snag these off the top of the trash outside a wall street building.

[ Dave clears his throat and turns towards the camera. He frowns. There was no way this was gonna end well for him. He reaches up and cuts the feed. ]

Okay we need to get our characters straight.

Our characters? Was my performance not adequate to our established roles?

[He smiles, but slows his walk, turning to look at Dave.]

Is there some other way you wish me to behave for your cameras?

Yeah, yeah. The thing about our established roles it... I mean, look. Can't just go giving it all away for free on the first date. We haven't even established our personalities. I'm clearly the insanely cool guy, total enigma. Keepin' them guessing.

You're obviously cooler than a cucumber and smooth and whatever. But if you're sweeping me of my feet, I just look like a drooling moron. I know it's hard but you gotta restrain yourself around all hundred and fifty pounds of this grade a Strider beef.

[ He pats his shoulder, attempting to be comforting? ]

It's ok, I know you're from like. Some old timey shit.

Edited 2021-01-04 02:40 (UTC)

I suppose I could sweep you slightly less, at least while the camera watches.

[He steps close to Dave, physically sweeping the taller man into a dip before leaning close and winking.]

[Softly.] I find that you are correct, you are hard to resist.

[He straightens up, pulling Dave with him and righting the other man's clothes.]

But I suppose if it is what you wish, I may subdue myself. Or perhaps you may find greater strength within you? To keep the audience guessing, of course.

Edited 2021-01-04 16:38 (UTC)

Yeah, yeah. I mean at the very least we gotta have people rooting for us. Gotta drag this out a little to make it satisfying.

[Dave's expression twitches a little as he finds his equilibrium.]

Look I'm just an authentic guy, okay? Realer than real. I can't just... fake a whole thing, you know? Or, look. Okay this might be hard to understand for you since you apparently come from some place that doesn't suck fat chode but I was pretty hung up about looking gay for a long time. It's kind of a big deal for me.

Edited 2021-02-08 05:59 (UTC)

[He's thoughtful, weighing his words.]

I do not aspire to truly make you uncomfortable. I would no more ask you to be other than yourself than I would wish to violate a boundary, in truth.

[A pause.]

My own world has many troubles, but loving a man whilst being one has never been something barred, not to my people. In this, then, I will defer to you. Please accept my sincerest apology for my overstep, and know that what you request shall be adhered to.

[Well. Now he just feels like an asshole.]

I... Ugh. Fuck. You're way too nice and reasonable. Can you, like, tell me I'm being fucking stupid once in a while?

[He pulls Elidibus in around the shoulders and lets out a sigh]

I've got problems on top of stupid fucking problems. I'm the worst version of myself, too, to boot. So let's... It's so much cooler if I can roll with this. Like actually fucking go for it, totally in. I already did this once already, holding someone all arms length and shit. And all I did was regret how I acted.

[Elidibus leans into Dave, seeking the touch absentmindedly]

Establishing a boundary or making a request for your comfort is not something one would deem 'stupid.' I am happy to oblige, in truth.

[He really is. For someone used to immortality waiting for someone to be more comfortable is an easy task, in his opinion.]

I will not push if it is not something you are amenable to, Dave. What I will do, however, is gently brush the boundaries you wish to set. Should you find yourself comfortable with the action, I will proceed apace. [He smiles.] There shall be naught to find of regrets, should I have any influence on the matter. But I must ask, to clear any doubts. This is something you desire, yes?

[A pause, and then, softer.] Whatever versions of you that exist, I prefer this one. Because you? You are here.

[He presses his face into his hands, fogging his glasses with his breath and smearing residual snow onto the lenses. C'mon Dave. Do not fly off the handle. You can do this. You can have a conversation with another adult that you're interested in. He drops his hands and takes a steadying breath. He was having trouble telling who was going along with whose bullshit at this rate.]

