video; some unknown woods

[tokenelfcharacter]

- Yes, record this. It can be used to track them, later.

[Well, it'd help if the camera weren't aimed at the ground. But no. It is. And all that's audible is Runaan's voice. Occasionally there's a glimpse of avian feet - Corvisquire, dutifully following the assassin. Other voices are audible, as they walk. Two other unknown voices. Reciting something... dramatically...]



This week on Electabuzzfeed Unsolved, we investigate the Ilex Forest, aka Gogoatman's Thicket, as part of our ongoing investigation into the question... are there unknown pokemon... among us?

Nah.

Dude I didn't even - we saw Mothiman last week-

Swamp gas.

[A wheezing sound.] Oh my god.


[Runaan's voice can be heard now, as the camera lifts up over some bushes - displaying two figures at the edge of the forest. Talking into a camera of their own. One is fairly tall, wearing plaid, deadpan, and shaking his head. The other is smaller, and looks extremely earnest about the whole thing. They keep talking. Something about evidence and people seeing a horned figure - ]

[The elf's chin comes into view then, speaking to his Corvisquire.]

How do they keep finding us? No one should be able to follow our trail. We've left none.

[Raspy cawing in answer.]

No, I've no idea what they speak of. A... Gogoat man? What manner of creature is that?

[Says the elf with the homemade horns woven into his hair.]

[Back to the humans. Despite the chill in the air, they seem pretty lively. The tall one even climbing up onto a nearby stump and shouting:]

Gogoatman! I'm dancing on your stump! It's my forest now, Gogoatman! Look at how I dance on it - I disrespect your forest, Gogoatman!

Arceus f-

[The unprintable word cuts off as Runaan whips his head around to Corvisquire. Appalled. The pokemon can really just shrug.]

What sort of human nonsense is this? How do we chase them off if we cannot kill them!



(( ooc: thanks snorunt fortunes! Runaan is now being stalked by cryptid legendary pokemon hunters! ))

Comments

voice

[ohmylord]

Oh my lord, that's Shayne and Rian!

voice

[tokenelfcharacter]

Good, you know them.

Now call them away.

Re: voice

[ohmylord]

Uh, no. I don't know them personally. I just watch them on Staryutube. They've got a show there that's half true crime and half cryptid hunting. Look, let me send you the link to their channel.

[It takes a little doing, because Claudia is still super not used to this whole 'smartphone' 'smartgear' thing, but eventually she manages to send the link via text.]

Just leave them comments on their videos telling them to stay away.

voice

[tokenelfcharacter]

Send... a what?

[Sorry, Claudia. None of that computes. Even looking at the words on the screen if impossible to comprehend. Stupid human device.]

If they cannot be called off, then they must be dealt with another way. I will not have this constant foolishness.

VIDEO

[seacub]

[Heyyy it's been a while since he saw this guy!!

...uh.]

...why would killing someone be your first idea to chase someone away..? It's not really a chase after that right..?

[tokenelfcharacter]

In the event they can't be chased off - it's an easy way to dispose of them.

[seacub]

I mean I guess so... [Well at least he doesn't sound horrified. Which would normally be concerning in itself, but moving on.]

What are they even looking for? You said 'Gogoatman', but the only 'special' Gogoats I ever saw was the ghost in Sinnoh. I actually didn't realize it was a ghost until after the pictures came out...

[RIP Johnny, tackled through a window by a spectral Gogoat.]

....

Maybe you could just ask them to leave though? You're in Ilex right? If they know someone's camping in the area, they might stay away from that spot.

[He's presently unaware of the obvious flaw in that plan.

As well, someone in the background on his end is for whatever reason yammering about how Goghost isn't even real, obviously, and Emporio looks like he's doing his very best to ignore that.]

[tokenelfcharacter]

[Little does Runaan know, he is the 'Gogoatman'. That's what you get for wearing horns and lurking in the woods, buddy.]

I know what I said. That, apparently, is their goal.

... Or I could simply dispose of them.

video

[islandshore]

[...Well, that went from zero to eleven in a flash, didn't it? Riku spends several moments just staring, befuddled.

But one thing immediately sticks out-]

Isn't killing a bit extreme? I get that they're being a handful, but lethal force just seems... kinda excessive.

[tokenelfcharacter]

It is not.

It appears force is necessary in this situation.

[islandshore]

[Cue one skeptical eyebrow raise.]

See, I get that they're annoying, but murder over some guys being overzealous for their TV show? C'mon. If you have to, just... use your team to scare 'em off.

Or talk 'em out of it, if they'll even listen. Something tells me that might be a tough sell.

[They seem to want views over logic. Typical sensationalist garbage. Normally he'd say it makes good entertainment, but given the circumstances...]