Let's... Okay first off, just 'cause I'm the one you got doesn't mean a ton. Have I told you I time travel? That's kind of my shit. I know the only one you have is the one right here, and I guess I get to be selfish against myself. There's absolutely shit tons of those dudes, you know? No one super explained to me at the outset how time travel really works.

And come on. What kind of question is that? Do I want to hang with some cool as hell handsome immortal piano player God? How stupid would I have to be to say no to all that? You're probably the most emotionally stable person I've ever met in my life. Oh shit, is that why I'm wigging out? Flying off the absolute handle. Doing incredible fucking kickflips off my own irrelevant middle age? Just dragging our asses around this shitty, shitty reality waiting to see what happens next 'cause President Obama told me so?

I mean. I guess that's as good of a reason to do anything. I may as well enjoy myself. Shit knows my father-brother is. He's kicking it with two dudes.

[Elidibus listens. Of course he does, it was a major part of his role, deeply ingrained into who he was. To be an Emissary one must listen. He has not personally experienced true time travel, so he'll take Dave's word on it. But that self-depreciation? Well. Perhaps he may assist with that in time. Perhaps Dave may see him the next time period where his abilities return and he begins to lose himself, ever briefly. But for now, Elidibus listens as Dave continues his ramble.]

There is no shame to be found in having an adventure, Dave, when it is with someone you are fond of.

[He is being completely sincere, and attempts to push that into his tone.]

Whilst I am here, naught I do will affect my home. It is, as you say, a good enough reason. But I have not been mincing words with you, my offer is genuine. [He smiles.] Though it is good to hear you speak so highly of me. As one who beholds a time traveling knight that may keep time to my keystrokes, I, too, would be simpleminded to allow you to slip through my fingers in such a way.

[Emotionally stable? Perhaps in the moment. It had taken some work, though, to get here. Elidibus owed a lot to Hythlodaeus and Emet-Selch for his progress, whether they were aware of it or not. But it was not to be dwelt on, now.]

...You know who you remind me of talking to? I mean I know I've said it before but you haven't told me to stop repeating myself yet. Obama. You have big Obama energy. You're a little less black but that's okay. No one's perfect?

But like if Obama had some real feelings for me. Even though he saw... fucking something in Dirk. I'm gonna be real with you, I'm not totally clear on what that was. But I think he was a kid or something, too. God, fuck. Enough about him right now. You. You're great. I'm really surprised I haven't like... Look it's honestly weird as shit to not be told to shut the fuck up at least once a day, so I'm a little off balance. It's not like I don't have sick flow and mad insights on the regular but I know once I start it's hard to stop. I guess... Like. What do you get out of this? I'm sorry to ask such a sad sack question but it keeps getting at me. I mean I know I'm great but I'm not sure you even... understand all the context on why I specifically am awesome.

Is it the rapping? The wild west accent? My handsome face and stylings? Okay I'm kind of talking myself out of that hole but I'd love for you to do the last little bit so I'm not just auto-fellating myself all the way home.

[He lays a hand on Elidibus' shoulder as he speaks, shielding their conversation away from passerby on the sidewalk. Simultaneously seeking touch and keeping it from getting too familiar.]

[Thus shielded, Elidibus speaks his truth softly.]

Is it truly such a task to believe that I merely enjoy listening to you, to your presence? I admit my lack of knowledge of much of what you speak, but in every instance I note such things to educate myself at a later time. You are vibrant, but above all else you are fascinating to me in ways I have ceased attempting to count.

I do not know your deeds, nor do I know the events of the world you come from. But I know you, or at least some part. Should you be amenable, I would know you further.

[A gentle smile.]

What I get from all of this is the company of a handsome man who I enjoy speaking with and listening to. I 'get' humor and mental stimulation, and a fire which I sorely missed in my life. Does that adequately answer your question, or more must needs be said?