[tokenelfcharacter]

I will not debate with moronic humans.

[He's doing enough of that right now already, geez!!]

And risk them abducting my team for their own? It would be easier to tie them and leave them for dead.

[Buddy chill with the murder, arceus sake.]

video;

[amaure]

My, what a predicament you've found yourself in. Though, killing them is scarce the only way to be rid of them.

[Yet, he doesn't suggest any alternatives... Instead, he smirks and raises his eyebrows curiously.]

Have you so little creativity? Or, are you merely the hasty sort to rely upon violence to solve all your problems?

video;

[tokenelfcharacter]

I'm assuming you are about to join your fellow humans in crying that I am too harsh? That discussion is the proper way to end it?

[Clearly everyone who answers is a human, right?]

There is only one way to deal with trespassing creatures like these. Lest they make more of a mess than they already have.

video;

[amaure]

Aren't you presumptuous? Tell me, do you oft feel so confident in your assumptions without any supporting evidence?

[He gestures to the pearl-like third eye adorning his forehead. Of course here it has been turned into an actual pearl, but it looks much the same as it would if it remained the third eye it once was.]

Certainly you are not blind, yes? All the same, I will say, you are indeed wrong--in assuming that killing is not it's own form of discussion, that is. It certainly sends a message of varying success, but it is also much too simple of a solution.

It leaves far too much to interpretation, and others might see it as an invitation, and where would that leave you?

video;

[tokenelfcharacter]

[bruh you have some nice taste in jewelry but uhhhh what does a pearl have to do with anything???]

So then what are you, if not one of them?

[Right to the point, Runaan, nice.]

It would leave me without this incessant insanity. [Just going to swing the camera around - and yeah, the tall guy is back on the log yelling at the trees "People will come here and tell stories of ME!"] I will have been long gone by the time anyone should discover them.

[video] [private]

[insidegalra]

[Thace looks visibly disappointed.]

Others have already outlined the consequences of killing them. Have you considered going to somewhere where they can't easily follow?

Zirthe could carry you and your family quickly to another location.

[The Corviknight who manages to tower over even Thace softly caws support of the statement.]

[tokenelfcharacter]

Why do you think I have resorted to such measures? I have moved. I should not be so easily detected, not even here. Yet they continue!

[Look, Thace gets an actual explanation. No one else.]

Anywhere away from this ... foolishness.

[insidegalra]

Brodar has been bored. I could send him along to distract them while Zirthe takes to the air. If they don't know which way she was flying, it would be much harder to find you.

[Thace thinks.] It's too far to make in a single flight, so Zirthe would have to stop and rest for the night in or right outside Goldenrod but there were some places up near Ecruteak that were well-forested.

[video]

[copykiri]

[There is a little girl, no older than ten, dressed in warm clothes with a feathered headband and a pair of costume wings (with real feathers!..from at least half a dozen different bird Pokemon) put over the clothes a little clumsily. She appears to be hunkered down in the roots of a tree. She intones seriously in an adult woman's voice:]

Don't stab humans, don't eat humans ok?

[And then with excited cries a gaggle of wobbly Spinda burst onto frame and start trying to herd/drag the girl off. She groans and halfheartedly tries to push them over, using two clearly different voices.]

Go fuck yourself... Fuck off!

[video]

[tokenelfcharacter]

[... Squint.]

[Why does this child... what is it wearing? And why does it sound... like that?]

Why are you covered in feathers?

[As he may or may not accidentally slip into the Dad Voice.]

[video]

[copykiri]

[Oh, oh! Kiri is prepared for this now! If only the Pokemon would leave her alone. She just bodily picks one up and sits it down beside her with a firm (mimicked) "cha-tot!" An actual Chatot flutters up to her shoulder and starts scolding them too and they seem to stop trying to lead her away for the moment. That helps a little.

Then Kiri focuses on the camera properly, beaming with clear pride as she switches between the first woman's voice she used, and then a man's voice.]

I'm Kiri! [She points to herself.] I used to be a Kenku bird. Cursed only to mimic things!

[Then she flaps her fake wings and chirps! And mimics Runaan.] Covered in feathers! Covered in feathers!

» video

[lordofthefries]

I don't know who Gogoatman is but, the forest doesn't belong to you, it belongs to nature!

[It's very difficult yelling at three different people at the same tim, but most importantly:]

No killing anybody!

[tokenelfcharacter]

They cannot hear you.

[Flat, and irritated. But what else is new?]

And why not?

[lordofthefries]

[They can't? Well, there's a fix for that.]

THE FOREST DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU, IT BELONGS TO NATURE!

[There. She solved that problem.]

Because it's wrong and you'll go to jail and then who'll take care of your Pokemon?