Weekly..? Trying to make a name for yourself or something?
I'm sorry, but I don't think anyone cares if you're going to cull some featherbeasts.
Maybe if you come back With something better to brag about.
Or, I don't know, try after you'Ve already accomplished the thing you're preemptiVely bragging about?
I'm sure someone might giVe a shit.

Edited 2021-01-04 00:43 (UTC)

damn cant a dude go on a heroes journey for wrigglers without someone pressin him all over it
i mean thats a pretty normal schedule for a podcast
idk im sorry if your favorite amateur murder podcast interviewers all got dragged into a clown hole and you never did find out who the killer was
spoilers it was probably the clown

Edited 2021-01-04 00:45 (UTC)

[Oh.

Well, that's probably the red that Doppio was talking about. Interesting that he not only types similarly to trolls, but seems to know about them?]

Damn, I neVer Would haVe guessed that one. It isn't like cloWns are knoWn for that sort of shit, or anything.
Can't belieVe you Would do that to me, dude.
If you're going to be a continuous blight on the netWork, at least giVe us something a bit more interesting to Watch than some Weak ass chaste kiss that makes the most deVout cloistered Jade look like a raunchy slut by comparison.
Just some friendly adVice.

hold the phone
are you asking me to stream straight up pornography for you
look im not about to get arrested for indecent exposure to children
i could get arrested for something way cooler
its easy to be a critic tho
we both know that
cmon tell me what sweet show youd put on
the proper swaddling and handfeeding of extra bitey grubs?
no wait let me try again
enunciation for tightwads
insufferability made easy
lesbianism
sorry that last one is a little culturally ambiguous
youll get it later and laugh

Oh please, I am no child, and I doubt anything you could shoW me Would top anything I'Ve already seen.
You're right, I haVe no idea What lesbianism is, but it doesn't matter. I Wouldn't do anything that'd haVe to do With the cloistered life, What a fucking snore THAT is.
You Want to captiVe your audience, not put them to sleep, but I guess you missed that memo, didn't you?
That aside, you already haVe the insufferability market tapped out, and I Wouldn't Want to impose on your brand. Wouldn't be good manners.
So, are you going to keep playing coy With me, or are you going to explain Why you're so familiar With trolls?

i wouldnt want to make you feel foolish for not knowing who i am
and im such a nice dude
plus im kind of a big deal amongst trolls
i am a troll
in fact
the best troll there ever was

You're no troll. Besides the fact We're all turned into humans here, no troll Would choose to type in that color, and I already knoW of some humans familiar With my kind.
Besides, if you Were a big deal, I Would knoW Who you are, yet I don't knoW shit about you.
I'm sure WhoeVer patted your spinal mounds did a Very conVincing job of it, if you belieVe any of that hoofbeast shit.
Did We take oVer your planet, or something?
Are you trollkin?

Edited 2021-01-04 01:45 (UTC)

maybe i would cuz im not a fuckin pussy
haha jk
nah it was more of an opposite sort of situation
saved a bunch of trolls and splattered the condesce like a bug
youre probably really unfortunately from before that or from a different reality
i guess im not not a trollkin
ok no thats lame
im like an honorary troll
live in a hive and whatever
anyway my trollsona is transcendent

You're right, I am from another reality. The actual one, and not your Weird human poWer fantasy.
As if anyone could just splatter Her Imperious Condescension—do you really think I'm gullible enough to belieVe that?
And that you're some hero that saVed my kind? Are you expecting me to be grateful?
AnyWay, you don't get to decide if you're an honorary troll or if your trollsona is transcendent.
I'll be the judge of that, seeing as I'm the only troll here, and let me tell you, so far it's not shaping to be in your faVor.

i dont know where terezi went
she was a teal who could vouch for me
its ok im not champing at the bit for your validation
but yeah damn it sounds really lame without all the proof huh
and trolls and stupid power fantasies go together like chocolate and grubs
so isnt that really what brings us together

Well, she isn't here noW, so that doesn't count for much. If she Was eVen here to begin With.
Can't say I'Ve eVer had much of a poWer fantasy.
Other types, sure. Plenty of those, but I just don't care for the Whole poWer thing, it's pretty pathetic.
Guess that's one more area of relation gone.
Tragic.

Edited 2021-01-04 02:24 (UTC)

just really backed a bro into a corner huh
a real tough customer
well fine
im nothing if not a top tier entertainer
short of it seeming like your special interest is just straight up fucking
what can i do to keep from being haplessly yoinked from the stage by a hilariously long cane

What can I say, I got a knack for cornering handsome men.
Pailing is hardly my special interest, though I'm not going to deny ANY interest in it at all, or that it flirts With the line that goes beyond merely casual.
If you're Wanting honest criticism, though, I'll giVe you it, and possibly more, depending on hoW Well you can handle me.

nice nice
i love the negging before the proposition
and apparently the offer to be my manager
and youre like 9 sweeps tops
but what it really comes down to is im not really into girls

Good grief, not this shit.
Guess What genius, I'm not a girl.

... shit
my bad
that was a rude assumption actually
all considering
we uh... didnt really do introductions though
so sorry about that
my names not dj cyanide obviously
you can call me dave

Lanque.
Look, you're hardly the first to make that socially graceless assumption, and you Won't be the last, but at least you haVe the excuse of not being a troll.
But yes, I am a male Jade blood, and I am not interested in ansWering any questions about it. We exist, and that's all that needs to be said.

Edited 2021-01-04 04:16 (UTC)

no worries man
im not about to ask prying shit thats clearly none of my business
okay well thats not true but im not about to ask a man about his junk
especially when im old enough that ive been pailing around since before you had defined limbs
anyway cool to meet you lanque
speaking of jades
i doubt this but it would be dumb not to ask
you ever know a girl named kanaya by any chance
gog dam that was a long time ago
dont remember if she was glowing before or after the incident
the incident where she started glowing that is
weird sometimes how terrible memories compresses shit into easily forgettable chunks

Edited 2021-01-04 04:32 (UTC)

GloWing? You mean, like a rainboW drinker?
AnyWay, I don't knoW of anyone named Kanaya. We jades are pretty insular by design, but that doesn't mean We knoW eVery jade.
And I Would knoW if one of us Was a rainboW drinker, but that's all fictional claptrap anyWay.
WhateVer she did to conVince you otherWise, she got you good.

yeah man like a rainbow drinker
come on
isnt this the oldest fucking trope in the book?
some fuckin group goes out on vacation and films themseleves and some weird old man warns them about the presumably fake thing out in the woods that is absolutely real
the group says hes full of shit
wham bam 90 minutes later we got two sex scenes
a racially uncomfortable exchange
and six dead teens
im the old man here
though this is all sort of misleading?
like shes not gonna come for your ass and just drink you dry or whatever
i think she just like
i mean she definitely drinks blood but its on a volunteer basis now
she definitely came back to life and shit
wait why do i care so fucking much if you believe me

I do believe that in order to document one's journey, one must do so in process.

Revealing accomplishments after the fact, and only that, would become decidedly dull after repeated occurrences.

For all anyone knows, we could fail spectacularly. And would that not be an interesting turn of events?

Besides, you are here, so we must have piqued some interest.

[Well, this dude's more eloquent at least. Let's see if he's more intelligent.]

You knoW What? You got me there, I AM here.
HoWeVer, that doesn't mean much. If you Win or lose, it still Won't necessarily be interesting, someone has to haVe some stock in the Whole affair first, and I doubt anyone does.
AnyWay, I'm bored to death of this topic.
So, What's With you tWo? Are you Matesprits?
Wanting to put your Whole flushed business on public display? Is this your fetish or something?
I'm not judging, it's not like I'Ve room to talk, We'Ve all got our shit.

Begrudge us not for our beginning, one must start somewhere, after all.

By your terminology I can only assume this to be your culture's way of referring to this type of relationship? If so, yes, he and I happen to be involved.

As for the display, we merely play the roles set for us on stage. Establishing one's character, if you will.

Though I must admit, it was a rather lovely kiss. For tradition, you see, of course. And not at all to enjoy the flustered result.

Ah, but I forget myself. I am known as Elidibus, might I have your name in return?

Edited 2021-01-04 06:15 (UTC)

So are you trying to tell me that you're a traVeling troup of tWo? Are you hoping to make it big by some sort of sexual tension act, or is adding a theatrical layer just another aspect that leaVes you tingling?
WhateVer gets you off, I guess.
But sure, you can haVe my name: it's Lanque.

There are two of us, yes, unless one prefers to count the creatures of this world.

An established dynamic is important for any performance, would you not agree? Anything else would be 'decidedly dull,' to quote a compatriot of mine. It is, of course, for the pleasure of the audience,
not mine own.

Lanque, then. What sort of world do do you originate from? There are much and many different stars which the people drawn here call home, and it is as good a topic as any to acquaint oneself with another.

Edited 2021-02-08 04:53 (UTC)

You have to defeat another Gym to get the Fly HM unfortunately. Either Chuck (Fighting) in Cianwood or Sabrina (Psychic) in Saffron.

Or I suppose you could ask your brother to lend you his, since he should have two copies, being a Champion and all.

Edited (WRONG GYMS) 2021-01-04 02:52 (UTC)

thats some shit game design and we both know it
why unlock it if i cant go do it for however many more gyms is that
and im sorry what
hes a champion
and im running around like a scrub?

Well, once you've leveled up enough, Saffron's just on the other side of the Magnet Train?

And yes, Dirk beat the Elite Four back in August. You should be able to see footage of it on Staryutube if you do a search.

At the very least, you should watch the award bit at the end. The way the announcer's voice quavers a bit when he's announcing Plush Rump is pretty funny.

So, specific Gym Badges are required in order to perform all activities with Pokémon. Thank you, for this, the information will be invaluable.

I do not suppose you are in possession of a full list of what is gated behind such progression?

I don't have one formally written down, but I remember the most important ones and can look up the rest. Give me a minute.

FLY - Get the HM from Chuck (Fighting, Cianwood) or Sabrina (Psychic, Saffron); get licensed from Falkner (Flying, Violet) or Erika (Grass, Celadon.)

SURF - Get the HM from Janine (Poison, Fuchsia) or Jasmine (Steel, Olivine); get licensed from Misty (Water, Cerulean) or Morty (Ghost, Ecruteak.)

STRENGTH - Get the HM from Morty (Ghost, Ecruteak) or Erika (Grass, Celadon); get licensed from Whitney (Normal, Goldenrod) or Lt Surge (Electric, Vermillion.)

ROCK SMASH - Get the HM from Brock (Rock, Pewter) or Whitney (Normal, Goldenrod); get licensed by Janine (Poison, Fuchsia) or Bugsy (Bug, Azalea.)

WHIRLPOOL - Get the HM from Jasmine (Steel, Olivine) or Blaine (Fire, Cinnabar); get licensed by Clair (Dragon, Blackthorn) or Blaine (Fire, Cinnabar.)

WATERFALL - Get the HM from Clair (Dragon, Blackthorn); get licensed by Pryce (Ice, Mahogany.)

I'm not entirely sure why you can't get Waterfall in Kanto. Oh, and also, if you beat all the gyms in a single region and then beat the elite team for Blue (if you beat all of Johto) or Clair (if you beat all of Kanto), you can win a three week cruise ticket to the S.S. Anne, to be used whenever.

(As a note, when I say 'licensed' in the above list, I mean allowed to use the move out of battle. Once you have it, you can always use it in-battle.)

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Video, January 2nd, Violet City

A continuation of the broadcast

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